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Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
By Reaper
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING: THE MUSICAL!!!!!!
(Entire cast comes out on stage. music starts up...)
Frodo: SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE ONE RING'S GONNA RULE ME
THAT SAURON DUDE IS AFTER MY HEAD
HE WAS LOOKIN' KIND DUMB WITH HIS FINGER AND HIS THUMB
IN THE SAPE OF AN 'R' ON HIS FOREHEAD
WELL, THE NAZGUL START COMING AND THEY DON'T STOP COMING
FED TO THE BLADE AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNING
IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE TO LIVE ON THE RUN
YOUR BELT GETS TIGHT AND YOUR FEET GET NUMB
SO MUCH TO DO, SO MUCH TO SEE
SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH TAKING THE BACK ROADS?
YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON'T GO,
YOU NEVER SHINE IF YOU DON'T GLOW
All: HEY NOW, YOU'RE A WARRIOR, GET YOUR GEAR ON, GO FIGHT
HEY NOW, YOU'RE A RANGER, GET YOUR QUEST ON, TRAVEL LIGHT
ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD
ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD
Frodo: IT'S A COOL PLACE, AND THEY SAY IT GETS COLDER
YOU'RE BUNDLED UP NOW, WAIT TILL YOU GET OLDER
BUT THE GONDORIAN MEN BEG TO DIFFER
JUDGING BY THE HOLE IN THE LEGENDARY PICTURE
THE ICE WE SKATE IS GETTING PRETTY THIN
THE WATER'S GETTING WARM SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL SWIN
MOUNT DOOM'S ON FIRE, INSIDE THE BLACK DOORS
I DON'T REALLY LIKE IT, BUT I NEVER GET BORED
All: HEY NOW, etc.
Theoden: WELL, GANDALF ONCE ASKED,
"COULD I BORROW SHADOFAX? I NEED TO GET MYSELF AWAY FROM THIS PLACE."
I SAYD YEP, WHAT A CONCEPT, I COULD USE A SWIFTY HORSE MYSELF
AND WE COULD ALL USE A LITTLE CHANGE
All: WELL, THE NAZGUL START COMING, etc.
ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD
ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Scene 1
Bilbo: Yay! It's my 111th birthday!
Hobbit#1: Funny. You look much younger than 111.
Bilbo: Uh...well...I AM 111. I'm an old gezzer now, I'm just...well-preserved.
Hobbit#2: Unchanged is more on the mark.
Bilbo: Whatever.
(enter Gandalf)
Gandalf: Hi, Bilbo. I came for your birthday to make sure you don't do anything stupid like play with ancient magic rings.
Bilbo: Oh, ok.
Hobbit Children: Yay! Gandalf is here! Fireworks!
Gandalf: Not until the party.
Hobbit Children: Darn!
---------------------------------
Scene 2
Bilbo: Welcome to my birthday party, featuring Gandalf's Fireworks!
Hobbit Children: Yay!
Hobbit Child: Finally!
Merry: Let's do something obnoxious!
Pippin: Ok.
(they run off stage. a bang is heard. hobbit#3 points)
Hobbit#3: EEK! A dragon!
Hobbi#4: Oh, it's only more fireworks.
(Merry and Pippin come back in stage. Gandalf comes over to them.)
Gandalf: Fools! You ruined my grand finale!
Merry&Pippin: We're sorry, Mr. Gandalf, sir.
Gandalf: Wash the dishes!
(Merry and Pippin exit. all gather round Bilbo)
'Happy Birthday'
All: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BILBO!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
Hobbit#5: AND MANY MORE....
Frodo: Give us a speech, Bilbo!
All: Speech! Speech!
(Bilbo stands up on a barrel)
Bilbo: Thank you for coming to my birthday party. Good-bye!
(he disappears)
All: GASP!
Gandalf: Ok, party's over, folks, good night.
-----------------------------
Scene Three
Gandalf: Bilbo, give your Ring to your nephew, Frodo.
Bilbo: I don't wanna! It's mine!
Gandalf: GIVE HIM THE @#&^%*#!$() RING!!!
Bilbo: Ok. Bye!
(Bilbo exits. Frodo enters)
Frodo: Oh no! Bilbo left!
Gandalf: He left the house and his Ring to you.
Frodo: Cool!
Gandalf: Now I need to go see if that ring of yours is evil or not.
Frodo: Ok. Good bye!
(Gandalf exits)
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Scene Four
(Gandalf enters)
Gandalf: I'm back!
Frodo: Gandalf! I havn't seen you in years!
Gandalf: Here's the scoop: Sauron forges a One Ring of power in Mount Doom.
(Sauron enters.)
'My One Ring and Me'
Sauron: MY ONE RING AND ME
ITS A COZY SANCTUARY,
BUT IT'S FAR FROM NECISSARY
AND I WILL BE SELF-RELIENT VERY SOON'
AS A SIMPLE INSTALLATION
OF MY INDEPENDENT STATION
I WILL GO AND THROW MY ONE RING IN MOUNT DOOM
YES, I'LL TOSS IT AND I'LL LEAVE IT
THOUGH I KNOW YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT
I WILL GO AND THROW MY ONE RING IN MOUNT DOOM
(he holds the ring over and imaginary Mount Doom. he jerks his hand back)
Don't you ever let me try that again!
GOT YOU BACK AGAIN
MY ONE RING AND ME
IT'S FOOLISH, I KNOW IT
I TRY TO OUTGROW IT
BUT MEANWHILE
IT'S MY ONE RING AND ME!
(enter Isildur)
Gandalf: Isildur cut the ring off Sauron's finger.
Sauron: Ow! My fingers!
Isidur: Yay! I got the ring!
Gandalf: And Sauron was destroyed.
(exit Sauron. enter orcs)
Gandalf: Isildur kept the Ring and was killed by orcs.
(orcs kill Isildur and drag him off stage. enter Gollum)
Gandalf: Gollum found the Ring and hid in a cave.
Gollum: My preciousss...
(enter Bilbo)
Gandalf: Bilbo found the Ring in Gollum's cave-
Bilbo: What's this? A Ring?
Gandalf: -and gave it to you.
(exit Gollum and Bilbo)
Gandalf: Got all that?
Frodo: You're sure this is the Ring?
Gandalf: Toss it in the fire and see what happens.
(Frodo tosses the Ring into the fireplace and then takes it out.)
Gandalf: Is there an inscription of acient evil on it?
Frodo: It says 'This space not available for corporate advertising'.
Gandalf: It is as I feared. Those are the ancient runes of Mordor. What it really says is 'Insert angry, self-righteous finger here'.
Frodo: Ooh, spooky.
Gandalf: The Ring must leave the Shire!
Frodo: Darn.
To be continued...
12/5/2002 7:46:19 PM
(Updated: 12/5/2002 7:47:03 PM)
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