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EXPLOSION: XXVIII - Attack of the Zombie Manequins
By tobycompy2.0
EXPLOSION: XVXIIX THE NEXT GENERATION... OF EXPLOSIONS
Jack was settling down for a happy nice dessert at home when SUDDENLY... a manican... how do you spell manican? You know, the thingies at the mall... in JC Penney, some of them don't have heads... okay, whatever, manequins.. K, what I was I talking about?
Something about manequins... if that is indeed how you spell it. OH YEAH, Jack, k, the manequin crashed through his window and landed on his little boy Billy, another thing why is EVERY single little boy in movies named Billy? I guess I could break away from this cliche' but I don't have a screenwriting job and those guys do.
So, anyway, the manequin crashes on to Billy and Billy says: "Hey, DAD, help!"
Jack stands up and says: "What the hell, I'm not your dad, stupid, you were adopted."
Billy looked up (by the way this story officially went into past-tense mode) and said, "Why are you telling me this now?"
"Well, I dunno, because you might die, and I thought you should know." Said Jack.
"WELL I WON'T DIE IF YOU SAVE ME," screamed Billy.
"Pssh, what the hell do you think I am kid, some action hero? I'm an actor, you'll have to get my stunt-double to save you," inquired Jack.
"STUNT DUDE, SAVE M--"
"--I'm afraid he's on his break, right now, he's really tired from filming the Jean-Claude Van Damme comeback movie," said Jack.
"Okay, will you please save me then?" Pleaded Billy.
Jack sighed. "Fiiiiiine, you little wuss." Jack walked over and kicked the manequin's head off.
Billy took a breath and stood up. "Thanks, dad." He walked over to hug Jack.
"Billy, I'm not your dad. I never even wanted to adopt you in the first place." Said Jack.
"But.. do you love me?" Asked Jimmy, I mean, Billy.
"Well, I sorta like you, but you kinda turned out to be a wuss, why couldn't you just play ONE game of baseball or sign up for football? Why'd you have to join the Film Preservation club at school?"
"Well, dad--"
"I'm not your dad."
"--I can't hide who I am," Said Billy.
"Oh, that's the worst excuse I've ever heard, you little twerp, it's perfectly simple to hide who you really are, Tchaikovsky did it, that guy in American Beauty did it, and Clay Aiken's doing it right now, albiet not very well."
"Yeah, but--." Began Billy, but was interrupted by Jack.
"NO TIME, more manequins!" He grabbed Billy and they ran out the door as an army of manequins came after them.
"Hop in the car, Jimmy!"
"Billy."
"Billy, I meant Billy, we don't have much time!" Said Jack hopping into HIS TOTALLY FREAKIN SWEET CONVERTIBLE THAT HAS LIKE.... GUNS ON IT AND STUFF, AND... RAZOR BLADES FOR TIRES!!!!
Jack and Billy drove away and the manequins continued to pursue them. Jack stepped on the gas and they sped up to 90 miles per hour, IN A SCHOOL ZONE, and took a sharp turn and a look of horror came over his face.
1,000 manequins, exacly 1,000, not like 999 or 1,001, EXACTLY 1,000 manequins were standing in his way.
"Hang on, Billy, we're GOIN through them!"
Jack switched to Gear 5 and pumped the gas petal and they stormed the road up to the manequins, BUT THEN A JUMP WAS THERE, and they went over the jump. AND THEN THEY LANDED ON SOME MANEQUINS AND RAN OVER THE REST!
And then some of the manequins got chopped up by the razor blade tires. They drove onto the sidewalk and hit a few old people near the retirement home and then back onto the street, the manequins were behind them.
"Where are we going?" Said Billy.
"I dunno, you tell me, where should we go?" Said Jack.
"I wanna go to--."
"Eh, fuck that, we're goin to Tijuana."
Jack took a left and headed for Tijuana. The manequins were scattered everywhere, but slowly they began to regroup.
1,267 miles later...
...
Jack pulled up the tollbooth leaving the US and entering Tijuana.
Suddenly out leaned a manequin of the booth and said: "Do you have fruit?"
Billy screamed and Jack yelled.
The manequin jumped back and then pulled off his head, but it turned out to be a mask. An ordinary man was under the mask, it wasn't a manequin at all.
"Oh, sorry, I forgot I had my manequin mask on. K, no fruit? Go on ahead, compadres. I'm not really spanish by the way."
Jack drove through and put some cool sunglasses on.
THE END...
Okay, hmm, you want a more satisfying ending? WELL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOU JERK!
Okay, fine..
Um.. Jack drove up and parked his car, he walked over and saw a bunch of mexican men standing in a circle, he leaned in to see what they were all looking at and saw two roosters fighting each other.
"Whoo, hoo, cockfights! Put me down for 50 pussies on the Rooster with the red feather on his head."
"Eh... that's pesos, amigo." Said the mexican.
"What?" Said a confused Jack.
"Pesos, our currency, you called them pussies."
"Ohhh, okay... whatever, pesos, fifty pesos. Hahaha, pussies." Said Jack handing the man his money.
Suddenly the entire street was quiet, Jack turned around and saw there were no people there... just manequins. And they had Billy.
"You bastards... you know what, actually take Billy, I don't really care, but... would you guys like to join me for a nice refreshing glass of mexican water?"
"DAD!"
"I'm not your dad."
The manequins looked at each other, they were quite thirsty and could use a drink of water. They slowly walked over as Jack served them a drink.
They all took a big swig and stood back, their thirst had been quenched.
"There, now don't you feel better?"
The manequins started to walk off with Billy still in their grasp, but suddenly a rumbling began. It was distant-sounding at first, but the rumbling grew. The manequins looked at each other nervously, and suddenly one of their stomach's burst on fire and its head exploded.
This began happening to all the manequins, they ran around in circles but they could not escpape it. One by one all of them burst into flames and all their heads exploded. The one hodling Billy exploded, causing him to fall down.
Soon all of the remains of the manequins were all over the place and Billy stood up and ran over and hugged Jack.
"Stupid manequins, you never drink the water in Mexico." Said Jack, putting his sunglasses on. "Now, let's go find some Mexican prostitutes."
THE END
There, are you freakin happy? Geez.
3/2/2005 5:35:37 AM
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