|
The Misadventures of Dr. Junkee (part 7)
By JPJunkee
THE JEDI, THE PSYCHIATRIST, THE LOONY, THE MOP, AND THE HORROR OF A SERIES WITH NO REAL PLOT
The morning dew clung to the leaves of the forest, much like Yvonne often times clings to sanity. The sounds of animals echoed through the air, and in the distance, one could possibly hear the terrible unanswered screams of the mental hospital.
Jedi Alan Malcolm ran his hands through his long wet hair. Then, fiddled with the little silly looking padawan braid coming down the side of his neck. . . at first the braid had looked manly to him, but now. . . ehh, none of the chicks really digged it, phooey, eh? Jedi A. Malcolm was a padawan to his Master, Dino-Snore. Alan Malcolm looked over at his Master, who was drinking a cup of coffee.
"Can I have a sip of that, Master?" Alan Malcolm asked.
Dino-Snore smiled, and shook his head. "No, I am sorry, Alan, you may not. I need this coffee."
"Why do you need it?"
"I thought it would be obvious to you by now. My name is Dino-Snore. . . I was named after my tendency to fall asleep at the most inopportune times. Therefore, I require this coffee to keep me awake and active. And if I were snoring, I doubt I could really be teaching you, my padawan."
Alan Malcolm nodded slowly. Being a Jedi wasn't so bad, he supposed. Other than the fact that he got stuck with Dino-Snore as his teacher and mentor. . . oy. Dino-Snore wasn't exactly the most happy go lucky guy. He was really quite dull and sullen, in fact. Alan Malcolm hadn't signed up to be a Jedi (yes, he signed up to be one. . . don't you wish you were Alan Malcolm?) expecting to be taught by such a weirdo as Snore. Granted, his teacher was powerful and great. And as Snore often times reminded him, had a powerful connection to the Force and the things around him.
Alan Malcolm approached his Master with a determined look upon his face. "When will we reach the hospital?"
Dino-Snore smiled as he began walking through the thick foliage of the forest. "That, is for the Force to decide."
"And what has the Force decided, Master?"
"Beats me," Dino-Snore shrugged.
Jedi Alan Malcolm rolled his eyes as he followed Dino-Snore though the forest. Soon, he hoped, they would get to the hospital and be done with this mission. Soon, Martin Randle would be dead.
* * *
Up in the highest room of the highest tower. . .
(Hmm. . . no, this is a hospital not a castle. . . let me reword that. . . .)
Up in the highest room of solitary confinement. . . which just happened to have a window. Yvonne sat at a table, writing a letter:
To everyone. . . because you should all be concerned,
Help me you stupid shits! I'm being held against my will, and am being mistreated in many different ways by the mad Doctor Junkee. He has a wicked smile! It's really freaky! Please, if you see this message, come to my aid! Many heroes have tried to come and save me. But all have failed miserably. . . a man named Drucifer comes to mind. A grand reward will be given to whoever saves me. . . so please. . . . do save me. Right, yo?!
You can find me at the mental hospital in the woods. . . you know the one. . . please come soon!
-- Yvonne
Then Yvonne quickly took her letter and tied it to an arrow. Then she quickly pulled a bow out of her pocket (yes, her pocket) and placed the arrow on the bow. Then, she pulled back on the line, and shot the arrow out the window. Yvonne smiled as she saw the arrow arching over the front lawn of the hospital, and then go flying into the woods.
A knock came on the door. "Yvonne, I'm coming in." a voice on the other side said.
Thinking fast, Yvonne picked up the bow and the remaining arrows and tossed them out the open window.
The door opened, and Dr. Junkee walked in. "Are you ready for your lunch, Yvonne?"
Yvonne glared at Junkee and hissed, "You lock me in here, and ask if I want to eat?"
Junkee thought for a moment, then nodded his head. "Yes. . ."
"I hate you!"
"Um, I don't need to feed you. . . but I'm just---"
"Yes you do! Now give me my lunch!" Yvonne snarled.
"Umm. . . are you okay, Yvonne? You seem awfully. . . you seem a lot like yourself today."
"Shut up, and leave me alone! Your days are numbered, Junkee!"
Dr. Junkee rolled his eyes and closed Yvonne's door.
Yvonne smiled to herself. . . and then frowned when her stomach groaned. . .
* * *
Jedi Alan Malcolm and Dino-Snore were making good time. Alan Malcolm suspected they'd get to the hospital by nightfall. . . the perfect time to execute their attack. The young padawan smiled to himself. Tonight, he would pull off his first assassination for the Jedi Council. He took in a deep breath. He felt like he was nearly jumping out of his skin. . . it was going to be so exhilarating!
In the middle of walking, Dino-Snore suddenly sat on the ground, and began to meditate.
"Um, what's up?" Jedi Alan Malcolm asked.
Dino-Snore smiled, as he continued to meditate. "One must replenish his connections with the Force from time to time. . . And as you know, I am very powerful with my connections to the Force. I can sense anything and everything going on around me. The Force, it binds us all----"
An arrow came racing through the air, and struck Dino-Snore in the chest. Dino-Snore opened his eyes, and looked in shock at the arrow in his chest, as he robes near the wound began to turn the color of blood. Then he laughed and slumped backwards; dead.
Jedi Alan Malcolm looked at his dead Master, and then at the arrow in Snore's chest. The arrow had a note tied to it. He knelt down, and took off the note, and read it to himself.
"Great scott! A mad Doctor is holding a rich Princess captive! I must now kill Martin and this Doctor!" He looked down at his fallen teacher and said, "Nice knowin ya." Then he took off running through the woods.
* * *
Dr. Junkee sat behind his desk, jotting down notes on a piece of paper. On the opposite side of the desk, RaptorVinny sat, sharpening the blade on an ice skate. Vinny's clothing was covered with dried blood and other human organ matter.
"And so, you know. . . the guy was just asking for it. I mean, you don't step on my toes, and not expect to get you head chopped off," Vinny was explaining.
Dr. Junkee nodded his head, as if he understood the insane man.
"You know that bastard, Carna? He stole one of my ice-skates the other day," Vinny said.
"Oh, did he now?"
"Yeah. . . I'm going to get revenge really soon here, man."
"You're going to kill Carna?" Junkee asked.
Vinny nodded, as he caressed the blade in his hand.
"You think that will solve anything?"
Vinny shrugged.
"Then why bother killing him, if it may not satisfy your rage and vengeance?"
Vinny shrugged.
"Don't you see your senseless killings are all in folly? You kill to get revenge. . . but in the end, revenge is never enough for you. You desire more. Now, Vinny, what do you think you're really after?"
Vinny thought for a moment, then said, "I don't know what you mean, Doc."
"Ugh. You're killing people for no reason, can't you see that? You kill them for your satisfaction, but yet, it never fully satisfies you! So therefore, killing isn't what you really want to do. You are lost in your own thoughts and feelings, Vinny."
Vinny looked confused. He stopped rubbing the blade in his hand.
"Stop killing people, and try forgiving people instead," Junkee said.
Vinny thought long and hard about that comment. Then smiled, and chucked the ice skate at Junkee's head.
"Oh shit!" Junkee screamed as he dropped behind his desk, and the ice skate hit the wall behind him.
RaptorVinny walked around to Junkee's side of the desk, and pulled the ice skate out of the wall. Then he looked down at Junkee with a menacing smile. "Nah, you're wrong Doc, killing's just too much fun." Vinny raised the ice skate above his head and---
Vader hit Vinny over the back of the head with a pair of brass knuckles on his fist. Vinny grunted, then fell to the ground, clutching the back of his head.
Vader helped Junkee to his feet. Junkee looked down at Vinny, bleeding on his carpet floor. "What the hell?" Junkee gasped. "What took you so long?"
"You're welcome," Vader said.
"Um. . . sure, yeah, I know," Junkee said. "Um, listen, call Martin and tell him to come up here and clean up the blood stains in the carpet, will you?"
"Sure," Vader said.
"Good, good, then tell Malcolm(admin) to take Vinny to the yard. . . . he needs some fresh air."
Vader nodded, and left the room.
Dr. Junkee sighed and sat back down in his seat.
"Why didn't you burn him?!" the voice in the back of his head demanded. "Flames, Junkee! Wouldn't you have liked to see Vinny go up in flames?! POOF! Muahahahaha!"
"Ahh! It's you again!" Junkee screamed.
"Damn straight."
"Why are you doing this to me? And why do you always want me to set people on fire?"
"Why? Because I like you, Junkee. And because fire is pretty, don't you agree?"
"I guess. . . ."
"Good! Then you'll set the hospital on fire, right?!"
"Bah!" Junkee shouted. "I am not evil!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. . . okay, so I'm lying, but who cares?"
"Not me. I like the powers of evil. . . they're so. . . EVIL."
"That made a whole lot of sense."
"I'm not writing this thing, you pathetic excuse for a mind!" the voice yelled.
"Oh. . . so you're blaming me for the bad dialogue, are you?" Junkee said.
There was a knock on the door. Crow stood looking in at Junkee with a confused look upon his face. "Um, Dr. Junkee. . . is everything okay?"
Junkee growled as he picked up a block of cheese and threw it at Crow. The cheese hit Crow in the stomach, and he doubled over, gasping for breath.
"Nice throw," the voice in Junkee's head said.
"Thanks," Junkee smiled.
"Next time though. . . make sure the cheese is on fire."
"Oy."
* * *
Yvonne paced the walls of her room. . . . she knew that it could be days --- hell, it could be years before someone found her note! But. . . something told her. . . someone was coming soon.
* * *
Jedi Alan Malcolm stood in the trees that set up the perimeter around the hospital fence. He had made good time. He smiled to himself, as he ran at the high fence and used his Jedi powers to jump clear over it. He landed on the other side, and ignited his light saber. Around him, were many loonies. . . this was going to be fun.
* * *
Malcolm(admin) carried RaptorVinny over his shoulder, as he walked out the door to the front lawn. Malcolm(admin) walked amongst all the loonies, and finally brought Vinny to a nice shady spot in the grass and laid him on the ground. Vinny was starting to awaken now. Vinny's eyes opened and he saw Malcolm(admin).
"You!" Vinny shouted.
"Me?" Malcolm asked.
"You! You sick, man, you! You knocked me out, so you could pick me up and bring me outside."
"Umm. . . no, actually, Vader knocked you out. But yeah, I carried you outside. Is there something wrong with that?"
"I'll kill you!" Vinny screamed as he jumped to his feet and pulled out an ice-skate.
"Holy jeeze man, you could hurt somebody with that thing!" Malcolm(admin) shouted.
Just then, HBK (yes, I know he died in a different episode. . . just wait) ran up between Vinny and Malcolm(admin) screaming and pointing at the perimeter fence. "Look! It's Justin Timberlake from Metallica!"
Malcolm(admin) and Vinny turned to see what HBK was pointing at. Running towards them, was a young man with blonde hair, and a glowing blue sword.
"I hate Justin Timberlake!" Vinny screamed as he threw an ice-skate at the man with the sword.
The man with the glowing sword (oh hell, you all know it's Jedi A. Malcolm, why do I bother making it one sided story telling?) simply swung his sword to the side, and sliced the ice-skate in half.
"Oh shit," Vinny muttered.
Malcolm(admin) turned and ran back inside the hospital. HBK began screaming again, "I love Faith Hill! She's my favorite wrestler! DWF rawks, man!"
Growing a little bit concerned by the Jedi's powers, Vinny began to sweat. He withdrew another ice-skate from his pants pocket (big pockets) and then quickly threw it at the Jedi. Again, the Jedi simply swung his sword and sliced the ice-skate in half.
"Umm," Vinny groaned.
Jedi Alan Malcolm ran at Vinny, twirling his sword in his hand. A small grin grew on his face.
"Uhh, yeah," Vinny nodded. Then Vinny promptly turned and began to run as fast as he could away from the Jedi.
HBK stood still, watching Vinny run away, and he shouted to him, "Hey! Where ya goin?" Then HBK turned to look at the Jedi. The glowing sword slashed outward, slicing HBK's head off. The head rolled around on the ground, until it finally came to a rest, its eyes looking skyward. "Ow! My neck feels weird!" the head screamed.
Vinny was still running. He looked over his shoulder to see the Jedi pursuing him, still swinging his sword all about. Vinny withdrew another ice-skate, and threw it behind him, hoping to catch the Jedi by surprise. . . . instead, to his own surprise, the ice skate he had thrown, flew in front of him, and then hovered in place, blocking his path. Vinny gasped, and stopped in his tracks. He looked back at the Jedi to see him holding his arm up in the air, using the Force to levitate the ice-skate.
"Hey, shit head! Put down my ice-skate!" Vinny shouted to the Jedi.
Jedi Alan Malcolm smiled, as he waved his arm around.
Vinny screamed as the ice-skate flew at his head. He ducked low, and then rolled out of the way as it dove down at him. "Ah! You turned my ice-skate into a friggin bumble bee!" The ice-skate continued to try and ram itself into Vinny, but he continued to dodge it each time. "Cut it out man, this isn't fun!" Vinny yelled.
"No," Jedi Alan Malcolm replied.
"I hate you. . . you make me angry!" Vinny yelled.
Jedi Alan Malcolm shrugged and walked to the hospital, leaving Vinny to deal with his cursed ice-skate alone.
* * *
Malcolm(admin) was hiding behind a trash can, when the Jedi walked through the hospital doors. Loonies ran all about, screaming and crying. The Jedi watched them all run around, then screamed, "I've come to kill you all!"
At that, the loonies stopped running, and all got to their knees and began pleading with the Jedi to spare their lives. The Jedi smiled, and pressed a button on the hilt of his light saber, and then the blade retracted.
"You there!" the Jedi shouted, pointing at Malcolm(admin).
Malcolm(admin) stood up. He was visibly shaking, scared out of his wits.
"Where is the entity, that you call Martin Randle?" the Jedi asked.
Malcolm(admin) took a deep breath, then stammered, "He's upstairs cleaning up a mess in Dr. Junkee's office."
The Jedi's eyes lit up. "Dr. Junkee, you say? And where might the princess be held?"
"Princess?"
"Princess Yvonne, where is she? Tell me now, or I will slice off your shoe laces!" the Jedi yelled, igniting his sword, and pointing it at Malcolm(admin)'s feet.
"Oh God no, please not my shoe laces. . . these are expensive shoes!"
"Then tell me where the Princess is now."
"There is no Princess, Yvonne is a loony."
The Jedi's eyes turned to rage, and a scowl grew on his face. "You dare name an honorable lady, a loony?! I will cut off your dingle berries for saying such a cruel and vulgar thing!"
"My dingle berries?! Oh God! But it's true! Yvonne is locked up in the solitary confinement room #15. Go look for yourself!" Malcolm(admin) screamed.
"You do know the price for lying to a Jedi Master don't you?" the Jedi padawan asked in a stern voice.
Malcolm(admin) pointed at the little braid coming down the side of the Jedi's head. "Doesn't that braid represent the fact that you're a padawan learner?"
"Shut up," the Jedi demanded.
"Well doesn't it?"
"Shut up you."
"I'm just asking you a question, man."
"Shut up!"
"Oh come on man, now you're just being rude. Come on, I'm asking you a question, directly to your face. You need to answer it!"
The Jedi brought up his hand, and used the Force to throw Malcolm(admin) against a wall, knocking him out.
Jedi A. Malcolm growled as he walked away, and towards the stairs.
* * *
Martin Randle mopped up the blood stains on the carpet in Dr. Junkee's room. He sang quietly to himself while doing so, "I'm a janitor. Cause so perplanitor. . .hmm . . . I love the janitor job. I prove it's not only for men named Rob. I love my nifty little mop. It helps clean up crime scenes, and fools those pesky cops. I love the Windex smell. It's like it sets off a bunch of bells. . . in my head. . . oh I love the janitor life!"
There was the sound of someone clapping behind Martin. He gasped and turned around.
Standing in the door way, was Jedi Alan Malcolm.
"Gah! You heard me singing?" Martin asked.
"Sadly, yes I did," the Jedi replied.
"Who are you?" Martin demanded.
Jedi A. Malcolm smiled and walked closer to Martin. "My name is Jedi Alan Malcolm, and I am the man who will be killing you now."
Martin nodded his head solemnly. . . then a tear rolled down his cheek. . . . then he fell to his knees crying. "Gahhhh! WHY?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO. . . . kill me?!?!?!"
"Oh stop whining ya loser," Jedi A. Malcolm said as he brought Martin back to his feet. "Die. . . with honor."
Martin ran to the other side of the room. "It will not be I that dies! For I am a janitor. . . and I will fight to the death!" Martin shouted as he picked up his mop, and held it at his side like a baseball bat.
"Ha! You're going to fight me with a mop?"
"Damn straight!" Martin yelled as he swung the mop from side to side. "Bring it on, you wanker! Come on, I'll kick your ass, you toss pot!"
Jedi A. Malcolm laughed, and ignited his sword.
Just then, Dr. Junkee ran into the room. He looked at the fight that was about to unfold, and tried not to laugh. Then, after a moment, he looked at the Jedi and said, "Was it you that killed five of my patients?"
"Um, yes, sorry about that," Jedi A. Malcolm said.
"Why did you kill them?" Junkee asked, as he held up the decapitated head of HBK.
"Yeah, why did you kill them?" HBK's head asked.
"Gah!" Junkee shouted as he quickly tossed HBK's head out the window.
"Are you Dr. Junkee?" the Jedi asked.
"Why yes I am!" Junkee said, raising his chin.
"Oh okay. . . in that case. Die mortal!" Jedi A. Malcolm screamed as he lunged at Junkee with his light saber.
Martin acted quickly, and batted Jedi A. Malcolm over the back of the head with his mop.
"Ow!" Jedi A. Malcolm screamed as he turned his attention back to Martin. "That hurt!"
"Sorry," Martin said.
"You die first, Martin!" the Jedi shouted as he spun on his ankles, and brought the light saber arching down at Martin's head. Martin shrieked and put up the wood of the mop, as his only defense.
There was a shower of sparks, and the light saber in Jedi A. Malcolm's hands exploded. The Jedi fell to the ground, rubbing his hand, and looking up at Martin in awe. "I knew you were powerful, Mr. Randle. But never had I imagined the mop was the source of your power."
Martin grinned wildly as he twirled the mop in his hands. "I am Martin! Son of another guy named Martin! I am the sworn holder of the Mop of Magic Majesty! Therefore. . . . I kick ass!"
"What the hell are you talking about, Martin?" Junkee said walking up to the grinning man. "Give me that mop." Junkee snatched the mop out of Martin's hands and then promptly threw it out the window. "Now, I don't know how you broke that lad's light saber, Martin. But it sure as hell wasn't the mop. Now, whatever drug you were using. . . you make sure you pass on some to me, okay?"
Martin's head began to shake violently. "You threw Moppy out the window!"
"Um, why yes I did."
Martin screamed as he ran at the window, and jumped out.
Jedi Alan Malcolm and Junkee looked at each other.
"Oh come on, don't tell me you didn't see that coming," Junkee said.
"You're Dr. Junkee," the Jedi said getting to his feet, and pulling a ray gun from his pocket. "You must die."
"Oh bloody hell. Are we still on that? You still want to kill me? With what, that stupid laser gun? Let me tell ya buddy, lasers got nothing on me. When it comes to lasers, I'm friggin invincible!"
The Jedi seemed to consider this, as he put his ray gun away. "I do not need weapons."
"There. . . no you're being sensible."
"I can just use my Jedi powers, to control your mind."
Junkee jumped. He wasn't expecting that. "Um no. . . on second thought, why don't you just use weapons. Yeah, you'll kill me for sure if you use weapons."
Jedi A. Malcolm waved his hand through the air and said, "Take me to the princess."
Junkee's eyes turned all hazy and crap. "I will now take you to the princess."
The voice in the back of Junkee's head butted in and began to scream at him, "What?! Wake up son! Don't let this fool control your mind!"
Dr. Junkee shook his head, clearing his mind from the Jedi's grasp. "Thanks weird voice in the back of my head, I was stuck in my mind and couldn't get out. . . kinda disturbing."
"No prob."
Jedi A. Malcolm watched as Junkee spoke to himself. "Um, are you talking to yourself?"
Junkee shook his head. "No, why would you think that?"
"Don't lie to the Jedi." the voice in the back of Junkee's head said.
"Oh, I mean, yes, yes I was talking to myself," he grinned.
"What are you like possessed or something?" Jedi A. Malcolm asked.
"Um, I'm not sure. Let me check. Hey, voice in the back of my head; are you a demon or something, or just part of a serious hangover?"
"I am the Dark God! I was trapped within a bottle of Windex for four months. . . until Martin Randle poured that Windex into your bottle of Jack Daniels. . . now I am possessing your mind! Muahahahaha!"
Junkee nodded his head, and said to the Jedi, "Yep, it seems I'm possessed."
"Aww man, that must suck."
He shrugged, "It's not that bad, really. Just. . . it's kinda weird going to the bathroom knowing someone else is in your head. . . ya know? And, I'm always being told to burn stuff. . . it could be worse, I could be the Queen of Fairies."
"Wait. . . burn stuff? What is the demon's name?" Jedi A. Malcolm asked.
"Hey dark evil voice in the back of my head that originated from a bottle Windex, what's your name?" Junkee asked.
"I am. . . BOB! Muahahahahaha!"
"Ah, he says his name is Bob."
Jedi A. Malcolm's eyes went wide with shock and fear. "No, not. . . BOB!"
"Yep. . . he said his name was Bob. Though I think I like 'Bobo' more."
Jedi A. Malcolm pointed his ray gun at Junkee, and shot him in the arm.
"Ahh!" Junkee screamed, as he held the burning wound on his arm. "You shot me! Bugger! That bloody hurt!"
Jedi A. Malcolm shot Junkee in the knee.
"Ow! Jeez dude, if you're going to kill me, then just kill me. But don't shoot me like that. . . jackass."
"You have the demon Bob in your mind. . . you must die!" the Jedi screamed.
"Junkee, what do you think you're doing?!"
"I don't know. . . just waiting for the author to think of a clever way for me to escape, I guess. What do you suggest?"
"Run!"
"Oh. Sounds good." Junkee nodded and turned to run away from the raving Jedi, that was still shooting wildly at his back. Junkee reached the door to his office, and closed it. Then, he limped away, and into the office across the hall.
* * *
Yvonne paced her room. She had been looking out the window when the Jedi had arrived. At first she had jumped for joy that someone had come to save her. . . but once the Jedi began killing people. . . she stopped jumping. Now, she was growing very anxious. Even if the Jedi did save her, she would be in trouble with the police. . .she was responsible for these people's deaths!
How could she live on knowing she had been the cause of the deaths of so many loonies. How?
Yvonne looked at the open window. . . and pondered about jumping to her death.
Slowly, she nodded her head, and walked methodically towards the window. She put her hands on the window sill, and closed her eyes.
"Hiya!" a voice said, startling her.
Yvonne opened her eyes to see Vader holding onto the outside of the window. Vader smiled and held up the bow and arrows that Yvonne had dropped out the window earlier. "Are these yours?" Vader asked.
"Were you looking in my window?!" Yvonne shrieked.
"Ummm. . . only just now."
"You were looking in a ladies window! You perv!"
"Umm. . . no. I just found the bow and arrows on the ground, and thought I'd give them---"
"Don't give me those lame excuses!" Yvonne screamed, slapping Vader across the face.
Vader nearly lost his balance. "Yvonne stop this right this second! I was just---"
Yvonne slapped Vader in the face again. "Jeez woman!" he screamed. "Won't you at least take what I'm trying to give you?!"
Yvonne grabbed the bow and arrows away from Vader, then slapped him once more. Vader lost his grip, and fell from the window. "Ahhh! I'm falling from a window! AHHHH!!!!!"
Yvonne looked out the window as Vader's body landed with a loud 'thump'. And then she turned and walked to the door of her room. . . and opened it. She laughed to herself when she realized she could have left her room earlier because of Junkee's carelessness of not locking it. Then, she readied the bow and arrow, and made her way down the hall.
* * *
"What are you doing here?" Dr. SamNeillFan shrieked when Dr. Junkee staggered into her office, the wounds on his leg and arm were burning. The smell of the scorched flesh was horrendous. "Oh my God. What happened to you?"
Junkee sighed and actually smiled despite the pain. "Oh not much. Just a Jedi is trying to kill me because I have the Dark God Bob in my head. . . can I use your phone?"
SamNeillFan just nodded.
"Thanks." Junkee picked up the phone from SamNeillFan's desk, and dialed 911. "Yeah, uh, can I speak to Rick Arnold please? Thanks." Junkee began tapping his foot on the floor, waiting for Police Cheif Arnold to answer his call.
Finally Rick Arnold's voice came on the line. "Hello?"
"Ah, Cheif Arnold. This is Dr. Junkee. Um, I've kinda got a situation down at the hospital that I was hoping you could help me with."
"Oh? What seems to be the problem?"
"A Jedi is trying to kill me because I drank some Windex," Junkee said, matter-of-factly.
There was a pause and then, "Why would you drink Windex?"
"I didn't mean to!"
"Was it the Jedi's Windex?" Rick Arnold asked.
"No! It wasn't the Jedi's Windex! The Windex was poured into my bottle of Jack Daniels."
"Who put in the Windex?"
"Martin Randle the janitor."
"Okay then! I'll be right over to help ya, Doc!" Rick Arnold hung up.
Junkee sighed and put down the phone.
"What's going on?" SamNeillFan asked.
Junkee shrugged. "Hell if I know."
* * *
Yvonne walked slowly down the hall. Prepared to shoot an arrow into anyone who crossed her path. . . which was exactly what she did when Vader appeared at the end of the hall. Screaming, Yvonne shot the arrow, which struck Vader in the thigh.
"What the hell is your problem?" Vader yelled as he tugged at the arrow stuck in his leg. "First, you slap me off the side of a building. Then, you shoot me with an arrow?! Good God woman!"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to, the arrow just kinda slipped," Yvonne lied, at the opposite end of the hall.
"You're going to pay for the pain you've inflicted upon me, Yvonne." Vader pulled out the arrow. Then put a pair of brass knuckles on his fist.
There was a swishing sound, and then the mop came slicing through the air, and smacked Vader over the back of his head.
Martin walked out at the end of the hall, and smiled at Yvonne. "Hiya!"
Yvonne smiled back at him. "Thanks Martin, I was afraid he'd get me."
"Oh, no prob," Martin said.
"FREEZE!" Rick Arnold screamed as he walked up behind Martin with his gun drawn. "Both of you, put your weapons on the ground."
Martin dropped his mop, and Yvonne dropped her bow and arrows. "What's this about, officer?" Martin asked.
"Dr. Junkee just called me. He told me that there was some bad stuff going on around here. He told me about the Windex. Did you know it was a Federal offense to pour Windex into someone's drink?"
"That thought never occurred to me," Martin said.
"Yeah, well, you're under arrest Mr. Randle." Rick Arnold put hand cuffs on Martin's wrists, then walked him out of the hall. Yvonne stood at the other end of the hall, not quite sure of what to do. After a few moments, she picked up Martin's mop, and then ran out of the hall.
* * *
Junkee was sitting in a chair in the cafeteria. Sure enough, Jedi A. Malcolm showed up at the other end of the cafeteria, and began walking towards him.
"Where is the princess?" Jedi A. Malcolm asked.
"Ugh, there is no princess."
"Tell me, and I will make your death less painful."
"Tell him to blow a bubble!" Bob said in Junkee's mind.
Junkee's eyes narrowed, "'Blow a bubble'?"
"Yeah, you're right. . . pretty lame. I know! Make fun of his cat!"
"Hmm. . . okay. . . . Jedi. . . I think your cat is stupid!"
Jedi A. Malcolm was taken aback by that statement. "I'm sorry?"
"Your cat. . . gee. . . it sure is dumb. . . yep."
"Stop making fun of my cat," the Jedi said, drawing his blaster.
"No. . . I won't stop. . . the world must know. . . your cat is dumb, yes. . . oh so dumb. Dumb as a bum. . . yeah."
"That's it!" the Jedi screamed as he pulled the trigger on the laser pistol multiple times. The short blasts raced at Junkee. The Doctor winced as he held up a hand, awaiting his inevitable doom. . . . but to his shock, all the lasers had stopped in mid air, and were now hovering before Junkee's face.
"What the bloody hell happened?" Junkee said.
"It was me! I stopped the lasers! For I am BOB!!! Muahahahaha!"
"That's. . . not possible," Jedi A. Malcolm breathed.
Junkee smiled, and snapped his fingers. The laser blasts disappeared before their eyes.
"Holy crap," the Jedi gasped.
"Yesss. . . accept your new found powers. . . Now! BURN HIM!"
Junkee smiled as he pulled a small glass flask of whiskey from his pocket. Then, he stuffed a napkin into the flask, and lit it. Then, he tossed it at the Jedi. The flask exploded once it hit the Jedi, engulfing him in flames. Jedi A. Malcolm screamed and jumped out a window.
"Ha! That was fun!" Junkee exclaimed.
Dr. Junkee then collected his jacket from his chair, and put it on. Then, smiling, he waltzed out of the building and into the front lawn. He saw in the distance, a ball of flames running into the forest. His smile grew wider.
To his right, he saw Rick Arnold pulling Martin with him to his squad car. Junkee frowned and hurried up to them, limping the entire time. As he ran to the squad car, he noticed RaptorVinny running away from a flying ice skate. . . after such a long day, he didn't even give it a second thought.
He reached Martin and Rick, and he said, "Hey Chief, what's going on?"
Rick Arnold smiled. "I caught him! He'll be going to prison for, like, a long time!"
"What did he do?" Junkee asked.
Rick looked confused. "You told me he put Windex in your drink."
"Yes, he did."
"I'm arresting him for that."
"Oh. . . I see."
"Hey copper!" Martin Randle called from the back seat of the squad car. "I need to say something to Dr. Junkee first."
"Is that okay with you, Doc?" Rick asked.
Junkee nodded, and leaned towards the back window.
"Junkee. . .there's something I want you to know before they cart me off to the big house. . . Junkee. . . . I am your uncle's daughter's brother."
"You mean you're my cousin," Junkee offered.
"No. . . wait. . . umm. . . yes, that's right. Wow, Doc, you're fast."
"Ah, that's nice," Junkee said then turned away.
"You're not going to help me, cuz?" Martin asked.
"Um, no, I don't see why I should really."
"Fine! Be that way! I have no cousin! You are dead to me now!" Martin yelled, then looked away.
"Okay then." Junkee smiled, then whispered into Rick Arnold's ear, "Yeah, um, put some extra security on this guy, he's not going to go easy."
Rick nodded, then got in the squad car and drove away.
Dr. Junkee smiled to himself and walked to his Dodge Viper, it was time to call it a day and go home. He put his keys into the door, and unlocked it. Then, he looked up and saw Yvonne standing beside him, with Martin’s mop in her hands.
"Oh come on, Yvonne. Don't you get it? I WIN. I always WIN. Now, go back to your cage. . . or something. Just leave me alone, I'm not in the mood."
"I'm going to knock your teeth out the back of your head, Junkee," Yvonne growled.
Junkee sighed. "I highly doubt that."
"Oh yeah? Why is that?"
Junkee pointed behind Yvonne.
Yvonne turned to see the sweaty and bruised figure of Vader, panting, and adjusting his brass knuckles.
"Oh shit," Yvonne muttered.
"Tak taki!"
Junkee smiled as he stepped into his Viper and drove home. The only thing on his mind was the thought that tomorrow couldn't possibly be any worse than today.
-- Dr. Junkee
Wow. . .long episode, eh?. . .the longest yet, by far!
Next week, the Light God will appear, and other stuff will happen! woohoo!
Plus, new characters such as Dark Hunter, Violator, and CeratosPit will appear!
(I think)
See ya then!
oh. . . and please comment. . . thanks :)
4/24/2003 1:01:24 AM
(Updated: 4/24/2003 3:59:05 PM)
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
