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The Dingbats: Episode I - Rockin Oceania - Part II
By SpinoMonkey
INT. MR. CAMELS LAIR - DAY
Carna runs into the Mr. Camel's Lair!
CARNA
Found him!
MR. CAMEL
Good Carna, who is it?
CARNA
It was Evinch's hired bodyguard.
Agent Malcolm! he's been in contact
with a Mr. Grammond, who has
recently found a large lump sum of
cash and is somewhere in the
pacific currently.
MR. CAMEL
OK, but how is Malcolm related
Carna?
CARNA
Malcolm has been an assassin for
Mr. Grammond who has been pulling
out hits on other ABC operatives
around the world, for the past six years.
Although we can't locate Mr.
Grammond, if we find Malcolm. We'll
find Grammond.
MR. CAMEL
Very good Carna. Get the plane.
We're going to visit Malcolm.
CARNA
I don't know sir, you sure about
this? ABC doesn't seem all that
much better then the Dingbats sir.
CARNA
Hey, keep your spirits up Carna.
ABC is there for the family and
that's what matters. Family. Family
counts, it's the binding force that keeps
us togeather, a unit. A loving
caring group of people whose petty differences
can be set aside in the name of
love. Love is also something we stand
for her at ABC.
CARNA
So, what does all that have to do
with us?
MR. CAMEL
(chuckes)
Beats me! It's just the company's
stereotypical line they give
everyone.
CARNA
Mr. Camel that doesn't make me feel
better. I'm seriously thinking
about quitting. This job doesn't
seem like I'm doing any good in the world.
You promised me I'd make
difference, you promised me glory.
MR.CAMEL
Carna, you're my assistant, you
can't quit. It's in the agreement
you signed. But don't fret. Some
forces, some powers...even need a nudge
in the right direction from time to
time. If you want to save this
Earth from impending doom. Then
you'll help us. If you don't care,
please by all means don't.
CARNA
Well...what if I say no?
MR. CAMEL
Well, you're not...I mean,
impending doom. How much worse can it
get?
CARNA
Well lets just say, hypothetically
speaking.
MR. CAMEL
Well, you...well you can't. That's
not even an option.
CARNA
So what you're saying is that I
have the choice to not choose?
MR. CAMEL
That's EXACTLY what I'm trying to
say.
CUT TO:
EXT. MONK'S NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
Dr. Gramm and Monk walk down road.
DR. GRAMM
Hey you know what Monk?
MONK
What?
DR. GRAMM
I woke up today, and suddenly I
just knew.
MONK
Knew what? That you're ugly?
DR. GRAMM
Knew everything was going to be
perfectly OK.
MONK
Ah, well good Gramm. Glad this
Yvonne thing hasn't gotten you down.
Now, lets get you a job at Dan's
Cafe.
DR. GRAMM
Lets do that Monk.
FADE TO:
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE - DAY
Gramm and Monk walk into Dan's Cafe. Dan is at the bar.
DAN
Dr. Gramm! Monk! My two favorite
customers, what can I get you?
MONK
Yeah, sure you say that to
everyone.
DAN
Yeah you're right.
DR. GRAMM
Well, personal grief has struck
home. I need a job Dan.
DAN
A job? Well a space just opened up
for you.
DR. GRAMM
Really?
DAN
Rex! Get out of here! You're fired!
REX
What? You're my cousin!
DAN
You never work and you annoy
everyone.
REX
Fine, but I'm not leaving. Don't
have no where to go.
DAN
Fine, can't really get rid of you
anyway.
DR. GRAMM
So I have the job?
DAN
Sure, you can start right now. What
about you Monk, you here for a job?
MONK
Hell no. I'm here for the Slurpy.
DAN
Never took you for much a worker
anyway. What flavor?
MONK
Blueberry...whoa, what's this Dan?
You're selling books at the Coffee
Shop now?
DAN
Yeah, something called featured
Author. We feature authors in the
nearby Area.
MONK
Eat Junk Food and Stay Physically
Fit by Teach. Now that's my kind of
book! SOLD!
REX
And you believe this stuff?
MONK
Look who's talking, you took
steroids, much good it did you.
REX
I needed to build some muscle for
the babes.
MONK
Yeah, now look a it, it's wiggly
like jello and could be a feature
article in national geographic.
REX
Oh come on, this book is faker then
Yvonne's tits.
MONK
Listen to me. This book, is from
God.
REX
Wow, that's quite the announcement.
FADE TO:
INT. INSIDE JET - DAY
Mr. Camel and Carna sit in private jet.
MR. CAMEL
You like the private jet aye Carna?
CARNA
I hate flying. makes my tummy
all...yucky.
MR. CAMEL
Mmm...yucky you say? I have a
personal question Carna, do you mind?
CARNA
Um, no.
MR. CAMEL
Have you ever been laid Carna?
CARNA
What!? Well, uh, that's none of
your business thank you very much.
MR. CAMEL
I'm just asking, for the good of
mankind. Some of you computer nerds
don't get out much. Not sniffing
the fresh air, I'm just trying to
do my public service. Don't bite my
head off.
CUT TO:
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE - DAY
Evinch walks into Dan's Cafe.
EVINCH
I can't believe I'm walking in the
house of the heathens. Where can I
find Dan. I'm here to compete in
the Rockin Oceania contest.
DR. GRAMM
Band sign up sheet is over here
Evinch.
EVINCH
What the hell is this? You're one
of Dan's monkeys now?
DR. GRAMM
Some of us work for a living.
EVINCH
Watch it coffee boy. I do too.
DR. GRAMM
Crime is not working. Unless you're
really good. But you suck at
everything, so that counts you out.
Yvonne and Malcolm enter the Cafe laughing.
EVINCH
Yvonne! Malcolm! Coming to see me
babe? That's sweet.
AGENT MALCOLM
Actually, we're here. Together. To
grab some coffee and a muffin.
EVINCH
Oh...together, like...together.
Without me. Like to-get-her...I'll
be right back I'm going to cry and
throw up in the bathroom. Did I say
that out loud?
Evinch runs to the bathroom and slams the door shut.
YVONNE
I'll have a coffee Gramm, you know
what kind. What about you Malcolm?
AGENT MALCOLM
I'll have a small cuban, and a
muffin. Thanks Gramm.
DR. GRAMM
(pissed)
Yeah, no problem. No problem at all
Yvonne.
YVONNE
Hey Malcolm, wanna go to the park
later? Feed the birds?
AGENT MALCOLM
Sure love. I'd love to.
DR. GRAMM
Hey Malcolm, how about...uh, you
want your cuban sweet?
AGENT MALCOLM
Uh yeah. That would nice Gramm. A
sweet Cuban would be wonderful.
DR. GRAMM
Here. Have a nice day.
AGENT MALCOLM
You too Gramm.
YVONNE
Bye byes Grammy. Have a nice day.
Yvonne and Malcolm walk out of Dan's Cafe.
DR. GRAMM
I'm going to kill her. I'm
literally going to rip her head off
and toss it in the coffee.
MONK
Hey I know you're pissed, but
never. EVER. Talk about ruining the
coffee around here. I'll kill you
myself. It's liquid gold. You mess
the coffee up. I'll mess you up.
Besides the bitch is just trying to
get to you.
DR. GRAMM
But why? WHY? We had something. I
felt it. We both did. It was so
real while it lastted.
MONK
Listen buddy, she's a dime a dozen.
Stick with me, I'll have you a new
bitch by tonight for the concert.
DR. GRAMM
I don't want a new bitch. I was
fine with my last one.
MONK
Listen, she apparently doesn't want
you. Get over it. Why else would
she be acting the way she is?
DR. GRAMM
If I knew. We wouldn't be having
this problem would we?
Evinch comes out of the bathroom and sits at the bar. He's been
sobbing.
EVINCH
My heart, oh...my heart.
DR. GRAMM
Are you dying or should I get help?
EVINCH
She stole it, I saw her, she was
totally into me. Then him! That
bastard stole her from me.
DR. GRAMM
Dude. She was totally using you
like she used me. She's just trying
to get back at me.
EVINCH
Really?
DR. GRAMM
Yeah she's pissed because I don't
have any more money because my half
witted grandfather stole my money.
EVINCH
So she's fooling around with
Malcolm?
DR. GRAMM
Umm, yeah.
EVINCH
But, that makes no sense.
MONK
Join the club.
MARK
Evinch, how are you going to play
tonight with Malcolm acting like
that?
EVINCH
Malcolm isn't even in the band,
just my bodyguard. You know, so
people will know I'm legit.
MARK
(mutters)
A legit fag maybe.
DR. GRAMM
I don't know about you guys, but
I'm going to win this thing. Just
to show her I don't need her, and I
am worth something.
EVINCH
Fuck that. I'm going to win this,
and I'm proving myself to her, you
had your chance. Time for fresh
meat!
DR. GRAMM
Screw you.
Evinch makes his way towards the door.
EVINCH
Screw you too!
Someone opens the door as Evinch walks towards it, it slams Evinch
in the face sending him to the ground.
MONK
You know, I really can't wait till
tonight.
MARK
This just keeps getting better and
better.
FADE TO:
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE STAGE - NIGHT
Dan sits behind a desk with a stage in front of him. Evinch and
his band are on stage ready to play.
DAN
Okay Mr. Eeeeee-Vinch. Lets see
what you have to offer tonight.
Evinch plays one rock song.
DAN
Well I'm impressed I must say. How
about we see how well you do at the
Rockin Oceania finals. Congrats.
NEXT!
MONK
Jeez, how are we going to compete
against that?
DR. GRAMM
We'll manage, just don't screw
around.
DAN
Our very own here at Dan's Cafe.
Dr. Gramm and his band, the Rolling
Salt. Interesting band name...
Dr. Gramm plays their song, smiles and gets off stage.
DAN
Was pretty good. Very original.
We'll see how good you do at Rockin
Oceania. Well thats all for tonight
folks. It looks like these ten
bands will be competing at the
Rockin Oceania finals. Hope
everyone can come tomorrow night.
This is Dan Finckfinefickfeen
signing off.
CUT TO:
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE BAR - NIGHT
Mr. Camel and Carna sit at Dan's Cafe.
MR. CAMEL
Well this is where you said Malcolm
would be. Where is he?
CARNA
He should be here in the Cafe.
Wait! Look over there with
MR. CAMEL
Ah yes, you distract the girl. I'll
bag the Dingbat.
CARNA
Um, Yeah. I'm not really all that
great with um...girls. I mean...like,
what should I say?
MR. CAMEL
You're still a virgin aren't you
Carna?
CARNA
Maybe, but like I'm not the only
one.
MR. CAMEL
You're right, I think I saw some 15
year olds over there.
CUT TO:
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE CORNER - NIGHT
Evinch tries to conceal himself in the corner of the Cafe with
Hunter.
EVINCH
I want you to kill Gramm. Shoot
him. Shoot him in the head, and
don't miss this time.
HUNTER
Yeah I hear yeah mate. You don't
have to worry about nothing. I'm a
pro!
CUT TO:
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE BAR - NIGHT
Hunter sits at bar, he takes a shot glass and drinks it before
raising up his gun and aiming, he sways from side to side.
He struggles to manage to aim.
DAN
Hey, no guns on premises. You know
the rules Hunter. Take it outside
if you're going to shoot someone.
HUNTER
Aww, come on. Cut me a little
slack, it's concert night.
DAN
Nooo, slack. Leave it with me if
you want to stay inside.
HUNTER
Fine.
Hunter hands Dan the gun.
CARNA
You sure I should tell her that?
MR. CAMEL
What did I say about under minding
me? Just do it, you'll be fine.
CARNA
Fine, but I don't like lying. Goes
against my code of ethics with
girls.
MR. CAMEL
Your code sucks. Hence why you're
alone at night.
CARNA
I don't see you with anyone.
MR. CAMEL
Do you visit me at night?
Carna walks over to Yvonne and Malcolm.
CARNA
Hey there...um, I saw your car...on
fire. You should check it out. I
mean...right now.
YVONNE
Um, I don't have a car, him and I
walked here.
CARNA
Oh, yeah...sorry. Must have been
someone else, oh look the fire went
out.
Carna runs back to Mr. Camel.
CARNA
(breathing heavily)
DAMN!
MR. CAMEL
What happened Carna? Speak to me?
CARNA
She was right on top of me. She had
answers for everything! I couldn't
escape her! Camel, you said it was
going to work!
MR. CAMEL
Usually does. No worries I have a
plan.
CARNA
I am NEVER talking to another girl
again. I SWEAR for as long as I
live. I am never leaving the icy
glow of my computer, where I'm safe...from
the outsiders.
MR. CAMEL
Oh don't get your panties in a wad
because you made human contact for
the first time in six months. Let
the pro show you how it's done.
CARNA
(breathing hard)
That's good. Show me.
Mr. Camel walks over to Yvonne.
MR. CAMEL
Hey babe. How about you drop the
fag and let me buy you a drink?
AGENT MALCOLM
You talking to me?
MR. CAMEL
I'm talking to the lady, who the
hell are you?
Malcolm punches Mr. Camel!
AGENT MALCOLM
I'm Agent fucking Malcolm.
MR. CAMEL
OUGH! That's it, you and me, lets
take this outside, just you and me!
YVONNE
What the hell Malcolm? You could
have broken his jaw! Are you OK
mister?
MR. CAMEL
I see blood, oh my god! Quickly get
me to a bathroom. I may need mouth
to mouth.
YVONNE
What?
MR. CAMEL
Bathroom.
YVONNE
Come on, you poor thing, you should
be ashamed Malcolm.
Yvonne takes Camel towards the bathroom.
AGENT MALCOLM
Blow me.
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE BAR - NIGHT
MONK
Looks like Malcolm has caused
trouble.
DAN
That little SOB. Causing trouble in
my cafe? And he's not a member!
MONK
Looks like, just punched some bald
guy in a suit.
DAN
Bald guy, suit? Not one of my
members.
MONK
No, not this guy.
DAN
Well, I'm not worried then. If
you're too much of a loser to become
a member, then you deserve to be
punched.
MONK
Yeah, but what of Malcolm. He's
known for this sort of stuff. Don't
want his scum here do you?
DAN
Suggesting something Monk?
MONK
Well, Hunter is the assassin around
these parts. Couldn't he handle the
problem?
DAN
Isn't that murder?
MONK
Not if you don't pay Hunter.
DAN
But won't he want to be paid?
MONK
He has a memory of a pea.
INT. CAFE BATHROOM - NIGHT
Dr. Gramm walks into the bathroom where Camel and Yvonne are near
the mirror.
DR. GRAMM
Dude? What the hell happened to
you?
MR. CAMEL
HE WAS A CRAZED MAD MAN!
YVONNE
Malcolm punched him.
DR. GRAMM
Some guy you got there.
Dr. Gramm starts to pee in one of the urinals.
YVONNE
He's not my guy Gramm.
Gramm finishes up and walks back to the sink.
DR. GRAMM
That's the word on the street.
YVONNE
Malcolm's just a friend. A mean one
at that.
DR. GRAMM
You seem to have lots of friends
these days, Evinch, Sparks, Malcolm.
YVONNE
you...you are? Right?
DR. GRAMM
Maybe you should think of finding a
new friend. Maybe with some money,
you know someone rich.
Gramm leaves the bathroom.
MR. CAMEL
I have money.
EXT. OUT SIDE DAN'S CAFE - NIGHT
Malcolm leaves Dan's Cafe, Hunter emerges from the shadows with
a gun to Malcolm.
HUNTER
Freeze Malcolm! I'm not afraid to
shoot.
AGENT MALCOLM
What the hell are you doing? Evinch
sent you to kill Gramm not me.
HUNTER
Well, someone promised me more if I
killed you.
AGENT MALCOLM
Who?
HUNTER
I'm not supposed to say.
AGENT MALCOLM
Then point into the window, who?
HUNTER
Well, it's the guy over there, see
the one with-
Malcolm takes out his gun and shoots Hunter.
AGENT MALCOLM
Finally. I've been waiting a long
time to do that.
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE STAGE - NIGHT
Dan gets on stage.
DAN
Alright everyone, settle down. The
final competition will take place
tomorrow night. Make sure everyone
is here, admission is five bucks, except
the the band members of course. We
have ten bands competing for $100,000
and a gold guitar. The final vote
will be made by you the viewers. So make
sure you're here to support the
band of your choice.
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE BAR - NIGHT
MARK
Come on Monk, lets get out of here.
MONK
Where's Gramm?
MARK
I don't know, get Rex and see if
you can find him.
MONK
Alright.
Monk goes through the people and finds Rex.
MONK
Hey Rex, we're splitting. Where's
Gramm?
REX
Saw him headin for the door.
MONK
Good, lets get out of here.
EXT. OUT SIDE DAN'S CAFE - NIGHT
Monk, Rex, Mark, and Dr. Gramm walk along the sidewalk.
DR. GRAMM
So how do you think we did tonight?
MONK
It could have been better.
REX
I think it was beautiful!
MARK
Forget us, we have to deal with
Evinch, his crap isn't easy to
beat.
DR. GRAMM
Yeah, but it's only one more song,
we can handle that.
REX
But this no American Idol. Ya know?
We have the fans to deal with.
MARK
Hey dimwit, the fans vote on
American Idol.
REX
Yeah, that's what I meant.
Mark gives a look of confusion as Yvonne runs out of Dan's.
YVONNE
WAIT! Gramm!
MONK
Leave the bitch, ignore her.
DR. GRAMM
No, you guys go on ahead. I'll
catch up with you.
MONK
We won't we waiting.
DR. GRAMM
Fine, whatever.
Gramm comes to a stop and the others leave. Yvonne walks closer
to Gramm.
YVONNE
Gramm!
DR. GRAMM
Yeah?
YVONNE
You waited.
DR. GRAMM
What do you want?
YVONNE
I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. It
wasn't right what I did.
DR. GRAMM
You think?
YVONNE
Yeah, I'm sorry Gramm. Seriously, I
don't know what I'd do without you.
It feels like you've always been my
friend. I can't stand you being mad
at me. It hurts..really bad.
DR. GRAMM
Friends yeah...we were weren't we?
Gramm turns and starts to walk away.
YVONNE
Gramm?
Gramm quickly turns!
DR. GRAMM
How could you do that to me?
YVONNE
I'm sorry Gramm. I don't know what
you want me to tell you.
DR. GRAMM
Maybe nothing.
Gramm continues to walk away.
YVONNE
But Gramm!
Gramm continues to walk anyway.
YVONNE
GRAMM!!!
His footsteps echo and fade into the distance.
YVONNE
(whisper)
But...I love you.
EXT. MONK'S NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
Evinch walks along sidewalk with cell phone to his ear.
EVINCH
YES! How are you today Vinny? WOW!
You've killed a lot of people! 246?
That's amazing. Actually that's why
I called, you see I have a bunch of
people I need you to take care of.
You know the Rockin Oceania concert?
Yeah, good. Well, need you to kill
everyone except my band, and Dr.
Gramm's band. Yeah, group discount?
Sweet deal! Yeah, of course I'll
pay you. NO I'll do it once your
done. I need them done before
tonight. Of course I'm good for the
money, yeah...okay...what's that?
No, no, you're breaking up...
Evinch hangs up phone.
EVINCH
Sucker.
EXT. OUTSIDE MALCOLM'S HOUSE - DAY
Carna knocks on Malcolm's front door.
AGENT MALCOLM
Who the hell is it?
CARNA
Um, sir. I was just passing by and
umm...
AGENT MALCOLM
Get to the point!
CARNA
Your car is on fire.
AGENT MALCOLM
God damn it!
Malcolm opens up the front door.
AGENT MALCOLM
Wait a minute. You again.
MR. CAMEL
Hello Malcolm. You're coming with
us.
AGENT MALCOLM
This about last night?
MR. CAMEL
The Dingbat War.
AGENT MALCOLM
Oh, well let me get my coat.
MR. CAMEL
No need. You're coming now.
EXT. OUT SIDE DAN'S CAFE - DAY
Dr. Gramm is enjoying a nice coffee when suddenly Yvonne walks
over.
YVONNE
Mind if I sit Gramm?
DR. GRAMM
Still a free country.
YVONNE
Having a nice morning?
DR. GRAMM
I was indeed.
YVONNE
Think we could talk?
DR. GRAMM
Is my stomach going to get upset?
YVONNE
There's something I have to tell
you.
DR. GRAMM
Sounds fun.
YVONNE
Remember the old times Gramm?
DR. GRAMM
Back when we first met? Back when
there was only us.
YVONNE
Yeah, the good times. When there
wasn't a worry in the world. Before
our relationship had it's ups and
downs.
DR. GRAMM
Before the real world entered our
world.
YVONNE
(smiles and laughs)
Yeah...Remember how we used to fool
around, and you always came over to
my place, because you were afraid
of me meeting your grandfather!
DR. GRAMM
And you found out why after you met
him.
YVONNE
Yeah, I did didn't I?
DR. GRAMM
Tried to shoot you with a shotgun.
YVONNE
Always figured it would be the
other way around.
DR. GRAMM
(smiles)
Over protective grandfather of his
completely legal and of age
grandson. Who'd seen that coming? That
was before we dated, four years
ago. I remember it well.
YVONNE
Then-
DR. GRAMM
Then we faded away, and you left me
for nearly a year. I didn't even
see you or hear from you. You
practically fell off the planet.
YVONNE
Then we started dating soon after.
DR. GRAMM
Yeah.
YVONNE
Those were the days...but that's
not all.
DR. GRAMM
Oh yeah, am I missing something?
You go to England, fall in love
have kids and manage to make your
way back all in a year's time?
YVONNE
Not exactly.
DR. GRAMM
What then?
YVONNE
Your grandfather, umm...
DR. GRAMM
My grandfather, this has to be bad.
YVONNE
Gramm, I wasn't in England for one
year. I was about 12 miles away
having your two children. Twins.
Pause.
DR. GRAMM
But, you and I hadn't...where are
they?
YVONNE
Your grandfather. Stole them from
me, us. When I found out I was due,
I didn't want you to know. You
weren't ready, I thought you'd hate
me for sure, for ruining your life!
Stealing your life away from you.
That's why I left. When they were
born he took them, said he'd take
care of them. I was so relieved, to
have given them to someone
trusting-
DR. GRAMM
YOU GAVE them to my granfather!?
Jesus Christ Yvonne! You fucking
LIED to me! And gave them to my
fucking Grandfather.
YVONNE
He said he'd take care of them,
until I got a phone call this morning.
Said I'd never be seeing them
again. He said Malcolm would make
sure of it.
DR. GRAMM
Malcolm? This is great, you really
fucked up this time didn't you!?
YVONNE
I'm sorry Gramm! I thought I was
doing the right thing.
Yvonne begins to cry, a pleading look of forgiveness is
swept over her face.
DR. GRAMM
I want you to leave and I never
want to see your face again. Are
you listening? GO!
YVONNE
I'm sorry Gramm, you have to
understand! We weren't in love then,
things were different, it was just
sex.
DR. GRAMM
No Yvonne. NO. I was never just
sex. Not for me.
YVONNE
I messed up. AGAIN. I know, but
Gramm, you have to help me! He's
taken them and won't give them
back!
DR. GRAMM
Well you didn't seem to need them
until now.
YVONNE
Gramm, you make it seem easy. It
wasn't! I had to look into your
eyes every day and know they were
out there, somewhere. It killed me.
I just wanted you to be ready.
DR. GRAMM
And who were you to decide that?
YVONNE
Gramm, you're all I got left.
DR. GRAMM
Not anymore. Leave Yvonne. Leave.
Yvonne gets up and leaves.
READ PART III NOW!
2/22/2007 2:52:49 PM
(Updated: 2/22/2007 2:53:11 PM)
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