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Dino-Life Chapter 4: The Expedition
By Mr.Camel
The Adventures of Mr. Camel: Dino-Life
Chapter 4: The Expedition
AlanGrant5 stood, leaning on the wooden rail of the Black Widow. He looked very tired from not sleeping at all the previous night. He didn’t sleep for two reasons, A) he wanted to find the toxin, B) the loonies wouldn’t stop singing. He looked into the blue water of the river through bloodshot eyes.
“Arg… so did ye find ye damned toxin?” Captain Darial Longsword asked.
AlanGrant5 looked up at the pirate and smiled. “The toxin seems to be a compound chemical…fifty percent alcohol, fifty percent sperm. It’s an odd thing. I can see alcohol, but sperm? What the fuck? Do people throw their condoms in the river these days? Probably the damn teenagers, or college kids, making out on their damn road trips to the Grand Canyon. Hell, I bet they go to L.A., and this just a stop on the way.”
“Me think ye meant men, mate.”
“What?”
“You said ‘people throw their condoms in the river’. I don’t believe girls um…you know. At least, not since I last checked they didn’t. And that was just last night,”
“Oh, yeah, you’re right. At least, I hope you are. And how did you ‘check’?”
“Ye think me leave without me woman? Hell no! Couldn’t last a night without her. Never get to sleep.”
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“And now, like, dude, like, we’re, like, approaching the, like, tyrannosaur!” Totally!” Totally Kyle said over the radio.
“Oh my God,” Yvonne moaned, again.
“You’ve said that at least fifty times, now,” The Host said.
Yvonne began slamming her head against the window. “Why the hell did I agree to come here?”
“I don’t know. But shut the hell up and stop doing that or I’ll begin rambling about stuff again!”
The t-rex lumbered into view. “There’s the tyrannosaur!” Martin Randle said excitedly, he was now the only one there who was still interested in the dinosaurs. The cars continued to drive forward, toward the next exhibits.
“Only one-hundred-eighteen left to go!” Host announced.
“The tyrannosaur reminds of this one time when, like, I was going to eat chicken nuggets, and, like, I was about to eat one, when I noticed it was, like, shaped like a tyrannosaur! Then I chewed its head off! Totally!”
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“Arg… I reckon this ain’t on the map, mates,” Longsword announced to all of the people on board, who were now standing on the deck.
They had stopped, now having a choice between two rivers. They could follow the clean one, which probably led down the normal path of the Colorado, or they could go down this dirty new tributary. The uncharted river was filled with trash and beer cans and it also had some white liquid in it. The water was green. Brown things floated everywhere.
“I think we should go down there,” Mr. Camel said, pointing in to turd and trash filled green water.
“And get me ship covered in that shit?”
“Yes.”
“Paleeoguy, raise the anchors! We’re heading ashore!”
“Aye, sir!” Paleeoguy answered.
“You’re running it aground?” Dr. Junkee asked, disbelievingly.
“Hell, I’m not takin’ her through that shit, mate!”
“The reason we want to go that way is so we can find the source of the toxin!” Guilty Spark said.
“If you run us aground, we can’t find the source!” Camel shouted.
“Ah, but we will! I reckon we’ll have to watch out for sand sharks, but Paleeoguy can just as easily navigate through the sand as the water, granted it’s sand and not solid ground of course, mate!”
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“Ah, back to the rex, or in a few minutes, anyway!” Host said joyously.
It was now night, the cars were returning from the tour.
“Ah, there’s rex now, I believe,” Randle said as the t-rex stood near the fence. Suddenly a body landed on top of the windshield.
“Ewwww! That’s disgusting!” Yvonne screamed.
“Holy shit!” Host yelled.
Randle stared at the rex, and saw its small hand clutching the fence. Randle looked at the panel that showed if the generator for the cars was running.
“We are in some deep shit here! The generator is on!”
“Oh my God. Does that mean the fences are out, too?” Yvonne asked.
“One-hundred and twenty-eight times now,” Host calculated.
“Yes, the cars still move, but the fences are out,” Randle answered.
“Can we speed the cars up?” Yvonne was hoping they could.
“The ironic thing is, no. Supposedly this was ‘well thought out’. We are currently going—“ Martin looked at the speedometer “—five miles per hour. The tyrannosaurus can run thirty-four miles per hour.”
“Shit, we’re dead,” Host said.
“Shit, dudes, the power is out, you are going, like, five miles per hour, and like you’re near the rex cage. The rex can run, like, thirty-two four miles per hour. We’re, like, totally dead guys. Totally!” Kyle said through the voice recorder.
“Oh my God, I thought he said it was over!” Yvonne yelled in frustration.
“One-hundred and twenty-nine. And Martin, you were two miles per hour off,” Host said.
“Shut up!”
“Don’t worry, dudes! We’ll live!”
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“Do you think—“ Paleeoguy started to say.
“All the time, me lad!” Longsword said.
“No, do you think we should anchor here?”
“Hmm…what be those lights, off in the distance! About a hundred miles away! Aye! I believe we have found what our guests have been looking for!”
Paleeoguy sighed and pushed the Black Widow further into the desert.
“Arr! I reckon ye can stop now, if ye like!”
“Thank you sir!”
“Arr! No problem, lad! Anchor her down and ye done for the night!”
Paleeoguy ran off.
“Nice lad.” Longsword said quietly. He then walked down, under the deck, to notify the guests of his discovery.
8/27/2003 8:34:56 PM
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