|
Diary of a velociraptor
By thatvfvodiadi
Diary of a velociraptor
Saturday
Hello Diary
I woke up to a dream where my head was a watermelon and I was the brand new pokemon.
Today, while pondering on my lack of underwear and the lovleyness of my tail, I decided to make myself a nutella sandwich.
I can remember things like opening doors and making capuccinos, but they wont let me do that. They even forbid my to boogie when my sister is watching spacejam. todays highlights were few. I thought I saw an opening in the fence, but it was electrified. Im sure I will find a gap. Im pretty certain theyre not serious about that 10,000 volts arrrgh! all around fence thingy, theyre so forgetful. Our feeder, the suspicious looking gaybo hunter forgot to brush his teeth (and leg hair) today. As soon i was biting into my freshly spread chocolate yum yum brian the raptor hopped up to me and said that there was a boar lowered into our cage. well it wasnt a boar, but a strange canooe moose type thing. very ugly. so i was like, 'enough jerky and peanuts monotany! today we feast on meat!' but it turns out it was one of the humans cheeky pihnatas. what the hell is a phinata? or its plural, so more confusing? besides that, it rained and we had a sleepover. Johnson the triceratops paid us a visit, but he brought one too many mcauley culkin films, so we slowly devoured his liver soon after the 18th close up on his hideous pinky helium propelled lips.i learnt how to do a summersault today, and im working on chewing on a tree some more. Potato juice some more.
Gallimimus are lovley, but fences are quite ugly la la, is the song i invented today, but before i managed to show the guests who came (one was a damn sexy fox white beard, old socks and all! im in love, lucy! im calling my diary lucy) i had a bad case of plastic bag throat. OOOOOSPPPPPRRRRRARGH i went, all over arabol lane. 'fancy', said the phinata, who i didnt know could talk, so i bonked him on the head with me talon.
Sunday
Goosh, baby!
.Besides feeling very scottish and attractive today we escaped into this ...place. Ruby the raptor said to me, 'hey the jerry mc'hairlimbs is lost in the dawdledoop (the humans call it a' jungle') lets why not?' 'what?' i said, 'what i mean is,' said ruby, while we were playing pickupsticks, 'Chelzy said that he he dropped a letter adressed to his mother yesterday while reading us our bed time story' so i said, 'why not take a stroll and give it back to him.' so i clenched the letter in an invisble fold in my muscles around my invisible second head and went up to him close and said, 'hands off my joojywoo!' which is a joke that charlie the stagasaurus and i came up with, but hes all 'clever wever girl!! weeweewee!' so im all, 'ohhhhhh hes annoying' so i tickled him until he said. alright. thanks. mother will be pleased. we then proceeded to play patticake. he won 8 to 0. hairylegs is one nice person, no? Im practicing speaking spanish in a scottish accent now. not succesfull. hairlegs heard me thinking (????) about my lack of underwear, told his mother in kenya and sent me a kilt. unfortunatley, until later today i thought the kilt was some sort of stange deflated cow, so i asked mervin to come with me to the kitchen so we would attempt to cook it. smook the dawdles! said he, so i nipped him on the nose. Glecksy took his first panadol today so he was having troubles with swallowing and was makig this excellent gwak sound in the doorway. she looked like a caterpillar with a hemroid while doing it, but very funny, so funny that i knoched over some dishes.
while looking for a juice pot ( we velociraptors prefer to drink deflated sacks) when i remembered a sylvester the cat joke and peed myself, lost my memory and sneezed at the same time. the little rat humans in the kitchen with us at the time appeared to find this excessivley amusing laughing like loud, like highenas who just had their balls removed by an extremley hefty scythe. Bloody baseballcaps! i was angry so i took chase after them. glecksy asked the young scat ( human male) to play dominoes, but he got locked in a giant swishy icecube. as for me i rammed into a draw, also with the prospect of playing dominoes, but the ladys mocked me and danced away. dominoe. then i leapt through the glass and the guy in blue says something along th lines of, 'would an adult pear seem incompetent as a ballerina?' confused and overheatyed after a day sunbathing, i leapt staight through the ceiling. the blue guy way was there, but instead of apologizing for 'is confusing rant he says 'its perfectly harmless to eat muffins' and kicked me in the face! mayyonise and sea turtles,a combination worthy of the shloop!
the moral of this story is, scary gay safari englishmen are superior at patticake and are telepathic also.
oh and, peeing in kitchens can make a succesful movie, but only if there are mysterious, overly gleeful sewer rats involved.
When you are dressed in blue you are liable to speak muffins and walk onto cattle grids with extemley heavy pineapple balanced on your nose.
perfectly delightful!
11/17/2005 2:55:42 AM
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
