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JP3TC2
By Tyrannosaurus
Jurassic Park III: The Comedy 2
Prologue
Eric Kirby and Ben Hildebrand were on the back of a boat, ready to be lifted up into the air on a parasail in hopes of catching a glimpse of the dinosaurs. These creatures that roamed the earth so long ago were now back, as everyone knew, since they keep going to these islands, even though the word RESTRICTED showed up on the screen in large red letters.
“Ready to go?” asked a nameless boat crewman.
“Yeah!” said Eric, and Ben gave a thumbs-up signal.
“Okay then,” said the nameless crewman, “just be careful and don’t get yourself eaten! Ha ha!”
“Ha!” replied Ben.
They shot straight up into the air. Ben took out a small camcorder and began recording the air, and the ground, and some scenic mountains. “Do you see anything yet?” Eric asked.
“Not yet,” replied Ben.
The boat moved deeper into the island. Then, dramatically, the boat was covered in mist. “Where’d they go?” asked Eric.
“Don’t worry!” assured Ben. “Even though you could see this plot development a mile away in the dark and blindfolded, everything will be perfectly fine!”
“But in a movie like this, whenever anyone says everything will be fine, it never is!” said Eric. Then the mist parted, and the boat was in ruins. Everyone was gone. “Hey,” said Eric, “wasn’t the mysterious death of the crew of a boat also used to advance the plot in The Lost World: Jurassic Park, even though there was nothing there to kill them?”
“Shut up!” said Ben. “It provides an excuse for people on the Internet to have pointless arguments that will never end, and neither side will convince the other of anything at all! Also, it now means we have to voluntarily maroon ourselves here! I’ll cut the cord!”
And he did, and they drifted helplessly to Isla Sorna.
Chapter 1
Doctor Alan Grant was at his good friend Ellie Degler’s house. Some people still called her Ellie Sattler. He was playing with some dinosaur toys with Ellie’s son, Charlie.
“ROAR!” said Charlie’s toys, a Brachiosaurus and a Triceratops. The Triceratops, through an amazing feat of gravity-defiance, was floating in the air and biting the Brachiosaurus’ head.
“You idiot,” said Grant. “They’re herbivores, they don’t bite each other. Now these,” he held up two toys, “these are carnivores, they might like to RIP EACH OTHER’S THROATS OUT HA HA HA-”
“Alan”, Ellie interrupted him, “he’s too young for all that.”
“NO!” yelled Grant, who snatched away Charlie’s toys. “Now look here,” he said. “The herbivores stay over here in their territory and eat vegetables while the carnivores are over here and they FIGHT TO THE DEATH.” He made a little dinosaur scene on the table. Charlie reached for the nearest one and put it in his mouth. “Sigh,” said Grant. “Come on, Ellie, let’s go have a dramatic conversation about Velociraptors.”
They went into the dining room and discussed raptors. This conversation would be really boring to write out, so instead Grant just said “I think the raptors could talk to each other to a degree we could never imagine.”
“Cool,” said Ellie.
Grant went outside, got in his car, and drove away.
Chapter 2
“And so, as I conclude this speech, I would like to inform everyone that they were smart. They were smarter than dolphins, or whales, they were smarter than primates. They were VERY smart. They were capable of intercommunication, of reasoning, and of lots of other scary and/or dramatic stuff. Questions?”
Every hand in the room went up.
“Please, no questions about Isla Nublar,”-half the hands went down-“or the incident in San Diego, which I did NOT witness.” All but one hand went down. “Yes?” asked Grant.
“None of this matters,” said a humorous-looking person. “I mean, like, as soon as the government gives, y’know, the okay or whatever, people can just go to Isla Sorna and, like, look at stuff.”
“I thought I said no-”
“Sorna, not Nublar. Heh heh,” said the humorous-looking person.
“Sigh,” said Grant. “Digging in the ground is where the real learning is. Not out actually looking at things. Duh. It makes PERFECT SENSE. We should make GUESSES about how they acted, not actually LOOK at them and see how they really did act. What an idiot.” No more hands went up. Grant left.
Later on, Billy Brennan was helping some person dig up a raptor, which, coincidentally, they had been digging up in the first movie as well. “I just can’t seem to dig right,” said the person.
“Well,” Billy said, “maybe it’s because you’re using an extra-large paintbrush on the nostril. Here, try the industrial-grade sandblaster instead.” The person thanked him and Billy stood up, just in time to see Grant pull up in a truck. “Hey, Alan,” he shouted over the roar of the sandblaster. “I’ve got something to show you. It involves computers.”
“Yay,” said Grant. He followed Billy into a tent.
“This is the future of paleontology, even though the guy in the first movie said that sonar thingy would be the big advance in paleontology, and we’re not using it,” Billy said. “It’s a rapid prototyper. You hit keys and it makes stuff.” A white object popped out of the machine. Billy blew into it and nothing happened. “Uh, it’s still in development,” he said.
“Doctor Grant?” inquired a nasal voice over the sandblaster. “Paul Kirby. Kirby Bathroom and-I mean, Kirby Enterprises. My card. Here, have three or four of my cards. I bought ‘em cheap at Big Bob’s House of Fake-er, never mind. Hiya, Billy.”
“Wait a second,” said Billy. “How did he know my-”
“What can I do for you, Mr. Kirby?” asked Grant, ignoring Billy. He walked out of the tent and kept his head tilted down so as to avoid being struck by fragments of the raptor skeleton that were now ricocheting around their dig site due to the sandblaster.
“Well, I’m quite an admirer of your work,” Paul lied. “I have a proposition that I’d like to discuss with you.”
“No,” said Grant.
“We’d love to,” said Billy.
“Great!” said Paul. A Velociraptor vertebrae smacked Paul in the head and he was knocked unconscious. Luckily this would not affect their dinner meeting.
Chapter 3
A balding guy with an amusing mustache and the look of a clown was trotting around in a structure of some sort when an irritating phone rang. “Udesky,” he said. Paul Kirby’s voice came through. “Yes sir, we’re all ready to go as soon as you get us that check,” he said, smiling. He listened for a moment and said “No sir, I haven’t worked with these guys personally but they came highly recommended.” Just then the two guys he was just talking about blew up an airplane with a large gun. “No, everything’s fine,” said Udesky. “Just a walk in the park.”
“Hey,” said one of the guys, named Cooper. “In the ads for this, don’t they say ‘It’s not just a walk in the park’?”
“Never mind him,” said Udesky into the phone. “He’s an idiot.” More talking. “Yes, he was highly recommended, but that doesn’t mean the people who highly recommended him were intelligent.” More talking. “Okay, Mr. Kirby.”
Later on that day, Grant, Billy, Paul, and the person who Paul claimed was his wife, Amanda Kirby, were sitting around a table discussing the proposition.
“We’ve chartered a plane to fly us over Eeeslaa Sorna, and we’d like you to be our guide,” said Paul to Grant and Billy.
“Haven’t I said a million times that I do not want to go back?” said Grant, not mentioning that he had never been to Sorna.
“Oh, we aren’t going to land,” Paul lied again. “Simply a fly-by. Here.” He pulled out a checkbook that said ‘Big Bob’s House of Fake ID’s, Checks, and More’ on the front. “I can write all sorts of numbers on this check,” said Paul. “Tell me what it’ll take.”
“Seventy-four trillion dollars,” replied Grant.
“Okay,” said Paul. He wrote out the check and handed it to Grant. “Let’s get going.”
Chapter 4
Grant was in an airplane with Billy alongside him. Also there was Paul and Amanda, and three guys he had never met before, Udesky, Cooper, and Nash. He was very skeptical about this trip, and whether they would see anything at all. They had been riding along for quite a while, so he decided to take a nap. “Wake me when we get there, Billy,” he said, and closed his eyes.
Grant woke up to the sound of Billy’s voice. “Alan!” Billy said. “Hey, Alan!”
Grant opened his eyes and screamed, because he was looking into the face of a raptor, and worse, one that he had never seen before! “Oh my gosh, what is going on?” he said. “Billy is a raptor and I am not seeing the ones from the first movie! AAAAAAHHHHH!” He woke up.
“Alan, are you okay?” Billy asked.
“AAAAAAHH!” Grant screamed, because he was looking into the toothy face of a Pteranodon! “Oh my gosh! A Pteranodon, which I have never seen in the flesh, and it has TEETH! ‘Pteranodon’ means ‘winged and toothless’, and it has teeth! AAAAAHHHH!” Then he woke up.
“Alan, are you okay?” asked Billy. Grant thought he was awake, but he wasn’t sure. He still had his eyes shut. He cracked one eye open. Billy was looking at him. “We’re almost there,” Billy stated.
A few moments later they were above the island. Grant was looking out at the dinosaurs, informing anyone who was listening, which nobody but Billy was, what type of dinosaurs they were looking at.
“Here you can see a large group of Brachiosaurus, and over here you can see some Triceratops, and over HERE…” Grant droned on, but nobody was paying any attention.
“There’s a landing strip up ahead, want me to put ‘er down?” asked Nash, the pilot.
“No, no, I said circle the island first, remember?” said Paul.
“What are you talking about? You can’t LAND here,” said Grant.
“Hold on, I can explain,” said Paul, his voice more high-pitched than normal.
“You can NOT land on this island!” Grant exclaimed. He stood up and promptly lay down, after being hit from behind by Cooper’s Sunglasses of Doom.
When he came to, nobody was in the plane except good ol’ Billy. “Billy,” Grant gasped, “tell me we didn’t land.” Then he heard people moving around outside, talking. He rushed out to see what was going on, after making sure to grab his hat.
“WHO HIT ME?” he demanded to Paul, who was pretending to pay attention to the mercenaries, although he had no clue what they were doing.
“Oh, hello, Dr. Grant, good of you to join us. We were just-”
“WHO HIT ME?” Grant yelled again.
“Paul backed up a step. “Uh, that would be Cooper and his Sunglasses of Doom.” He pointed over to Cooper, who was carrying around large pieces of equipment, spitting, wearing his Sunglasses of Doom, and just generally acting manly. He disappeared into the jungle.
“What are they DOING?” Grant demanded.
Paul had no idea what they were doing, so he said something that sounded intelligent. “They’re setting up a perimeter, to make the place safe.” Grant shook his head. “These guys are professionals,” Paul concluded authoritatively. Amanda was screaming incoherently into a megaphone.
“Listen to me, there is no such thing as safe here.” Grant said. “We have to get back on this plane NOW. And please tell your wife to stop yelling incoherently into the megaphone, this is all a very bad idea!”
“Amanda!” Paul yelled. “Dr. Grant says that’s a bad idea!”
Amanda turned around. “WHAT’S A BAD IDEA?” she shouted into the megaphone. The dramatic dinosaur that was about to appear before them knew its cue when it heard it.
Chapter 5
A dramatic roar came from the jungle. “What was that?” Paul asked.
“It’s a Tyrannosaurus,” Billy said.
“I don’t think so. It sounds bigga,” Grant said dramatically.
Nash and Udesky came running out of the jungle. They were both screaming and gesturing toward the plane. Grant and Billy immediately leapt inside, but the Kirbys were more reluctant. “GET ON THE PLANE!” Udesky shouted. They got in and he slammed the door shut. Nash scrambled up to the cockpit and began to take off. They sped down the runway, with Grant mumbling about how stupid this all was, Paul trying to comfort Amanda, Billy staring out in fascination and Nash and Udesky frantically trying to get in the air. Just then a shape appeared in front of them. “It’s Cooper,” mumbled Udesky.
“HE TOOK MY SUNGLASSES OF DOOM!” Cooper shouted. “I’m USELESS without them!”
Nash was torn between stopping to pick up Cooper or to just run him over. He did not have to make the choice, because a large, brown shape appeared in the runway and snapped up Cooper. “That’s what you get for hitting the coolest Jurassic Park human character,” Grant said. The rotor blades sliced through flesh, blood sprayed on the windshield. The plane went out of control, and slammed into a tree. Nash and Udesky stared out the windshield, which had cleaned the blood off of itself. Nothing was there, until the head of an enormous monster popped up in front of them, and worse, Cooper’s Sunglasses of Doom were hanging from its jaws! With a flick of its tongue, it swallowed them whole. Then it reached up with its arms and ripped the front off of the plane, with Nash and Udesky inside! The four other humans watched in horror as it dumped the front down. Udesky stayed hidden under the front, while Nash had fallen out. He made a run for it. The animal chased after him into the trees, and tipped over the front of the plane in its pursuit. Grant and Billy leapt out of the plane and rejoined Udesky. There was a large gun lying on the ground, the one that they had used to blow another plane to bits while Udesky was talking to Paul. Naturally they ignored such a useless weapon. After some coaxing, Paul and Amanda jumped out of the plane as well. By now the large dinosaur had caught up to Nash and chomped him down. Nobody remembered that Udesky had given the annoying phone, which belonged to Paul, to Nash. The group of now five people ran away in hopes of not being seen, but the dinosaur did in fact see them. They ran quickly through the jungle, not stopping until the dinosaur was caught between two trees, and the jungle was too thick to proceed any further for that dinosaur. It decided to head back to the plane and inspect it. The humans wandered along about twenty more feet until they arrived at the carcass of another large animal. Grant was in the lead, and he, being the coolest, stepped forward. The others followed. Then a Tyrannosaurus rex raised its massive head high above the trees. It stared at them. “Nobody move a muscle,” Grant instructed. The T-rex roared, and everyone but Grant ran away. Grant turned and followed quickly. The T-rex knew better than to leave a perfectly good carcass for a few measly humans. It continued to eat its meal.
Finally coming to a quiet place, Grant turned on the Kirbys. “What is this?” he demanded. “Look what you’ve gotten us into!” he shouted.
“Now hold on, I can explain,” said Paul. “Our son is trapped here.”
“And that’s your explanation,” Grant said.
“Well, yes,” said Paul.
“Why me? If you’re so rich why didn’t you get some professionals to come down here? A whole army!”
“Well, Udesky here, Nash and Cooper were our professionals. Nobody else would do anything.”
“Oh that makes me feel good,” Udesky said.
“So WHY me and Billy?” Grant demanded.
“They said they needed somebody who had been on the island,” explained Paul.
“I haven’t been on this island,” said Grant.
“But you went to Jurassic Park,” Amanda said.
“That was Isla Nooblarr. This is Isla Sorrnaa,” Billy said.
“Wait, so there’s TWO islands with dinosaurs on them?” Udesky asked.
“You stay out of this,” Paul said, trying to act in charge.
“Billy,” Grant said to his assistant, “let’s get moving. We’ll head for the coast. We can’t go back to the plane, the animal, which I will quiz you on soon, headed back to the plane. We don’t want to cross paths with him again.”
“When you say that,” Billy said, “in a movie like this, you just KNOW we’ll cross paths with him again.”
Chapter 6
The group of five trekked along. Grant stopped to inspect a footprint. “Do you know what dinosaur that was that attacked the plane, Billy?” he asked.
“Looked to me like it had the skull of a Suchomimus,” Billy replied.
“Think bigger,” Grant said.
“Barynoyx?” Billy guessed.
“I said BIGGER,” Grant corrected.
“Huh, I don’t know,” Billy informed his teacher.
“Spinosaurus,” Grant said. Just then their conversation was interrupted.
“Doctor Grant! You should come look at this!” Paul shouted.
Grant trotted over. The Kirbys and Udesky had located a raptor nest.
“Hmmm,” said Grant thoughtfully. “Let’s move on.”
Billy hung back.
The humans trotted still farther. They found a really big complex of buildings.
“I betcha anything Eric’s in there. I bet my bottom dollar,” said Paul.
“Speaking of dollars,” Grant said, “what about that check you gave me? I’m thinking I had better get some more money for this.”
“Uh, I have a confession,” Paul said. “That check is no good. I’m not rich at all. It’s not Kirby Enterprises, it’s Kirby Bathroom and Tile Plus. The Plus is for paint.”
“WHAT???” Grant yelled. “I should kill you right now!”
“Now wait,” Paul stammered. “If you ever need a bathroom done, or a room painted, I'll give you a Super Express-” Paul was punched directly in the nose by Grant.
“We’re in the worst place in the world and we’re not even getting PAID,” said Grant. They went down the slope and into the complex of buildings. A reception desk and an old, faded, InGen logo greeted them. Grant walked down a short hallway and found a row of vending machines.
“Here, I’ll give you some money for some food,” Paul offered. “How much do these take? I’ve got some quarters and dimes.”
Instead, Billy grabbed Paul by the neck and slammed his head into the glass vending machine. Billy grabbed some candy and stuffed them into his pockets. Grant got some as well, then Udesky shoved the Kirbys out of the way and got some himself. Paul climbed to his feet and followed, with Amanda at his side.
Grant led the way down another hall, and another, and another. Finally they came to a huge open area with all sorts of electronic equipment. Incubators, computers, gel-filled specimen containers. They wandered around, looking at the equipment. “This is how you make dinosaurs?” Amanda inquired, peering at an old, cracked egg.
“No,” said Grant, “this is how you make a Twinkie. Of COURSE this is how you make dinosaurs! Idiot.”
Hurt, Amanda wandered away, looking at stuff. She happened to see a specimen tank that appeared to hold only the head of an animal, she didn’t know what. Naturally she leaned in very close to get a good look. The thing blinked. Instead of running, she stared at it. The animal leaned around the specimen tank and slashed at her, missing by inches, as she finally got the hint and started running away. The others saw her running and ran themselves. Grant looked behind him and saw, of all things, a raptor like the one in his dream! What a coincidence! They ran into a holding area for dinosaurs, and split up, Udesky, Grant, and Paul into one kennel, and Amanda and Billy into another. The raptor continued to chase Amanda, and slammed into the door, kicking it backwards, slamming Billy and Amanda against a wall. The three others yelled at it, as if this would cause the raptor to run away. The raptor realized it could not get to its prey by sheer force, so it climbed up the door. This provided Billy and Amanda with the opportunity to slam the door closed, and lock it through the grate. The raptor knew it had lost the battle, but the war was not yet lost. It made an odd echoing sound. As the humans ran in terror, Grant stopped cold. He wheeled around. “He’s calling for help!” he said.
“Come on!” Udesky tugged at Grant, snapping him out of his trance. Paul was busy exiting with Amanda. Billy waited calmly for Grant and Udesky. They ran out of the complex, back into the jungle, through a clearing, where a herd of herbivorous dinosaurs roamed. The raptor had freed itself and run out, calling to its friends. They heard his call and chased after the humans along with the original raptor. The herbivores stampeded, but the raptors never lost sight of their prey. They chased the humans into another wooded area, where two raptors leapt in surprise attack. Since Paul and Amanda had continued on when Grant and the others had stopped for a moment, they were in the lead, and were the ones that were attacked. Both raptors jumped high into the air.
Chapter 7
The raptors, being as insanely intelligent as they were, both knew which person the other was going for, which happened to be Amanda. They shot downward, and the raptor farthest from her bumped the other one in mid-flight, so they both fell on either side of her. She ran, but as she was running, one of the raptors lashed out at her with its toe claw and severed her left arm. By this time, Udesky, Grant, and Billy had caught up. With them was a large construction worker, who saw Amanda’s arm lying on the ground.
“Ow, that’s gotta hurt,” said the construction worker, even though there was no blood coming out.
“Yes, I needed that arm, too,” replied Amanda.
“Hey,” said the construction worker, while the others, including the raptors, looked on in confusion, “how about I treat you to a Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”
“That’d be great,” replied Amanda.
“Okay let me go ACK” said the construction worker, who was being torn to shreds by the annoyed Velociraptors. This provided the people who actually play a major role in this story to escape, after Grant made sure he hadn’t lost his hat and after Amanda picked up her arm off the ground.
Night fell, knocking Paul unconscious again. It was time for them to find a place to sleep, anyway. They fortunately found an old thing lying in the ground. They went up to the door to open it, but it was locked. From the inside. Amanda took her severed arm and beat against the door with it. There was a creak as the door opened, and Eric Kirby peered out. “Mom! Dad!” he exclaimed happily, not saying anything about the severed arm or the fact that his father was unconscious and being pulled along by a balding guy he had never met before. “Hi, Dr. Grant! Hi, Billy!” he said. “I know Dr. Grant from his book,” Eric explained.
Billy said “But how did you know my-”
“Everyone come on in!” said Eric, ignoring Billy. They all piled inside the odd structure. After having a boring conversation in which everyone was introduced to one another, they slept.
Dawn. Paul Kirby awoke, not knowing or caring where he was. The only thing he felt was thirst. He didn’t even care that his son was lying beside him. He was dying of thirst. He looked around the odd structure he was in, looking for something to drink. He noticed a flask filled with lemonade, and grabbed it. He licked his lips, popped the top off, and took a big gulp, which he swallowed immediately. He paused for a second. Then he gagged and his face started changing to a shade of pale green. His gags awoke Eric. “Oh, man,” said Eric. “Do you have any idea what this is?” his said.
“I don’t think it’s lemonade,” Paul said between gasps for air.
“Not exactly,” said Eric. “This is my dinosaur repellent.”
“Dinosaur REPELLENT?” Paul said.
“Yeah,” replied Eric. “It’s, uh, the liquid waste of a T-rex.”
“BLEEEECHHHH HACK HACK HACK COUGH COUGH COUGH,” went Paul, which woke up everyone else, who shared their sorrow and pity for Paul by laughing at him.
After that little incident, they decided to leave their shelter, of course not taking any supplies with them, and continued on toward the coast. They arrived at a large fence in the middle of a clearing. “We’ll have to climb over it,” said Grant, who was used to climbing things. They started to climb, when they heard the annoying phone ringing. “The phone!” said Grant. Everybody hopped off the fence and ran toward the sound, in hopes of calling for help. After going perhaps two feet, they realized it was coming from the Spinosaurus that Grant had said they did not want to cross paths with again.
“I knew we would cross paths with him again,” said Billy.
“Perhaps we should run,” Udesky said.
“I think that would be an excellent idea,” agreed Grant. They all ran along the side of the fence. The Spinosaurus was catching up to them, and fast. Then, not more than twenty feet away, Billy spotted a convenient opening in the fence.
“Look!” he said. “A convenient opening in the fence!” He ran through, followed by Paul, Eric, Amanda, Udesky, and finally Grant, who made it in inches before the Spinosaurus could get him. They all stopped and watched the Spinosaurus try in vain to squeeze itself through the six-foot hole in the fence. Perplexed as to why they could get through and it could not, it decided to take out its anger on the fence. It charged full speed at it, and, amazingly, it broke through. It was running so hard that it continued running after breaking through, because it did not expect to have broken through. It ran straight ahead at full speed until it slammed into a tree headfirst at the opposite end of the clearing, and it fell to the ground, dazed.
“Let’s head for that ominous building over there,” said Grant. They all went across the clearing and into the ominous building.
Chapter 8
They entered the building and saw before them a spiral staircase. “We should head down,” said Grant. “This may put us at the edge of the river.”
They went down as far as they could. Yes, running through the building was a river. Two small wooden boats were tied to a small dock at the water’s edge. Udesky, Grant, and Billy got in one boat, while the Kirbys got in the other. The boats had old, beaten up oars in them, but they were better than nothing. The river seemed to stretch on forever. After ten minutes of slow going, Grant, for the first time, decided to take a look around himself. At first the building looked like a huge greenhouse, but the more he looked at the ledges and balconies, he realized what they were in. “It’s an observation area,” he said.
“Well, whatever they were observing doesn’t seem to be here anymore,” said Udesky. Just then something hurtled down at them from above. It slammed with great velocity into the Kirbys’ boat, splintering it into a thousand pieces. When the shape lifted up again, Grant saw what it was: the Pteranodon from his dream! With teeth! What horror! And it was clutching Eric in its claws! It flapped its wings hard, flying high into the sky. It flew over a rocky outcropping and dropped Eric onto it. There was a reptilian screech, followed by a human scream. Nobody ever heard anything from Eric again.
Meanwhile, down in the water, Paul and Amanda were getting pulled into the other boat, which was now almost about to tip over with the weight of five people. But Amanda had lost her grip on her arm, and it was floating in the water, too far to reach from the boat. “I’ll get your arm,” Paul said bravely. He started to jump out of the water, but the boat tipped and they all fell out. Several of the Pteranodons were drawn to the commotion and began circling overhead. They spiraled down slowly. During all this, Udesky was able to reach Amanda’s arm, which he returned to her.
“Stay underwater as long as you can!” shouted Grant, who then took a tight grip on his hat, which miraculously had not fallen off when the boat tipped over, and dove underwater. Billy followed him. The others were not far behind. They swam as fast as they could, considering Grant had a large, heavy backpack (that they had taken turns wearing) on.
Udesky was not a great swimmer. He was not used to it, and had to come up for air quite a bit. The Pteranodons, being the flock hunters that they were, paid particular attention to him. As soon as they were down far enough, they Alpha male soared out in front, low to the water. When Udesky popped up for air again, it snared him in its jaws. He screamed for help, but everyone was underwater. It rose into the air with him. He kicked and punched at the animal, and he finally nailed it in the eye. The Pteranodon screeched and released him, but the other members of the flock were there. Two of them grabbed him in mid-flight, and, eager to impress the Alpha male by returning its prey to him, fought over Udesky, tugging back and forth on him. The reptile that had a grip on his torso had more to hold onto, and had the advantage. The other Pteranodon, who had only the head, gave one final desperation tug, and Udesky’s head popped off in its mouth.
Chapter 9
The four remaining humans made it out of the aviary and into sunlight. They noted that they had lost Eric and Udesky, and found that they were at the beginning of an even bigger river, where the one in the aviary widened. There was a large boat at the exit of the aviary, so they all got in and started down the river. Time passed. They passed several majestic scenes of herbivores. Grant noticed that almost the only way herbivores are ever used in Jurassic Park films are either in a stampede or to show how peaceful the islands really are, if they are not being attacked by raptors or T-rexes or Spinos or who knows what else. More time passed, and it was beginning to become dark with night. Then, once more, they heard the annoying ring of the cell phone. Grant and Billy informed the Kirbys that it was their fault this whole thing happened and they should get off and look for it, which they agreed to do, as long as they watched Amanda’s arm for her. Paul and Amanda got off and started looking around, and saw that it was coming from one of three mounds of Spinosaurus poop. Paul cringed and stuck his hands deep inside, and the first thing he pulled out was Cooper’s Sunglasses of Doom. Amanda found various items, mainly bones, but also a gun, a knife, and a bazooka, all of which she knew were useless in a place like this. She dug into the second pile of poop and located the phone. She pressed the button to listen to the call. “Hello?” she said.
“How would you like to make FIFTY DOLLARS doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in your SPARE TIME?” asked a perky salesperson on the other end.
“Well, actually-” Amanda started.
“All YOU need to do is send us a large amount of money in a box postmarked no later than July 18, 2001!”
“Well, that’s nice, but we’re trapped on Isla Sorna and we need you to-”
“We’ll be LOOKING FORWARD to your money! Send it now! Or we’ll sue you! Just by listening to this call, you are hereby subject to fines in excess of twenty thousand dollars, ten years in prison, or perhaps more! Order now and we’ll also throw in-”
Amanda clicked the phone off. The Kirbys returned to the boat.
Chapter 10
It was midnight. Amanda had intelligently left the phone on the opposite side of the boat from where they were. Grant walked down the boat and started to dial. He was going to call Ellie and hope that she would hear the call. He hoped she could get somebody to come save them. He finished dialing, and waited. The phone rang three times, and Charlie picked up the phone. “Hello?” said Charlie.
“Charlie, it’s me. Take the phone to mommy,” he instructed.
“Okay,” said Charlie. He took the phone to Ellie.
“Phone, mommy,” he said, handing the phone to Ellie.
She took the phone. “Hello?” Ellie said.
“Ellie, come get me, please. I’m on Isla-” the phone went dead. “WHAT???” Grant screamed. He looked at the digital screen. The batteries were dead. “NO!” he shouted.
“We’re in trouble, aren’t we?” said Billy.
“I’d say so,” said Grant.
“We’re in even more trouble now,” said Paul.
“And why is that, Paul?” said Grant. “Perhaps because YOU tricked us into coming here in the FIRST place?”
“I think it’s because that Spinosaiohfoa is headed right for us,” Paul replied.
“Ah,” said Grant.
Indeed it was. The fin rose dramatically out of the water, and the animal rose to its full height. It roared at nobody in particular. It swiped at the boat with its massive forearms, ripping the lookout tower thing off. It slammed its claws in again, and a huge hole ripped into the boat, and it started sinking, fast. The four humans leapt off the boat in haste, stopping only for the backpack, Amanda’s arm, and Grant’s hat. They swam away, but the Spinosaurus spotted them, and headed right for them. “If only we had a weapon,” said Grant.
“Maybe we don’t need one,” said Billy. “Let’s just run. Like we’ve been doing this whole time.”
“Good idea,” said Grant, and they swam, then ran, away. The Spinosaurus was big, strong, and fast, but of course not strong enough to pursue them once they got to a safe-looking patch of jungle. It roared in frustration and walked away. The humans collapsed in exhaustion, and fell fast asleep.
Chapter 11
“Doctor Grant! Doctor Alan Grant?”
“Doctor Grant! Doctor Grant!”
“Hello? Anybody out there?”
A gunshot into the air.
No response.
The soldiers walked out of the rocky tunnel. They noticed a small waterfall, with an old, rusting jeep at the top. The first soldier went up to inspect it, and the skeleton of a man was lying in the driver’s seat. There was a black substance all over the front interior of the car. He could tell it used to be liquid, but it had hardened and become brittle. They had landed on the East Dock of Isla Nublar. Ellie Sattler had gotten the army and the navy to go there, because of a distress call from Doctor Alan Grant. She didn’t know what island he was on. They combed the whole island from the air, figuring that Grant would come out and draw attention to himself if he saw a plane, but nothing ever showed up except dinosaurs. They did send a ground team to check the perimeter of the island, but the search turned up nothing but a few old, dead bodies. But on the way back to the boat, one of the soldiers stepped on something hard. He looked down, and a tube of some sort was buried in the ground under some mud. He chipped away at the mud using the butt of his gun. He pulled out an old shaving cream can. He was about to discard it, but he thought it felt a little odd. He decided to take it to the General.
Chapter 12
The group of four humans woke up at noon the day the military was inspecting Isla Nublar, and, unknown to them, had already begun heading toward Sorna. The first thing the group needed was food, so Grant and Billy got some candy from their pockets, which somehow had not gotten wet while in the water, and ate it. They sat on the ground, eating, when suddenly five raptors leapt out of the bushes and surrounded them. Grant expected to die immediately, but the raptors circled them, as if waiting for something. “What could they want?” whispered Grant.
Grant got an idea. He reached into his pocket and handed the lead raptor a candy bar. It grabbed it in its claws and trotted happily away. “They just want some candy!” Grant said. He emptied his pockets, but he only had one more candy bar left, which he gave to the next raptor. There were still three very annoyed raptors around them. Billy checked his pockets. He had two bars left, which he handed to two of the raptors. There was one left. The Kirbys never took any candy from the machine. “Oh, no,” whispered Grant. The raptor clicked its toes impatiently. Grant didn’t know what to do. Nobody did.
“Hey,” Billy said. “Maybe I can give it this.” He reached into the backpack and pulled out a raptor egg. He rolled it to the raptor, which grabbed it in its claws and trotted away.
“You had a RAPTOR EGG in there all this time???” Grant demanded.
“I thought it might come in handy at a time like this,” Billy said.
The humans continued on toward the beach. It was a long trip. After about two hours of nonstop walking, they needed a rest. They came to a small clearing and sat on some fallen trees. They rested for about half an hour, during which time hardly anything was said. They were all tired of this ordeal and wanted to go home. After walking along for about another half an hour, they heard a loud roar. But it was a mechanical roar, coming from the east. The beach! Ellie had managed to get the military to come, after all! “Doctor Grant!” yelled a voice from the beach. They all ran excitedly to the man. They were almost to the beach. Just then, another roar came from the jungle, answering the roar of the motors. They had heard that roar far too many times in this story. It was the Spinosaurus. It tramped out onto the beach in a fury. The military was loading back on the boats as fast as they could, instead of shooting the Spinosaurus, which would have made sense.
“NO!” the survivors all shouted. They rushed out onto the beach. The military spotted them, but so did the Spino. He roared at them and charged. It looked like it was all over, but then yet a third roar came from the jungle, a roar only Grant knew. The trees parted, and out stepped the Tyrannosaurus rex. The bull. And he was in no mood to be messed with. The rexes had expanded their territory, and the Spino, the military, and the surviving humans had all entered into his area. Enraged, he rushed forward at the Spinosaurus. Grant, Billy, and Amanda were in front, and they ran ahead, through a few feet of ocean, and were helped onto a boat. Paul was about two seconds behind them. He ran forward, and was crushed under the feet of the T-rex as it rushed toward the Spino. The boats pulled away, and sped off into the distance. Grant stared back at the island, and the dueling reptiles. The T-rex bit at the Spino’s side and ripped out a chunk of flesh. The Spino roared in pain and lashed out at the T-rex with its forearms, slashing into the rex’s face. The T-rex roared in anger and bit the Spino’s sail, snapping off the top. He then raised his foot and kicked the Spino, who flew backward. The rex pursued the Spinosaurus, who was just getting to his feet. The rex slammed his foot into the Spino and dug his toe claws in. He planted his left foot on the fallen Spinosaurus and whipped his head down. The vise-like jaws of the Tyrannosaurus rex came down on the Spinosaurus’ neck and snapped shut. Blood sprayed outward, and the Spinosaurus died. Tyrannosaurus rex raised his head and roared in triumph.
Epilogue
On one of the other boats in the rescue fleet, the soldier that found the odd can on Isla Nublar approached the General.
“Sir, I found this, back on Isla Nublar,” he said, saluting.
“What makes you think there’s anything special here?” asked the General.
“Well, sir, it just feels a little odd,” replied the soldier, “and also it was in the first movie.”
“Hmmm, let’s have a look,” said the General. He took the can from the soldier and felt its weight. He shook it and nothing seemed to happen. He held it in his left hand and rubbed all around it in a twisting motion with his right hand. When he rubbed the bottom, the base came out.
The End
2/16/2002 9:50:10 PM
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