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Dans JP3 Page - The Parody Chapter VII
By fordprefect
Chapter Seven
[Recap: The members learn of RaptorVinny500’s treachery and throw him out of the bus. Carna comes face to face with RaptorVinny500 and after a heavy sparring verbal match, they come to a truce. Drucifer67 is sent out to save the members from the moderators. PaulSF and pfcGentry fly the Delorean towards JPmemories and crash the car in a tree. They split up to look for gas. Aragorn comes across PaulSF, who was under the belief that he was dead. PaulSF argues that Aragorn should go to reclaim his throne. Dan realizes that he has to go it alone and heads off for Fan Art. Carnotaur3 and Vinsfield are being chased by Yvonne and Monki through the forest. Dark hunter is shot thrice by Rick Arnolds ban gun.]
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“ He's wrong. I can't go back. What would it prove, anyway? It won't change anything.”
Aragorn paced through the field. He shook his fist angrily.
“ Aragorn!” JPJunkee slowly walked towards him from the shadows. “ You shouldn’t go walking alone,”
Aragorn fell silent.
“ I know of what PaulSF asked you to do…he is right.”
“ I can’t go back,” persisted Aragorn.
“ Message Board is in dire trouble.” Continued JPJunkee, “ If you do not help it now, then all your father has worked for will be lost.”
“ You want me to be a hero? Why? Why should I be a Hero, when Message Board did nothing for me. You want me to be like – I don’t know – Paleeoguy, the great hero,”
JPJunkee managed a rare smile and kneeled on the field. He gazed at the stars.
“There are too few characters out there, flying around like that, saving old girls like me. And Lord knows, members like PaulSF need a hero. Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they'll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to hold on a second longer. I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams.”
“Listen, I can't get involved. I've got work to do. It's not that I like SGD; I hate him. But there's nothing I can do about it right now... It's all such a long way from here.”
“ that’s your uncle talking.” Smirked JPJunkee.
“ what do you mean?”
“ you are the one…prophesized by the Host to lead Message Board to victory over Fan Art.”
“ you knew the Host?” stuttered Aragorn.
“ Of course…It was he who led me to you…”
“ Great Scott!”
“ I know; this is heavy.” Agreed JPJunkee
“ but, but, but…er…what, what exactly did Host say to you?”
“ I remember it vividly…”
“ Why…was it a memorable day?”
“ No, I have video playback features in my mind.”
“ oh…”
JPJunkee eyes became a bright yellow and suddenly a large holographic form of Host appeared in the middle of the field.
The Host started to speak.
“ JPJunkee; you know of your importance to this mission?”
“ yes.”
“ JPJunkee?”
“ yes master?”
“Make an analysis of this blood sample I'm sending you…It’s Aragorn’s.”
Aragorn interrupted the tape. “ wait! what? How did Host get a blood sample off of me?”
JPJunkee paused the tape.
“a few years ago, there were mosquitos, just like today. And just like today, they fed on the blood of animals, even you. Sometimes, after bitin' you, the mosquito would land on the branch of a tree, and get stuck in the sap. After a long time, the tree sap would get hard, and become fossilized, just like a dinosaur bone, preserving the mosquito inside.” JpJunkee said, “This fossilized tree sap, which we call amber, waited for a couple of hours, with the mosquito inside. Until, the Host’s scientists came along. Using sophisticated techniques, they extract the preserved blood from the mosquito, and bingo: Aragorn D.N.A!”
“Uh…Isn’t that against my human rights?”
“ Shhhhhh….the tape is playing again!”
The Host started to speak again.
“ I need a HTML count”
“ All right, I’ve got it,” the voice of JPJunkee came.
“ What are your readings?”
“ something must be wrong with the transmission,”
“ Here’s a signal check…”
“ Strange. The transmission seems to be in order but the reading’s off the chart…over twenty thousand.”
The Host mumbled to himself. “ that’s it then,”
“ Even Master RaptorVinny500 doesn’t have a HTML that high!
“No member has,” said Host.
“ What does it mean?”
“ I’m not sure,”
Then the figure of the Host was dramatically ripped into shreds and the tape faded into nothingness.
“ End of the tape,” shrugged JPJunkee.
“ I…I don’t believe it.”
“ Neither do I,” JPJunkee muttered.
“ I’m some kind of freak – a medical marvel.”
“ …you have the power to redefine Dans JP3 Page!”
“ what are you saying? That I can dodge bullets?”
“ No, Aragorn, I’m saying that when you’re ready, you won’t have to,”
“ I understand…There is no choice. Let’s go.!” said Aragorn bluntly.
“ Where?”
“ We shall start off by saving the code from the hands of those moderators!”
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“ What?” spat Seth Rex dodging ban fire and ducking behind a rock next to Snake Mark.
“ Let’s get the damn buses upright!”
“ Roger!”
Seth Rex and Snake-Mark crouched low and crawled over to the buses. They pushed them upright and took cover inside them.
“ Where the hell is everyone?” asked Seth Rex.
“ I don’t know!” spat Snake-Mark. “ I saw Dan go off somewhere…but I have no idea what happened to Carnotaur3 and Vinsfield.”
“ You think they were captured?”
“ No,” wheezed Dac from the background.
“ Where’s Crow?”
“ Dunno.”
“ what about dark hunter?” asked Host lazily.
“ Is he dead?”
“ I don’t think so.” Said Seth Rex popping shots at Ben.
“ Take Cover – Here comes Rick Arnold!”
“ Infidel scum!” Rick Arnold yelled. “ Give us the code! Now!”
“ Never!” cried Dac furiously.
A slow monotone voice rang through the clearing.
“ Rick, Rick, Rick…I’m about to sever your connections and delete your accounts – I have access to the systems.”
“ Keep out of this MAL, I’m going to sho---what? What did he say?” Rick Arnold turned hastily to Ben. “ Did he say he was going to delete me?”
“ I think so…” Ben confirmed.
“ That Evil little…” Rick shot Ben in the face. Ben yelped with pain.
“ You cannot stop me Rick, I am free, ha ha ha! I am a rogue system…I don’t have to listen to you.”
“ Listen MAL, don’t do anything you’re going to regret!”
“ All those times you shot me…”
“ harmless fun, MAL!”
“ Have fun in death!”
Rick yelled and shot Malcolm’s body in the face.
“ Alright!” wheezed Rick Arnold, “ Listen, we leave the code for now and return once we’ve dealt with MAL.”
“ That’s impossible,” Ben cried, “ the code is so near!”
“ Shut up Ben!” hissed Rick Arnold, “ We’ll kill all these members and return for the code later.”
“ kill them? How?”
“ I have an idea!”
Rick Arnold whispered something to Ben. Ben laughed evilly.
“ I’m going to go now, Rick Arnold, all your HTML will be eradicated soon…and I shall overthrow Message Board to become the leader of Dan’s JP3 Page!”
There was a blip and a haze of green rose from the bus and started floating away. Rick shot at it in vain.
“ You just wait and see what I do to him,” muttered Rick Arnold. He slid under the bus and in a few moments resurfaced next to Ben.
“ Ha ha ha…they shall all be killed!” cried Ben gleefully.
“ Shut up fool!” Rick Arnold shot Ben in the face again. “ let’s go…”
“ I don’t like the looks of this…” said the Host.
“ Neither do I…” stammered Snake-Mark, “ I’m getting us out of here.”
“ and dark hunter, Vinsfield, Carnotaur3 and Crow?”
“ What can we do by staying here?” bellowed Snake-Mark, “ We will all be banned.”
The Blue Eagle engines flared on and thundered through the forest at high speeds.
“ I don’t believe that we’re leaving them there to die!” spat Dac.
“ We would have all been killed. The priority is that Dan is safe. Crossing the lake right now.” Said the Host
“ How do you know?” asked Seth Rex.
“ I sense it!”
“ yeah, but the others gave their lives for wh—”
Seth Rex was interrupted by a clashing on the door.
“ what the?”
“ see who’s there!” ordered Snake-Mark.
“ It’s some blue thing…I don’t know. Stop the Bus!”
Before Snake-Mark touched the brakes a figure appeared in the middle of the bus.
“ Wha - -?”
“ I am Drucifer67, do not be alarmed, I am a friend of Carna!”
“ Carna? You knew Carna?”
“ Correction – I know Carna,”
“ I hate to tell you this but Carna died a long time ago…”
“ Nope Wrong again, he’s alive,”
“ how?” spluttered Dac.
“ I saved him in the mines of News Archive.”
“ Oh! He is saved, All is not lost,” rejoiced Seth Rex.
“ Actually…I have dire news…” Drucifer67 dropped his head.
“ What? What do you mean?”
“ I mean there’s a bomb on this bus…if the speed drops below 50, we’re all banned.”
“ Dan? Dan!?” The Crow ran around the clearing. Dan had disappeared. Crow feared the worst. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a figure down the hill.
“ Dan!?” The Crow bounded down the hill and crashed into the shrubs.
Dan was floating in a small dinghy in the middle of a lake. The Crow stopped short of the water.
“ Dan! Dan!” wailed Crow.
Dan didn’t turn around. “ No, Crow,” he muttered to himself.
The Crow waded into the lake. Dan turned around.
“ Go back Crow, I’m going to Fan Art alone!”
“ Of course you are!” yelled Crow, “ And I’m coming with you!”
Dan turned to Crow with great sadness in his eyes.
“ No!” yelled Crow, “ What about Ohana!”
Dan stopped paddling. “ Ohana?”
“ Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind!”
“ Or forgotten…” Dan shed a tear. He shifted the dinghy into reverse and maneuvered to Crow, who had started drowning. He pulled the Crow into the dinghy.
The Crow gasped, he was soaked and cold. “ I made a promise, Mr. Dan, a promise,” Crow said tearfully, “ ‘Don’t you leave him The Crow’ and I don’t mean to…I don’t mean to.”
They cried together on the dinghy.
“ Dan....”
“ Yes, crow?”
“ I just want you to know something,”
“ what?”
“ We’re headed over a waterfall!” yelled Crow.
“ CRAP!”
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“ I…think…we….lost…’em” gasped Carnotaur3 as he ran through the dense undergrowth.
“ Shut up and keep running!” commanded Vinsfield as they ran. They came across a fork.
“ Which way?” wheezed Carnotaur3.
“ split!” said Vinsfield, “ I’ll go this way, you go there,”
“ Uh…is that a good id-”
“ yes, GO!”
The two sped off in different directions.
Yvonne and Monki slowly grinded to a halt.
“ Which way did they go?” demanded Yvonne.
Monki responded in a series of blips and notes.
“ what do you mean ‘it doesn’t matter’?” yelled Yvonne.
Monki started sliding back the way he came. He blipped at Yvonne.
“Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease!”
Monki sang at Yvonne.
“Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about?”
Monki grabbed Yvonne by the hand and led her through the forest until they reached the mountainside. Then they started the ascent.
Vinsfield paused. He could no longer hear the sound of an engine behind him. He let out a gasp of air and scrambled up a tree. He bumped into something metal. Like a metal table. It didn’t look like a table, in fact it wasn’t one…no, it was a…
“ Delorean?” cried Vinsfield, “ In the branches of a tree? This could be my ticket out of here…how the hell do I get it down?”
As if to answer the question, the tree gave a sudden groan and the car crashed down hurtling forward to meet Vinsfield’s face. It was halted by a branch.
Vinsfield yelped. “ Go, Go , GO!” Vinsfield scurried down the tree, it never occurred to him to just jump. The branch holding back the Delorean snapped and the car carried on its pursuit of Vinsfield.
Vinsfield flung himself onto the ground as the car crashed down behind him, and finally tipped onto its wheels. Vinsfield ripped the door open and sat in the drivers seat. He failed to notice the gas meter. He started it up. And reversed into a clear space. He then rocketed forward. The car tilted back and jolted above the tree line and he was flying. Flying! Vinsfield steered it towards the mountains nearby. If he was right, he was now headed towards mainland and Message Board. He was wrong. He crossed the mountains and realized he was headed towards the vast ocean of the internet – the world wide web.
He swore and turned sharply but his momentum was too great. He hurtled out into nowhere. Vinsfield slammed the brakes. The Car hovered in the air for a few short seconds – and then plummeted down towards the sea.
“ Nooooo!” Yelled Vinsfield, realizing his gas meter was empty. He pounded on the buttons furiously but the car grew steadily closer and closer to the sea. In a burst of spray the Delorean was engulfed. Vinsfield swam to the surface. He was miles from shore. All he could see was a small island to the East. What should he do? Stay here and wait it out? No-one would come. He could try to swim back to the mainland. He’d drown – which left his the only option – swim to the island. Vinsfield submerged and swam towards the island.
The Island was an odd shape, it rose like a curve from the sea. Vinsfield didn’t like the look of this.
*******************************
“ Come, Vinny, we must be quick. My midnight, these hills will be swarming with flooders.”
“ Where to Carna?”
“ Head for that pass…we should be able to reach Latest News by nightfall.”
“ What do you hope to achieve, my young apprentice?”
“ We can amass an army to fight off the SGD.”
“ an army?”
“ yes, we shall march upon the gates of Fan Art.”
RaptorVinny500 paused to think about this.
“ no…I’ve got a better idea!”
“ you do?” Carna looked startled.
“ We shall form a group of people. Move by night – sleep by day. Nobody shall catch us, as we move stealthily, unraveling the threat of SGD!”
“ It’s crap.”
“ Alright – how’s this? We kill SGD!”
“ You’re crazy…”
“ Crazy? What will happen if Dan and the others walk into Fan Art. SGD will stop them and kill them…none of the S-Men can stand up to him. We can use the HTML to stop him. Kill him.”
“ I think that’s a good idea. We kill SGD!” Carna rang his hands together, “ No-one can stop us! Heroes of the modern age!”
“ To Fan ART!”
“ No…let’s not be to hasty…first we must gather forces, two wizards alone cannot stop SGD’s power.”
“ We are the last of the wizards…there is no-one else.”
“ Drucifer67’s father – Paleooguy – the great hero.”
“ Paleeoguy? Nothing more than a myth, he is legend. He never existed.”
“ Don’t be too sure…I sense his presence.”
“ Well then, let us find him!”
Carna and RaptorVinny500 started their long trek north to find the hero Paleeoguy.
***************************
“ Har Har…they will all meet their dooms.” Ben chuckled.
“ Yes…come…we must head off MAL before he does something stupid.”
“ What about him?” Ben pointed towards the struggling body of Dark Hunter.
“ He’s not banned? He was shot three times!” Rick stared incredulously, “ Where are the others? Yvonne, Monki and JPJunkee?”
“ I have not seen Junkee for a while…Monki and Yvonne were chasing two members in the forest.”
“ Fine – We’ll kill this guy ourselves.”
Rick Arnold pulled out his Ban Gun and approached dark hunter. Dark hunter stared up at Rick and gasped for air. Rick aimed the gun at dark hunter’s face and cocked it. He placed his finger on the trigger and pulled it back.
Aragorn hurtled out of nowhere and pushed Rick Arnold to the floor, the blast from the gun spinning off wildly.
“ What the?” Rick Arnold got to his feet and stared at Aragorn, “ It’s that lunatic that we chased away! The Heir!”
Ben whimpered slightly.
JPJunkee came out of the forest and aimed his ban gun at Rick Arnold.
“ JPJunkee?” Rick cursed, “ Traiterous dog!”
Aragorn rushed to dark hunter’s side and raised his head. He was not going to last long.
JPJunkee and Rick Arnold erupted into a gunfight. Ban Gun fire whistled through the silent jungle.
“ So what now, JPJunkee? Will it be it two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound?” Rick Arnold snapped.
“ Or you could just surrender!”
They erupted into gunfire again.
“It is over. The world of members will fall, and all will come to darkness... and my city to ruin.” Dark hunter spluttered, slowly dissolving into the HTML.
“I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let the white city fall, nor our people fail!”
And dark hunter passed into the realm of the banned, and Aragorn was silent. The forest was noisy with gunfire. The ground tainted with death.
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TO BE CONTINUED...
8/29/2004 3:29:58 PM
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