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Internal Affairs Part One
By The Host
So here's another story I'll inevitably abandon as soon as exam season is over and I have no further excuse to procrastinate. Incidentally, this version omits what I intend to be the brief pre-credits sequence -- two rancorous (and satirically humorous) political commercials for two rival Presidential candidates -- Republican JAMES WILLIAMSON and Democrat GREGORY LIGHTHEART. The rest of the movie is set, according to a supertitle after the opening credits, 'Thirty Years Earlier'.
Also, I'm too lazy to bother with proper formatting right now. It should make sense with a little imagination.
ON BLACK:
BAGGOT (V.O.)
Ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll all look behind you--
FADE IN:
INT. BALLROOM
Four hundred MEN AND WOMEN in tuxedos and evening gowns turn at once to the back of the largest and most tastefully furnished ballroom in Boston’s Ritz Carlton Hotel. They share several things in common besides their attire: they are all the cream of Boston’s crop; they are all old enough to have permanently mistaken philanthropy for charity; and they are all rich enough to exchange philanthropy for immortality. They are also all alumni of New Hampshire’s Regiopolis College, one of America’s finest small liberal arts schools and fifth Beatle of the Ivy League. They are convened here for the annual Alumni Appreciation Dinner, and they are now, at PRINCIPAL GEORGE WILLIAM BAGGOT’s suggestion, wondering what they’re supposed to be seeing at the back of this room. Principal Baggot, a stately, slightly balding man in his early fifties, decides to elucidate.
BAGGOT (CONT’D)
--you will see the future of this university; the future of this nation; the future of this world.
At the back of the room WE PAN ACROSS the tables manned by the YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN of Regiopolis College’s Student Government.
BAGGOT (CONT’D)
The leaders of Regiopolis College Student Government. Their steady guidance; their wisdom tempered with empathy for their fellow-students; their willingness to sacrifice themselves for the good of all: these are the traits of great and noble leaders across all cultures and across all nations of the world.
We see one table surrounded by enthusiastic students completely ignoring the stares of their elders; another weighed down with the collective boredom of a dozen people who would rather be anywhere else; yet another engaged in quiet and, one would think, intellectual conversation. Finally we settle on table number four: six girls and three guys. The girls listen attentively to the speech; two of the guys, jockish TIM MATHESON and lanky fuzzy-haired DEREK PYLE, both obviously drunk, laugh and high-five each other. This leaves HOLDEN GETTY, an intense twenty-two year old in full-dress tuxedo, sitting a bit apart from the others lost in thoughts of his own. His expression is one of anxiety and anticipation. Every few seconds he steals a glance at BARRY GOSSE, who sits just slightly disheveled at a nearby table giving the Principal his full attention. Getty’s reverie is rudely interrupted by Matheson, who taps him on the shoulder and points lewdly into the crowd as the principal drones on.
MATHESON
Hey, Getty, check her out.
GETTY
Huh -- who?
MATHESON
Foxy lady, there, with the fur wrap. You see her? With the wrap?
Getty searches the crowd for a second, half-heartedly, egged on by Matheson. Finally he shakes his head.
GETTY
Yeah, I see her. About sixty and overweight.
MATHESON
You know who she is?
GETTY
Englighten me.
MATHESON
Baggot’s wife.
GETTY
No shit?
MATHESON
The principal’s wife.
PYLE
The principal.
MATHESON
She’s foxy.
PYLE
She’s a fox.
MATHESON
I’m gonna do something about it.
GETTY
What, right now?
MATHESON
Later, after dinner.
GETTY
Don’t forget you’re supposed to be representing students.
Matheson leans back, a wide grin on his face.
MATHESON
She’s a fox.
With that, Getty sighs, checks his watch, and leaves the table.
INT. LOUNGE -- MOMENTS LATER
Getty emerges from the men’s room wiping his hands on the pleats of his pants and looking around himself. Before he can cross the well-appointed lounge -- before he even comes abreast of the bar -- the three sets of double doors leading to the ballroom open and people slowly begin filing out, abuzz with conversation. Getty sighs again and takes a seat, but only for a moment. The minute Gosse emerges Getty stands and strides over to him. Gosse is speaking with the diminuitive LARRY FISHER as Getty approaches.
GETTY
Hey, Barry.
BARRY
Oh, hey, Holden. How are you?
GETTY
Fine. Hi, Larry. Sorry if I’m interrupting.
LARRY
No worries, man. What did you think of the speech?
GETTY
Speech? Christ, they stopped filling my wine glass after only two -- I think Tim and Derek took it all.
LARRY
They’re pretty drunk.
GETTY
Yeah, anyway, I did my best not to listen. Mike Shantz was pretty good. Too bad he’s not around anymore.
LARRY
I hear ya.
GETTY
Anyway, listen, Barry, can I talk to you? I mean, sorry, Larry, but, y’know . . . I, uh . . . You’ll know later, probably tonight, but I’ve gotta talk to Barry first, you know?
Larry just holds his hands up and nods his head. Barry looks at Getty curiously.
BARRY
All right, we’ll continue this conversation later, Larry. Sometime before Assembly next week.
LARRY
All right, sure, you guys have fun.
Larry stares at Getty and Barry for a minute as the two walk away.
BARRY
Holden, what is it?
GETTY
Just one second, away from everyone, somewhere -- maybe upstairs?
He mumbles to himself as he leads Barry to an escalator in a wide hall lined with mirrors. They pass Derek and Tim, who are speaking with Principal Baggot.
MATHESON
Principal Baggot, your wife is foxy.
PYLE
She’s a fox.
Getty and Gosse pass on by and head up the escalator. A ROTUND BANDLEADER descends beside them.
BANDLEADER
Hey, Holden.
Getty looks up, speaks quickly.
GETTY
Oh, hi, Kevin. Hey, what are you doing here?
BANDLEADER
We’re performing. Whole band’s up in the lobby right now.
Getty shakes his head, registers this, and turns and begins to run down the up escalator.
BARRY
Whoa, whoa, Holden--
They reach the bottom again.
BARRY (CONT’D)
What is it?
Getty looks around, sees the coat check a few feet away -- now empty -- and withdraws into it.
GETTY
All right, fine, here.
BARRY
What is it?
GETTY
(With great gravitas)
I’ve come to a decision . . .
BARRY
Yes . . . ?
GETTY
I’m gonna run.
He lets it hang in the air a moment before Barry catches it. The SCHOOL BANDSMEN walk by now in a train.
BARRY
Who else is--
Getty motions for Barry to be quieter as people pass.
BARRY
(Barely a whisper)
Who else is running?
GETTY
I don’t know for sure. I’ve heard Lane Hanson--
BARRY
A joke. He’ll never win, which is too bad. He’s a great guy but a terrible public speaker. What about James Williamson?
GETTY
Yeah, well, he’s the one I’m sure about.
BARRY
He’s planned to be president for a long time.
GETTY
No.
BARRY
Well, what do you mean, he’s--
GETTY
He was gonna be my VP.
BARRY
Seriously?
GETTY
Yeah.
BARRY
I thought you weren’t running?
GETTY
I wasn’t. But at first I was.
BARRY
What changed your mind?
GETTY
James Williamson.
BARRY
You got to know him?
GETTY
Yeah. Exactly.
BARRY
So then you decided not to run. But now you’re running again?
GETTY
Yeah.
BARRY
As of when?
GETTY
As of about half an hour ago.
BARRY
Why?
GETTY
‘Cause I found out Williamson’s running anyway, and now for President, and if his past doesn’t get out from what I’m hearing about who else is running he’s gonna win.
Barry considers this for a minute. Then he looks up.
BARRY
Who have you got in mind?
GETTY
For VP?
BARRY
Yeah.
GETTY
That’s the problem. I went fishing this summer -- I felt like a jerk doing it, ‘cause Williamson was still supposed to be my VP--
BARRY
Don’t feel bad about it.
GETTY
But I did. It’s an asshole thing to do. Anyway, I went fishing, and I dangled some good things, and I talked to some good people -- nobody interested. Everybody wants to be a president these days, including Williamson. The only reason he was gonna be my VP is that he’s only a sophmore this year so he can always run next year and as long as he didn’t fuck up VP he’d a been a shoe-in.
BARRY
So that’s why you decided not to run? Not just Williamson, but that you couldn’t find anyone to replace him?
GETTY
Not just that. I mean, in September I met actual students. I--
The band starts playing loudly in the background. Getty speaks up.
GETTY
I always thought that the students at Regiopolis were pretty bright and I was proud to be able to serve them on Student Council. Then I had to work with some of them for the first time, really, this fall. I’ve never been so quickly disillusioned in my life.
BARRY
So why run now?
GETTY
I got over the shock, I guess. I’m still bitter and twisted; I mean, hey, I’m a bitter twisted guy. But I actually think student government has the potential not to suck as much as it does as long as it’s in better hands than the current administration--
BARRY
Too bad Mike Shantz’s not around anymore. . .
GETTY
Tell me about it. Anyway, I think I can do a pretty good job. I wasn’t sure for a while. I know there are more qualified people out there. But I also know that Williamson ain’t one of ‘em. As long as I think my VP and I are the most competent running I’ll run, and only if I think we’re the best.
BARRY
So there’s still the question -- who will be your VP? You try Hotchkins?
GETTY
Too worried about her integrity.
BARRY
O’Neill?
GETTY
Wants to graduate.
BARRY
Adihetty?
GETTY
Wants a social life.
BARRY
Stern?
GETTY
Has a social life.
BARRY
Wang?
GETTY
Unelectable.
BARRY
What about Shannon Rogers?
GETTY
I said only if we’re competent.
Barry thinks hard for a moment.
GETTY (CONT’D)
Look, I tried everyone I know. You know who I know. There’s nobody left. So that’s when I got to thinking -- I do know one potential candidate, someone willing and competent. Only problem is he’s got a big ego, and there are only a couple of people I can think of that he’d run under.
BARRY
Who?
GETTY
Me.
BARRY
Huh. Well, who would you run under? Meghan? There’s no way she’d run, not after last year.
GETTY
I know.
BARRY
Still, might be wroth asking. You might be able to convince her. Didn’t she used to be Williamson’s girlfriend?
GETTY
Yeah. They had sex in my office.
BARRY
Really? On the desk?
GETTY
On the floor. Then he dumped her because she wouldn’t be his running-mate.
BARRY
He’s a go-getter. But maybe she’d want to run against him then--
GETTY
No, trust me. She wouldn’t.
BARRY
You asked her already?
Getty breathes in, out, doesn’t answer. Barry turns away.
BARRY (CONT’D)
Well, look, I can’t officially support you you know, because of my position, but I’ll do whatever I can behind the scenes. Let’s get Larry, he knows people; maybe he can think of someone--
GETTY
Wait.
(Barry halts)
I wanted to talk to you first.
(Beat)
There is one other person I’d humble myself to run under.
Barry considers this for a minute.
BARRY
Do you mean me?
Getty solemnly nods. Barry frowns.
BARRY (CONT’D)
Look, I can’t. My brother -- he’d kill me. He’d have to resign as Chief Returning Officer. I can’t -- but -- I mean, I’ve thought about it.
GETTY
You’d do a great job. You’re the one guy here, the only guy -- and I include myself in this -- you’re the only guy involved with this whole student government who’s not in it for yourself.
BARRY
I’m not the only one. But, look . . . If you don’t have anyone by Christmas, talk to me then. I can’t run, but I don’t want Williamson to win. I’ll think about it and who knows. But promise you’ll try to find someone else first.
Getty nods.
BARRY (CONT’D)
Look, grab your coat, I’ll get Larry. Let’s go for a walk. Let’s talk about this.
Getty nods.
BARRY (CONT’D)
And Holden -- thanks. I’m flattered.
Holden Getty smiles. He shoulders on his overcoat as two HOTEL SECURITY GUARDS hustle Matheson towards the escalator. As he passes he shouts out to Holden.
MATHESON
Getty! Bud! Tell Derek I’m with the principal’s wife!
Getty smiles and nods. In the background we hear the opening notes of Paul Simon’s ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD.
That's it for now. Please comment!
-The Host
11/29/2004 12:45:11 AM
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