|
Dans JP3 Page - The Parody Chapter VI
By fordprefect
Chapter Six
[Recap: Aragorn was attacked by a Flooder but was saved by the moderator JPJunkee who had come from the past to save him. PaulSF finds out that pfcGentry has created a time machine and they are interrupted a horde of spammers. The S-Men are under attack by the moderators and Malcolm has taken residence in the Blue Eagle’s computer. Carna and Drucifer67 seek revenge on RaptorVinny500. Guilty Spark dies to the avail of Mr. Camel.]
*****************
“ Hang onto something!” Yelled Dac.
“ Hang onto something!” echoed Seth Rex loudly.
There was an almighty noise and the Blue Eagle crashed onto its side.
The side window shattered on contact with the ground. A motorbike roared over the bus and skidded to a stop.
“ Give us the code…and no-one gets hurt!” yelled Rick Arnold over the din of falling instruments.
Dark hunter wiped a bead of seat from his brow.
“ I shall never surrender!” He cried lunging up towards the door. He wrenched it open and grabbed the wheel of the motorbike soaring above him. Dac bellowed and leapt into the fray with Seth Rex following close behind.
“ Ban them!” Yelled Rick Arnold, “ Ban them all!”
Ben slipped his gun out of its holster and pumped shots at the three members. Dark hunter plowed through the shots and punched Ben in the face.
“ Yowrghhh,” cried Ben, stumbling onto the ground.
Dark hunter grabbed the Ban Gun from his hand and shot Ben in the back of the head.
Rick Arnold was taking Seth Rex and Dac on at the same time. Dac tore through his suit with his chainsaw. Rick didn’t blink and instead dealt Dac a couple of punches to the face. Dac fell reeling back into the bus.
“ If Carna was here,” sobbed Carnotaur3, “ we’d be saved!”
“ May I remind you,” darted RaptorVinny500, “ I’m a much more powerful wizard than Carna! I could kill him with my eyes closed!”
The bus-board computer sprang to life. Malcolm’s huge pasty face filled the screen. He burbled something loudly and the screen changed to a rear view image of the bus in the chasms of ‘News Archive’. A tiny Carna was clinging onto the bridge and RaptorVinny500 was running up to him.
“ Hey Everyone! MAL is trying to say something!” cried Carnotaur3.
“ What is it boy?” asked Snake-Mark.
There was a loud whirring.
“ He’s saying that this was no accident,” glared Dac, holding his wounds.
“ What do you mean?” stuttered the Host.
“ I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed,” growled Dac, “ …by RaptorVinny500!”
Dac pointed his chainsaw in Vinny’s direction.
Somewhere outside dark hunter screamed.
“ What?!” cried the member’s collectively.
“ Wait a minute…you…you don’t think I meant to knock Carna off the bridge do you Dac?”
“ That’s Mr. Dac to you, you back-stabbin’ murderer!”
“ Now, it was an accident, come on now guys - you gotta believe me!” stuttered RaptorVinny500.
“ We believe you Vinny,” nodded Crow, “ right Carnotaur3?”
“ I – I don’t like confrontations!” squealed Carnotaur3.
“ Where is your honour dirtbag?” grunted Vinsfield, “ You are an absolute disgrace! You don’t deserve to –”
Dac spoke again. “ couldn’t handle Carna cuttin’ in on your playtime, could ya RaptorVinny500? Didn’t want to face the fact that Carna might just be the members new favourite wizard, so you got rid of him! Well, what if the members start liking me more, Vinny, huh? You gonna knock me out of the bus too?”
“ I don’t think we should give him a chance!” growled Snake-Mark.
“ Lets string him up by his wand!” cried Vinsfield.
“ I get dibs on his hat!” yelled Dan.
“ Would you boys stop it!” squealed Crow.
“ Tackle him!”
“ No, no, no, no, no…I can explain everything!” cried RaptorVinny500.
The members raised him above their heads and Dac advanced with the chainsaw.
“ do you like this, huh?” Ben shoved dark hunters face into the ground. “ eat it!”
Rick Arnold pushed Seth Rex aside and pulled out his Ban Gun.
Seth Rex wailed and leapt behind a tree.
Monki skidded his motorbike around the clearing and headed straight for the bus. The impact shook the ground.
The chainsaw slipped from Dac’s grasp and the members were flung violently forward. RaptorVinny500 wriggled free of their grasp and leapt out of the bus. He flung himself over the bushes and over the cliff.
***********************
JPJunkee lit a cigar. There were crashes coming from the south.
“ what’s that?” asked Aragorn uneasily.
“ The other Moderators. They are trying to reclaim the lost Access Code from a group of members heading out to destroy it.”
For the first time in weeks, Aragorn remembered his former life. The Host had said something about the Access Code.
“ What?” spluttered Aragorn, “ What if they get it?”
“ Then Dan’s will fall,”
“ curses,” Aragorn punched a tree.
The moderator shot the tree into splinters. Aragorn leapt back.
“ Wait…what are you here to protect me from?” he asked as he retreated from the burning tree.
“ You will soon go on a mission of some kind and it is my job to protect you on that mission.”
“ I see…”
“ It is very dangerous. Of course, I think not of my own safety, a moderator recedes his own life for the other priorities.”
“ But you can’t die anyway…”
“ That is where you are wrong.” Said JPJunkee, “ I can be killed, though not from any mortal methods.”
“ I see…”
“ Your quest will surprise us all. The fate of Dans JP3 Page rests upon you.” JPJunkee continued.
“ But, how did you…er…turn good?”
“ good? I am far from reformed. I just follow orders. I was never the evil one. That was Rick Arnold. You persuaded me to return to my good ways.”
“ I did?”
“ well, you will…”
“ I see…”
“ You will know soon enough…If I am correct, there is some sort of misunderstanding going on over there,” JPJunkee pointed towards a few pine trees. “ Your friends’ lives are in peril.”
Aragorn’s eyes widened and he ran off into the bush. JPJunkee sighed and then followed slowly.
***********************
pfcGentry grabbed PaulSF and jumped into the Delorean. The car spluttered into life and tore off through the parking lot. The spammers pursued them close behind.
pfcGentry flicked the switches of the car and the car rushed forward through the parking lot.
“ Hey, doc, you better back up – you’re not going to have enough road to get up to 88!”
pfcGentry chuckled and flicked another set of switches.
“ Roads? Where we’re going, we won’t need roads,”
The Delorean shot into the air and over the heads of the furious spammers. They hurled broken HTML tags at the car but the HTML Helper™ cut in and started fighting off the masses of spammers. The car plowed through the sky over Message Board and to the east until the jungle of JPMemories faced them. The green jungle loomed closer and PaulSF noticed something on the dashboard – the gas meter. The needle hovered dangerously close to the ‘E’.
pfcGentry pulled the Delorean into a furious nosedive and the car plunged into the trees. It snagged a branch and PaulSF and pfcGentry fell out of the flimsy doors and onto the cold hard earth. They groaned and the Delorean fluttered furiously in the tree.
PaulSF blinked slowly to get adjusted to his new surroundings. He rubbed his head.
pfcGentry was examining the Delorean from below.
“ It’s worse than I thought!” exclaimed pfcGentry, “ We’re low on gas! We need to find a gas station,”
“ what? Out here?”
“ yes…out here,” said pfcGentry lowly.
PaulSF swore and threw himself into a thicket.
pfcGentry wiped away a tear and walked off into the undergrowth with the promise that he would return.
PaulSF decided to walk the other way. Maybe he could find a gas station.
***********************
Carna crouched low. He slowly crawled around behind a rock. Below him, the moderators were tearing apart the buses.
He overlooked the carnage below and sighed.
Drucifer67 huffed and pushed himself up the rock face.
“ well?” asked Carna.
“ nothing, the Blue Eagle still has possession of the code.”
“ I sense something…a presence I have not felt since…” Carna muttered, “ he is here,”
“ RaptorVinny500?” asked Drucifer67, “ what makes you think so?”
“ A tremor in the HTML. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master.”
“ Surely he must be dead by now?”
“Don't underestimate the power of the HTML.”
“The wizards are extinct, their fire has gone out of the universe. You, my friend, are all that's left of their religion.”
“ RaptorVinny500 is here! The HTML is with him!”
“ If you are right, he must not be allowed escape.”
“Escape is not his plan – I must face him alone.”
“ What about me?” asked Drucifer67.
“ Save the bus and the code. Now before it is too late.”
Drucifer67 nodded and ran down the hillside.
Carna turned and ran the opposite way. Towards the fleeing form of RaptorVinny500.
***********************
“ Aragorn?” yelled Quick Comment. “ Aragorn, where are you?”
Quick Comment pulled aside some foliage hurriedly. What had become of Aragorn?
He yelled loudly across the jungle and spotted something moving across his line of vision. He craned his neck to see it. He squinted in the moonlight until it became clear.
“ AAAARGH!” Quick Comment bellowed and tumbled backwards, “ A cop!”
Quick Comment turned and fled into the jungle. He could hear the cop close behind.
“ QC?” asked Parasaur.W uncertainly.
“ He’s gonna ARREST ME!” cried Quick Comment charging through the trees and diving under a tree root. He struggled for a moment. He was stuck.
Parasaur.W peered into the trees. A cop charged down the hill.
“ Whoah! Jeez, why do I always have to save your…AAA!”
The cop closed in and aimed his gun at the marauders.
Aragorn leapt over the log from nowhere and met the cop in full force. They erupted into a shootout.
Parasaur.W winced and turned to Quick Comment. “ Don’t worry buddy, I’m here for ya. Everything’s gonna be okay.” He turned back to the shootout and yelled at Aragorn. “ Get him! Bite his head! Go for the jugular! The jugular! I told you he’d come in handy.”
The cop threw Aragorn into a tree with a loud thud and then pointed the gun at his face.
Aragorn looked up at the cop and wiped the blood from his mouth.
“ PaulSF?” he asked, “ Is it really you?”
“ Who are you?” asked PaulSF.
“ It’s me…Aragorn.”
“ Aragorn?” PaulSF cried with joy and embraced Aragorn., “ Aragorn!”
“ Hey what’s going on here?”
“ Parasaur.W, this is PaulSF, he’s my best friend.”
“ friend?”
“ Yeah…hey Quick Comment, come over here.” Called Aragorn.
Quick comment backed out of the log and walked up to the group.
“ Quick Comment, this is PaulSF. PaulSF, Quick Comment.”
“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” swelled Quick Comment.
“ The pleasure is all mine,” said PaulSF.
“ How do you do.. Whoa! Whoa. Time out.. Lemme get this straight. You know him. He knows you. But He wants to ban him. And everybody's... okay with this? DID I MISS SOMETHING?!?” yelled Parasaur.W in frustration.
“ Wait till everybody finds out you've been here all this time! And the General... what will he think?”
“ he doesn’t have to find out…nobody has to find out.”
“Well, of course they do. Everyone thinks you're dead.”
“ Dead?”
“ You're alive…and that means...you're the king!”
“ the King? What about…what about Oviraptor?”
“ he’s dead…I’m sorry.”
Aragorn swallowed back some tears.
“ King? Your majesty…I grovel at your feet…” Quick Comment dropped to his knees.
“No, I'm not the king. Maybe I was gonna be, but...that was a long time ago.”
“But I don't understand something. You've been alive all this time. Why didn't you come back to Message Board?” PaulSF pondered.
“Well, I just needed to... get out on my own. Live my own life. And I did. And it's great.”
“We've really needed you at home.”
“ No-one needs me…”
“ yes we do…you’re the king!”
“ we’ve been through this – I’m not the king, someone else is,”
“ Majestic-1 let the spammers take over Message Board!”
“ what?”
“ everything’s destroyed…there’s no HTML. No order. Aragorn, if you don’t come back, everybody will die!”
“ I can’t go back!” Aragorn yelled shoving PaulSF down to the ground. Aragorn stormed off.
********************
RaptorVinny paced around the jungle. Maybe he could get back to Message Board or JP3 CHAT; there was always room for wizards there.
Or not. He’d have to go back or die trying.
“ Oh great, how am I gonna convince those guys that it was an accident?”
A shadow fell across him and he raised his head. A familiar figure stood over him.
“ Carna!” cried RaptorVinny500, “ Carna, you’re alive! This is great! Oh, I'm saved! I'm saved! Dark hunter'll find you here, he'll take us back to the bus, and then you can tell everyone that this was all just a big mistake. Huh?”
Carna stared at him.
“ Right? Buddy?”
“ I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.” Said Carna slowly.
“ Oh, oh that’s good,”
“ But we’re not on my planet…are we?”
“…no…?”
Carna whipped out his wand. “ LUMOS!!”
RaptorVinny500 was thrown backwards by the force. He got to his feet and ignited his wand. Carna stepped forward.
“ When I left you I was but the learner, now, I am the master!” spat Carna
“ Only a master of evil, Carna!”
“ Your powers are weak, RaptorVinny500!”
“ You can't win, Carna. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”
Carna punched him in the face. They both rolled down the hill into the jungle.
“ Why did you do it RaptorVinny500?” asked Carna, “ Do you want the code for yourself?”
RaptorVinny500 laughed meekly. “ No Carna, I was angered at you!”
“ Me! If you hadn’t pushed me out of the bus in the first place!” Yelled Carna.
“Oh, yeah? Well, if YOU hadn't shown up in your stupid little cardboard robes and taken away everything that was important to me-” RaptorVinny500 retaliated.
“ Don't talk to me about importance. Because of YOU the security of this entire internet is in jeopardy.”
“ what?” hissed RaptorVinny500.
“Right now, poised at the edge of Dans JP3 Page, Emperor SGD has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire website. I alone have information that reveals this weapon's only weakness. And you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendez-vous with Message Board.”
RaptorVinny500 exploded.
“ YOU ARE A WIZARD! YOU AREN’T A REAL SORCEROR, YOU’RE AN ACTION FIGURE! YOU ARE A CHILD’S PLAY THING!”
“ RAPTORVINNY500!” Yelled Carna, “ DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CHEAP CONJURUR OF MAGIC TRICKS! I’m not trying to hurt you…I’m trying to help you…”
There was a silence between the pair. Then RaptorVinny500 put away his wand and shook Carna’s hand. Carna knew what he meant. It was an apology.
**********************
Ben was thrown backwards. Dark Hunter had the ban gun and ban rays were erupting from the nozzle.
Rick Arnold swore. He threw Seth Rex into the bushes and aimed his gun at dark hunter’s chest. An explosion filled the clearing. Dark Hunter paused, a large hole was in his chest. He gasped.
Ben ran up to him again. Dark hunter turned and shot him. Ben once again was thrown backwards.
“ Should we help?” asked The Crow uncertainly.
“ Hell yeah!” Gargled Snake-Mark.
There was a slience.
“ well?” The Crow piped up.
“ Let’s Go!”
The members poured out of the bus except Dac who was bleeding furiously and The Host who had tripped and impaled himself on his chair.
Rick Arnold swore again. The members were running around from the bus.
“ Bring me Dan!” Rick yelled over the din., “ Kill the others!”
Dark hunter was still shooting furiously at Ben. Rick Arnold brought his Ban Gun to his shoulders. There was a flash and Rick Arnold cocked his gun for reload. Dark hunter was momentarily stunned; a second hole had appeared in his chest. He ignored it and shot more rounds at Ben.
Rick Arnold shot a third shot from his Ban Gun. Dark Hunter fell to his knees and gasped. Ben approached him cautiously. Dark hunter raised his eyes and coughed. Ben cackled and ran back to the rest of the members who were tearing apart Yvonne’s motorbike.
Dan overlooked the pained body of dark hunter and the carnage of moderators and members. He turned to Snake-Mark with tears in his eyes. And then he turned and ran.
“ Dan!” called Vinsfield. Carnotaur3 and Vinsfield were hiding under the wheels of the bus.
Carnotaur3 beckoned over to him. “ Hide here quick! Come on!”
Dan gave them an anguished look and shook his head.
“What’s he doin'?” cried Carnotaur3,
“He's leavin’.”
“ No!” Carnotaur3 ran out from under the bus.
“ Carnotaur!” Vinsfield darted out from the bus too and they stood exposed in the mud. Yvonne and Monki revved their bikes and thundered towards them.
“Run Dan! Go!” whispered Vinsfield. He turned towards the moderators. “Hey! Hey you! Over here!”
The moderators accelerated across the clearings.
Vinsfield and Carnotaur3 waved their hands at the moderators and ran into the forest, away from Dan.
The moderators screeched after the pair and overlooked Dan. Once they were gone, Dan made a break for it, down the hill into the unknown.
************************
TO BE CONTINUED…
8/25/2004 6:47:35 PM
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
