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Jurassic PAAAAAR-TAY! part 2
By sPit
"RAAA-RAAAGH!"
Barney begins to roar like a three year old child. Well, not the actual purple dino, but a toy rendering his appearence. Paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant is sPending some time with 3-year old Charlie in the boy's nursery.
"Actually, Charlie, that dinosaur is a total pussy." suggests the Jurassic Park veteran. He whips out a pointy action figure of another dinosaur. "Now this sPykosaurus on the other hand, was a hardcore badass with razor sharp--"
"Oh, Charlie!" calls out a woman entering the room.
"Badass! Badass!" repeats Charlie.
"Oh crap." sighs Alan.
Ellie Sattler, the mother of Charlie, enters the room and takes a look at Grant. "ALAN!? WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING HERE!?
"CRAP! F*CK!" repeats the impressionable little boy.
Alan Grant lunges for the window and climbs out of the second story building as Ellie scoops up her son, and throws things at Alan. "I'M CALLING THE POLICE, YOU CRAZY SON OF A BITCH! STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY BABY!"
"BITCH! HELL!" shrills Charlie.
Alan jumps out of the window and lands in the passenger seat of a car sPeeding across Ellie's back yard.
"DRIVE, BILLY!" he yells to his younger sidekick.
"DAMMIT, THAT RESTRAINING ORDER IS STILL PENDING YOU TWISTED BASTARD!" Screams an infuriated Ellie through the window. And need I ask you who repeats the words "DAMMIT!" and "BASTARDS"?
Grant and Billy drive off of Ellie's property, hitting her dog on the way out. "So where to, Dr. G?" asks Billy.
"To The Border! And Step On It!"
LATER...
"So smart were we in fact, that had it not been for the catastrophic police interference that overtook us, Billy and I would have very well been in Mexico today." preaches Dr.Grant to a horde of inmates in his prison holding cell. "It is for this reason that I ask your generosity in not skull-f*cking us. Any questions?"
All the inmates raise their hands, except for one whose hand is in Billy's pants. "Billy." he says,"I can't tell the bone from the muscle."
"Well, technically it's all muscle, but the Blah Blah Blah Bloobity Blooh Blooh..."
Dr. Grant wears a look on his face that says he knows what everyone is thinking. "Does anybody have a question that DOESN'T pertain to my third nipple?" All the hands went down.
Just then, the prison guard came by. "Grant? Brennan? Congratulations, you guys just made bail." He opens the cell door.
Billy appears bewildered. "Who would bail us out?" The next thing he knows, he's holding a business card with a cuddly pink video game character on it whom a man reads aloud as Billy looks it. "Paul Kirby. Kirby Enterprises."
"Dr. Grant," says Paul Kirby, "I'm a HUGE fan of your's and I have a business proposition for you. Um, would you care to have sex with my wife and me this evening? It'll be our treat."
"You kidding?" replies Alan, "You just got me out of prison!"
"We'd love to." says Billy.
LATER STILL...
Alan Grant and Billy Brennan are lying in bed in the arms of sexy Amanda Kirby with rediculous smiles on their faces. Paul, whose smoking a cigar to their left, has whopping breasts almost bigger than Amandas. Nobody notices though.
"Yup, that was great." he says, cigar in hand. "Now, back to business. Dr.Grant, my wife and I have chartered a plane to fly us over Isla Sorna and we would like you to be our guide."
"WHAT!?" ejaculates Grant."Is that what you brought us over for!? Well you can just FORGET IT!"
Billy, meanwhile, is oblivious to everything as his closed eyes and wide smile indicate.
"Amanda?" asks Paul.
Amanda grabs the back of Grant's head while he's still talking, and shoves his face into her cleavage.
"No force," continues Alan Grant "on heaven... or earth... could... get me back... on...that... Billy?... Pack our bags... So when do we leave?"
"Dandy" says Paul.
And so, the plain flies off... TOWARDS CERTAIN DOOM!
1/5/02 2:05:35 AM
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