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    #91
    TLW star Richard Schiff (Eddie) quit college in 1973 and moved to Colorado, where he passed time chopping firewood and 'living a hippy life'.
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    How to Survive: lessons 1-3
    By climbhigh8589

    And now for something completely different.

    How to survive: lessons one trough three.

    On Isla Sorna, there are some things you must remember in order to survive.


    1. Not being seen.

    There are three people hiding in the jungle. They cannot be seen. Their names are Mrs. Mary, Mr. Joe, and Mr. Lewis.

    Now, we will ask one stand up.

    "Mr. Joe, please stand up!"
    (Mr. Joe stands up. He had been hiding behind a log.)

    A spinosaurus comes and bites him in half.

    Now, we shall ask Mrs. Mary to stand up.

    "Mrs. Mary, Please stand up!"
    (Mrs. Mary stands up. She had been hiding behind some bushes.)

    A pteranadon comes and carries her away.

    Now, we shall ask Mr. Lewis to stand up.

    "Mr. Lewis, Please stand up!"
    (nobody appears.)
    "Uh, Mr. Lewis, Please stand up!"
    (still, nobody appears.)

    Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lewis has just learned the first lesson of survival. NOT TO STAND UP.

    However, we have easier means of causing him to stand up.

    (a swarm of compys run through the field. Suddenly, the disappear behind a tree trunk. With a scream, Mr. Lewis runs out, compys all over him. He falls, and the compys tear him apart piece by piece.)

    2. Not to Move (or scream.)

    Here is Mr. Peters. He was sleeping in his tent, when velociraptors came. The velociraptors are currently sniffing his tent. Mr. Peters wakes up. What should he do?

    Mr. Peters: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

    The velociraptors enter his tent. They drag him out by his feet, and the rip his innards out.


    Mr. Rogers is standing in the jungle. A t-rex is currently standing over him, sniffing his bald patch. What should he do?

    Mr. Rogers: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

    The t-rex bites his head off.


    Now, Mr. Jack is standing in the water. There is a spinosaurus standing over him. What should he do?

    Mr. Jack stays still and does not scream.

    Very well Mr. Jack!
    Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Jack has just learned the second lesson of survival. NOT TO MOVE OR SCREAM.

    However, a Spinosaurus does not always hunt by movement. It can smell mr. Jack.
    The spinosaurus eats him anyway.


    3. Safety in Numbers.

    Here is Ms. Jill. She is all alone on the Island.
    A velociraptor comes and eats her. She might have survived if she was in a group.

    Now, Here is a group of ten. They are walking through the jungle. A velociraptor comes, and eats one of the group members. While he is getting his intestines ripped open, the others escape.

    My friends, they have learned the third lesson of survival. SAFTEY IN NUMBERS.
    However, nine more raptors come and eat them.

    If they REALLY wanted to survive, they would have brought a group of TWENTY...........


    lessons 4-6 coming soon!
    Please Comment!

    1/27/02 10:29:24 AM

    Comment on this fan fiction!




     
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