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The biography of a stupid person
By RaptorHiss
Hello, my name is Boris Travenski. I have a russian name, and a Nigerian accent. This is my story...
I was born inside an indian tippi outside of Beging, China. My mom was an Swedish prostitute, my father, a gender-challanged male. At 2:21 A.M on Febuary 30th, my mom had her first born child. I wieghed in at 27 lbs. and 3.5 ounce. When I was 2 in a half months old, my mom ran away from our happy home to gather toenail clippings. My father was born insane, and constanly tried to communicate with cans fill of green hair spray. At the age of 3, I ran away to join the American League for Disabled Bowlers Inc. (A.L.D.B.I)
At the age of four, I walked into a facial and bath spa, where I stole a razor, my very first. Later that evening, as I prepared a fine supper of field mouse and pototoes, I promply shaved my pubic hair.
At the age of 12, I ran away, and found myselve on a South American fishing vessel. There I encountered my first love. A male walrus, the size of a small ox cart. Unforutunetly, the sailer named Boner Hardick killed the walrus. Later that night, we dined over the walrus, singing songs of beer and AM/FM radios.
After that, I joined a group of Afganistan cannibalist rebels. We walked across the desert, feasing on squirel tail, which we had stolen from a local gay festival.
After 60 years of traveling, we finally landed in France. We hired a team of excavators. For 15 years, we excavated a mid-evil site, gathering human remains for our overwhelming appitites.
Later, I finally settled in Pittsburg Florida, eating grape and human remains.
Word has it, that something has survived...
Dazzling shades of pink and purple lined the evening jungle sky. Their tint, so bright and glistened, covered the entire region in a majestic haze. Streams of colors ran down to the earth, basking the forest in a placid glow. Clouds of white and violet wondered throughout the air, colliding with one another, forming giant thunderheads overhead. Waves of golden light bounced aimlessly off the floating clouds, sending shimmering beams of color to the jungle below. A slight breeze jostled the mass of clouds, causing them to enshroud the sun momentarily. In time, the sun's luminous rays broke through the blanket once again, and surged back down to earth.
The sun began to dip below the endless horizon, casting dusky shadows across the jungle. The pinks and purples soon begin to fade from their once luminous shine to a pale pastel. The irradiant tones started to diminish as the sun set below the grassy plains. The once lucent pinks began to sink into the darkness, turning to a dark purple. The purples, already dark in contrast, turned a sullen black. Soon, all the colors shifted from their once brilliant shine to an errie murkiness. The clouds, also fading rapidly with the sun, transformed into a pitch blackness. Almost immediately, the colors of the twilight faded to nothing, and all that remained was a dark void of obscurity. Only the slight shimmer of the stars and moon were left, the sun unable to be seen anymore.
As the sun slowly settled behind the rolling hills, the surrounding jungle began to fade along with it. The numerous trees and shrubs began to enter a world of darkness, as the night engulfed them. The lush shades of green and brown started to diminish from sight, as blackness crept around and over them. The golden grasses of the plains turned to a wavy mass of ebon. Entire valleys and hills disappeared from view, and whole trees and rivers vanished. In time, however, the landscape began to reform back, as the pale moon and tiny stars took their ride across the heavens. Small amounts of pallid light shone lightly on the forest, basking it in a ivory shine. What once was unseen, could now be seen slightly under the moon and stars. Vines and leaves swung overhead, and creatures slithered and crawled below along the forest floor. A bird cried out in the far distance, and the sound of splashing could be heard coming from a near by stream. As soon as it had seemed that the sullen dark had taken over, it subsided, and the forest came back to live.
3/11/2002 9:44:11 PM
(Updated: 7/5/2003 11:41:52 PM)
(Updated: 7/6/2003 7:50:15 PM)
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