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Dans JP3 Page - The Parody Chapter III
By fordprefect
Chapter Three
[Recap: Aragorn gave up his claim as the Heir to the throne and went into exile. Dan and The Crow learnt that the only way to destroy the code was to go to Fan Art. Seth Rex, Snake-Mark, Vinsfield, Carnotaur3, The Host, Carna, RaptorVinny500, Dac and dark hunter join them on their quest to Fan Art inside the bus Blue Eagle to destroy the Code. Parasaur.W and Quick Comment take Aragorn under their wing in the jungle land of JP Memories.]
Rick Arnold sped down the plains of Dans JP3 Page. The other moderators followed behind in tight formation. Rick Arnold gunned his motorbike down a slope and screeched to a halt besides the gates of Fan Art. They swung open wheezily and the pack of moderators roared into Fan Art itself.
Rick Arnold was a well built man, tough and lean. His black suit had not a speck of dirt on it and his sunglasses glinted in the dawn light. He cracked his neck. As he rode across the mud and wasteland, his gaze was attracted by a billboard advertising pure evil. Yes
pure, concentrated evil! Oh, he would love to take his ban gun and shoot someone in the head just for the
ARNOLD!
Rick Arnold jerked his head forward and he slammed his brakes. The motorbike flipped and crashed onto the floor. Rick Arnold got up. Spino_goin_down looked angrily down at him.
Youre late! Always late! Spat SGD, his eyes burning with flames.
The other moderators roared to a halt behind Rick.
Well? Bellowed SGD, Did you kill him?
Rick cast warning glares at the other moderators.
Of course SGD, said Ben smoothly, Aragorn is no more,
Good, mumbled SGD, unfortunately your missions are still aplenty,
What do you mean SGD? Asked Yvonne.
Do you hear that? Thats the winds of change! Rumbled SGD, I have received word that my Access Code has resurfaced. Now carried by a group of members, who are headed to destroy the code.
The Access Code! gasped Monki.
Yes, the Access Code that will enable me to control the site! Said SGD, You must take from them, what is mine and return it to me,
It is an honour to serve you, SGD, Yvonne bowed.
what of the bearers? asked JPJunkee
Kill them all! said SGD.
The Moderators leapt onto their motorbikes and roared off, at all times feeling the presence of the Code.
SGD laughed manically and retreated into his tower to plot.
************
Engines on! Bellowed Snake Mark.
The Blue Eagle spluttered into life.
Alright people, lets get this moveable feast underway, Roared Seth Rex.
Snake Mark punched the console and the Blue Eagle sped into the wilderness of Dans JP3 Page.
Where are we headed? asked Dan.
To the pass of Wireless. Let us hope it is still open, said Carna.
If anyone were to ask my opinion, which I note they're not, I would say we were taking the long way round., Started Dac, Carna, we could pass through the Mines of News Archive. My cousin Edgar would give us a royal welcome.
No, Dac, I would not take the road through News Archive unless I had no other choice,
What is that? asked Host uncertainly.
The S-Men all looked in his direction.
Its just a cloud, spat Crow.
Its moving fast, noted RaptorVinny, and against the wind!
Thats no cloud
Its a space station!
HIDE, QUICK, roared Dac.
Snake-Mark drove the Blue Eagle into a tree.
The Space Station passed over their heads slowly rotating in the sky. The lettering, now visible at this short range read The Poll.
Spies of SGD! The passage south is being guarded, we must take the pass of Comment on this story whispered Carna. The Blue-Eagle reversed, and then started up the mountain.
The space Station hovered away. The S men sighed with relief. The Blue Eagle sank back down the mountain.
Shes too steep! snorted Snake-Mark, I cant get her back up the mountain,
If we cannot pass over the mountains, let us pass under it, Dac said gruffly, Let us go through the mines of New Archive.
Let the codebearer decide, said Carna.
We will pass through the mines,
so be it, breathed Carna.
The Blue Eagle turned and trundled down the mountain.
************
Aha! Look what I've created. I have made FIRE! Bellowed Aragorn, beating his fists upon his chest. He had conjured a flame onto the grass by rubbing sticks.
Parasaur.W, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there? asked Quick Comment lazily.
The full moon bathed the three outcasts in a blue glow. They lay on their backs, on the grass staring into the clear sky.
I dont wonder, I know! said Parsaur.W.
Oh? What are they? Quick Comment turned his head.
Theyre fireflies. Fireflies that, uh... got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing.
Oh, gee. I always thought they were a sign to re-elect Bush,
QC, with you, everythings re-elect Bush,
What about you, Aragorn?
Aragorn stared at the sky, a strange dust formation rose in a cloud forming the letters SFX in the sky.
somebody once told me that the great moderators of the past are up there, looking over us,
Parasaur.W and Quick Comment burst out laughing.
well, we better get back, said Parasaur.W looking at his watch, cause itll be dark soon and they mostly come at night
mostly,
The three got to their feet and started to climb a nearby tree.
I hate trees, mumbled Parasaur.W
They dont bother me, said Aragorn.
Oh yeah, retorted Parasaur.W, you werent in the last one,
Aragorn hoisted himself onto a branch. He had been here for a week. He loved it. No rules, no responsibilities. His other life completely forgotten
************
This is no mine, breathed the Host, Its a tomb,
The Blue Eagle slowly squeaked into the mines of News Archive.
Dac winced as the Eagle crushed the skeletal remains.
Arghh! screamed Dac.
what? hissed Seth Rex.
Dac leapt out of the Blue Eagle and towards a side room. The bus screeched to a halt.
The mines were dark and humid. The only light was from the headlights of the Eagle. Stalactites hung from the ceiling and the steady dripping of water pounded on the ears. The floor was riddled with holes and Dan was reminded unavoidably of his time in the underground chamber in You Review JP3.
Dac rushed to the large concrete block in the centre of the room. The paintings of grandeur dulled by the carpet of dust.
Here lies Edgar, son of Ostromite, said Carna wiping the dust off the block., he is dead then. Just as I feared,
What did you say this room was called? asked Vinsfield.
Sacrificial chamber, replied Carna.
Carnotaur3 was examining a skeleton. He pulled an arrow out of its skull. The was a heavy groaning. The skeleton fell backwards into a well, smashing against the sides as it fell. The reverberations roared throughout the mines.
Fool of a bartender! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity! muttered RaptorVinny500 harshly.
Seth Rex peered out the door. Viruses pierced the door frame. Seth Rex leapt back in shock.
Get back, yelled dark hunter, stay close to Carna!
There was a loud bellowing from the outside chamber.
they have a HTML spammer, muttered dark hunter. This is not good,
***********
Majestic-1 broke the door down and blasted his way into the main chamber.
It is good to see you here, Majestic-1, said Spino_goin_down.
Im a bounty hunter by nature, said Majestic-1, You are offering quite a price for this job,
Yes, my precious moderators are tied up at the moment. Continued SGD, but if you can pull this off then you will get 5,000,000 Dan-Dollars,
He is as good as dead! Spat Majestic-1.
I want him alive, that means no disintegrations returned SGD, you bring me the King of Message Board; Oviraptor.
You can count on me, Said Majestic-1, I will bring the King to you.
good, beamed SGD, Now, kindly get out of my tower and restore the door on your way out,
Majestic-1 turned on his heel kicked the door into its frame and left the main tower.
Some confused Majestic-1 as evil, but he wasnt. He was merely doing his job. There was no good or evil. Only Power and those too weak to see it. He would do a job for anyone, whatever side they were on.
Majestic-1s face was battered and scarred from a previous assignment in which he had to kill the man called Max. His armor, sleek and reflective painted in shades of blue and silver. His heavy metal helmet covered the eyes and ears. Majestic-1 was a professional. He had never failed a job.
His weapon of choice was a HTML gun. Ban guns were only issued to Kings or Moderators, but the HTML gun was just as deadly. If a subject was hit, it disables movement. The perfect choice, if bounty was wanted alive. Majestic leapt onto his steed, a talking velociraptor called jango raptor.
What is the assignment? hissed Jango Raptor softly.
Take out the King, replied Majestic-1.
Rarharharhar, laughed Jango Raptor, an easy assignment for that price,
Indeed, returned Majestic-1.
Majestic-1 and Jango Raptor were a deadly pair. Although Jango Raptor would never reveal how he learnt how to talk, he was a great asset to a bounty hunter of Majestic-1s level. Jango Raptor cackled softly and galloped into the mountains. They did not want to hit trouble by going through Fan Fiction.
***************
Seth Rex and Raptorvinny500 slammed the doors shut. There were several thuds as the door shook.
That
thats an impact tremor, thats what that is! The Host trembled, Im fairly alarmed here,
Dan, realizing that they were being attacked, pulled out a copy of My Pet Goat and started reading.
Let them come! bellowed Dac, leaping on top of the block and gunning his chainsaw.
They're coming outta the walls. Yelled Crow They're coming outta the goddamn walls!
Flooders collapsed the door and rushed into the room. They were ugly creatures, their faces skewered and beaten. Wide lamp-like eyes to see in the dark of News Archive.
Seth Rex shot at them, dodging their viral instruments. Several were felled with Dacs chainsaw.
The HTML spammer burst into the room. The room flashed into code. The gigantic spammer started leaping around and breaking HTML tags. The room collapsed into chaos.
To the bridge! bellowed RaptorVinny500.
The S-Men rushed out of the room and piled into the Blue Eagle. Snake-Mark started the bus and it raced down the hall. A flooder leapt onto the windscreen.
You are experiencing a car accident, It said lifelessly.
Like hell I am! roared Seth Rex, firing poppy seeds into its skull.
The flooders started to dissipate.
What the? muttered dark hunter, what is this new devilry?
A thud could be heard at the opposite end of the corridor. The darkness was bathed in an orange glow.
a creature of the ancient world, Carna gaped, A creature that grown men fear and terrifies children,
Michael Jackson! trembled Vinsfield
There was a loud boom.
no
said the Host, It sounds bigger!
******************
Aragorn fired.
You missed, said Parasaur.W
The rabbit that they were hunting leapt away.
The Ban Gun hissed with steam.
looks like were gonna have to do this the old fashioned way, said Parasaur.W and heaved onto his feet.
Yeah! Cheered Quick Comment, Come on Parasaur.W. The rabbits we're gonna get and I, I get to tend 'em.
Im tired, said Aragorn, Im gonna go home,
We need the best. That's why you're here! Said Parasaur.W
Go on, said Aragorn.
Simple set-up. One day operation. We pick up their trail at the tree, run 'em down, grab those rabbits and bounce back across the lake before anybody knows we were there.
good plan, said Quick Comment.
The three started running. The rabbits fled in shock but they werent fast enough. Quick Comment jumped on one of them and it wriggled into his pocket.
Parasaur.W got a further two and Aragorn got one.
They were going to have a feast tonight.
****************
The Blue Eagle raced across to the bridge. The creature pursuing them was getting nearer. It loomed out of the shadows. There was no mistaking it this time.
Its Stay Puft! cried The Host.
Carna leapt out of the back window and landed on the bridge facing the sailor.
You cannot Pass! bellowed Carna.
No Carna! yelled RaptorVinny500, you think you can do these things, but you just cant Nemo!
RaptorVinny500 looked aghast and sank back into his chair.
I am a servant of the Secret Fire, Wielder of the flame of UFX. Dark fire will not avail you, Flame of UFX. Go back to the shadow! You shall not pass!
My mommy always said there were no monsters no real ones- but there are! whispered Crow
Yes there are, arent there, agreed Carnotaur3
why do they tell little kids that? asked Crow sadly.
Because most of the time its true, said Carnotaur3.
The Host looked on from the back of the bus.
This mine is headed for a disaster of Biblical proportions, he said.
What do you mean, "biblical"? asked Dan.
What he means is Old Testament, Dan, real wrath-of-God type stuff. Said Seth Rex.
Exactly. Said Host.
Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Continued Seth Rex.
Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes... expanded Snake-Mark.
The dead rising from the grave, added RaptorVinny500.
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria. Nodded Host.
Stay Puft bounced the bridge. It collapsed leaving a splinter of rock that jutted out from the cliff face. Carna stood on the brink. Stay Pufts massive form falling below him as he was engulfed into darkness. Carna turned and wearily started approaching the Blue Eagle.
Carna, Shouted Snake-Mark. He reversed the Blue Eagle across the bridge. Carna did not see the bus and he was hit. He flew reeling over the edge and managed to hold on by his fingers. RaptorVinny500 leapt out and started running to Carna. He dived onto his stomach.
Vinny! Cried Carna, Brother! Help Me!
RaptorVinny grabbed Carnas hands and peered into his eyes.
Long Live the Headmaster! Cried RaptorVinny500, prying Carnas hands away from the rock.
Nooooooo, Yelled Carna as he fell into the darkness, Vinny, you fool!
And with that he was gone.
************
Ring! Ring!
Ben picked up the phone.
yeah?
Is everything in place? asked the scratchy voice of Yvonne.
You weren't supposed to relieve me.
I know, but I felt like taking a shift. Returned Yvonne.
You like him, don't you? You like watching him. Mocked Ben.
Don't be ridiculous.
We're gonna kill him. You understand that? said Ben.
Rick Arnold believes he is the one who carries the code,
Do you? asked Ben.
It doesn't matter what I believe.
You don't, do you? sighed Ben.
shut up and remind me how to keep tracing them,
you cant, said Ben simply, The space station couldnt follow them when it passed underground,
great, breathed Yvonne, Rick Arnolds going to kill you,
Its not my fault, persisted Ben, Besides, they will not survive the pass through News Archive. There is evil there that does not sleep,
what of the wizard?
they will break him!
If they do pass out the other side
Then we will chase them ourselves! Said Ben, The Code Is ours!
***************
Majestic-1 rode into the city of MessageBoard. There were gasps as the velociraptor passed through the mains street of Index2. He rode up the vast palace steps and into the Kings chamber. The security guard, PaulSF, paid no notice. He was sleeping. Majestic-1 tied him up and dragged him into the Kings bedroom. Majestic-1 unmounted. Jango raptor stood guard over the helpless PaulSF.
What are you doing? sniffed the King, squinting at the dark form in his window.
Majestic-1 shot Oviraptor in the head. The king was instantly paralysed.
Sorry, old man, youre worth a lot to me, Majestic-1 hoisted the king onto his shoulder and leapt upon Jango raptor. They leapt out of the window onto the grass. They were unseen. Majestic-1 put the king over Jango Raptors back and the pair started their dangerous trek back to Fan Art.
***************
TO BE CONTINUED
8/4/2004 7:12:47 PM
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