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The College Years (Chapter 11)
By Vader
“Over a month had gone by since my first experiences at college – the experiences that changed the way I acted and the decisions that I made from that point on. I had become an individual who was hardened, and now embraced the college life, transforming myself into a tough and rugged twenty-six-year old in an effort to fit in with the people I was surrounded by nearly each day. But in truth, I was still only sixteen, and still felt out of place. All this would lead me down an unexpected path. This is my true story . . . continued.”
THE COLLEGE YEARS
Entry II: A Student Who Loved Me
Continued from Chapter 10 in Entry I: The Beginning . . .
CHAPTER 11
Shades of black and grey leadenly eclipsed the sky and the shining of the sun, casting a shadow upon Mesa College. The beautiful trees that lined the walkways had transformed from their green and light-orange colors, and now looked bleak, dreary, and dead as all their leaves began to fall from their stems. The seasons were changing yet again, and thunderous clouds above gawked upon the campus, bringing indication of stormy rain. The chilling wind burst through the overhangs of buildings and in between classrooms, giving the area a harsh and unfriendly feel.
So many of the students had gathered at the cafeteria to buying all sorts of hot snacks and beverages to partake of while finishing the week’s homework. Every single table or booth was packed with people, all loud with commotion in sharing conversations. A group of teens practiced break-dancing in the corner, to the applause of their friends and lovers, while just outside of the room, the thick smog of cigarette smoke hung over several shady looking characters. The girls’ soccer team congregated near the center of it all, laughing loudly and swapping stories, close to where the student governmental body met for a discussion of the new ‘Proposition Y’ campaign they planned.
It was a mix of many diverse groups, of many different cultures and races, all packed into one location.
And in the middle of that, two young men sat across from one another, their exchanged words nothing but a whisper to everyone around them, their identities shielded behind a cloak of shadow, due to the lighting shortening out and leaving only a few scattered light bulbs shining upon the opposite end of the hall. In a few seconds, one of those males slid out from the booth, immerging into the lighter area and heading for a select table that was located close by, his companion watching from a distance. He walked towards a young lady who was in the middle of reading a biology text-book, her hair pulled back in a pony tail, her facial features noticeably attractive, a calm smile on her face as her admirer approached and took a seat.
His acquaintance watched from the place of hiding as the two took up a conversation that looked enjoyable and fulfilling, reminding him of a time that seemed like nothing more than a mere dream to him now, like a distant memory of the past that no longer carried as much weight as it used to. So much time had passed since he’d had such an experience . . . so many preoccupations had entered his life . . . so little did he see of the person that he yearned to spend all his time with . . . the person who had meant so much to him . . . but now embodied a relationship that felt it was on the brink of perishing. It was like those blurry nostalgias of the past that anyone would give anything to recreate and rekindle, and feel what they once felt, and live what they once lived . . . but they know it’s unattainable. And for that acquaintance, watching someone else have what he used to made it all the more painful.
That acquaintance was me.
After a final wave to each other, both giving sweet smiles that looked so genuine, they departed, and the young man (who I'd first met in gym class ealier in the semester) returned to his seat next to mine. “Oh man!” he gave a giant grin to ear to ear, blushing, rubbing his wavy hair and leaning backwards, “Am the happiest guy alive right now! We agreed to go steady, and she said we could have lunch tomorrow!”
I gave a bittersweet and toned-down smile. “That’s great, Luke.”
“Wow . . . I’ve never clicked with someone like this before! It’s like we’re a perfect match, dude!” he shook his head, completely unable to abandon of his ultimate crescendo of happiness. “I have a really good feeling this is going to be the best relationship I’ve ever had!” Suddenly, he jumped up out of his seat, spun around, and then plopped back down. “God, I feel like busting loose and dancing!” I began to laugh, patting his shoulder to calm him down.
“Just relax,” I told him, smirking. “You don’t want her to see you doing a remake of Singing In The Rain right here in the cafeteria do you?”
“Yeah,” he shook his head, only inducing more chuckling from myself. “This has to be, like, one of the best days of my life,” he smiled so widely, it looked like his lips would literally break off. While I knew I should’ve been happy for him, my emotions felt weighed down and sad. It must have looked like the weather outside within my heart.
“I can relate to that,” I nodded, my face contorting to become more serious and sad.
“I thought you said you don’t have a g irlfriend,” Luke sighed, still in such an incredibly up-beat mood, that nothing could dampen his spirits.
“I don’t, really. We don’t see much of each other any more, except for at our church. I’m always loaded down with homework and my car-washing business. My parents don’t really want me going out, except for on the weekends.”
“Why don’t you take her out on the weekends then?” I gulped, unsure of what to say. To be honest, that thought hadn’t crossed my mind before, and I felt relatively stupid about that.
“Well . . . see . . . she’s never actually told me that she would want to do that,” I disjointedly put.
“Sounds like she doesn’t feel the same way you do.” At that, my personality snapped uncontrollably in reaction, to become heated and angry as I glared Luke in the eye.
“What the hell are you saying? Of course she does! We’ve known each other forever and we always love being with each other!” I spat haughtily. Luke appeared shocked at how quickly my demeanor changed.
“Fine, fine, Jeez!” he waved his hands downward slowly to indicate that I needed to calm down. “Besides, why do have to do what your parents tell you? You’re an adult now, its time to act like it. Who cares what the hell they say?” I wasn’t sure how to answer that one. Although I must admit that within my heart I felt like agreeing with Luke, I ignored it and blindly shot another come back.
“I still live at their house!” I raised my voice, annoyed how he kept questioning everything I said.
“You said you lived in your own apartment before.” He caught me off guard and put me on the spot for the third time. I paused, awkwardly trying to come up with an overcoming that would sound like it made sense, but of course . . . failed.
“Why don’t you just shut up about things you don’t even understand?!” I clamored. Not wanting my anger to escalate any further, Luke leaned over, trying to sound more gentle and kind.
“All I’m saying is this: you’re in college. Don’t pay attention to your parents.” I stopped suddenly, leaning back and heaving a long exhale, closing my eyes. Even though I would never outwardly admit it, I was wrestling with myself inside, and I had been for the past two months, because that was exactly the way I felt. I was surrounded by adults all the time, and I was treated as one of them . . . everywhere but my own house. Still, not wanting to consider the consequences of accepting this mindset, I hastily forced it off.
“I don’t, okay, I don’t,” I replied, in an blunt effort to end the conversation.
“Good. Then why don’t you come club-ing with me tonight in Downtown?” In such a predicament I had a natural inclination that I must prove myself.
“Fine,” I agreed with determination.
“Meet me at the corner of 5th and Broadway at 10:30,” my gym classmate instructed, getting on his feet once more. “I got to get to class. I’ll see you then, bud.”
So he left me there, sitting at the table with my mind whirling to figure out a plan of how I would live up to such a pact, with no car of my own, no allowance to go to a club from my parents, and with a ten-page essay due in three days.
(More to come)
1/10/2003 6:34:06 PM
(Updated: 1/10/2003 8:04:57 PM)
(Updated: 1/10/2003 8:09:59 PM)
(Updated: 1/11/2003 12:03:35 AM)
(Updated: 1/11/2003 12:08:17 AM)
(Updated: 1/11/2003 12:09:47 AM)
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