|
The Misadventures of Dr. Junkee (part 4)
By JPJunkee
SCIENCEMAN AND HIS LITTLE CYBORG FAMILY
PART I of II
"Who is ScienceMan3000?!" Dr. Junkee yelled pounding on the door.
"I'm in the bathroom! Leave me alone!" Yvonne shouted in reply, behind the closed door. She had locked herself in her bathroom to keep herself safe from Dr. Junkee.
"I wouldn't care if you were on the phone with the President! Tell me who ScienceMan3000 is right now!"
"I won't tell you!"
"Oh yes you will!" Junkee said turning away from the door, and making his way to Yvonne's clothing closet.
Yvonne heard Junkee open the closet's door and yelled, "What the hell are you doing now, dork?!"
Junkee rummaged through Yvonne's belongings, until he came upon what he was looking for: Yvonne's only copy of Jurassic Park. . . . her most dear possession.
"What are you taking?" Yvonne asked, fear creeping into her voice.
"Why don't you open the door and see, before I throw it out the window."
Yvonne screamed as she opened the bathroom door, and saw Junkee standing with his arm outside the room's window, and in his hand Yvonne's Jurassic Park DVD.
"You wouldn't!" Yvonne screamed.
"Oh, wouldn't I?" Junkee said with a sly smile. "I'll drop it unless you tell me who you were chatting with online."
"Fine. . . I was chatting with Crow."
"Bah! Do you expect me to believe that? Do you think I'm stupid? . . . . Don't answer that. No! I know it wasn't Crow. So, tell me who it really was."
Yvonne's shoulders slumped, she wasn't talking.
"Last chance," Junkee said.
"I can't tell you," Yvonne said, staring at the DVD.
"Fine, your loss," Junkee said as he dropped the DVD out the window.
Yvonne's eyes went wide as she screamed, "No! SAMMY!!!!" Yvonne then ran to the window to look down, and looked just in time to see the DVD case hit the ground and shatter. But miraculously, the DVD inside was not damaged in the fall. Yvonne smiled with glee until she saw one of the patients walk over to the disc and put it into his mouth and begin to chew. "Sean Archer no! Don't eat it! NOOO!!!!"
Sean looked up at Yvonne, then simply walked away.
Yvonne turned around and pointed her finger at Junkee, "You! Why'd you do that?!"
"Stupid questions like that are what gets you thrown out windows, Yvonne," Dr. Junkee reminded her.
"You're insane."
Junkee smiled, "Hardly."
"You're going to pay for the way you treat people."
"That's what my conscience tells me, I always dismiss it and tell it to go to hell. . . . it keeps coming back though. Don't you find that odd?"
"I hate you," Yvonne growled.
"Aww, don't be a sore loser, Yvonne. I'll get you another DVD, if you want one. But first, you're going to have to tell me something about who you were talking to online."
Yvonne smiled, "Okay, fine I'll tell you something."
"Ah, now we're getting somewhere."
"The person I was talking to, was male."
Junkee smiled as he began to take notes. . . . . but when Yvonne said nothing more, he asked, "And?"
"That's it! You'll find out more tomorrow!" Yvonne said with a broad smile upon her face.
"Wha--- but this thing happens tomorrow!"
"Oh well, your loss."
Junkee's eyes narrowed as he made his way out of the room.
THE NEXT DAY
Dr. Junkee pulled his Dodge Viper into its parking space and stepped out of the car and then took in a breath of the fresh morning air. It was a perfect day, the wind was cool, the birds were signing, and the sounds of hopeless despair from the hospital helped warm his spirits.
"Today is the start of a good day!" Junkee announced as he walked away from his car.
As he approached the hospital, he noticed a penguin up in the high branches of a tree, attempting to sing.
"Well now, that's not something you see everyday," Junkee mumbled. Then the penguin began to frantically flap its wings and slowly, it took to the air and flew over Junkee's head. Then, the bird flew over Junkee's car and proceeded to drop a large bomb of crap directly on the windshield.
Junkee watched the bird fly away and cursed underneath his breath.
Dr. Junkee smiled as he passed through the patients that were spending their time in the yard. A short young patient ran up to him with a lighter in his hand.
"What's up, Doc?" the patient said with a crazy smile.
Junkee looked at the lighter with concern, "Dac, do you mind telling me, what that lighter is for?"
Dac looked at the lighter, as though he had never seen it before. "What the hell is a lighter?"
Junkee watched in utter shock as Dac pressed the button on the lighter, and then set his shirt sleeve on fire. "Holy shit!" Dac yelled patting the fire on his arm, "This is really, really warm, man!"
"Umm, yes. . . . I'm sure," Junkee said as he passed the screaming Dac, now engulfed in flames.
Junkee frowned as he reached the hospital doors and walked inside, perhaps this wasn't the beginning of a good day after all. . . . .
It was now noon, still there had been no appearances of ScienceMan3000, nor any more news of who he was.
Dr. Junkee sunk back in the chair behind his desk and took another sip of his bottle of whiskey, and then Crow appeared at his office door.
"Dr. Junkee, your noon appointment is here," Crow said.
Junkee hid away his bottle of whiskey and nodded his head.
Aragorn walked into the room, wearing all black clothing, and sporting all types of tattoos over his arms and neck.
"You!" Junkee yelled.
Aragorn spun around to look behind him, then turned back to Junkee and said, "Who me?"
"Yes you! I thought I BANned you from my office!"
Aragorn spun around again, then turned back to Junkee, "Who. . . .me?"
"Yes, you dimwit! I BANned you from my office when you tried to show me why you were the boss, and why no one was equal to you. . . . do you remember? I said that you would have to work with one of the other Doctors."
Aragorn looked confused, "Are you talking to me? Because what you're saying just doesn't make sense to be saying to someone like me."
"Who the hell do you think you are?!" Junkee shouted.
Aragorn smiled, revealing blackened teeth, "I, am Aragorn, defender of myself, and destroyer of self esteem everywhere!"
"And who am I?"
Aragorn shrugged.
"That's what I thought," Junkee said approaching Aragorn. "Please, let me show you something." Junkee slowly led Aragorn to the window of the office.
"What is it?" Aragorn asked.
"Something very cool looking." Junkee smiles as he opens up the window, and is about to throw Aragorn out---
"Wow, that is cool!" Aragorn exclaimed with a smile upon his face.
"What is?" Junkee asks, preparing to pick Aragorn up. Then Junkee looks out the window, and nearly faints from what he sees.
Making their way through the parking lot, is a legion of human cyborgs. The cyborgs march together towards the hospital.
"Holy crap. . . ." Junkee mutters.
"That is pretty cool, dude," Aragorn said.
"Oh shut up you!" Junkee yells as he pushes Aragorn out the open window.
Aragorn screams as he flies through the air, "I'm king of the world!" and then hits the ground. "Ouch."
Junkee watches as the cyborgs line up around the hospital, scaring all the patients indoors. Then, a man in an expensive suit and wild wavy hair makes his way through the cyborg army, and stands before the front door, waiting.
Junkee sighs, "ScienceMan3000."
Junkee ran from his office and down the stairs leading to the lobby. On the way, he passed by SamNeillFan.
"What's going on?" SamNeillFan asked, she looked very worried.
Junkee shrugged, "I don't know! But it doesn't have anything to do with a ScienceMan or an online chat with one of my patients, I can tell you that much right now!"
"What?"
"Never mind! Listen, I'm going to go down and talk to them, I want you to call for help, we're going to need it."
"Rick Arnold?"
"No! He's but a lonely police man with a drinking problem, he won't be able to do anything against these guys. . . . call the General."
"No! Not him!" SamNeillFan cried.
"Do it!" Junkee yelled and then continued downstairs.
The sword's silver gleam, shined in the bright light of the window lined room. The sword's handler held his weapon with a firm grip as he swung it through the air effortlessly. He swung the sword high and low, performing many extravagant moves with ninja like skill.
The man wore all black, and had a mask of metal covering his face. His body tensed as he prepared to execute yet another mind bending move.
He jumped into the air, flipping and twisting. . . . and then the phone rang.
The ringing broke his concentration, and he came sprawling to the floor, and landed on his back with a thud.
He then growled and got to his feet, and walked over to the phone.
"Hello, this is Seth Rex, can I help you?" the man said.
"Hello, this is Dr. SamNeillFan from the mental hospital. We have a bit of a situation here, and we need immediate assistance."
"Okay, hold on, I'm going to get the General. You can speak to him," Seth Rex said, putting her on hold. Then Seth ran from the training room and down the hall.
He came to a door, in which he threw open. "General, there's someone on the phone for you."
"I'm watching RAPTOR, tell her I'll call them back!" said a man sitting on a sofa in front of a TV.
"Sir, with all due respect, you've seen that movie ten times---"
"TEN TIMES?! Do you have no respect for me whatsoever? I've seen RAPTOR more than ten times. . . .more like fifty times."
"My apologizes."
"Who is it that's calling?" the General asked.
"A Dr. SamNeillFan from the mental hospital. She says they need help."
"The mental hospital?! Why didn't you say so?!" the General quickly put his movie on pause then got up and ran for the phone. He took the woman off hold and said into the phone, "Hello, this is General Rancor, how may I help you?"
"Our hospital is under the attack by cyborg people!" Dr. SamNeillFan said.
"Sounds like a bad B-movie."
"Indeed, but it's actually happening! Dr. Junkee told me to call you for help."
"Okay, have no fear! General Rancor is here!"
"You are?" SamNeillFan began looking around her office for General Rancor.
"Well, uhh, not really no. But I'm coming," Rancor said.
"Oh, okay, thank you."
"Ayo Ayo."
"What?"
"Ugh," General Rancor hung up the phone and turned around to see Seth Rex standing there. "Get a team together, we're gonna save some looneys!"
When Dr. Junkee reached the lobby, he saw hordes of worried patients crowding the walls, staring out the windows at the new intruders.
Junkee walked quickly up to the front doors of the hospital, and threw them open, then stepped outside.
All around him, stood the immense figures of seven foot tall cyborgs. They all had jet black hair and a pair of dark sunglasses over their eyes. But directly before Junkee, stood a tall and skinny man with wild auburn hair, and a chin goatee. The man smiled as he presented his right hand to Dr. Junkee.
"Hiya!" the man said.
"Who the bloody hell are you?!" Junkee shouted.
The man acted offended by Junkee's outburst, but after a moment, replied, "Why, I'm Drucifer! But you may know me as ScienceMan3000."
"And what exactly are you doing here?"
"Oh, yes!" Drucifer's smile grew wider, "I've come to take my friend back home!"
"And your friend would be. . . ."
"Why, Yvonne, of course!" Drucifer laughed.
Junkee looked at Drucifer, then at the legions of cyborgs around him. "And what are these cyborgs for?"
"Why, these are here for me and Yvonne's protection! If you attempt to harm either of us, these fellows will burn you and your hospital right down to a friggin crisp!"
"Ah, I see."
"Where is Yvonne? I really must be going soon, my wife wanted me to get a hair cut this afternoon," Drucifer said, pointing at his long wild hair.
"Yes, well, terrific. But, I'm sorry to say, that Yvonne won't be joining you today."
"Oh? And why is that?"
Junkee thought long and hard for an answer, but found none. So, he resorted in doing the only possible thing he could think of. Junkee pulled out a needle from his pocket, and threw it at Drucifer, hitting the man in the chest.
Drucifer stared at the needle in his chest and screamed, "Shoot him!"
The eyes of all the cyborgs began to glow red behind the sunglasses. Then their hands dropped off their wrists, and cannons formed at the ends of their arms. The barrels of the cannons began to glow with an electric sphere of gold.
"Holy, crap!" Junkee yelled as he turned and fled to the doors of the hospital.
Golden lasers shot at the doors, some nearly striking him as he escaped.
Junkee got inside, and slammed the door shut. Sounds of the cannons firing rang through the hospital, but he was safe, for now.
Junkee wiped the sweat from his brow, and walked away from the doors, then headed back upstairs. He saw Malcolm(admin), the head orderly standing on the stair case and asked, "Malcolm, where's Yvonne?"
Malcolm shrugged, "Last I heard, she was in her room."
"Find her, and bring her to my office now!" Junkee said, running past Malcolm.
"What's this about?" Malcolm asked.
"It's about whether or not I want you to keep your job! Now find Yvonne!"
Junkee ran to his office and to his shock, found five men waiting for him. The men all wore black military uniforms, and all had weaponry of some sort strapped to their backs.
"Who the bloody hell are you people?!" Junkee yelled.
One of the men turned to Junkee. On the front of the man's shirt it read: "Oh La Wenga!"
"General Rancor?" Junkee asked, hardly believing his eyes. "How the hell did you get here so quick?"
"Yes, it is I. And how do you think I got here? Surely not by helicopter or anything like that," Rancor said, shaking Junkee's hand. Then he leaned in and whispered into Junkee's ear, "The author of this episode forgot to write about how we got here. . . what a fool, hehehe."
"Odd. Well anyway, I'm glad you're here, we need your help," Dr. Junkee said.
"So it seems. We were going to wait to attack until we spoke to you."
"Ah, I see."
"So, when would you like us to nuke the bastards?"
Junkee laughed, and then realized that Rancor wasn't joking. "You're not serious, are you?"
"Of course I am! I see no other way to defeat the blasted cyborgs." Rancor turned around and pointed at a man that was holding a long briefcase. "Cloner, show the Doctor what we brought with us."
Cloner nodded and set the briefcase onto Junkee's desk, then opened it. Inside were lots of blinking lights and numbers.
"Oh, I don't see that," Junkee said as he stared at the big bomb on his desk.
"It'll wipe out the entire hospital," Rancor said with a cheery smile.
"Um, no. . .no. Uh, go shoot all the bloody cyborgs, just no bombs. I mean, good God man! Are you mad?"
Rancor put his hand on his chin, contemplating the question of his sanity.
"Never mind! Listen, no nuke! Go defeat the robots and that Drucifer fellow any way you can, but no bombs!"
Rancor nodded, "Fair enough." Rancor looked at Seth Rex and said, "Seth, lead Cloner, Majestic, and Oviraptor down stairs and try to take out as many of those things as you can. The Doc and I are going to go get Drucifer."
Seth nodded, and then left the office, the other men following him.
"Come on," Gen. Rancor said to Junkee, "we have business to attend to."
Malcolm ran around in the basement, searching frantically for Yvonne. She wasn't in her room, she wasn't with the other patients, she wasn't anywhere.
Martin Randle came out of his office, and Malcolm ran up to him, "Martin, have you seen Yvonne?"
"Hmm. . . Yvonne. . . nope can't say I have. Why?"
"She's missing, and Dr. Junkee needs to meet with her," Malcolm said.
"Oh, well, sorry, I haven't seen her," Martin said, then began to mop the floor.
"Why are you mopping the floor at a time like this?" Malcolm asked.
"To look less suspicious," Martin answered.
"What are you talking about?"
Yvonne ran up behind Malcolm, with a bed pan in her hands, and smacked it over his head. Malcolm grunted and then fell to the floor, unconscious. Yvonne looked up at Martin, and growled, "Nice job, Martin."
Martin looked saddened, "I'm sorry. I'm not used to being a spy quite yet."
"You're not a spy, you're just helping a friend -- me -- escape from this hell hole." Yvonne pulled out a radio from her pocket and pressed the button, "Drucifer, I'm in the basement."
There was a static hiss, then the wheezy voice of Drucifer came on, "I read you Yvonne. . . I'm going to have to drop the cyborg escort. . . . and have them cover us from the higher floors. You. . . you be ready for me when I get to you."
"Are you okay, Drucifer? You sound wheezy."
"The damn Dr. Junkee drugged me. . . hell if I know what the drug is though."
"Are you going to be okay?"
There was a pause, and then, "I don't know. . . at first I was just feeling dizzy, but now these two little demons with hatchets keep appearing on my shoulders. . . named Phil and Dill. . . Freaky little bastards. . . Don't tell them I said that."
"Okay, good luck Drucifer, and hurry please!"
"Drucifer out."
The radio went dead.
Seth Rex, Cloner, Majestic and Oviraptor reached the lobby. It was deserted, not a soul to be seen.
"Weeoweewooo. . ." Majestic hummed, mimicking the classic western movie tune.
Suddenly, the doors of the lobby blew open in a bright gold blast. Seth and the others covered their eyes, and shielded themselves from the flying debris.
Then, there was the sound of drums, and then a poorly played guitar.
The cyborg army stepped into the lobby through the destroyed doors. They stood there, staring at the humans, as the music continued to play.
Then they all removed their sunglasses and began to sing, "WEEEE! We are friggin cyborgs. . . man! WEEEE! We'll send you to the friggin morgues. . . man! Because WEEEE!!!! We're the cyborg elite, we have no hairs on our feet, we hardly ever eat, but some say we like beeeeeeets! That's why WEEEE! We're a friggin robot army. . . .man! Yeah WEEEE! We can't think of something that rhymes with robot. . . .man!"
"Will someone shut them up?!" Seth yelled.
Cloner pulled a grenade from his belt, and threw it at the cyborgs. There was a loud bang and a bright explosion. . . and then nothing.
"Are they dead?" Oviraptor whispered.
Seth Rex looked concerned about the silence in the lobby. He withdrew the sword from his back, and slowly approached the smoking entrance.
When he reached the smoking rubble, he saw the cyborg army laying all about the floor at his feet.
Majestic walked up beside Seth, staring down at the cyborgs, "That was easier than I expected."
Cloner and Oviraptor walked over to a cyborg with no head on its shoulders.
Cloner spat on the cyborg, "That was a sucky song, you stupid bucket of bolts."
Instantly, all the injured cyborgs got to their feet. Seth and the others were surrounded, and left speechless about this new development in the battle.
"We play dead," one of the cyborgs said, "we figure that you are the more worthy fighters, so we decide to let you live. . .and we play dead. But then, you insult our singing. And that cannot be tolerated. No you all will die!"
The headless cyborg wiped the spit from its shoulder, then punched Cloner across the room.
Seth Rex swung his sword high and low, slicing into the cyborgs, sending sparks and smoke everywhere.
Majestic pulled out two pistols and began firing them like a madman at the cyborg army surrounding him.
Oviraptor pulled a shotgun from his back, and shot the headless cyborg in the stomach. The blast cut the cyborg in half. Oviraptor began laughing, until the cyborg's upper torso began running at him on its arms alone.
"What are we going to do?" Majestic yelled between gun shots, "There's too many of them!"
Seth Rex sliced another cyborg in half, then when both the legs and the upper torso began chasing after him, he screamed, "Run away!"
Everyone screamed as they retreated away from the cyborgs. Oviraptor stopped by Cloner to put him over his shoulder, and then ran with the others to the other side of the lobby, where they waited.
"Hahaha!" laughed the cyborgs in short sharp taunting laughs, "You pussymen! You run away like you babies. It is quite humorous!"
A sword went zooming through the air, and then stuck one of the laughing cyborgs between the eyes. The cyborg looked at the long blade imbedded in its head, then it fell backwards.
"Okay, we stop laughing now. . . pussymen."
"What now?" Majestic whispered to Seth.
"Now, we wait," Seth said in a low and concerned voice.
Well, I hate to end the episode like this, but it's already the longest one yet. But, this is a two-parter, so you won't see me feeling guilty about it! Bah! Anyway, next week, the battle against Drucifer and the cyborgs comes to an end. But, of course the battle against Yvonne, or me doesn't end. Because if that battle ended, I'd be out of a job. . . is that such a bad thing? Hmmm. . . .
-- Dr. Junkee
4/3/2003 12:34:17 AM
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
