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The Misadventures of Dr. Junkee (part 3)
By JPJunkee
THE OTHER NEXT EPISODE
Dr. Junkee walked up to the guard standing beside the reinforced door, "Open it."
The guard nodded, and began unlocking the door.
"Has he requested anything?" Junkee asked.
"Not much," replied the guard, "Other than one tube of black lipstick."
Junkee made an odd expression, "Lipstick?"
"Yes sir," the guard said, opening the door for Dr. Junkee.
Junkee nodded and stepped into Dino_Dude's confined room.
Junkee gasped as he stepped into the room. All the room's padded walls had been drawn on with the black lipstick. He looked closely at what appeared to be drawings of a cat's face.
"Parooneepa!" Dino_Dude screamed.
Junkee spun around and saw Dino_Dude panting in a corner of the confined cell. All over his clothes and his skin, were little drawings of cats. "What did you say?" Junkee asked.
Dino_Dude shrugged, "Beats me."
"You speak English!" Junkee shouted with a smile.
Dino_Dude looked shocked, "Bah. . . . noweepus confupa."
"Yes, you're definitely Yvonne's brother. . . ."
Dino_Dude leapt to his feet, "Yvonne? Yvonne con herun?"
"Oh stop the act you pitiful fool. You can speak normal."
"Fine. . . . you guys take all the fun out of being crazy, you know that?"
"We psychiatrists aim to please!" Junkee smiled.
Dino_Dude frowned, "Is Yvonne here?"
Junkee nodded his head, "Indeed."
"May I see her?"
"Yes, in time you will be allowed to see her. But first I must talk to you about the redecorating you've done in here. . . . are these cats I see?"
Dino_Dude smiled, "I'm quite the bloody artist, no?"
"Uh huh. . . . yeah whatever. Could you please tell me what compelled you to draw on my walls?"
Dino_Dude shrugged, "I was bloody bored, and I needed to keep my image of insanity even when not speaking."
Junkee's eye brows went up, "You're not insane?"
"Not any more than you are, Doc."
Junkee thought for a moment about that comment, and realized that Dino_Dude couldn't possibly know how insane he actually was. "Then, what are you doing at my hospital?"
"I came looking for my sister."
"You came here for Yvonne?"
"Yvonne is my sister, isn't she?" Dino_Dude said sarcastically.
"Well, yes I suppose she is. But, I just don't see why someone would act insane to get close to their insane sister, and then tell the Doctor who would be treating you, that you are just faking it."
Dino_Dude shrugged, "You know what? I hear you talking, but I don't understand a word. . . . you talk in many circles, Doctor."
Junkee sighed, "What do you say, we go see Yvonne now? That way you'll be you out of my hair good, eh?"
Dino_Dude smiled.
Dr. Junkee and Dino_Dude walked down the hall, to Yvonne's room. Dr. Junkee knocked once and then opened the door. He looked around in the room, and then sighed.
"She's not here," Junkee said.
One of the patients passed by in the hall, Junkee grabbed the man's arm and asked, "Jmock5, have you seen Yvonne?"
Jmock5 looked confused, then a smile came upon his face and he screamed, "Woohoo! I'm a starfish!"
Junkee sighed again, "Get out of here."
Jmock5 nodded enthusiastically then bounded down the hall screaming about how good of a starfish he was.
"Where is Yvonne?" Dino_Dude asked Dr. Junkee.
"I don't know. . . . she's usually in her room just watching her Sam Neill movies. She doesn't like to socialize with the other patients too much. . . . kind of pitiful really."
Junkee and Dino_Dude left Yvonne's room and continued down the hall and walked into the cafeteria, where all the patients were eating their lunches.
"You think we'll find her here?" Dino_Dude asked.
"Possibly. . . . but she usually only drinks her Pepsi and eats popcorn in her room, she doesn't come here that often."
Junkee and Dino_Dude noticed some commotion going on in the middle of the cafeteria, where patients were shouting and waving their arms. Slowly, the two approached the rioting crowd of looneys.
Once they were closer they noticed a man standing on a table shouting at everyone else, "I am God! You must listen to me! I am never wrong! All of you people are idiotic morons! But I. . . I am Dark Element, the God of all that I feel like being the God of!"
One of the other patients, named HBK approached DE and got up on the table, yelling, "You're dumb! You're dumb! You're dumb! And you can't tell us what to do, because you're dumb!"
"Oh my," DE laughed, "That's the worst comeback I've ever heard. Man, go kill yourself, man!"
HBK shrugged and picked up a knife and stabbed it into his own eye, "Ouch!"
Dino_Dude looked shocked and he turned to Junkee and whispered, "Does this happen often?"
"Uhh. . . . I really wouldn't know," Junkee said, staring at his newest patient, DE who was now chanting quotes from the film, Fight Club. "I try to ignore my patient's problems as much as I can."
Together they walked out of the cafeteria and out onto the back lawn of the hospital. Here, patients walked around, enjoying the fresh air.
"Does Yvonne ever come out here?" Dino_Dude asked.
"Yes actually. Especially when she falls out the windows. . . . when she hits the ground, she'll stay out here for hours just trying to catch her breath," Junkee laughed.
Dino_Dude didn't know what to say, so he kept quiet.
There were lots of patients out here, it would take a long time to find Yvonne amongst them all, so Junkee shouted, "Hey! Yvonne! Where the hell are ya?"
All the patients stopped and looked at Junkee for a moment, then they continued doing whatever dumb things they were doing.
"Hmm. . . . odd, it seems as though she is not here either," Junkee sighed.
"Dr. Junkees! I knows where Yvonnes is!" One of the patients yelled.
Junkee couldn't see the patient who had yelled, so he shouted in reply, "Well get your ass over here then and tell me."
Junkee felt a tap on his shoulder and he spun around to see MegalodonLives standing nude, with the broadest smile upon his face.
Dino_Dude looked appalled, but once again, said nothing.
Junkee tried to keep a straight face as he asked, "Where is she, Meg?"
"I saws herz down in da Janitor's Office," MegalodonLives said.
"Why was she down there?"
"Da. . . . I don't remember asking. Da. . .wait. . . . da, nopes I never asks."
"Well, thank you, Meg," Junkee said.
"Youz welcome, Captain!" Meg said then began to prance away from them.
But Junkee yelled after him, "And Meg, put some clothes on. Okay?"
Meg looked angry, "I would, but Carna stole emz."
Junkee sighed, then walked away, leading Dino_Dude to Martin Randle's office.
They reached Martin's office and on the door a sign read: "MARTIN RANDLE -- Janitor Extraordinaire".
"Does Yvonne hang out with the janitors, that often?" Dino_Dude asked.
Junkee frowned, "She likes to spend time with people that don't like me too much. She likes to plot my death a lot of times with other conspirators."
"Oh my God," Dino_Dude murmured.
"I know, shocking eh? She's tried nearly thirty times to kill me, the closest I ever came to a serious injury was when I hurt my back throwing her out the window once." Junkee laughed, and again, Dino_Dude didn't see the humor in the comment, but kept silent.
The door opened and the big frame of Martin Randle stood there. "Dr. Junkee," Martin said softly.
"Hello, Martin, may we come in?"
Martin looked at Dino_Dude suspiciously and then said, "Who you?"
"Ah, this would be Dino_Dude, he's visiting our hospital today," Junkee said with a polite, yet forced smile.
Dino_Dude's smile was genuine however, when he extended his hand and said, "Hello, Mr. Randle, pleased to meet you."
Martin shook his hand, and said, "You friend of Dr. Junkees?"
Dino_Dude tried not to scream in agony as he heard his hand popping within Martins firm grasp, "Actually, I just met him today. I'm here to see Yvonne. Have you seen her, mate?"
Martin took his hand back and a wave surprise washed over his face (he was both surprised about the mentioning of Yvonne as well as the word "mate" which wasn't in his limited vocabulary). "Yvonne? Why you look for her?"
"Is she here, Martin?" Junkee asked.
"Um, no. . . . Why? Someone say she here?"
"Yes, actually, MegalodonLives said he saw you two talking in your office."
"Bah! Meg a lie and a cheat! His word is no good! Why you believe him, Doc? He lie to you! He lie, man! He lie lots!"
"Uh huh, sure," Junkee said, not convinced. "May we please come in?"
"Uhh, no. . . . I be working now, lots of paper work. Ooo. . . . I hate papers, they cut me fingers, they do!"
"Ah, yes, I'm sure," Junkee said as a needle slipped from his shirt sleeve into his hand. Then, he quickly stabbed it into Martin’s shoulder.
Martin’s jaw dropped and he muttered, "Ow. . . . not another. . . . hypodeemic nurdle. . . ." Then his eyes glazed over and he collapsed onto the ground.
Dr. Junkee led Dino_Dude into Martin’s office.
They found Yvonne typing away at a computer desk.
"Yvonne! What are you doing here?" Junkee demanded.
Yvonne spun around and yelled at Junkee, "Shut up and leave me alone, dork!" Then she noticed Dino_Dude standing beside Junkee. . . . "Dino_Dude, is that you?"
"Hi, sis," Dino_Dude said coming closer to her.
Yvonne smiled and a tear rolled down her face as she wrapped her arms around Dino_Dude, embracing him in a hug.
"It's good to see you, Yvonne."
Yvonne wiped a tear out of her eye and asked, "Where have you been? I haven't seen you since. . . . that day."
Dino_Dude moved out of Yvonne's hug and looked into his sisters eyes. Then suddenly, he wrapped his hands around Yvonne's neck and began to strangle her, "I've come to kill you!"
Junkee laughed, "Woah, just when the readers are about to actually see some good human emotions, they burst out laughing at the stupidity of the story. . . . uncanny."
Dino_Dude shook his sister in his powerful hands and Yvonne gasped for breath as she whimpered for Junkee to help.
Dr. Junkee sighed, "Damn. . . . if he kills you, I'll be missing a big chunk of change each month." Junkee took out a block of cheese and smashed it over Dino_Dude's head.
Dino_Dude's eyes rolled backwards and he toppled over.
Yvonne looked ashamed as she stared down at her unconscious brother and murmured to Dr. Junkee, "Thank you."
Junkee smiled, "We can't be enemies in every episode!"
Yvonne smiled and then hugged Junkee.
"Woah, what the hell?" Junkee shouted and threw Yvonne off of him, and into the wall. "That was. . . . wrong. I should give you an injection of Chemical X just for that, you know? Hugging the Doctors is bad! Bad, bad, bad! No good, just . . . bad."
Yvonne frowned, "Sorry."
"Well. . . . yeah, you should be. Silly insane girl. . . . you're a bad hugger too, you know?"
"You're a dork, and why do you have to insult everything about me?" Yvonne said.
Junkee shrugged, "It's fun. . . . it's what I live for."
"Dork."
"Go back to your room, Yvonne," Junkee said as he began to pick up Dino_Dude. "I think your brother will be staying at our facility after all. Which reminds me."
"Yes?"
"Why the hell was your brother trying to kill you?"
"Because of what happened on. . . . that day."
"What happened on 'that day'?"
"You don't remember?" Yvonne asked.
"No."
"You were there," Yvonne reminded him.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about? Come on girl, spill the beans!"
"It was Halloween. I was dressed up as a cat, and Dino_Dude was a squirrel. We were going to the big party down at the Junction. There was music there. . . RaptorHiss and Bish's band performed. . . . And then you showed up. I was just walking around minding my own business, drinking my Pepsi, when you ran into me. I dropped the Pepsi and it spilled all over you and Dino_Dude, ruining his costume. Needless to say, the stain of Pepsi on your shirt pissed you off, and so you labeled me as mentally insane and sent me to this blasted hospital in the woods. And Dino_Dude. . . his squirrel costume was ruined. He was devastated. I had hoped that he'd be better by now, but apparently the wound in his heart is much deeper than I could have ever imagined."
Junkee looked dumbfounded. "You actually expect me to believe that rubbish? Bah, hardly!"
"I don't care! It's not like I wrote that sorry piece of crap idea! Loser!"
"Go back to your room, before I drug you and have you carried there."
Yvonne sighed looked at her brother, then stepped over Martin and exited the room.
When she was gone, Junkee heard a ding. . . . followed by yet another ding, and then another.
He looked at the computer Yvonne had been working on and saw that a Chat Window was open, and that someone was messaging Yvonne.
"What the hell?" Junkee said to himself as he sat down and looked at the screen.
ScienceMan3000: Yvonne, you there?
ScienceMan3000: Hello?
ScienceMan3000: Does the Doctor suspect something. . . . Yvonne?
ScienceMan3000: Talk to me Yvonne!
Junkee sat down and began to type replies.
NotALooney13: Who is this?
ScienceMan3000: Who are you? Where is Yvonne?
NotALooney13: Yvonne is gone, this is Dr. Junkee.
ScienceMan3000: Oh. . . .in that case. . . . gotta go. . . . Cya later, sucka!
NotALooney13: Wait!
{{ScienceMan300 has signed offline}}
Junkee ran his hands through his hair, "This cannot end well."
-- Dr. Junkee
3/27/2003 1:40:32 AM
(Updated: 3/27/2003 2:07:04 AM)
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