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Dr. Junkee 2 Loonies United (part 17)
By JPJunkee
General Rancor crossed his arms over his chest as the rest of his small rescue squad jumped off the chopper. "I believe some of you might remember my men, Seth Rex and Majestic?"
Seth smiled and pulled out a sword, cutting the bonds on everyone's hands. Majestic then helped them all stand up.
Martin's brow creased, "Where's Oviraptor, General?"
Rancor shrugged, "He got recast."
"Oh? By who?"
A fourth man hopped off the chopper with a big machine gun in his hands.
"By him," General Rancor said.
"Hey kiddies," PunkNerd said with a grin.
"YOU!" Vader shouted, pointing at the fourth man.
"Is that you Vader?" PunkNerd asked. "Oh my, we have some unfinished business to attend to, don't we?"
"Indeed we do," Vader said, slowly walking towards the armed man.
"What's with these two?" Yvonne whispered.
"They got in a fight in the first episode," Martin told her.
"We're supposed to remember what happened in the first episode?"
Martin shrugged, "Apparently so."
:::AUTHOR NOTE: The first episode is HERE!:::
Vader looked at Majestic and said, "You, give me your sidearm."
Majestic looked at Gen. Rancor, who grinned and nodded enthusiastically, then he slowly relinquished his pistol to Vader's open hand.
With the pistol held at his side, Vader said to PunkNerd, "My great, great, great grandfather was named Sir Espelsio Violente. . . . No one knows why, but we think he must have been a really pissed off Mexican. Anyway. In remembrance of my great, great, great grandfather, we will kill each other the same way he died."
"How did he die?" PunkNerd asked.
"He got shot by a man named Sir El Burrito, who was a speedy bandito. The bullet hit him in the back and made him fall from his horse. He fell off a cliff into a WWII bomb factory in Tombstone."
"Wait, two Mexican knights got in a fight in Tombstone, where one of them died in a WWII factory. That doesn't seem possible."
"You making fun of the way my kin died? I'll kill you!"
"What does this even have to do with the both of us?"
Vader shrugged, "I don't know, just thought I'd share some family history."
Gen. Rancor smiled, anxious to see someone die. "Okay boys, hurry it up, I don't see anybody dying yet. PunkNerd we don't pay you to talk. We pay you to kill people!"
Vader smiled at PunkNerd. "You're a daisy if you do."
PunkNerd took a deep breath, preparing himself for the shootout.
Yvonne, Martin, Dark Hunter, and AlanGrant5 meanwhile simply remained silent, and tried to distance themselves as far away from the others as they could.
"Careful PunkNerd," Seth Rex warned. "I hear Vader's real fast."
Vader made a toothy grin, "Tak taki!" He pulled the pistol up, screamed and closed his eyes, and then fired off three rounds at PunkNerd.
PunkNerd looked down at the red splotches on his chest, smiled faintly, then collapsed onto his side.
"You're no daisy," Vader whispered.
Again Yvonne whispered to Martin, "What did that add to the story?"
Martin shrugged, "I have no idea, really."
Gen. Rancor looked down at his dead comrade, then up at Vader. "Can I have that weapon now?" Vader nodded and handed him the gun, then he and Vader walked over to the others. "Oh well, never much liked him anyway," the General said. "So, where's Dr. Junkee? I'd like to speak with him. And where is this alien disease he spoke of?"
Dark Hunter gasped, "OH GOD, MY SECRET'S OUT! HUSH!"
"What secret?" Majestic asked.
Dark Hunter frowned, "Oh, nothing. . . nothing. Good save nincompoop. Thanks."
Gen. Rancor knelt down next to Yvonne and Martin, "I have orders from President Bush himself to blow up this island using napalm and T-X nerve gas that he's been stockpiling in his backyard to try and stop the spread of the alien disease."
AlanGrant5 sighed, "Good to see ol' George isn't running out of things to blow up."
"Why would George W. want to blow up an island where he narrates the tour?!" Yvonne semi-screamed.
"What in Dan's name are you talking about, Rancor?" Martin asked.
"Seth?" Rancor said.
Seth smiled and removed his long shiny sword from its sheath. He held the sword about an inch away from Yvonne's face.
"Where is Junkee?" Gen. Rancor growled.
* * *
Drucifer looked out the windows of the Visitor's Center. He gasped when he saw the sword pointed at Yvonne's face.
"Okay, what are my options?" he spoke to himself. "Either option number one, I can run out there, and hopefully turn invisible, thus allowing me to use Ninja techniques I learned from Elvis to incapacitate them all. Option number two, I dress up as a woman and woo them before knocking them out with my walking cane. Or option number three—"
"Hiya," a voice said behind him.
Drucifer smiled, happy to learn that he wasn't alone in the building. Quickly he turned around. "Oh shit, you . . . ."
Dr. Junkee stood motionless with his hands in his pockets.
"Uhh, hi. . . What's up Doc? . . . . Listen, sorry about the whole crazed midget thing. It was Martin's idea, honest. You know how he is. Once he gets an instrument of destruction, there's just no stopping the chap. So, umm, no hard feelings right?" He put his hand out in front of him.
Junkee plainly glared at Drucifer for a moment. Then slowly he removed his hands from his pockets, and put his right hand in Dru's, and the two shared a friendly handshake.
Drucifer smiled, he was just glad Junkee hadn't stabbed a sharp instrument of some kind into his neck yet.
Junkee smiled too. Then he used his hand to whip Drucifer around, so that his back was facing him. Then he let go of Dru's hand, and grabbed hold of Dru's shoulder and belt.
"Umm, Junkee, is this some sort of secret handshake?" Drucifer asked. "Because if it is, I, umm, don't want to know why it's secret. I'm just not that kind of guy you know?"
Junkee leaned in close to Dru's ear and whispered, "I hope you enjoy the fall."
"What fall?"
Junkee pointed his finger at one of the windows.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I see."
Junkee picked him up off his feet and hurled him through the glass window and out of the building. With that done, Junkee let out a long sigh and looked out the broken window. He spotted General Rancor and his men with the others, and was almost shocked to see that they were being held at gun (and sword) point.
Junkee rolled his eyes and stepped away from the window. "How come the one good pilot on this island has to be a trigger happy guy that wants to kill us all?"
From off to his right, he heard a toilet flush.
He frowned and turned in the direction of the sound, and saw Icebreaker standing by the bathroom doors.
"I'm a pilot. I fly," Icebreaker said. "Haha!"
"Icedoggie," Junkee snarled, remembering when Icebreaker had jumped out of the jet as soon as they reached the island.
"Haha! You took my name and made it all cute. Haha! . . . . Hey, why's your face all red?"
* * *
Drucifer rubbed his head and looked around. He had fallen in a bush, a very soft bush, and it had saved him from any real harm. He smiled and looked over at the helicopter where his friends (and enemies) were. Perhaps they hadn't seen or heard him fall from the window (yeah, right). Perhaps he still had a chance to turn invisible and save everybody.
Slowly, he started to move out of the bush. He paused for a moment when he heard a screaming from above.
"AHHHHHHH!" Icebreaker screamed as he fell through the shattered window.
"Uh oh," Drucifer muttered as Icebreaker came falling down on top of him.
* * *
Gen. Rancor looked towards the Visitor Center. Drucifer and Icebreaker were in the bushes by the front steps of the building. Slowly, he looked up at the shattered window. "Hmm, the aliens are revolting. They've resorted to throwing people out windows. Seth, go collect those two and bring them back here. Then guard everybody. Majestic and I are going to go kill stuff."
Seth looked at all the hostages and said, "You all stay right here. If anybody moves a muscle, I'll cut it out."
AlanGrant5 cringed, "Ewwwww."
And with that, General Rancor and Majestic started towards the Visitor's Center, while Seth walked away to retrieve Drucifer and Icebreaker.
Vader watched silently as their captors walked away, then he turned to the others, "Why don't we run away while their backs are turned."
Martin shook his head, "No, they'll be expecting that. We have to stay here. It'll catch them off guard."
"What good does that do us?" Yvonne asked.
"I do not know."
* * *
Drucifer looked up and nearly shrieked when he saw the man with swords coming towards him. Icebreaker gasped when he saw the man, too.
"Oh no, he's going to get us!" Icebreaker screamed.
Drucifer tried to think fast of something he could do. Bling! A light bulb went off in his head. "Ice, do you have a woman's dress on underneath what you're wearing?"
Ice's face went pale, "How could you possibly know that?. . . Errm, I mean. . . . No. Haha!"
"Come on, this is no time to be proud. Give me the dress. Or you try and woo the ninja guy yourself."
Ice frowned, looking from Seth and then back to Drucifer. "I would rather be chopped up into little pieces and sold at a sushi bar, thank you."
"Fine," Drucifer said. "I guess I'll have to go with my other plan then. I must turn invisible."
Focusing all his energy, Dru took a deep breath, then closed his eyes.
Icebreaker blinked, "We can still see you."
Drucifer smiled and shook his head. "He can't see me. I can't see him."
"You've got your eyes closed."
"Oh. . . . Shit." Drucifer sighed and opened his eyes. "Well, I guess this is the end of the road for us." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wedding ring. "If I'm going to die, I want to die with this baby on my finger."
"Why did you ever take it off?" Icebreaker asked.
"Well, I don't want to hurt my chances with someone else, now do I? I'm an old German guy, you can't blame me for taking this thing off. I mean, there's that one lab techy, I think she likes me. And her, well. . . grrr, momacita!"
:::AUTHOR NOTE: No offense to Drucifer, his wife, Germany, or any momacita that might be reading this.:::
"Haha!"
Drucifer smiled and placed the ring over his finger.
POOF!
"Hey, where'd you go?" Icebreaker asked.
"I'm invisible!" Drucifer shouted.
"Quick! Go save the others," Ice whispered. "I'll take care of knife boy."
"Okay," Drucifer whispered, and started to slink silently away.
When Seth at last reached Icebreaker, he asked, "Where's the other one?"
Icebreaker pointed beyond Seth, to the direction Drucifer had gone. "He went that way!"
* * *
General Rancor walked to the front doors of the Visitor Center. "Come with me Majestic, I'll show you things you wished you would never see."
"Like what?" Majestic asked.
"Huh?"
"What do I not want to see?"
"Stuff. Alien. . . .stuff."
"Then why are we going in there if we don't want to see it?"
General Rancor frowned. "Huh?"
"If we're going to blow up the island anyway, why don't we just do it now, and skip having to see the alien stuff?"
"I don't see where you're going with this," General Rancor said. "But you're young, naive, stupid, and probably a virgin by the looks of you. So, whatever you say means didly to me. So come on, let's go inside." The General turned the doorknob and stepped into the building.
* * *
Seth Rex walked back to Yvonne, Martin and the others. He grunted and threw Icebreaker down at their feet. "Good, now I have you all where I want you," Seth said.
"Not all of us," Martin said. "Didn't two people fall from the windows? You only brought back one."
"You're wrong."
"Am I not."
"You are so."
"Am not."
Seth brought up his sword again. "Pointy says you're wrong. Do you have the guts to tell Pointy that I'm wrong or that Pointy himself is wrong? Do ya? Do ya? Huh? Huh? Do ya? Come on! Come on! Talk to Pointy! Say hello to my little friend!"
Martin bit his lower lip and shook his head, refusing to talk to the sword.
Yvonne sighed and looked around. They would need a distraction if they wished to get past Seth. But what?
Dark Hunter yawned and crossed his legs, simply waiting for the whole thing to be over with. Then, he heard something off to his left. Turning his head, he saw Drucifer slowly walking towards them. But he was all hazy and stuff. Dark Hunter looked at everybody else. They couldn't see Drucifer.
Why do I see him then? he wondered. Because I'm evil! And I see evil! What happened to; speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil? That's child's play, welcome to the big league, Nancy. Then why do we see Dru? Because he's an evil specter! And we're going to kill him!. . . Again! . . . Since he's apparently already dead! No! He's our friend! You don't have any friends! Oh no, not this again. Yesssssss. And besides, shut up, that's not even the real Drucifer! It's not? No, no. Look! He's wearing a wedding band. Dru's not married! Hehehahahaha! Oh my God! Kill the specter!
Dark Hunter leapt to his feet, pouncing onto the invisible Drucifer. When they made contact, the ring flew off Dru's finger, landing on the ground somewhere.
Everyone let out a gasp of shock when they saw Drucifer become visible again.
"Hehehehahahaha! You are the real Drucifer! Good, now get off of him. No! We must ring his filthy little neck! No! Bad Timmy! Yessss!"
Drucifer screamed as Dark Hunter pinned him down onto the ground and started to throttle him.
Yvonne smiled, this was the perfect distraction! Seth looked confused as to what he should do. Yvonne stood up and pointed behind Seth, screaming, "Seth! LOOK! It's Natalie Portman! And she's naked!"
Seth's eyes lit up and his tongue dropped from his mouth as he turned around.
Martin took the momentary distraction and slammed Moppy as hard as he could against the back of Seth's head.
"OW! The back of my head!" Seth screamed as he fell onto the ground.
Martin turned to Dark Hunter and Drucifer. "Timmy, you have messed with that poor man's mind, long enough! I will now draw you out as poison is drawn from a wound. . . . " He smiled and lightly poked Dark Hunter's arm with the Mop.
"OH GOOD GOD!" Dark Hunter screamed as he fell off of Drucifer.
Drucifer gasped for breath as he slowly got to his feet. "Thank you, Martin."
"Why didn't you do that before?" Yvonne asked.
"Because Moppy is used only for good," Martin said. "I had to wait for him to be naughty."
Vader frowned and whispered, "And I thought the Exorcist was silly, hmm."
AlanGrant5 sighed, "And so it has come to this. When one man who was once two men is now one again. When one man who was once visible, then went invisible, is now visible, again. When one man who was once scary, thought he would be able to fluff Natalie Portman's pillows, but now he's knocked down on the ground. . . . And so on."
"Uhh, what?" Vader asked.
"I don't know, but it sounded good," AlanGrant5 said.
Dark Hunter moaned, sitting up slowly. "Oh, I think I've got a hangover. Where is whatshisname?"
"He's gone now. And you're now free," Martin said. "But that's not important."
"It's not?" Dark Hunter asked.
"No, what is important is that we save Junkee. I expect he needs our help right about now." Martin shifted the Mop in his hands. "Come everyone, let's go!"
"Um, I'm going to stay here," AlanGrant5 said. "Guard the chopper and stuff."
"Haha! Me too!" Icebreaker said. "Since I can actually fly it and stuff. Haha!"
"Where do you think you're going?" Seth growled, getting back to his feet, and pointing his sword at Martin.
"Great scott!" Martin shouted. "Okay! Yvonne, lead the others to the building and help Junkee! AlanGrant5 and Icebreaker, wait for us in the chopper, start it up when I give you the signal."
"What's the signal?" AlanGrant5 asked.
"I don't know, but I'll think of something," Martin said.
"And what are you going to do?" Drucifer asked.
"I've got a date with Pointy," Martin said, glaring at Seth.
"Drucifer, give me your cane," Vader said.
"Why?" Drucifer asked.
"Because I told you to."
"Oh," Drucifer said, handing over the cane.
Yvonne was almost shocked to see that Dark Hunter was already at the doors of the Visitor's Center. "Okay, let's go," she said to the others and started running towards the Visitor's Center.
* * *
General Rancor and Majestic walked over the lobby floor with their pistols drawn and at the ready.
"What do these aliens look like?" Majestic asked.
"Oh, they're fugly bastards," General Rancor said. He knelt down next to Host's dead body, then stood up again and kept walking about the lobby.
"Fugly?"
"Yes, f-ing ugly."
"How do we know there are any aliens here?" Majestic asked, staring at the dead shark in the middle of the floor with a curious eye.
"Because Dr. Junkee called me and said that there were aliens here, and that they wanted to be evacuated from the island."
"And you believed him?"
"Of course I believed him."
"Why? Are you guys old pals?"
"No, he hates me. But he gives me all the medication I want for half the price. So to me he's closer than family."
"What kinds of medications?" Majestic asked in a worried tone.
"None of your business, deadman," General Rancor said. "Now stand in front of me, meatshield, just in case one of the aliens sneaks up on us."
Suddenly, they heard footsteps.
"Where's that coming from?" Majestic asked.
"Could be anywhere. With the power out the aliens could wander in and out any room they like."
"Hey dipshits," a voice called from above.
General Rancor and Majestic both turned to the staircase just in time to see a block of cheese hurtling towards them. Majestic screamed and ducked down, allowing the cheese to fly directly into Rancor's face, knocking him down.
Dr. Junkee stood at the top of the stairs, smiling and waving at Majestic.
"Oh, I see you!" Majestic yelled, pointing his gun at Junkee and running to the foot of the stairs. "I see you up there, buddy!"
"Bloody hell, should have thought this through a little bit more," Junkee cringed and started running away from the stairs. He could hear Majestic's running footsteps closing in behind him. A small spark of hope rushed through him when he discovered another flight of stairs leading upwards; to the roof.
Junkee took the stairs two at a time until he finally reached the top and threw open the door, stepping into the harsh sunlight on the roof. Majestic hit him from behind, sending him sprawling onto his stomach, and sliding towards the edge of the sloping roof.
"There are no aliens, are there?" Majestic asked, training his pistol on Junkee's head.
"No, not really, no," Junkee said, standing up again. "I had to think of something that could get General Rancor here. He's a big fan of B-movies, so I thought he'd jump at the chance to see aliens."
"Clever."
"Thanks."
"But now you die."
"No, I don't think so."
"How do you figure?" Majestic asked, still aiming at Junkee.
"I have one thing you don't have. One thing that will save me from this little predicament I seem to have gotten myself into."
"Oh? And what's that?"
Junkee pulled another chunk of cheese from his pocket and threw it at Majestic's head. Majestic stepped to the side, dodging the airborne dairy attack.
Suddenly someone ran up the stairs and appeared on the roof behind Majestic.
"Hey Junkee, I've come to save you!" Dark Hunter exclaimed. The block of cheese hit him directly between the eyes, causing him to take a few steps backwards in order for him to keep his balance. Dark Hunter went cross-eyed, fell to his knees, then tumbled over the side of the roof.
Majestic laughed at Junkee's misfortune.
Dr. Junkee frowned, "I meant to do that." He reached into his pocket, then pulled out a long hypodermic needle. "Just like I meant to do this!" he shouted as he threw the needle at Majestic.
Majestic smiled and caught the needle in the air, an inch away from his face.
Junkee rolled his eyes, "Aww, now why'd you have to do that? Really?"
* * *
Martin swung the Mop high, but Seth blocked it easily with his sword. He tried for a lower attack, but again Seth was able to block it. Martin sighed and stepped backwards, reaffirming a fighting pose he saw in a Jackie Chan movie.
"I will stab you!" Seth shouted, jumping forward.
"Gah!" Martin jumped to the side, the attack missing him by inches. Once he was far enough away again, he said, "You're that person that falls, aren't you?"
"Sorry?"
"Stick your sorries in a bag, mister!"
"What the?"
"I'll show you what!" Martin yelled before sweeping the Mop low and tripping Seth onto his back and knocking the sword from his hands.
"Gah! Show mercy!" Seth screamed, holding his hands above his face.
Martin held the Mop up high, ready to stab it down through Seth's heart. "There will be no mercy for you!"
"Ahhh! Please!!!"
Martin shrugged and lowered the Mop to his side, "Okay."
"What?"
"You said please, so I granted you mercy. Now get out of here before I change my mind."
Seth nodded his head, quickly standing back up and running past Martin.
Martin smiled, happy about not having to kill Seth, then started walking towards the Visitor's Center. Suddenly Pointy the sword whizzed past his face, landing in the dirt nearby. Martin spun around really fast to see Seth standing there, still ready and willing to fight.
"Oh you bad, bad man," Martin murmured. "I think perhaps you must lighten up a little! Stop being so mean and stuff. Get in touch with your feminine side!"
"Uh oh."
Martin grinned and shot a blue laser from his Mop. There was a flash of light and a puff of smoke, and then Seth was turned into a ladybug.
"Hehe," Martin said, walking away and leaving the confused ladybug alone outside. He saw Dark Hunter rubbing his aching head, and helped him along as they walked towards the front doors of the Visitor's Center.
* * *
Junkee glared at Majestic. The two were completely silent. Then Junkee heard the sound of harps in the back of his head, and then a voice, "Use the force, Doc."
"Huh?"
"Err, I mean. . . . You are the main character. Which means you can defy the laws of psychics and proper cinema by going into super slow-motion mode."
"You're right!" Junkee shouted.
Majestic titled his head to the side, "Who are you talking to?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
Majestic snarled and turned the needle over in his hand, throwing it back at Junkee.
Junkee took a deep breath then focused his mind. Slowly he bent backwards, waving his arms around in circles for extra dramatic effects. With his feet still firmly planted on the ground, his back now lowered to within an inch of the ground as he tried to dodge the needle attack.
The needle stabbed into his arm, causing him to break his concentration.
"Sonofabitch!" Junkee screamed, falling onto his back. He stared at the needle lodged into his arm, then looked back at Majestic as the man withdrew his gun again.
"Hey nimrod," Yvonne said from behind Majestic.
Majestic turned to see Yvonne, Drucifer and Vader standing behind him.
"Dodge this," Yvonne said.
"Tak taki!" Vader shouted, throwing Drucifer's amber cane at Majestic. The cane stabbed directly through his chest, and went out the other side.
Majestic looked down at the cane that stuck out of his stomach. He looked up at the others and just had to smile, "Isn't that funny?" Then his legs went out from under him. He landed on his ass, and slowly slid over the side of the roof.
Junkee watched as Majestic hit the ground, and then lay still, dead. Junkee slowly got to his feet, yanking the needle out of his arm and tossing it aside. He looked to the others, "Took you long enough."
"You're welcome," Yvonne said.
Martin and Dark Hunter climbed the stairs and appeared on the roof.
"Good to see you're still alive, Junkee," Martin said. "Now then, let's get out of here." He looked out over the edge of the roof to Gen. Rancor's chopper below. He waved to Icebreaker and AlanGrant5 in the chopper.
* * *
AlanGrant5 patted Ice's shoulder quickly, "That's the signal! That's the signal!"
"Haha!" Icebreaker nodded and started the chopper. The rotors started spinning swiftly above them.
Slowly, the chopper took off from the ground and started over towards the roof of the building.
"Closer, closer," AlanGrant5 was saying. "We're almost there, just about five feet closer."
Yvonne and Vader were closest to the chopper, their arms reaching up high, hoping to jump on as soon as possible.
"Closer, closer. . . . . . Oh hell, let's leave them."
"Haha!" Icebreaker nodded, banking the chopper away from the roof and towards the open ocean.
* * *
"Bastard!" Yvonne screamed shaking her fist at the departing helicopter. "You may look like Sam Neill but you sure as hell don't have his manners!"
"Well. . . . . I guess that's that," Junkee shrugged.
"Yep," Martin nodded, and everybody started down the stairs again.
As they walked down the halls towards the lobby, everyone was silent. It seemed they would be stuck on this island for a very long time -- it never occurred to any of them that calling for a second pilot might be a good idea.
They walked down the stairs and onto the lobby floor. Martin slowly approached the dead body of Host, and sighed.
BANG!
General Rancor threw open the front doors of the Visitor's Center. Everyone turned their attention to the General. Exhausted as they were, they still had enough strength in them to defeat this one man.
"What do you want?" Dr. Junkee asked, fishing through his pockets for more hypodermic needles. Alas, there were none. A sour frown crossed his face.
"To fulfill my duty, and complete my mission," General Rancor said. "You are all infected with alien stuff, and you will not be allowed to spread the infection. I kill you all! Ayo ayo!"
"There is no infection here, General," Martin said, in a calm voice.
"Bull! I've seen the movies, and whenever there is an island full of scientists and engineers, there is always an infection or evil thing ready to wipe out the entire earth. . . . Dreamcatcher, Outbreak, Casablanca, Wizard of Oz."
Junkee, Martin, and Yvonne exchanged worried glances.
"But I will not allow that to happen here," General Rancor said. "I will stop the infection at its source, by killing all of you and destroying this entire island as well."
"And how exactly do you plan to do that?" Drucifer asked, fearing more for his island than the lives of those around him.
The General smiled now and then began to unbutton his shirt, stripping it off, and revealing a bomb strapped to his chest. "A nuclear bomb," he said. "More than enough to destroy the island and all that live on it."
"I. . . wasn't aware they made nukes that small," Drucifer said.
"I had this one made especially for this story, as to help the writer move along the plot faster."
Junkee looked up at the skies and muttered at the writer, "Double-crossing bastard."
"Hehehe," Rancor giggled as he pressed buttons on the bomb, then bright green numbers appeared, counting backwards from sixty seconds.
"Oh shit," Yvonne mumbled beneath her breath.
"This can't be happening!" Dark Hunter screamed. "I'm too young to die! And who's going to take care of my goldfish? Henry has very low self esteem problems, and I fear the separation anxiety would just be too much for his little heart."
"Defuse the bomb, Rancor!" Junkee demanded, as if he actually threatened the man that was obviously very suicidal and mentally disturbed.
"Never!"
Martin sighed then waving Moppy over his head, he chanted a quick spell, and shot a blue ray of light from the end of the Mop. The ray hit Rancor in the chest, instantly turning him into a little brown bunny rabbit. The rabbit hopped out of the bomb, which remained at its normal size, and then proceeded to hop back out the doors of the Visitor's Center. Martin smiled and held up the Mop in victory.
Dr. Junkee, Yvonne, Drucifer, and Vader stared at Martin in utter disbelief. . . Dark Hunter was busy tying his shoe, thus he could not look at Martin.
"What?" Martin asked.
Yvonne pointed at the bomb which was now at about twenty seconds. "That man who you just turned into a rabbit was the only man capable of disarming that bomb which in less than twenty seconds will turn as all into tomato soup."
Martin nodded slowly, noticing his potentially fatal error, then said the only thing that came to mind, "Everyone makes mistakes."
Yvonne growled.
"Well," Vader sighed, "this is it."
Junkee watched as the bomb ticked down to ten, then he turned and said, "Martin, you're a wizard, right?"
"Yes, what are you implying?"
"Aren't wizards known for creating plans?"
"Maybe. . . what are you implying?" Martin asked cautiously.
Junkee looked at the bomb; five seconds. "Now would be a good time for a PLAN."
Martin rubbed his chin, then shouted, "I got an idea!" Holding Moppy high, a harsh bright orb shot out and incased all the people in the lobby. And in the next moment, they disappeared.
The bomb ticked down to zero.
* * *
AlanGrant5 heard the explosion and turned around in his seat to see the island go up in flames. He turned around again with a large frown on his face.
"What's the matter?" Icebreaker asked as he piloted the helicopter over the ocean waves.
"They're all dead. . . . But there's nothing we could have done."
"We could have gone closer--"
"Shut up. I said there's nothing we could have done."
"You're right. Haha. Poor schmucks."
AlanGrant5 nodded and sat back some. Then he smelled a peculiar odor in the helicopter. "Do you smell that?"
"Smell what?" Icebreaker asked.
"That smell. That smelly smell that smells. . . . smelly."
A red dot fluttered onto the inside of the windshield.
"LADYBUG!!!!" AlanGrant5 screamed.
The ladybug jumped off the glass and onto Icebreaker's neck, biting down and spraying blood everywhere.
"OH GOD! I SWEAR I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN!" AlanGrant5 screamed as the chopper started to fall from the sky.
* * *
Everything was purple. Purple and swirly. Junkee was disappointed to say the least, as he thought dying for the third time may be a little bit more entertaining than the first or second times. But no, now it was just purple and swirly. Perhaps this was hell, he considered, as he had always thought the Devil to be a little queer, thus explaining the odd color scheme here. He tumbled endlessly through the purple swirls like clouds in the sky. There was no top and there was no bottom to this world. He simply just fell forever.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed someone behind him.
Junkee turned his body, and looked behind him to see Dark Hunter falling through the purple clouds.
"Oh no," Junkee said quietly, "What kind of afterlife is this going to be if I have to spend it with you?"
Suddenly, he heard more screams, and then with five bright flashes, Martin, Yvonne, Drucifer, Vader and the dead body of Host appeared in the purple swirliness.
"Why the hell are you guys in my afterlife?!" Junkee screamed.
"This is not the afterlife, Junkee," Martin said, his voice calm. "This is a wormhole."
"A what?" Vader said.
"A wormhole. We are traveling through space and time."
The purple haze started to fade. A bright chrome sphere lay across a blanket of darkness in front of him. "A wormhole. . . to where?" he asked. There was another flash, and slowly everything faded into nothing.
EPILOGUE
AlanGrant5 stared up at the sun in the sky as he felt the warm waves wash over his body. He was floating at the surface, in the middle of the ocean. After the ladybug had killed Icebreaker, the chopper had crashed. Luckily, he had found a can of bug spray in the glove compartment, killed the bug, and then escaped by jumping into the water!
He heard the rumbling sound of a boat coming closer in the distance. Perhaps they were cannibal nazis! Or ninjas. Or . . . . zombie nazi cannibalistic ninjas! His eyes went wide with fear, but before he could try and swim away or submerge himself, he felt strong hands grip his clothing as he was picked out of the water.
AlanGrant5 landed hard on the deck of the boat. Groaning, he rubbed his mouth, "Ow, I chipped a tooth."
"You would have lost your life if it wasn't for me," a voice said above him.
AlanGrant5 rolled onto his stomach and stared upwards. A teenager smiled down at him. "You're strong for a kid your age," he said. "Eat much spinach?"
The kid laughed, "My name's River. Strength runs in my family. Lucky for you I decided to go fishing, huh?"
AlanGrant5 sat up, rubbing his injured tooth. "Yes, very lucky."
"You hungry or anything?" River asked. "Probably are. I'll go get my brother to fix something up for you."
AlanGrant5 nodded his thanks, and slowly walked over to a chair and sat down.
Moments later River returned with his brother. "This is my brother, Ben."
Ben tilted his head to the side, "How did you end up all the way out here?"
"Helicopter crash," AlanGrant5 said.
"Is that so?"
"Yep."
"Cool."
"Yep," AlanGrant5 nodded, taking his hand away from his chipped tooth.
"GASPS!" Ben gasped. "Sharp pointy teeth! It's a vampire!"
"Where?!" AlanGrant5 screamed.
Ben grabbed his fishing pole and snapped it in half. "I will stab out your heart, vampire!" Ben shouted.
"What the f---"
"Ben wait!" River put a hand on his brother's chest. "It's sunny out. Vampires have a tendency to poof in the sun. I don't think he's a vampire."
"Hmm, well, are you a vampire with lots of sun block on?" Ben asked.
AlanGrant5 shook his head really fast.
"Hmm, okay. Maybe I'm crazy, but I believe you."
AlanGrant5 sighed.
"But this only means you must be a werewolf!" Ben shouted, jumping at AlanGrant5.
"OH GOD!"
* * *
SamNeillFan looked at her watch as it ticked closer and closer to noon.
Beside her, Crow asked, "You're not serious about this, are you?"
"Of course I am," SamNeillFan smiled.
"He could be just running late," Crow offered.
"Guys like Junkee aren't late. They just die. And since he's two days late for work, he must be dead," SamNeillFan chirped happily. "Which makes me the new boss around here."
Her watch started to beep when the time struck 12.
"Ah ha! I am officially the new boss at the hospital."
"How?"
"Loophole."
"That must have been one hell of a loophole."
"Yep. Now, as my first act as the new boss around here, I will appoint a new psychiatrist to the staff," she said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "But who?"
"Me?"
"Of course not you."
"Oh."
"Oh, I know!" SamNeillFan pressed her intercom button, "JPfan4life, send up the new janitor. It's time he gets a promotion."
"He's only been here three days, what about my promotion?"
"Shut up you."
DR. JUNKEE WILL RETURN
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS
Kyle 'JPJunkee' Warner
&
Yvonne Bartha
And so that is the end of Dr. Junkee 2 Loonies United. In the end I guess I have one thing to say; that was so much longer than I wanted or expected it to be, lol. No, no, I must give thanks to you guys, the readers. Truth be told, I wanted to kill this story a long time ago, it's just hard to write, sometimes. But, the fact that you guys kept with it and enjoyed it (for the most part) along the way kept me going. And now I can say I completed yet another story! hehe So thanks for your kind words and support, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I'd like to give a huge thanks to Yvonne who edited the story, and helped give me lots and lots of ideas when I had none. Especially this episode and a few recent ones where she basically walked through the episode with me and gave me lots of good ideas and suggestions. Thanks a lot, Yvonne. This whole Dr. Junkee crap all started with me and you, so I have you to thank really. . . and you to blame, hehe. Thanks for being a friend and for helping me out! Also big thanks to Martin and Dark Hunter, as you guys have not only read all the chapters of this story as well as the first, but well this whole story spawned from the little jokes and stuff we used to do. So I have to thank ya, right? hehe. So. . . . in summary. . . . thanks everybody!
Well, this has all been fun. :)
And now I give you a little glimpse at Dr. Junkee 3 Loonies In Space. This thing has got me in a whirlwind of thought. One part of me is very happy to be working so closely with Martin and Yvonne to make something so ambitious. And one part of me is worried about what the reactions of fans of the series and newcomers alike will be -- maybe worried is not the right word, but I'm anxious. I hope you do enjoy it when it is posted. Lots of time and effort (especially on Martin's part) was put into making this, so I hope our hard work will have paid off in the end. Anyway! Here's a quick mp3 trailer for the mp3 season of Dr. Junkee. CLICK HERE FOR THE TRAILER. Now, in case you haven't read what next season will be like, it's all in mp3. I write the story. Martin does music and sound production. And then Martin, Yvonne, and myself all provide voices for our characters, and some of your characters, as well. It will be 9 episodes long, with most episodes lasting about 13 minutes in length. We are looking for people to be guest stars in the episodes, so if you're interested, you really should email one of us and we can try and work something out. We hope to try and bring you something different, something possibly memorable, but above all else, we want to present you with some fun entertainment. So! Until it is posted, I thank you all once more, and now we play the waiting game. :)
-- Kyle Warner © 2003
11/14/2003 11:07:46 PM
(Updated: 11/14/2003 11:11:37 PM)
(Updated: 11/14/2003 11:12:01 PM)
(Updated: 11/14/2003 11:14:07 PM)
(Updated: 11/14/2003 11:15:49 PM)
(Updated: 11/14/2003 11:17:36 PM)
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