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Dino-Life SE 00
By Mr.Camel
Dino-Life
Prologue: Anomalous Materials
Written By Mr. Camel * 30.12.04 * 5 pages
This episode is a spoof of: Half-Life, Christmas Vacation
The transportation module glided below the magnetic track, with just one passenger inside: Rick Arnold. He was about half an hour late this morning due to an ancient waffle, whose expiration date was November 19, 1998.
“Welcome to the Silver Mesa Transportation System,” a prerecorded female voice said over a speaker on the ceiling. “Today is… July 16 2000… at… 08:17. This train is heading towards… Sector X: Anomalous Materials Laboratories… from… Sector R.
The current outside temperature is… 89o Fahrenheit, while the interior of the facility is maintained at a cool 70o atmosphere. Today’s estimated high is… 98o. The weather will be sunny and hot for the rest of the week.”
The module came to a stop, and began to descend to a lower level of the facility. After reaching the floor, it stopped again and moved forwards. Arnold looked out of the window to see a horde of scientists hiding behind a large crate. As the module went forward, he saw that on the other side was a vicious looking squirrel with red eyes. He watched in safety as it leapt over the crate. He heard muffled screams, and then module left the area, entering another transportation tunnel. The large mechanical doors closed behind it.
The tunnel continued on for about fifty feet before coming to an airlock, which opened and allowed it past, into the sunlight. The module now rode on top of the rail in the burning sunlight, sixty feet over the ground. Arnold saw a helicopter on the ground. Several people were down there, too, but he couldn’t tell who they were. And then the module entered another tunnel.
“Please do not break the windows of the tramcar, and keep your head, limbs, buttocks, scapula, phalanges, and any other body parts in the tramcar at all times. In the event of an emergency, stay seated in the tramcar until assistance arrives.”
The module passed through another airlock, and came to a large cement area, filled with transportation tracks. Arnold saw a security guard pounding on a door on a catwalk below. Up ahead was another catwalk.
“Now arriving at… Sector X: Anomalous Materials Laboratories,” said the speaker as the module pulled up to the catwalk. It stopped and a security guard approached. He pressed a button and the door slid open.
“Hello, Dr. Arnold, you’re half an hour late this morning…” the security guard said.
“Expired waffles…” Arnold said.
“I see. Anyway, they’re waiting for you down at the testing labs. Big experiment today. Follow me, I’ll let you in,” the security guard led Arnold toward an airlock. He bent over and put his eye up to a retinal scanner. It beeped. And it beeped again. And it continued to beep. “Hey, what’s wrong with this thing?”
The scanner still continued to beep. The guard kicked it, and it promptly stopped. Seconds later, the airlock opened.
“Well, have a great day, Dr. Arnold,” said the guard.
“You, too,” Arnold said, walking into the airlock. The door closed behind him. Thirty seconds later, the next door opened, and he entered the lobby of Sector X: Anomalous Materials Laboratories.
* * * * * * *
“Oh, hey Dr. Arnold. They’re waiting for you down in the testing chamber. Get your HEV suit on and get down there. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this system stable, it’s been buggy all morning,” said another security guard sitting at a computer desk in the center of the room.
A scientist in a white lab coat led Rick Arnold down to the changing room, where he put on the HEV suit. It was a large, metal suit that was designed to protect the wearer from hazardous materials. He hated it; it was very uncomfortable.
The scientist then led him to yet another security guard, who let Arnold onto an elevator to the testing floor, sixty feet beneath them. Arnold rode the elevator down alone, and was greeted by two scientists upon reaching the bottom.
“Hello, Dr. Arnold! We’ve been expecting you! The Administrator, Dr. Ben, would like the results immediately, so, let’s go!” one of the scientists said, leading him to the control room.
There were two more scientists in this room, both of whom he recognized: Dr. Sinornis, one of the lead scientists on the Quantum Teleportation Research Team, and Dr. Dinosaur Neill, who had gotten him his job here several weeks ago, and was also a lead scientist on the QTRT.
“Ah, hello, Rick! We were beginning to think you’d eaten an expired pancake and would be too sick for work today,” Dr. Dinosaur Neill said.
“Actually it was an expired waffle,” Arnold frowned.
“Oh… well, anyway, all you have to do is go into that room over there, push a button, wait, and push an object into the teleportation beam. And that’s it!” Dr. Sinornis said. “But… I’m a bit worried. The Administrator wants us to turn the power exceedingly high, and there is a possibility of a… well—“
“Now, now. Dr. Arnold is a highly trained professional; he doesn’t need to hear this—“
“He’s been working here for two weeks, and he barely has his degree…” Sinornis said.
“Anyway, we’re sure you’ll be just fine, Dr. Arnold. So… let’s go!” Dr. Neill said.
* * * * * * *
Dr. Rick Arnold stepped into the testing chamber. It was a large, cylindrical room. The ceiling was fifty feet above him. A large teleportation device took up most of the room, leaving only ten feet around it on all sides. In the back was a ladder leading up to a catwalk. On the left side of the room was a small inlet. It was probably where the specimen would come through.
“Testing… testing… 1… 2… 3… A… B… C… This is fun… I’ve got the hippy-hippy shake!” Dr. Neill said over a loudspeaker.
“Give me that, you fool,” Dr. Sinornis said. “Dr. Arnold, can you hear us?”
“Yeah,” Arnold answered.
“Dr. Arnold, can you hear me now?” Dr. Sinornis said.
“Yeah!” Arnold said again.
“Dr. Arnold! Can you—“
“Sinornis, you ninny. The glass and walls are soundproof!” Dr. Neill said. “Don’t mind him, Rick. Anyway…climb that ladder… and get onto the catwalk. Okay, now get over to the computer console and push, the button… yes, the big, red, shiny button. Push it.”
Arnold pushed the button, and the teleportation machine turned on, and began to hum. The machine looked like two cones—one on the ceiling pointing down, the other on the floor pointing up—with maybe six feet between them. A small laser appeared and flowed between the two cones. More parts, attached to the outside of the cones began to whirl around them.
“Okay, Rick… the specimen should be arriving right about… now. There it is!” Dr. Neill said.
As Rick Arnold climbed back down the ladder, he saw a man in a blue suit peek into the control room. Neill, Sinornis, and the other scientists seemed not to notice. Arnold continued down, and walked over to the specimen. It was a glowing green crystal, which had been placed on a heavy-duty cart.
“Okay, now push the cart into the beam,” Dr. Sinornis instructed.
Arnold pushed the cart into the beam between the two cones, and then everything went black. Zap!
* * * * * * *
Rick Arnold awoke, breathing heavily. Everything around him was shrouded in blackness. He heard a hissing noise. He sat up and saw several small creatures standing around him. They were mostly a dirty white colour, with red legs. They looked a little like crabs, he thought. But before he could make any further observations, he saw a flash of green in front of him. Zap!
* * * * * * *
Rick Arnold awoke again. He couldn’t see anything, but tried to stand up. A flash of light revealed brown, one-eyed creatures, with green collars around their necks and wrists. And then there was another flash of green. Zap!
* * * * * * *
Rick Arnold awoke yet again. This time he was on… a white cloud, with a pink sky in the background? A marshmallow with large eyes, popped out of the cloud. It had a large smile on its… face?
“Hi there Ricky! I’m Vito the Marshmallow! Do you want to be my friend?” said the marshmallow.
“No,” said Arnold.
“Please! We can be the bestest friends in the whole wide world! So, what do you say? Best friends forever?”
“No. I hate you.”
“Oh, come on, Rick! You know you love me! Everyone loves me! I am Vito the Marshmallow!” the marshmallow snarled.
Then a man in a trench coat with long black hair appeared out of nowhere. He held a shotgun in his hands. He pulled the trigger and blasted Vito off of the cloud.
“Thank you very much!” Arnold said.
“No problem. By the way, my name is Aragorn. We will meet again someday,” the man said. Another Vito marshmallow began to pop out of the cloud. “Go back to sleep, man, before he’s back!” And then Aragorn disappeared.
Rick closed his eyes, and there was another green flash. Zap!
* * * * * * *
Rick Arnold woke up, and was inside the test chamber again. What used to be the test chamber, anyway. The machine continued to whirl and hum, but lasers now shot out of it from all angles. Arnold dodged them and made his way back to the control room.
Two of the scientists were now dead. Dr. Neill now lay on the floor, leaning against the wall, apparently wounded. Dr. Sinornis limped over to Arnold.
“Rick, you’re alive! I didn’t think it was possible that you could survive, but apparently those HEV suits are tougher than I thought. I just knew something like this would happen, but the Administrator would not listen. And now we have a resonance cascade. Who knows what might happen next? Listen, Rick, you need to get on up to the surface and let them know we’re still down here. It shouldn’t take long. But we’ll need help getting back up. Good luck, Rick!”
12/30/2004 9:26:40 PM
(Updated: 12/30/2004 9:32:25 PM)
(Updated: 1/1/2005 1:03:42 PM)
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