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Jurassic Krap 3 part 4
By sgd goin down
Just a quick rundown of what happened previosly, since it has been a while since I wrote Parts 1, 2 & 3.
Ben and Eric went parasailing when their boat driver, Enrique Igleseas, suddenly disappeared causing the boat to explode and send the tourists and a Wobuffet flying to Isla Sorna. Meanwhile, Alan Grant was playing with a 3 year old boy named Charlie until his mother, Ellie Sattler, came and threatened to call the cops. Grant jumped out the window and landed in his sidekick Billy's car as they drove off to Mexico but were detained by the cops. In prison, Dr.Grant was making a sPeech to his inmates until he and Billy made bail thanks to a mysterious rich guy named Paul Kirby. Mr.Kirby Offers Grant sex with his wife and him that evening and a Business proposition. He and his wife, Amanda, want to fly over Isla Sorna with him as their guide. Grant at first refuses, but is swayed.
Soon, Alan finds himself asleep on the plane when a raptor wakes him up. They make out, but then Grant wakes up to see he's frenching a black mercenary by the name Nash. Nash want's to kill him, but Paul Kirby, Billy, and a fellow mercenary with a swastika on his forehead named Cooper convince him not to. Cooper insists he met the Kirbys through their bible club. The pilot, Udesky, informs the passengers that due to technical difficulties, they will have to make a breif landing on Isla Sorna. Grant wigs out, so Cooper takes a gun and blows his head off.
Later, Grant wakes up and Billy informs him that while Alan's mutant healing factor was regenerating his head, the plane landed, and the mercs through his clothes into a bonfire and shaved his entire body. Billy salvaged the hat though, and fortunately, Grant always keeps an extra set of clothes in his hat. Grant and Billy step out of the plane and confront Paul Kirby. Amanda meanwhile, can be heard yelling "ERIC! BEN! ERIC! BEN!" and seen smearing herself in a slaughtered pigs blood. Paul tells her that it's a bad idea when an angry roar bursts out of the jungle. Nash and Udesky, who are standing at the edge of the jungle see something shaking through the trees. Nash fires a heat seeker at it, but the missile flies back to the plane and blows it up instead. Paul asks how they're going to get off the island.
Seconds later, These 6 people are seen riding a girly bicycle with an alien in the flower basket. Suddenly, a huge, sPiky dinosaur runs out in front of them and begs for help. He tells them that there's a crazed and armed Neo-Nazi maniac chasing him. They all tell it to get out of the way or they'll run him over. Cooper, then pops out of the bushes and chases the dinosaur again. At the same time the bike lifts off and starts to fly. The alien in the flower basket chomps down and devours cooper as they fly off...
Udesky: ET! Why would you do such a thing.
Alien: Because I am not ET! I am TT! The Taliban Terroristrial! Ha Ha!
*The gang on the bike flies in front of a noon moon*
TT: I am hereby hijacing this vehicle and taking out you American Satans for the--
*Punt. Billy kicks hiim out of the flower basket and the little fella plummets to his doom.*
Grant: Nice Kick , Billy!
Amanda: Great job!
Udesky: Yes. But now who's flying the bike?
*Everybody's eyes become wider than usual as the bike stops in mid-air and plummets like a rock. Everybody falls and yells. Suddenly, Paul's cel phone starts ringing and Nash answers it*
Nash: Hello? Yes, I'm happy with mah long distance service, bitch!
* They all continue falling until they finally land on a strange, soft object. Shortly after, another large soft object covers them. It's dark and everybody's smothered, but they can still talk.*
Nash: What'd we just hit?
Billy: I dunno, but...mmm... it tastes like turkey, lettuce and, uh, cheese.
Grant: Oh my God.
Amanda: What is it?
Grant: It's a sandwich!
Amanda: For what?
Nash: AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
*Long sharp teeth pierce the sandwich and begin to pull out the Merc, who grabs onto Amada Kirby's legs. The same dinosaur they met a minute or two ago is eating the sandwich! Udesky and Paul hold on to Amanda to keep Nash from pulling her out. Nash coughs up a little blood on the woman and then throws up on her. Nash eventually loses his grip and get's eaten.
Nash: AGH! Lemme Go, Sucka!
* Amanda and Udesky crawl back into the sandwich as Grant and Billy fall out of the bottom*
Udesky:*to Paul* stall him...
Paul:*to Dino* Hey, wait a second! YOU? Whay are YOU attacking us? We saved you from Cooper!
sPykosaurus: Mm, Gee, I dunno. Maybe it has something to do with me being a man-eating super-predator whose too bloodthirsty to understand the concept of gratitude.
*Everybody else escapes the sandwich while Paul stalls him*
Paul: So, I take it that you wanna eat me too?
sPyko: Yup.
Paul: Um, your a guy, right?
sPyko: Can't you tell?
Paul: I'm just saying. Cuz I'm a guy too. If you ate me, that'd be kinda homo.
*sPykosaurus begins rubbing his chin in deep thought and lowers the sandwich, unintentionally allowing Paul top escape*
sPyko: Hmm. A rather provocative moral dillema to say the least... *realizes that the humans have escaped* HEY!
*Now, far away and uphill enough from the predator, the group stares in horror at something in front of them. All except Alan, who is looking back at sPyko*
Grant: I think we lost him.
Udesky:*alarmed* Dr. Grant...
*Alan Grant turns around to see a huge T-rex looking down at them. He turns back around to face the group an reassure them. HEY KIDS! IT'S TIME FOR THE HORNER REFERENCE!*
Grant: Now, don't worry folks. According to famed paleontologist, Jack Horner, the T-rex was a pure scavenger!
*CHOMP! T-rex eats Udesky*
Grant: Horner, you Jackass...
*Everybody runs back downhill in a familiar direction from the T-rex*
Amanda: Were'nt we just running from something in this direction?
*Gang runs back into the sPykosaurs who's madder than before and the Rex ain't to pleased either*
Billy: Yup! We must have no cumulative memory!
*The gang continues running off into the woods while the Rex and sPyko circle each other. You could tell that this won't end well for one of them!
To Be Continued...
1/23/02 9:39:13 AM
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