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Jurassic Krap 3: part 5
By sPitter
T-rex and sPykosaurus lunged at each other with animalistic rage! Then got into a little pussy bitch slapping contest. Fed up, they simultaneously kicked each other in the face, sending their opponent 50 yards back. Landing on their feet, they leap impossibly high into the air, twirling about and land on a reasonably thin branch.
T-rex pulls out a blue light sabe and sProuts a a little braided pony tail. sPykosaurus' face is now covered in red and black tattoos. He pulls a double edged red light sabre out of his black cloak and gets ready to duel. John Williams Orchestra and choir start to play in the background.
T-rex and sPykosaurus duel with tremendous sPeed and force on the canopy. But sPykosaurus catches T-rex unaware and slices him in half. The lizard king sPlits open and plummets to the forest floor. sPykosaurus turns off his lightsabre.
*POW! Alan Kicks Paul Kirby in the nuts as Billy and Amanda watch in shock. Dr.Grant was evidently pissed off*
Grant: Okay Mr.Kirby, I think I went long enough without asking. What The Hell Are We Doing On This Island!
Amanda: *stepping over Paul in a fetal position* Please! Dr.Grant, let me explain. You see, it all started 8 years ago, when our 6-year old boy Eric wanted a pet dinosaur...
*Flashback. Eric walks over to his mom in the kitchen.*
Eric: Mommy! Mommy! Can I have a dinosaur!
Amanda: No, sweety, there aren't any more dinosaurs.
Eric: You Suck, Mom!
...The same day, our neighbor Ben Hildebrand, owner of Erotic Parasails Inc., mysteriously disappeared...
*Eric is out in the back yard talking to his next door neighbor, 30-year old Ben Hildebrand*
Eric: This sucks, Ben! My parents won't let me have any dinosaurs cuz they can't get any!
Ben: I know where you can get a dinosaur, kid. These islands by Costa Rica. Hmm, that gives me an idea...
*Flashback ends*
Amanda: And that's the last we ever saw of them.
Billy: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, hold up. Your kid disappeared 8 years ago, and you just figured it out now?
Amanda: Just found out last week.
Grant:*astonished by their stupidity* How could you not know that your son was gone for 8 years?
Paul: *groaning* Simply put, he's very clever.
*Flashback to last week. Paul knocks on Eric's bedroom door.*
Paul: Come on son, you've been in there for 8 years. You have to eat sometime.
Eric's voice: Go away! I'm not going to school!
Paul: Alright young man, I'm coming in.
*unlocks the door*
Eric's voice: I hate you!
*Paul walks in. There's a plastic skeleton with a brown wig on in Eric's Bed*
Stero in Eric's Voice: I'm not hungry! Go away!
*Paul takes a look at the bed*
Paul: Oh My God! *Picks up a bag of golf clubs* Eric, what were you doing with my golf clubs?
Stereo: I'm not going to school today!
Paul: Don't you give me that young man! *nudges the skeleton out of bed and it's head falls off* You see what happens when you don't eat for 8 years?
*flasback ends*
Paul: Then, about a half an hour later, Amanda found this note on his desk. *hands over the note to Grant*
Grant: "Dear Mom or Dad. But probably mom seeing how dad is a huge moron.
Congratulations. You've probably found this note after 8 years without noticing my absence. Well, Ben's taking me to some Islands where I could get some dinosaurs called Isla Sorna. Toodles
-Your son,
Eric"
Well, the boy's been here for 8 years. He's probably died a slow and gruesome death by now. My condolences. C'mon Billy, let's head for the coast.
Billy: Righty-O
*they all start walking*
Paul: Wait! What are you doing?
Grant: Leaving, before we get eaten by a Tricycloplots.
Amanda: Don't you mean Triceratops?
Grant: Who's the paleontologist here?
Paul: Dr.Grant, we're not leaving this island without our son!
Grant: Then you folks aren't leaving, period. Look, if he's a clever boy as you say he is, he'll probably be at the coast already. That's his best chance of being rescued. Although the kid's been picked up by a predator by now.
Amanda: Don't say that!
Billy: Or trampled. I figure there's a million ways to die on this island. So let's not do anything stupid. *CRACK/SpLAT*
*Everybody stops. Billy looks down at his feet. He just stepped in a nest of eggs. Everybody remains silent*
MINUTES LATER...
Billy: Mmm, pass the bacon?
Grant: Sure.
*Everybody's eating the dinosaur eggs*
Paul: So Dr.Grant, whaddya think laid these?
Grant: Mmm, I dunno. Probably some little wussy plant eater. So Billy, remember that thing that tried to eat us in a sandwich? What do you think it was?
Billy: Well, judging by it's massive size, the shape of it's snout, the sPikes on it's back, and the structure of it's forearms, I'd have to say it was a... Dinosaur.
Grant: A sPykosaurus ancienticus to be exact.
Amanda: Dr.Grant? I just dropped a large heavy rock on one of the nests for no appearent reason. Do you think my actions will have any dire consequences or reprecussions?
Grant: Oh don't be silly, Mrs.Kirby, they're just eggs!
*Everybdy has a good laugh, unaware that they're being watched by something...EVIL!*
1/24/02 2:01:29 PM
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