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The College Years (Chapter 24)
By Vader
THE COLLEGE YEARS
Entry III: Time of Conclusion
Continued from Chapter 23 . . .
CHAPTER 24
“Hi guys, this is . . . um, Jack,” I stuttered into the phone, standing underneath the booth to shield myself from the drizzles being sprayed from the behemoth clouds above, making sure not to use the words ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ for fear of being heard by another student. “Listen, I just wanted to let you guys know that tonight I’m . . . staying out late. Um, my English teacher has this movie he said we could watch at the theaters for extra credit and I figured I’d just go see it with him tonight. So um . . . I should be home before twelve. Don’t have to stay up and wait for me . . . bye.”
I hung up quickly after concocting the cover-up, hearing the drops of coins work their way through the insides of the machine, expecting to receive my change – change that was never produced. “Damn campus phones,” I grumbled under my breath. Once I’ve destroyed my devil alarm clock, I have to deal with maniacal phone booths. Machines must hate me.
I spun and slammed my head against the side of the booth. The guiltiness was now really beginning to grasp my neck, choking me with a firm grip. I’d never done something of this magnitude before – sneaking off to a g irl’s house, having lied to both her and my parents, knowing full well what would occur once I would arrive. I closed my eyes, trying to loosen the shame, searching for a way to cleanse my heavy conscience without hurting the people I loved.
The more I thought about it, the more it seemed impossible, an inescapable predicament I found myself in due to my own selfishness.
Heaving, I turned towards English class, having excused myself for a bathroom break. The moment I re-entered, I noticed Sim had set up a slide to project an essay text against the wall. “Alright bras, who wants to come up here and help us point out what the writer of this paper did wrong?” the surfing-obsessed instructor asked as I took my seat next to Erin, who turned to smile with her bright turquoise eyes, moving her silky hand to take mine.
Across the room, the weathered, hairy hand that belonged to the infamous class member we all knew too well bolted up. The teacher pretended not to notice, looking for other willing students in the classroom. Silence drew on, seconds ticking away as everyone started to chuckle. “Damn it, I’m right here!” Zig shouted in a scruffy voice, prompting a break of laughter.
“Come on up, dude,” Sim resorted, getting up from his seat on the front desk and moving aside. Zig grumpily mumbled as he shoved towards the slide projector, immediately breaking out a red pen and highlighting the entire page.
“All these similes have to go,” he demanded, making a giant ‘x’ across the paper.
“I don’t see anything wrong with it,” someone spoke up from the back.
“Hey!” the hard-nosed old man barked. “Shutup! Who is it that’s standing up here? This is my world!” He was nearly cut off at the end of his bossy sentence by an electronic chime issuing forth from his pocket. He scrambled to turn the cell phone off as the entire bunch began to explode with laugher yet again.
“You know what that means – you remember my rules from the first day!” Sim leaned back in his chair with a loud snicker and a devilish grin. “Next class, I expect to see two dozen Krispy Kreme donuts and a gallon of milk sitting on the front desk!” Cheering erupted, as the words ‘rock on’ were yelled for what seemed like the twentieth time from that same bum who found it appropriate to shout on any occasion. Zig slammed his cell phone back into his pocket with a roar.
“That was one hell on an expensive phone call!” Sim made one last retort before transferring into a burst of hilarity. By that time, the class period had ended, and it was announced we would pick up where we left off next time. I got up from my seat, placing my books back in my backpack, watching Erin out of the corner of my eye as she did the same towards me. There was an underlying tension that existed solely because of the nervousness that charged through my system. I stood up with the pack slung over my shoulder. She smiled at me, conveying a sense of questioning, as if she wanted to know what was going on inside, yet only furthering my jitters.
Within a few moments, everyone had exited, save for Sim and his least favorite pupil, who stayed behind to have a good old-fashioned ‘Zig-style’ argument. “I’m parked over here,” I heard the gentle voice alert me, turning to see the angelic looking young woman reach out to take my hand. I gulped, the guiltiness now hitting me full force, as if I’d been slammed with cold, hard, steel. I was on the verge of collapsing and confessing everything to Erin, and only needed one small shove to actually do so. I let my palm rest in hers, and she led me through a patch of palm trees, across the nearby parking lot to an aqua-blue Toyota, opening the door for me to step inside.
I took a seat, my remorse beginning to weigh me down, yet trying to contain it so as not to be noticed. Erin took the drivers seat and started the engine. “Off to my house,” she beamed once more before turning her pupils to the road and backing out. As she turned on the stereo system, pulling out of the lot to head in the direction of her home, I couldn’t help but feel like something fateful was about to happen, and this would be the last time I would ever have a loving moment with her, my final chance to cherish our relationship.
Go on and close the curtains
’Cause all we need is candle light
You and me and a bottle of wine
Going to hold you tonight
Well we know I'm going away
And how I wish, I wish it weren't so
So take this wine and drink with me
Let's delay our misery
Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone
Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone
There's a log on the fire
And it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
To take me away it's true
It ain't easy to say goodbye
Darling please don't start to cry
Cause you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so
Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone
Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone
Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I, that I could stay
Girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so
Save tonight . . .
Save tonight . . .
We pulled up to a rather compact two-story house, obviously designed with Spanish influence, with wavy tiles adorning the ceiling, off-white stucco covering the walls, and curved windows gracing both top and bottom floors. After Erin turned off the engine, there was a second when we just sat, nothing the wind chimes narrating our time together in the background. “Come on,” she finally prompted, touching my shoulder, the sunset reflecting into her irises.
With a wavering inhale, I got out of the vehicle, following the object of my affection to the front door, each step seeming heavy and weary, my feet being tugged by the disgrace and humiliation of past lies – the only things that had opening the door to where I was then. Entering the house, she playfully tugged me inside, oblivious to what was bothering me, throwing her backpack onto the couch resting near the doorway, and racing up the stairs to our left with a giggle. We came out on the top floor, entering a quaint bedroom that was only a blur to my eyes as I was moved towards the bed.
After locking the door, she turned to grin at me, eager to become immersed in the experience she’d likely had in mind most of the day. She unzipped her pants, pulling them down, throwing her shirt off, and stripping herself of her undergarments. Her beautiful body moved closer to me . . . my breathing became heavier, my heart pounding. “I love you,” she whispered, laying on the soft bed next to me and stroking my face with her softer lips.
And throughout all of it . . . I was looking away. My stomach was sick with something much worse than butterflies, my eyes dark and sad, my mouth curling downward. She was the woman I loved with all my soul, the woman I wanted so badly to share a sensual thrill with, but, now that it came to it, was unable. The minutes that were meant to be filled with deep-flowing passion and the excited explorations of each other felt flooded with sorrow, stained by the remembrance of deception. By then, it had become completely obvious to her that I wasn’t giving back any of her showings of affection, as she gradually parted her lips from mine, pulling back to look into my eyes, and for the first time was denied a returning gaze. “What is it?” she questioned.
I paused, my eyes brimming with gloss. “I can’t do this, Erin,” my emotional speech breaking.
“Why not?” She was barely audible, her voice showing signs of having been deeply hurt.
“I’m . . .” I gulped, knowing the secrets I kept were about to spill out of the barriers I’d built for so long. “I’m . . . sixteen. I . . . I lied to you.” Hardly any sound could be heard, for Erin’s surprised and torn heart was louder than all else. To this day, I’m not exactly sure what was going on in her mind, but what I am sure of is that in that one moment the glowing spirit I loved about her, that had always uplifted me when I was broken down, that had always been there when I needed someone to be my friend . . . disappeared. I felt it in the air . . . I saw it in her blurry presence.
“How . . .” her voice trailed off.
I openly wept, the pain I’d caused her hurting me in double amounts. I stood up, walking to the window, bowing my head, leaving her still figure behind. The sun lost all visibility behind the mountains, and darkness crept over the world.
I followed my teardrops to their landing place on the window sill, for the first time realizing that we were not alone. A silhouette approached the front porch. Somehow, I knew exactly who it was . . .
(More to come)
3/2/2003 12:18:11 AM
(Updated: 3/2/2003 1:08:52 AM)
(Updated: 3/2/2003 1:11:53 AM)
(Updated: 3/2/2003 1:12:54 AM)
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