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The Dingbats: Episode I - Rockin Oceania - PART 1
By SpinoMonkey
EXT. MONK'S NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
MONK walks down the side of road by himself. From around the bend a
car drives up and stops next to him. MARK the driver waves
for him to enter. Monk runs around and gets in. The two
drive off down the road. They head out into traffic.
DR. GRAMM
(voice over)
Well, my story began when I was
just a toddler, living in suburbia
in the moist air of South Miami. My parents
died when I was very young leaving
me millions of dollars, so I lived
with my grandfather for most of my
younger years in comfort. But of course
when the Snickleworth’s moved in
across the street…it has been hell
for me since. Evinch Snickleworth
was their youngest son but he
wasn’t the brightest bulb on the
tree. I lived the life of luxury,
he lived the life of water and
cabbage. I was ying, he was yang, I
got my rock band signed, he played
in his garage. Seeing a pattern?
Well it’s no surprise we’ve been
arch enemies since we were both
crapping in our pants. Did I
mention I stopped at age four, he
stopped at age seven? So it wasn’t
much a surprise when my girlfriend
of three years, my dearest Yvonne,
decided to break up with me at
Dan’s Café when this happened…
CUT TO:
EXT. OUT SIDE DAN'S CAFE - DAY
DR. GRAMM and YVONNE sit at cafe table outside of Dan's
Cafe, Gramm looks sad Yvonne looks pissed.
YVONNE
What are you thick? I’m leaving
babe, you can’t expect me to stay.
DR. GRAMM
It's not even my fault! I don't
even know where he went!
The film pauses as Yvonne gives a funny eye roll look.
DR. GRAMM
(voice over)
Oh and did I also mention that my
evil grandfather stole all my
rightful money, and left the
country with world domination
schemes in his head this morning?
With nothing more then his dirty
diaper in the trash. Probably
slipped my mind.
The film speed continues with Yvonne leaning in towards
Gramm.
YVONNE
Listen Gramm, you're a loser
without money. Hell you're a loser
with money, but at least you had
money babe. I'm a shallow person
and need my support group. You
know, Benjamin, Lincoln, and
Washington? You can't give me that
anymore. So I'm leaving.
DR. GRAMM
That's not true and you know it
Yvonne.
YVONNE
I'm leaving Gramm, and you can't
make me love you.
The film pauses again this time with Gramm making a sad
face.
DR. GRAMM
(voice over)
And so, it ended. But not without
my wonderful nemesis just so
happening to show up to grab a cup
of coffee at a cafe he refuses to
enter.
Film speed returns. EVINCH walks down sidewalk with SPARKS.
EVINCH
Lovely day Dr. Gramm, fancy seeing
you and Yvonne here.
YVONNE
I'm leaving. Evinch, think I could
hitch a ride with you?
EVINCH
Why Yvonne what's wrong?
YVONNE
Gramm is being a dirtbag. I need to
get out of here.
EVINCH
(excited)
I'll take you anywhere you want
babe!
Film pauses with Evich making a silly excited face.
DR. GRAMM
(voice over)
My life hasn't been the same since.
Yvonne, Sparks and Evinch walk down the sidewalk as Monk and Mark
pull up in their car. The two get out and Mark walks inside
Dan's Cafe. Monk stops at the door and turns to Dr. Gramm.
MONK
I'm going to grab a blueberry
slurpy, I'll grab you one too. You
like blueberry right?
DR. GRAMM
No I don't think I'm going to have
anything right now.
MONK
What are you fucking sick? This a
slurpy from Dan's Cafe, this isn't
some 7/11 piss. You'll drink it and
be happy damn it!
DR. GRAMM
Yvonne just left me Monk. I can't
drink its frosty orgasmic-ness.
MONK
Your loss, not mine.
Monk sighs and sits down across from Dr. Gramm.
MONK
Now what's this crap about Yvonne
leaving you?
DR. GRAMM
Well, my grandfather stole all my
money this morning and because of
it she left me. Apparently I'm a
loser.
Monk agrees.
MONK
I'd have done the same.
DR. GRAMM
What?
MONK
Steal the money I mean.
DR. GRAMM
Well, that makes me feel better.
MONK
Wow really?
DR. GRAMM
no.
MONK
Listen, I'm a master at bagging and
tagging chicks. I can get you a new
bitch in minutes. Check this
out...here comes one now.
A women walking down the sidewalk, looking very preppy.
MONK
Hey baby, I'm like milk I'm good
for your body.
WOMAN
I'm lactose intolerant.
MONK
OK that was a bad example.
FADE TO:
INT. MR. CAMELS LAIR - DAY
CARNA knocks on the door in a hallway of a place in ruins.
MR. CAMEL
Come in.
Carna walks into a large open room with Mr. Camel sitting at a
desk in the middle of the room.
CARNA
Mr. Camel, I'm Carna. I'm the
assistant you hired.
MR. CAMEL
Carna? I don't know any Carna.
CARNA
Yes you do. You interviewed me a
month ago.
MR. CAMEL
Eh, fine I believe you. BUT. I'll
be watching you. Nice shirt you
have there lad. "I love WOW"
CARNA
You said to dress casual.
MR. CAMEL
Wait, you were the guy who married
that dude on World Of Warcraft and
didn't know for like six months?
CARNA
NO...OK maybe. Cut me some slack,
he sounded very feminine. I
mean...he was banging.
MR. CAMEL
(snickers)
What a little computer nerd.
CARNA
Whatever...I managed to get those
reports you wanted from our contact
out west.
MR. CAMEL
Aragorn the great? Fantastic, what
does the wizard have to say?
CARNA
We have reports of a possible
Dingbat lead.
MR. CAMEL
The wizard gives word of our
nemesis. You know what this means
Carna?
CARNA
Something bad, Mr. Camel?
MR. CAMEL
It means network news will never be
the same! Now, did he give a name?
CARNA
No sir, only have a brief
description, and a way to find him.
MR. CAMEL
Centering around a person...a young
boy?
CARNA
No I'm pretty sure he's full grown.
MR. CAMEL
Don't under mind me Carna. I'm the
boss here.
CARNA
Lets not give labels your the one
talking about young boys.
MR. CAMEL
Shut up Carna! Lets get back to the
Dingbat. We must devise a completely
complicated and irrational plan to
trap and transport this person.
CARNA
Yes sir, exactly. Once we have him,
his secrets will be ours.
MR. CAMEL
Then we shall rule the
universe...or at least the news.
CUT TO:
INT. INSIDE DAN'S CAFE - DAY
REX stands in the middle of a room with a chair behind him. With
Monk watching.
REX
OK, watch this. Watch this. I'm
going to flip myself over the chair,
and land on the other side. Are you
watching? OK, OK, watch.
Rex attempts to jump over but ends up falling. Monk sighs.
MARK
Damn it Rex! Stop destroying things
around here, Dan is going to kick
your ass if you keep trying to
destroy stuff.
REX
Whaaaaat? Dan is my cousin man. He
wouldn't dare.
MARK
We'll no one is taking the blame
for your stupidity.
Dan enters the cafe from the kitchen.
DAN
Hey! Everyone! Everyone! Dan's Cafe
members, quite down for a moment,
as for the rest of you non
members...Get out of here! Or join,
it's that simple. I have an
announcement.
MARK
Rex, go get Gramm he'll want to
hear Dan.
REX
Why me?
MARK
Just do it.
DAN
Recently, other top members and I
have decided to host our first
annual Rockin Oceania Concert.
It'll be the first rock concert of
many that this establishment will
host. The winner will be known as
the greatest rocker of the year,
and will be put on the wall of
fame. Also a gold guitar and grand
prize of $100,000 will be awarded
to the winner.
MONK
Holy hell, did he say 100,000?
DR. GRAMM
I don't even have to ask do I? The
rest of you guys want to get the
band together and try out?
MARK
Hell yeah.
REX
You can count me in.
MARK
(sarcastic)
We were all really hoping so.
CUT TO:
INT. EVINCH'S EVIL LAIR - DAY
AGENT MALCOLM walks over to Evinch who sits in a chair
acting evil.
AGENT MALCOLM
Mr. Snickleworth.
EVINCH
Please, call me Evinch, Malcolm.
AGENT MALCOLM
Call me Agent Malcolm, Mr. Evinch.
EVINCH
Yeah, well I think I'll call you
what you want.
AGENT MALCOLM
Will you now?
Agent Malcolm cocks his gun.
EVINCH
So Agent Malcolm what have you come
here for?
AGENT MALCOLM
I have discovered a contest, one
worthy of your bands greatness.
EVINCH
Not another fund raiser! You know
how they never paid me.
AGENT MALCOLM
Well, I think they had the right
to, uh...
EVINCH
Anyways, go on.
AGENT MALCOLM
The winner is awarded $100,000
dollars cash and a gold guitar.
EVINCH
Crap. This is all crap. I hire you
to kick ass, because you wear a
black suit and this is the crap I
get? Obviously we'll win. That's
not the point. The point is you've
wasted like ten minutes of my life
that I could have been sulking and
thinking bad thoughts towards other
people while attempting to access
my mental powers to inflict pain
upon other people.
AGENT MALCOLM
You know the only reason I work for
you is to keep your other idiot
henchmen in line.
Sparks enter the scene.
SPARKS
Sup.
EVINCH
What's crackin?
SPARKS
Not much homes.
EVINCH
Cool beans Sparks. You're my man.
AGENT MALCOLM
Also, I'd like to note that Hunter
failed to kill Dr. Gramm again, for
the tenth time in a row.
EVINCH
Sorry fool. I should never have
trusted him. Assassins are so hard
to come by these days. I've tried
every market there is, the black
market, ken's market, the blue
market all of them!
AGENT MALCOLM
Well maybe if you spent more then
twenty bucks you'd not get such
shitty service.
EVINCH
You serious?! That's highway
robbery.
SPARKS
What's up with you two?
AGENT MALCOLM
I've discovered a contest that
through your bands music talent
could win you $100,000 dollars and
this dimwit is being stubborn.
SPARKS
Awesome! Are we going to do it?
EVINCH
(sudden mood change)
You bet we are! This is going to be
fantastic!
AGENT MALCOLM
The contest is being held at Dan's
Cafe.
EVINCH
Dan's Cafe? I should have known, my
enemies marching ground. Oh yes, I
can feel it.
(SHUTTERS)
It's time to take Gramm down. On
his own turf.
SPARKS
Sweetness. Peace out.
Sparks leaves scene.
AGENT MALCOLM
I don't know how, but I'm going to
kill you one day Evinch.
EVINCH
Likewise...by the way, you're
getting anger management counseling.
The papers will be sent to you soon
enough. I can't handle insubordination
in this evil organization.
AGENT MALCOLM
Blow me.
Agent Malcolm leaves scene.
CUT TO:
INT. MR. CAMELS LAIR - DAY
Mr. Camel sits with feet up on desk, Carna stands
MR. CAMEL
Carna. Tell me again why I hired
you?
CARNA
You said I had a future if I could
take orders and your bullshit sir.
MR. CAMEL
Oh yes. Now I remember.
CARNA
Sir, I finished my search of the
dingbat like you requested. From
the clues given from Aragorn the
great I was able to pin down the
location of the Dingbat to within
ten square miles.
MR. CAMEL
That's unacceptable Carna. Do
better, I want a name on my desk
within the hour. I don't pay you to
twiddle your thumbs.
CARNA
Actually sir, you don't pay me at
all.
Carna leaves scene.
FADE TO:
INT. EVINCH'S CAR - EVENING
Agent Malcolm drives car down street. Evinch and Sparks sit in
backseat.
AGENT MALCOLM
Might I ask where we're going
Evinch?
EVINCH
We're going to Yvonne's. We're
going to take her out tonight.
AGENT MALCOLM
How sweet. Does she know you're
coming?
EVINCH
I want to get that surprised look
on her face.
AGENT MALCOLM
You sure that's a good idea?
EVINCH
You don't seem like the kind of
person to have many chicks Malcolm.
What could you know?
AGENT MALCOLM
Fine, get turned down. I won't
loose sleep.
EVINCH
Well, what do you think Sparks?
SPARKS
She just needs some lovin to soften
her up.
AGENT MALCOLM
Sparks the next time you decide to
use vital oxygen make it worthwhile
at least.
EVINCH
OK, OK, OK, we're here. Slow down
Malcolm.
AGENT MALCOLM
So, what are you going to say?
EVINCH
Umm...I don't know.
CUT TO:
EXT. DR. GRAMM'S DRIVEWAY - EVENING
At Dr. Gramm's driveway Monk and Dr. Gramm hang out.
DR. GRAMM
So, we're really doing it huh?
MONK
Just think of it as your first baby
step to getting your fortune back.
DR. GRAMM
Nothing will replace the twenty
million he stole. I'll never get
all that back, I'll probably have
to sell the house, the car,
everything.
MONK
Probably. You're pretty much
screwed. What do you think he's using
it on?
DR. GRAMM
Hell if I know, it's always some
damn evil scheme or another from
him.
MONK
Well good for him, he has goals.
DR. GRAMM
Yeah, that's one way of looking at
it.
Rex enters scene.
REX
Hey guys, what's going on?
MONK
We're talking about Gramm's
terrible life.
REX
Aww man, hey, like...don't get
freaked out. I know these guys,
that know like, these guys. Who
know these guys down at the ally. A
good fella like yourself don't have
to suffer. You know what I mean?
Yeah, tell em that Rex sent you,
they'll get you some work man
whoring, it gets dirty, but it brings
in the bacon,
(LAUGHS)
Right? Am I right? Yeah...
DR. GRAMM
What the fuck are you talking about
Rex?
REX
Umm, well...Mark just wanted to
tell you that American Idol was on.
I'm going to watch it. But hey,
think about it, yeah? I'll get
back, gotta watch idol...
Rex exits scene.
DR. GRAMM
Today has to be the worst day of my
life. Losing the house, car,
Yvonne. I'm going to have to get a
job.
MONK
Well concerning Yvonne. I wouldn't
sweat it dude. Always another
shallow girl out there for you.
DR. GRAMM
Thanks Monk. Guess I can try to
pull some strings and get a job at
Dan's Cafe.
MONK
Pshh, see? possibilities are all
around. Just have to look for them.
CUT TO:
EXT. OUTSIDE YVONNE'S HOUSE - EVENING
Malcolm rings Yvonne's doorbell. Yvonne opens up the door after
a few moments.
YVONNE
Oh...hello. Can I help you?
AGENT MALCOLM
(sighs)
Mr. Evinch wishes to take you out
tonight, his treat.
(WHISPER)
But I'd suggest taking a few bucks
anyway.
YVONNE
Umm...isn't that him sitting in the
car?
AGENT MALCOLM
Yep.
YVONNE
Then why didn't he just ask?
AGENT MALCOLM
Because he's a big fat pansy.
YVONNE
Hmm, well tell him I can't. I'm
eating ice cream and being depressed
tonight.
AGENT MALCOLM
Depressed, what's wrong? If you
don't mind me asking?
YVONNE
Oh nothing, just men.
AGENT MALCOLM
Oh, I'm sorry. Another time maybe.
YVONNE
Yeah, another time maybe.
Malcolm turns and starts to walk away, Yvonne starts to
close the door when she opens it again.
YVONNE
Hey umm...
AGENT MALCOLM
The name's Malcolm.
YVONNE
Well Malcolm-
AGENT MALCOLM
AGENT Malcolm.
YVONNE
Well, maybe we can grab a coffee
sometime? You always with Evinch?
AGENT MALCOLM
He comes to my daycare weekly. But
I'm free weekends.
YVONNE
(giggles)
Oh, well goodnight Malcolm.
AGENT MALCOLM
Night Yvonne.
Malcolm heads back to the car and gets in.
EVINCH
So, what happened? She coming out
in something sexy?
AGENT MALCOLM
No. You're hugging your pillow
again tonight. Apparently sending
me to do your dirty work is a turn
off.
EVINCH
Last time I take your advice
Sparks.
SPARKS
Maaan, I could have sworn it would
have worked. I'm telling you, give
her some lovin! I GOT IT! Date
rape, works every time.
CUT TO:
INT. MR. CAMELS LAIR - DAY
Carna walks into the room with Mr. Camel at his desk.
MR. CAMEL
Alright Carna, tell me you have a
name.
CARNA
Yeah I think I do.
MR. CAMEL
Think or know?
CARNA
Umm, yeah I know. Yeah it's
defiantly this person...I think.
MR. CAMEL
OK let me see the name?
Carna hands Mr. Camel the pad of papers.
MR. CAMEL
Evinch Snickleworth?
CARNA
Yeah, he's some lead band member in
a band. With connections to local
assassins in the area.
MR. CAMEL
That's it? Where's his connection
to the Dingbats?
CARNA
I don't know. I don't even know
what a dingbat is!
MR. CAMEL
Listen Carna. Do you know who I am?
I am Mr. Camel. The owner of ABC.
That's right. ABC. That means I'm
powerful and, kind of funny too.
And cute...can't forget cute. You
know back in high school, they'd
always say I was cute. The girls I
mean, the guys never-
CARNA
ABC? Like the news organization.
MR. CAMEL
I'm the head of a sub department
within them. I never told you this
when I hired you?
CARNA
You told me to stop asking
questions.
MR. CAMEL
I am the leader of an organization
called ABC, also known widely as
the Association of Bastard
Capitalists. It is our only job to
stop the Dingbats at all costs.
CARNA
And who sir, are the dingbats?
MR. CAMEL
They're an evil organization with
plans for total domination over the
universe. They're also our parent
company's sworn enemy. CNN. Which makes
the Dingbat's our problem.
CARNA
You're saying the news companies
are trying to take over the world?
MR. CAMEL
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Mr. Camel take a shot of liqueur.
CARNA
So...why?
MR. CAMEL
Listen Carna, I don't ask questions
to my bosses, you should do the
same.
CARNA
Umm OK. But how am I to find the
dingbat?
MR. CAMEL
If you find someone evil with world
domination schemes in their head.
You'll find your Dingbat.
FADE OUT:
EXT. EVERGLADES - DAY
HUNTER walks through the everglades in boots. With a rat named
WHISKERS on his shoulder.
HUNTER
OK Whiskers, in my pocket this
could get messy.
Whiskers Squeaks.
HUNTER
Bloody hell we're leaving! We're in
the everglades. We're not leaving
without an alligator mate! It's my
bloody Aussuie right.
Whiskers Squeaks.
HUNTER
There isn't anything to worry about
Whiskers. You know, I don't ever
remember you complaining when we're
being assassins.
Whiskers Squeaks.
HUNTER
You calling me a bad assassin? You
know if I where you I wouldn't-
Suddenly an alligator grabs onto Hunter and pulls him down. His
screams echo in the everglades.
INT.HEAVEN'S GATE - DAY
In an all white room, Hunter appears.
HUNTER
Ahh, the light. It's so bright and
pure, where am I?
GOD
You're dead Hunter.
HUNTER
Who are you mate?
GOD
I'm the Omega.
HUNTER
We're in Omega? Where's that part
of Georgia? What happened someone
knock me out?
GOD
No. I AM the Omega. I'm god dumb
ass. You died while trying to
capture an alligator bare handed,
without a boat, in the middle of
the everglades. Which is like the
stupidest thing I've seen yet.
Like...EVER.
HUNTER
Pretty harsh don't you think?
GOD
I've been here for a while. I've
seen some stupid shit.
HUNTER
Alright, alright mate. No point in
getting cocky.
GOD
But hey, I like you kiddo. You got
spunk.
HUNTER
Spunk? What's that. Some sort of
sexual reference? I don't do guys,
even if they are gods from Omega.
GOD
(laughs)
See, that's why I like you Hunter!
So how about this, since you have
some much more life in you, how
about I throw you back down to
Earth?
Suddenly the Devil pops into the scene.
DEVIL
Hey big G. What's happening in the
land of light?
GOD
Not much, the taxing of the gold
roads went through.
DEVIL
Aww, jeez. We don't have that
problem in Hell.
GOD
I'd assume not. Anyways, I was just
about to throw this one back to
Earth.
DEVIL
Just like that? Where's the fun?
How about a soul deal, haven't had
one of those in a few hundred
years.
GOD
Not bad, maybe...OK. How about
this, Hunter you can go back to
Earth alive if you can survive the
rest of your life without using up
the 9 more lives I'll supply for
you. If you can, bingo, straight
shot to heaven. If you can't,
you'll be taken to hell.
DEVIL
The heats not bad, you get used to
it.
HUNTER
Why do I get the feeling I'm not
really important, and this is just
some Godly entertainment.
GOD
Hey, I created you. You're
important.
HUNTER
WOO! I'll do it mate. You can count
on Hunter!
GOD
Good, cya.
Hunter pops out of the scene.
DEVIL
Hey we still good for the horse
betting on Tuesday?
GOD
At hooters?
DEVIL
yeah.
GOD
You bet your soul we are.
They laugh.
CHECK OUT PART II NOW!
2/22/2007 2:31:29 PM
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