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Revenge For a Faulty Xbox 360
By RaptorVinny500
RaptorVinny was happily playing his Xbox 360. His favourite game was on, Dead Rising. Ever since he got the game he used it to control his anger. Whenever he got angry about something, instead of going on another murderous rampage, he just popped Dead Rising in and hacked some zombies to pieces.
BUT ALL OF THAT WAS ABOUT TO CHANGE
All of a sudden, the red lights of doom flashed on RaptorVinny's console. "OH SHIT!" RaptorVinny yelled, as his game stopped and he heard weird crunching noises inside the Xbox 360. He got up quickly and opened the disc tray. The game disc was snapped in into several pieces.
"FUCK YOU, MICROSOFT!" RaptorVinny screamed. He felt his anger resurfacing and would need his fix soon. He called Microsoft support and started to scream at the bewildered employee, SpinoMonkey.
"I-I'm sorry sir, the warranty is only good for one year. You bought yours over a year ago," SpinoMonkey said.
"WHAT! YOU STUPID SACK OF DOG SHIT! WHERE IS THIS CALL CENTRE?!" RaptorVinny yelled.
"It's in Seattle sir, why do you need that information?" SpinoMonkey asked.
"Because you're all DEAD. Now that I don't have Dead Rising I'm gonna have to take my rage out on you douchebags!" RaptorVinny replied, and hung up. The next day he gathered all his Xbox accessories, and arranged a flight to Seattle after finding out the exact address of the call centre.
He was there within a few hours. He didn't waste any time. As soon as he left the airport, he went on the street, making a car stop. Trainwreck was inside it, and he looked pissed off. "Why the fuck did you just step in front of my car asshole?!" Trainwreck yelled. RaptorVinny pulled open the driver side door and socked Trainwreck in the face, then pulled him out and threw him into an oncoming double decker bus to satisfy his need to kill temporarily. He got in the car and drove directly to the call centre.
He entered the building and went to the front desk, which Cameron operated. "Hello, can you tell me where SpinoMonkey is?" RaptorVinny asked.
"Sure. He's on the second floor, section 2A," Cameron replied.
"Where is the elevator?"
"Umm.. it's out of order. You'll have to take the stairs."
"...Stairs? I HATE STAIRS ASSHOLE! I LIKE TO RIDE THE FUCKING ELEVATOR AND JUMP AT THE END!" With that, RaptorVinny stepped back, then ran at the desk and leapt over it feetfirst, dropkicking Cameron in the face and sending him sprawling to the floor. Cameron's glasses shattered on impact, his nose was bleeding badly and his face was caked in dirt from the boots.
"Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" Cameron yelled.
"Your face!" RaptorVinny yelled, smirking at his clever comeback. He pulled an original Xbox out of his bag and held it over Cameron.
"NO! NOT AN ORIGINAL XBOX! PLEASE DON'T!" Cameron begged.
"FUCK YOU!" RaptorVinny yelled, "BEWARE OF FALLING OBJECTS!" RaptorVinny dropped the Xbox, which fell directly on Cameron's head and crushed it.
RaptorVinny grabbed his bag and consulted a map of the building. He found section 2A, and headed to the stairs and climbed up. Another employee, Mr Camel, was heading downstairs. RaptorVinny smiled at him, then as he passed by, stuck his foot out and tripped him. Camel yelped and went crashing down the stairs, and landed in a heap on the landing. He groaned and felt at his aching limbs and head. RaptorVinny ran down to the landing.
"Sorry pal, my foot slipped, let me help you up," RaptorVinny said, smirking as he pulled a massive Xbox 360 power bar out of his bag. Camel started to get up, and looked to RaptorVinny for help, only to be smashed across the face by the power bar. He screamed as RaptorVinny beat him over the head with the power bar, and blood sprayed on the walls.
RaptorVinny continued up the stairs, and finally reached the top. He was in section 2A. To his dismay there were several cubicles, so he'd have to do some searching. He looked in one cubicle and saw Edgar chatting away on the phone. Was everyone that oblivious to the screams from the stairs? Nevertheless, RaptorVinny pulled out a Xbox headset, and snuck behind Edgar. He quickly wrapped the cord around his neck and began choking Edgar. Edgar started to squirm and writhe, elbowing RaptorVinny in the gut. RaptorVinny held the cord with one hand and pulled out an open Xbox game case, and clamped it on Edgar's balls through his shorts. Edgar screamed in pain and clutched at his balls. RaptorVinny held tight onto both weapons and waited until Edgar was out of breath before letting go. His screams, however, attracted attention...
PaulSF and GWolf had heard the screams and came running out of their cubicles. They were about 10 feet away. RaptorVinny pulled out specially made Xbox S Controllers with blades on the edges, and threw them like boomarangs, slicing Paul and GWolf up. They both fell to the floor, bleeding profusely. RaptorVinny smiled as he pulled out two game discs, and stabbed Gwolf and PaulSF in the neck with them.
"What the fuck is going on?!" RaptorVinny turned around. He recognized that voice.
"Are you SpinoMonkey?" RaptorVinny inquired.
"....N-no," SpinoMonkey said.
"LYING PIECE OF SHIT!" RaptorVinny yelled.
"Don't kill me!" SpinoMonkey yelped.
RaptorVinny picked up his bag and advanced. "I've got something special for you, motherfucker." SpinoMonkey turned around and began to run, but it was too late. RaptorVinny took an ice skate out of his bag and threw it at SpinoMonkey's right leg, slicing the back of his calf. SpinoMonkey screamed and crashed to the ground. He started to get up, but RaptorVinny took another ice skate out and sliced SpinoMonkey's right arm off, then stabbed him in the back with it and left it there. He took another ice skate with his other hand and slammed it into the back of SpinoMonkey's head. SpinoMonkey fell to the ground, his body shaking as a pool of blood formed under it.
RaptorVinny wandered around and found an Xbox 360 in an office with a copy of Dead Rising in it. Pleased, he packed it in his bag and left the premises, and returned back home in order to continue his zombie-killing bliss...
Back at the call centre, Bill Gates was making a surprise visit, but had no idea he was about to encounter a bloodbath. He took one look at SpinoMonkey's body filled with ice skates, and said, "Well isn't that something?"
END
1/10/2007 9:56:56 PM
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