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Dino-Life SE 02
By Mr.Camel
Dino-Life
Chapter 02: Onward
Written By Mr. Camel 05.01.05 – 08.01.05 * 14 pages
This episode is a spoof of: Half-Life, Jurassic Park
July 16 – 10:35
Visitor Center
Edgar and Ben led the scientists out of the theater. An employee approached Edgar nervously, stuffing his cell phone back into his pocket.
“What is it?” Edgar growled.
“Uh… they’re here, Mr. Edgar,” the employee said.
A large smile appeared on Edgar’s face. “Thank you, where are they? We must get to them immediately.”
“What? Where are we going?” Ford asked.
“Onward!” Edgar said, leading them back into the corridor.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 10:37
Sector X Lobby
Rick Arnold ran into the lobby of Sector X, the room he had first been in this morning. The lights now flickered on and off. Computer equipment lay on the floor, damaged. The floor was covered in a slick layer of blood. The door out was open, fortunately, but something else caught his eye.
The chair the security guard earlier was still upright. The back of the chair faced him. Rick saw the guard’s legs dangling below the chair. He was definitely de—the legs kicked slightly, and he heard a faint moaning. He was still alive!
Rick cautiously walked over to the chair. The lights flashed off again. He walked around to the front of the chair, and tapped the guard on the shoulder.
“Hey, are you all right?” he asked.
The lights flickered on. Rick saw blood on his fingers, and then fell to the ground. He saw a dark shape rise over him. Had the guard pushed him over for some reason? Or had he slipped on the… blood? The guard was a zombie.
The zombie moaned, picked up the chair, and threw it onto Rick with great force. Fortunately the HEV suit absorbed most of the impact. Rick tossed the chair off of him. He swung his crowbar at the zombie’s leg, hooking the leg and pulling it forward. The zombie lost balance and fell backwards. Rick scrambled away and stood up. The zombie was beginning to get up. He charged at it, his crowbar raised over his head. He jammed the crowbar into the zombie’s head. It grunted loudly, and fell limp. Rick pulled the crowbar out of the zombie. It twitched and fell to the floor.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 10:39
Seattle Tacoma Airport
Mr. Camel ran onto the Boeing 747. He was about ten minutes late; the tire on his Jaguar had been slashed, and he had to replace it. The plane had been rented by the ITIA, so everyone on board was going to be working with him. He found Monk in the back of the plane, operating a laptop.
“What took you so long?” Monk asked.
“My tire was slashed,” Camel said.
“Ah, sorry to hear that. Anyway, you probably want to know who you’ll be working with, don’t you?” Monk said.
“Actually, no. Well… yes,” Camel said.
“I thought so,” Monk nodded. He led Camel through the plane, introducing him to the others: Darial Longsword, who would captain the boat; Paleeoguy, an archeologist; Snake Mark, a paranormal expert; and Jango Raptor, a mercenary.
“Okay. When do we land in New Mexico?” Camel asked.
“Ah… we have to make a stop at Los Angeles International first, to pick up another guy, an Aussie. We’ll hang out there for a little while… so, we’ll probably be landed and totally set up in New Mexico by six, tonight.”
Camel sat down and began to learn about his crew.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 10:42
Sector X Lobby
Rick Arnold walked to the mechanical door, which was stuck open. He exited onto the catwalk on the other side. The guard seemed to be missing, too… No, there he was. His arm, all that seemed to be left of him, dangled off of the railing, his hand tightly clenched around the metal bar. There was no way to get off from here. He walked back into the lobby, back through the mechanical door.
Smash! The door slammed close; the gear must have gotten free. Rick sighed. He cautiously moved to the back of the lobby. A ventilation shaft was up near the ceiling. He found a large filing cabinet, and climbed the shelves up to the top. He smashed the grate that covered the vent with the crowbar, and crawled through.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 10:47
Visitor Center Lobby
“Ah, kids!” Edgar said as he ran towards two kids. They ran towards him, and all three collided and fell on the floor. “Stupid kids, that was your fault.”
“Sorry, Grandpa Edgar,” one of the kids said, looking at the floor sadly.
“Oh, never mind. Kids, these are scientists. Scientists, these are kids,” Edgar said.
“I would never have guessed,” Host said.
“Yes, I know,” said Edgar.
“Do they have names?” Yvonne asked.
“Yes: TobyCompy and MuldoonLives.”
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 10:50
Sector X Control Room
Rick Arnold kicked a grate out, and dropped into what looked like control room. At least, it was a control room. Electronics equipment lay strewn across the floor, sparks fizzing off of the many wires.
A headcrab suddenly leapt six feet into the air, and it would have landed on his face if he hadn’t had quickly raised the crowbar in front of his face. The crab struck the crowbar, and fell to the floor. It crawled, positioning itself for another jump. He jammed the crowbar through its body, and it collapsed, green blood oozing from the wound.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 10:51
Visitor Center Lobby
“Well, now we’ll show you some things which the regular tourists won’t see when the park is opened,” Ben said.
“Oh… will it show us how the dinosaurs were actually made?” Ford asked.
“What are you talking about?” Junkee said, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, what are you talking about?” Edgar said.
“Never mind…” Ford shook his head.
“It has been quite apparent for some time now,” Junkee said arrogantly, “that you never had a mind.”
“Indeed?” Ford said, glaring at Junkee.
“Indeed,” Junkee said, shoving Ford.
Martin stepped between them.
“Onward!” Edgar called, leading them to another door.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 10:53
Sector X Control Room
Rick Arnold saw a door across the room. It seemed to be the only exit. He climbed over the equipment towards the door. He activated the retinal scanner, and slammed the crowbar into it.
The door beeped and slid open. He walked through, and found himself in a maintenance hallway. He walked down the hallway until he reached the middle. On one side was a small hallway leading back to some doors. Probably closets. On the other side was a manhole, behind it a glass wall. Something was on the other side, but he couldn’t decide what it was, yet. He did notice that another manhole was on the other side of the glass. He could probably go through this one and get up through the other one.
First, though, he was going to check the closets. He might find another weapon in there. He walked down the short hallway, and found a regular steel door on each side. He opened one, and looked in. There was only a mop. Rick closed the door, and opened the opposite one.
ZAP! Rick was jolted back into the door behind him, green bolts of electricity striking him. He looked up, dizzy. A brown creature stood over him, green collars around its neck and wrists. It had a large, red eye on its forehead, and a third arm protruding from its chest. It was thin and lanky, maybe five feet in height. It was the second alien he had seen in his dream. It raised its arms, and more green bolts began to collect into a ball between its hands. It released the ball as a giant bolt at Rick, more powerful this time. It was strong enough to send him into the door, and pushing him through it. His vision was blurry now, but he thought he saw the alien charging another energy ball. He rolled behind the wall, where he hoped the energy bolt wouldn’t be able to reach him.
It worked. The green bolt zapped through the door, and left a large black mark on the floor. His vision began to clear up. He saw the alien clumsily run into the closet. Rick reached up and jammed the crowbar into the alien’s abdomen. It hissed, and began to pull the crowbar out of its body. Rick pushed it in further, and twisted it. The alien hissed more. He pulled the crowbar out, and green blood poured from the hole. He then slammed the crowbar into the alien’s foot. It made a high-pitched grunt, and collapsed to the ground. Rick swung the crowbar at the alien’s head, digging into its eye. It moaned loudly, and died. Rick stood, and left the closet.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 10:53
Visitor Center Control Room
They entered the control room. It was a large, grey room. Light poured into the room through giant windows, which covered the length of an entire wall. Desks filled half of the room. On each sat a black PC. Only two of the eight desks were occupied, and one other man stood behind one of them, observing the monitor. They didn’t seem to have noticed them, yet.
“Hello!” Edgar said. “These are our first tourists, so we decided to let them in here. We’re giving them an extended tour.”
“Oh… I guess we should introduce ourselves, then?” asked one of the men at a computer.
“If you wish to, yes,” Edgar said.
“Okay, then. I am Gentry, the head computer programmer here,” he said. “I program and maintain most of the automated computer systems here.”
“And I’m Mark. I set up the networking and control the labs,” said the other computer guy.
“Carna,” the standing man said. “I keep the dinosaurs under control, and fix any problems that might occur out there.”
“Problems?” Ford said.
“There are no problems,” Ben said quickly. “He’s just saying… hypothetically, you know?”
“I’m sure I do,” Ford said. He saw Ben shoot a mean look at Carnotaur3.
“Anyway… Carna, would you like to show them the… special dinosaurs?” Edgar asked.
“No. Must I?” Carna said.
“Yes. You must,” Edgar said. “Go now.”
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:01
Sector X Maintenance Wing
Rick Arnold pried the manhole cover off with the crowbar, and lifted it aside. Below was darkness, which was all he could see. He climbed in, and splashed into water. The automatic flashlight in the HEV suit flashed on. He was in an eight-foot high pipe, which was filled a foot with water. He quickly found where he’d have to get up through the other manhole. Currently, he couldn’t reach it. He’d have to somehow raise the water level.
Rick walked through the pipe, and eventually found a valve. He turned it, releasing water into the pipe. It rose quickly, and he took a deep breath and swam towards the manhole. He pried it off, and pushed it off. He climbed up onto the floor and caught his breath.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a headcrab crawl towards him. He reached out and stabbed it with the crowbar.
The lights flickered. The hallway went down about forty feet, and there was another door, and a dumpster. He saw the lid of the dumpster lift about an inch, and then close again. Something was in it. Rick walked over to the dumpster, and knocked on the lid. A groan.
“Please! Don’t hurt me!” a voice whined. The lid went up again, and Rick saw that a scientist was inside of the dumpster, hiding. “Rick Arnold! It’s you! You survived!”
“Yeah. Do you know what’s going on here?” Rick said.
“Hah! A disaster is going on here! The Administrator set the machine just high enough to cause an explosion, and also create a portal to an alien world. Now we have aliens coming into the facility, and parts of it are crumbling,” the scientist said frantically.
“What should I do?” Rick said.
“You have to get to the surface, Rick,” the scientist said. “You have to tell them what’s happening down here.”
“Won’t they already know?”
“We can’t be sure that it’s happening throughout the facility, Rick,” the scientist said. “The quickest and safest way to the surface from here is probably to go through the storage area—which that elevator will take you to—then go up to office complex, and from there, go through the packaging area. Eventually you’ll reach the surface. If you get lost, I’m sure the other scientists will be glad to help you on your way.”
Rick Arnold left the scientist, and entered the elevator.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:03
Visitor Center Control Room
Carna led them through a set of doors, and then through another. They now stood outside in the bright sunlight. An electric fence was visible to the left. Carna led to an observation deck that overlooked the fence. All they could see was jungle foliage.
A mechanical sound and a moo brought their attention to a large crane to the left, at the end of the observation deck. It carried a blue tarp with a cow inside of it.
“Oh dear, what is going to happen to that cow,” TobyCompy said worriedly. Carna grinned.
The crane lowered the cow into the jungle, and they heard snarls. The cow mooed loudly, sounding like a dying cow. Suddenly, a small white object flew out of the jungle, and struck TobyCompy in the face. It fell and rolled gently on the deck. Toby picked it up, and stared at it, trying to figure out what it was. And then he realized that he was looking into the dead eye of a cow. He screamed and tossed it back into the jungle. Carna laughed.
“That wasn’t funny!” Toby cried.
“What killed it?” Host asked.
“Those are the raptors,” Carna said.
“Raptors? You have raptors, too?” Junkee asked excitedly.
“Yeah. If you ask me, I think they should all be destroyed,” Carna said.
"Well, I didn’t ask you,” Junkee said. “Will we get to see them up close? I can’t really see them through the trees.”
“Be glad you can’t. I can’t understand why you would want to see them up close. These things could—“
“I know; I’m a paleontologist. I know what they can do,” Junkee said. “These are the most dead—“
A chime rang, interrupting Junkee. “Lunch time?” he asked.
“Yes, lunch time. I’ll take you back to Edgar,” Carna said.
* * * * * * *
July 16 –11:15
Visitor Center Cafeteria
A waiter pushed a cart of food over to the table where they sat. On it was a great variety of food: salad, broccoli, spinach, potatoes, carrots, peppers, corn, and steak.
“Edgar, this park is a masterpiece,” Ambrose, the lawyer, said. “The investors are going to be very pleased.”
“And you haven’t even seen the best part, yet,” Edgar grinned. “The tour.”
“Grandpa! Grandpa! When do we go on the tour?” MuldoonLives asked.
“You’ll be going after we eat. Unfortunately, I can’t go. I’m too busy,” Edgar said.
“But I want to go now!” MuldoonLives whined. TobyCompy stuck a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his ear.
“Will you two kids cut it out! You’re acting like five year olds! And you’re both older than that!” Edgar said.
“Exactly how old are they?” Yvonne said.
“TobyCompy is eleven, and MuldoonLives is nine…” Edgar said.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:24
Sector X Storage Area
Rick Arnold stepped out of the elevator, and heard a high-pitched barking. He was now in an area where the walls were a bluish-grey colour, and the temperature was much cooler. From around the corner came a small, dog-like creature. It was maybe two feet long, and stood one foot high. It was green and had blue stripes along its back. It looked thin, and had a small tail. It had no eyes, but a large mouth filled with small, pointed teeth. It ran up to him, and began to make an odd, high-pitched noise. And then he fell to the ground.
Somehow, it had made a noise powerful enough to knock him off of his feet. The creature ran over to him, and prepared to chew on his arm. He kicked it away, and it slid down the hall. But more of the creatures appeared. There were now nine of them. He stood and backed up against the wall. The approached him quickly. Once they were within five feet of him, they began to make the high-pitched sounds again. He was knocked off of his feet again, but it was worse this time. He was dizzy and couldn’t see straight, and he now had a terrible headache. The creatures ran towards him, and began to bite him. Their teeth, although very sharp, were not enough to penetrate the HEV suit. They seemed to realize this, and went for the only uncovered part of his body—his head.
Rick clumsily began to kick and swing the crowbar around. One of the creatures yelped. He thought he saw it fly backwards, but he wasn’t sure. He buried his head under one of his arms, and waved the other one around him, trying to knock away the creatures.
He heard gunshots, and the creatures began to yelp more. He noticed that the crowbar wasn’t hitting anything anymore. He uncovered his head, and noticed that none of the creatures were around him. He wasn’t as dizzy as he had been before, and he looked around. A security guard holding a pistol walked towards him. The bodies of the dog creatures lay around him, green blood dripping out from the gunshot wounds.
“Hey you! Are you okay?” the guard asked.
“Yeah, I’m dizzy, but I’ll be okay,” Rick said.
“Good. We need to get out of here,” the guard said. “Follow me, I have a gun.”
The guard led him to a small office. A scientist sat in a chair at a desk.
“Rick Arnold? You’re alive? This is great news. Rick, we need you to get to the surface. I’m suspecting that more parts of the facility are having the same problems that we’re having. I’ve finally managed to connect to the network, and received e-mail from one of my colleagues. He says that they’re doing beginning to name the creatures, and perform autopsies on them. They currently estimate that there are seven types of creatures, not including the zombies. There are the headcrabs, those small, leaping crab aliens. They’re parasites, which can take total control of their hosts after killing them. The small dog creatures are being called houndeyes. They create sound waves capable of knocking people off of their feet, and then attack them. The brown, three-armed, one-eyed creatures are called Vortigaunts. They are suspected to be slaves of another alien r—“
The guard ran to the doorway and began to shoot. A green bolt appeared from the direction he was shooting, and struck him. He collapsed to the ground, dead.
“Oh, dear. This is not good, not good at all,” the scientist moaned.
Rick reached out of the doorway and grabbed the gun. He rushed back into the office, checked the gun’s ammo. Only two rounds left.
The Vortigaunt clumsily ran over to the room, and began to charge an energy ball. Rick dived out of the way as the bolt came towards him. It struck the scientist, and he died, smoke rising off of his body.
Rick shot at the alien’s torso, and it hissed in pain. He fired again, this time striking it in the stomach. The Vortigaunt moved closer. He pulled the trigger again, and it clicked. He dropped the pistol and swung the crowbar at its neck. It hooked around its neck. He pulled the crowbar back, and twisted it, snapping the alien’s neck. It fell lifelessly to the floor. Rick grabbed the pistol; he might find ammo for it later. And figure out how to reload it.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:37
Visitor Center Lobby
“Okay, now it’s time for the tour. You should be back around four,” Ben said, leading them outside. Two Ford Explorers sat outside in the road.
“Can I drive, Mr. Ben?” TobyCompy asked.
“No, they don’t need drivers. They run along this track,” Ben said, pointing to a rail running through the middle of the road. “Now, everyone get into the cars, and we’ll be ready to go.”
Ambrose, Junkee, TobyCompy, and MuldoonLives entered the first car. Martin Randle, Ford, Host, and Yvonne sat in the second. The doors closed, and the cars began to move forwards.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:42
Sector X Storage Area
Rick Arnold ran to a door. It had a valve on it. He turned the valve, and the door opened. He found himself in what seemed like (and felt like) a giant freezer. A track ran along the ceiling, and giant masses of meat hung from the ceiling. There seemed to be no way out of the room at first, but then he noticed a ladder, leading up to another level. He climbed up, and a headcrab leapt at him. He whacked it with the crowbar, and struck a piece of meat, and slid down to the floor. Rick walked into a small room. A computer terminal sat in one corner of the room. A switch sat on the desk. He pulled it and heard a mechanical sound. He looked out of the door and saw a platform moving across the room along the track on the ceiling. It was the same height as the floor he was now on. He saw a ventilation grate across the room, up near the ceiling. He could reach it from the moving platform.
He decided to check the rest of the room before continuing on. He found two fragmentation grenades, which he dropped into a storage area built into the back of the HEV suit. He walked out of the room, and waited for the platform to move back to where he was standing.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:44
Tour Road
The Explorers approached a giant wooden gate, with the words ‘Edgar’s World’ printed on the top. A torch burned on each side of the gate, which stood twenty feet high. The gate opened as they neared.
Ford grinned. “What do they have behind that gate, Godzilla?”
July 16 – 11:46
Sector T Catwalk 17
Cameron woke up. He opened his eyes. He could see just as much with his eyes open as he could with the closed. He managed to sit up, but struck his head against a metal rail. He lay down for a few minutes while his head recovered, and then attempted to stand up. He knew there was supposed to be a door here, so he began to feel around the wall for a knob. He eventually found it, and yanked the door open. It hit him and knocked him over. He again stood. There was no light beyond the door. He walked through the doorway, and abruptly felt his feet go out from under him. He fell down the stairs, which seemed to go on forever, before finally reaching the bottom. He continued to roll, but didn’t stop until he painfully rolled into a wall. His body ached everywhere. He tried to stand, but collapsed.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:47
Sector X Freezer
Rick leapt onto the platform. He waited as it moved over to the grate, which he smashed open, and jumped into it as it passed.
He crawled through the dark ventilation shaft. Just as the flashlight turned on, he heard a shriek and saw the shape of a headcrab leap into him, striking him in the chest. He jammed the crowbar towards his body, stabbing through the headcrab.
He continued to crawl through the ventilation shaft.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:49
Tour Road
The Explorers passed in front of a ten-foot electric fence. A voice began to speak through the car.
“Welcome to Edgar’s World. You are on the Dinosaur Tour. You are currently looking at a lot of trees. Beyond the trees are… dilophosaurs,” said the voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“Ooh! Dilophosaurs!” Junkee said excitedly, looking out of the window.
“Dilophosaurus is about twenty feet in length, and we have discovered that it is capable of spitting venom. They might look pretty, but they are deadly. Enjoy them,” Schwarzenegger continued.
Junkee pressed his face up to the window and tried to spot a dilophosaurus, but the foliage was too thick to see through. The Explorers passed on, and Junkee moved away from the window and hung his head dejectedly.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:51
Sector X Ventilation Shaft
Rick Arnold came to an opening. The ventilation shaft seemed to continue on the other side, so he didn’t know what it was for. He crawled into the opening, and was about to stand up, but then saw a fan spinning over his head. He immediately dropped to the ground. He crawled onward, eventually reaching the other end of the tunnel. He kicked out the grate, and hopped down into an office. A security guard and two scientists turned in surprise and looked at him.
“Rick Arnold?” said one of the scientists. “You’re alive?”
Rick nodded.
“Rick, I’m afraid you have come to a deaden—“
“Well, not quite. You see, the elevator is stuck on the floor above, and we can’t get up to the next floor. The only way up to get across would be to leap across the elevator shaft to the ladder, and then climb up. But… that’s a fifteen-foot gap. Maybe… maybe you could make it, with your HEV suit, though. If it has the extended jump module built into it, you could probably make it. Let me check.”
The scientist moved over to Rick and began to inspect the suit. Rick began to grow uncomfortable as the scientist touched him. “Ah… yes… yes!” the scientist said excitedly. “You can make it, Rick. Be careful, though.”
“Hey, don’t you have a gun?” the guard asked, pointing at the crowbar.
“Uh… yeah, but it’s out of ammo… Rick said, retrieving the pistol from the HEV suit’s utility belt.
“We have some extra ammo for you. At least, if it’s ours, we do,” the guard said. “Let me see it.”
Rick handed the gun over. The guard inspected it briefly, and then grabbed a few clips of ammunition from a crate on the ground.
“It’s a 9mm Beretta. Our standard security sidearm here at Silver Mesa. Here’s some extra ammo, too…” the guard said, taking out the empty clip and putting a new one in. He handed three extra clips to Rick.
“Thanks,” Rick said, putting the crowbar and pistol into his utility belt. He’d need both hands for the jump.
The guard led him out into a hallway, and the scientists showed him what he’d have to do to activate the jumping module. He’d have to press a small button on his leg just before he made the jumped. Any earlier and he’d leave the ground before he made the jump, and probably not get close enough to the ladder. Any later, and he’d be a bloody mess on the floor a few seconds later.
“Good luck, Dr. Arnold,” said the guard before walking out of the way.
Rick took a deep breath, and sprinted forward. He pressed the button just as he reached the last inch of space before he fell into the hole, and he jumped up.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:55
Tour Road
The Explorers moved forwards, passing in front of a second exhibit.
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice boomed through the speakers, “We are now passing by the hypsilophodon paddock. Hypsilophodon was approximately seven feet in length. It has long back legs, making it very fast. They are from England. It was herbivourous.”
They looked out of the windows and saw a dozen green dinosaurs running through the brush.
“This is amazing!” Junkee said. And then the Explorers moved on again.
* * * * * * *
July 16 – 11:59
Elevator Shaft
Rick Arnold collided with the ladder and began to slide down. He clutched to the ladder, his heart beating hard. He took a deep breath and began to climb up, forcing himself not to look down. Instead, he looked up, and saw a scientist hanging off of the top of the elevator. He’d apparently been trying to come down to help, but he somehow slipped or something, and now clung to the top of the elevator. Rick climbed faster, trying to reach the top of the ladder, so he could jump over to the elevator and rescue the scientist.
Rick then watched in horror as the scientist lost grip of the elevator, screamed and plunged downwards. His eyes followed the scientist’s body as it fell. There was a sickening thud as the body struck the bottom. Fortunately he couldn’t see the body—what was left of the body, at least—because it was too dark. Rick tightened his grip on the ladder, and climbed the rest of his way up to the top. He let go with one of his hands, and turned around. He leapt onto the top of the elevator. A small hatch on top was open, and he dropped through.
1/8/2005 9:18:31 PM
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