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I dreamed of Anne
By Neelis
The voice of Anne in my head, asking me if I will go out with her.
‘We are going down!’
Anne, in her evening dress at the party of my parents.
‘thousand meters!’
She and the dog, walking in the park.
‘five hundred meters!’
Anne, waiting for her drinks in the restaurant on the corner.
‘Two hundred, one hundred, ninety, eighty, seventy…’
In bed, sleeping, the book she was reading still open in her hand.
‘Forty, thirty, twenty…’
The church, Sunday morning, with her silly head, looking more attractive than ever.
‘zero, impact! It’s gone!’
The screen goes black, and the green point that indicated the position of the plane dissapears. The airplane is gone.
Anne is gone.
My world is empty.
It now has been four months and five days ago that the boeing 727 crashed in the no-fly-zone in the South Pacific, near Costa Rica.
Since that day I haven’t been out of my house for more than the usual things, food, some cloths, a book to read.
I am not capable of doing my job anymore, it’s to risky. Everytime I see the screens and videotapes and airplanes outside I’m dying with fear.
They never found the crushed plane, only the tailsection, sinking in the ocean. There where no survivors. No body’s. Nothing.
I’m drifting away, being pulled back in my sleep, dreamless, and, just before I will wake up, I will see the face of Anne, smiling in exitement that she will fly to South America to visit a friend from highschool. And she will ask me: ‘Jonathan, why don’t you ask me out?’ And I did.
It now has been four months and six days ago that the boeing 727 crushed in the no-fly-zone in the South Pacific, near Costa Rica.
The phone rings, and wakes me up, pushing me back to reality, the room I’m laying in, completley empty, exept for the couch and the small table with the phone on it. The red carpet is clean, but it looks like blood against the completely white walls.
I pick up the phone, and before I hear his voice I know it’s Jack, my best friend.
‘Hé, Jonah, are you alright?’ He asks me.
‘Well, yeah, I guess.’ I’m quite sure I’m not.
‘Would you go out with me and the guys, just hang out a bit?’
‘Jack,’ I’m starting to interupt him. ‘Not now, not tonight.’
Jack doesn’t say anything. That’s a bit odd, he usual knows what to say. After a few seconds, he starts to speak again.
‘You have been saying that for aproximatley four months now, and althoug you miss her, and we al do, I think you should have a night out. Just a drink won’t hurt you.’
‘Jack, when I do nothing will be the same again…’
He interupts me, hard. ‘Jonathan, it has been foúr fucking months ago! You don’t realize it, but the world is going on, you should not just let that go.’
I know he’s right.
‘What time?’ I ask him.
‘In an hour, at Barney’s.’
‘I’ll be there.’ I say to him, and hang up the phone. I close my eyes, drift away, open them again and decide to get up from the couch and get dressed. The only thing I’m wearing now is a boxer. I leave the room, enter the bathroom, grab a towel, and step under the shower. It’s then that I realize that I’m still wearing the boxershort, and I take it of. Somehow it feels different. To see the boxer-short laying in the water, on the floor of the bathroom. It’s wet and seeing it does remind me to the day the first time that Anne and I slept together. Seven years ago, we were seventheen.
I stop the shower and take the towel to dry myself off. In the mirror I can see myself, a man with a beard from a few days, my hair hangin over my forehead. Naked me, staring at myself.
I grab a clean boxershort, jeans and a sweater. My shoes are simple sneakers, I don’t where socks in them. I comb my hair, take my shoulderbag and open the door, walking trough it. I’m on the street now, and stare to our house, mý house.
It’s not big, just for a small family- but I start thinking about something else before the truth comes over me. Anne wanted kids. She was pregnant. She died.
At Barneys I meet Jack and Peter, another good friend of me. Both spoke on the memorial service for Anne, and I realize that I haven’t seen them since. Four fucking months have past, a complete lifetime.
We sit at a small table and talk a bit about the weather, about their jobs, and eventily about me. I tell them I’m great, that I manage from the money the company paid me for the loss, that I can do with that another four years, four years goddamnit, and that I will make it.
Jack is looking at me in a way I don’t like.
‘What?’ I ask him.
‘You didn’t hear it?’
‘Hear what?’ I say.
‘They found the blackbox, from the airplane.’
‘My god,’ is all I can say. It does not hit me at all.
Then I start to laugh, louder and louder, and the guys realize I’m drunk, and they take me out of Barney’s after paying, and Julianne, the waitress behind the counter, shakes her head at me, and she smiles painfully, and it reminds me to the way Anne used to laugh, and I’m starting to cry.
‘The weather is fine, clear sight.’ The pilot.
‘Yeah, look how far we can see right now, if you look closley you can recognize the islands.’ Co-pilot.
A womans voice. Anne. ‘Isn’t that the dinosaur island, Isla Something?’
‘Isla Sorna. Yep, it is.’ The pilot again.
‘To high to see anything, huh?’ Anne, a voice like an angel.
‘I’m glad so, ma’am. I wouldn’t want to see anything like that up here.’ The pilot laughs. Then we hear him panick.
‘My god, what’s that?’
‘I think one of your dinosaurs is chekking the sky.’ The co-pilot.
Anne: ‘Damn, I don’t have any camera with me.’
‘Look how big it is.’ Another person, I don’t know who he is.
‘Well, it is leaving us again.’ The pilot.
For a while there is silence, then: ‘Shit, hell, MotherMaria-and-jezuschrist!’ We can’t hear who it is.
A crushing sound, like a wing is ripped of, then the sound of breaking glass and suction.
‘Shit, help me!’ Anne. Dear Anne, killed in a planecrash four months and seven days ago.
‘Mayday, mayday!’
The voice of Anne in my head, asking me if I will go out with her.
‘We are going down!’
‘Thousand meters!’
‘Five hundred meters!’
‘Two hundred, one hundred, ninety, eighty, seventy…’
‘Forty, thirty, twenty…’
A sound, statistic, and it’s silent again. Anne is gone, the airplane is gone, the passengers are gone.
I lean back, waiting for the others to say something.
Peter stands up. ‘It’s clear how they crashed. One of those dinosaurs flew into them, hit the propeller and they went down, to Isla… Something?’
‘Sorna.’ I say. Anne said Something instead of Sorna and it sounded sexy. Peter said it, and he just raped Anne’s words. I stand up, slowly and then hit him in the face with my hand.
‘Bastard.’ Is all I can say. I leave the room. The others stare at me, amazed.
Back in Barneys. Somehow I’m not ordering any beer. I ask Julianne for a coke. I pay her, take the glass and walk out, straight to my house.
I’m undressing myself as the phone rings. Twice. Then I pick up.
‘Pete, I’m sorry.’ I saw it on the screen.
‘It’s alright man, just relax. I’m only calling to ask if you are home safe, and you are.’
‘Yes, thank you.’ I hang up. Then I continue undressing myself and walk into the bathroom.
I’m in front of the mirror, and I’m completely naked. I watch my whole body, the muscles in my arms, stomach and legs and my back, as far as I can see it there. I have been working on them. All for nothing.
The shower is hot, and I put it on cold, than on hot again. I dry myself off, and crawl into bed, still naked. I don’t have the power to put a boxer-short on.
‘Isla…Something?’ Is the last thing I heard her say. The rest I forgot, somehow.
I fall asleep, and I dream.
The sky is clear, and I can see the whole ocean under me. Far away at the horizon appear some green spots, islands. I want to go to them, these little places of paradise.
Suddenly, a giant shadow blocks my view. I don’t know what it is. It has wings, and then I see a dinosaur, like in my old books, and I try to remember the name: stegosaurus. And it flies with the plates on his back flapping from side to side and it crushes itself into my window and the plane goes down, into the ocean.
The water is all around me and behind me sinks the tail of the airplane. The stegosaurus flies back to his islands the plates on his back still flapping, and he laughs at me.
The ocean is warm and I could almost stay forever in this place waiting till the plane would have gone under but I know I can’t and I’m starting to swim to the beach.
I’m on the beach now, ripping my clothes and shoes off, except for the short I wear. When I look up I see a volcano, smoking. I start to walk up hill and feel rain falling down on me.
I wake up with an erection, and I take a cold shower again, but it doesn’t help a lot. I’m a bit ashamed of myself and I pull on a boxer-short. Then I fall back in bed and wait till I sleep again.
The field is endless, with some trees in it. At the end of the field walk some dinosaurs…brontosaurus?... and I walk toward them and they talk to me.
‘Left, right, uphill, there is the airplane.’ They say. I walk left, into the forest. A giant tyrannosaurus smiles at me, then runs away, screaming: ‘You never get me, you never get me!’ Behind me is a shadow sliding trough the forest, a giant sail on his back, but I don’t recognize it and it is to fast to be seen very well.
Then I walk right, and then uphill where the stegosaurus is again, laughing at me, and I hit him on his stupid nose and he starts to cry, and a giant brontosaurus leans over and picks the stegosaurus up and throws it away.
In front of me is the airplane, and Anne sitting in front of it, in a purple dress. She laughs at me and comes running down hill. I hug her, my arms around her back, but I feel nothing, and she let’s go and I fall backwards of the hill, and I role over and all the time Anne is waving goodbyes-
I wake up with a pounding hart. My erection has gone but I’m sweating now, in fact I can almost swim in it.
Thirsty I walk to the kitchen and take a glass of water, before I take a long, hot bath.
I’m scared to go to bed again, and I stay awake and decide to go out, on the street and I walk trough New York till night becomes day and around nine o’clock I’m near the World Trade Centre and I decide to go up.
On the roof I overview the city. This is the place where I asked Anne if she wanted to marry me. She said yes. Three days later she disappeared. I turn myself around and there she is, smiling at me, in a purple dress. I gasp for air and she says ‘Hello Jonathan’ to me, and we hug and kiss.
The plane hits the building.
We can feel it, as the whole structure moves, and I look down to see a giant cloud of smoke come up and underneath it is a fire burning. I take Anne’s hand, her eyes full of fear and we run trough the stairwell.
I start running down, taking Anne, she is afraid, I’m not because I got her back and we run forever.
We stop and Anne asks me to go back up. Smoke is everywhere and people run around us. Pushing us aside. I turn, and we walk up the stairs again.
Back on the roof we can see another plane coming, crushing into the other tower and I hold Anne in my arms and I kiss her.
‘What have I done?’ She says.
I ask her: ‘What do you say?’ But she doesn’t answer and we wait. The building collapses and we fall down, in a cloud of smoke and dust, but before we die I can see the stegosaurus flying above us, and it’s laughing.
4/26/2002 1:22:03 PM
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