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Dr. Junkee III Loonies United (Part 3)
By JPJunkee
Well, here is the third episode! Before the episode starts, I'd like to leave a serious note here to all those that listen to it. As with the previous Dr. Junkee stories, this has all been in fun, and never ever was I suggesting any thoughts or views on any of the people featured in the stories. The characters featured in this story may have your name, but we are not saying that the way the character behaves is the way you do. Now then. . . enough of that! Let's start the show!
Characters played by Martin Randle:
Martin Randle
Dark Hunter
Darial Longsword
Carnotaur3
Dark Janitor
Pete
Dan
Admiral Rob
Imperial Officer
Another Guy
Characters played by Kyle Warner:
Dr. Junkee
Vader
Darth Chicken
Drucifer
Bob
Admiral EvilGrinch
Guy
Yet Another Guy
Characters played by Yvonne Bartha.
Yvonne
Lady
And here is the script to go along with the episode.
FADE IN
Dan: This is a long episode, so I'll keep this brief. Junkee and the others are in space, traveling to Denmarkia. Vader and Dark Hunter are looking for a spare tire. And the Dark Janitor is plotting a new plot.
Bob: Theme song!
[THEME SONG! . . . really fast version to emphasise the lack of time]
FADE TO
[sound of electric door 'swishing' open. Footsteps enter a room filled with Admirals]
Admiral Rob: Ahhh, Lord Janitor how nice of you to finally join us.
Dark Janitor: Yes thank you, thank you, Admiral Rob. You called a meeting Admiral EvilGrinch?
Admiral EvilGrinch: Yes, Dark Janitor. The mop has slipped past our nets. And has left the planet of Chromelia.
Dark Janitor: The planet Chromelia aided their escape, it must be destroyed.
[Admirals mumble together]
Rob: Mmm, yes. Admiral EvilGrinch, are you tracking the ship the Mop is on?
EvilGrinch: No! It’s lost in space!
Rob: I still don't see the grand importance of the Mop.
Dark Janitor: You dare question the plot of the story, Admiral Rob?
Rob: Don't try to threaten me with your pathetic accent, Janitor. Three monkeys with hangovers could have come up with a better plot. Am I right? (laughs at his own joke, but everyone else is silent) Oh.
Dark Janitor: I find your sense of humor disturbing.
[Rob begins to choke]
EvilGrinch: Enough, release him! We must concentrate our energies on our enemies!
Dark Janitor: Hmm, for now.
[Rob gasps for breath as the choke hold ends]
Dark Janitor: We must find the Mop.
Grinch: It could be all the way to the other side of the galaxy by now. Accept it, the Mop is lost.
Dark Janitor: No. . . .
[sound of footsteps entering the room, and a menacing music starts]
Dark Janitor: Meet my apprentice, Darth Chicken.
Darth Chicken: Hi guys!
[music abruptly ends]
[Admirals mumble]
Dark Janitor: He will find your lost ship.
[Dark Janitor and Darth Chicken walk out, and menacing music stops]
EvilGrinch: Does this mean I don't get to blow up the planet anymore?
[door swishes closed]
FADE TO
Vader: So this is Mass Eyesore. . . Pretty.
Dark Hunter: Come on, let's find a tire!
[start running through the city streets]
Dark Hunter: Vader look! Over there! That man has tires for feet.
Vader: It's a droid.
Dark Hunter: Even better! Come, let's steal the tire!
Carnotaur3: Greetings, I am Carnotaur3, human/cyborg relations. You may call me C3OK?.
Dark Hunter: SeeThree Oh Kee (read to sound rhyme with Karaoke)?
Carnotaur3: No, just C3 OK?
Dark Hunter (confused): That’s what I said! SeeThree Oh Kee?
Vader: Look, just give us your Goddamn tires and no one gets hurt.
Carnotaur3: I'm sorry?
Dark Hunter: Yeah, you're going to be sorry if you don't give us those tires.
Carnotaur3: Bad command or file name, keyboard error, press F1 to continue, invalid request.
Dark Hunter: Right that’s it, buster!
[Dark Hunter punches the droid. . . .]
Dark Hunter: OW!
Carnotaur3: My structure is titanium alloy over Molybdenum exoskeleton, quite impenetrable to normal force I’m afraid!
Dark Hunter: Oh, it's on now – for Alcohoooolllll!
[laser shot hits DH, sending him falling backwards]
Dark Hunter: OW! Laser guns for hands. You cheated.
Carnotaur3: I do apologize, my creator included several automated general protection subroutines, including laser defense, Doctor Norton, and a free spell checker
Vader: Hey Mr. Roboto.
Carnotaur3: Yes, how may I be of assistance?
Vader: Where is the nearest car dealership?
Carnotaur3: Five minutes in that direction.
Vader: Thanks.
[Vader begins to walk away]
Dark Hunter: This isn't over yet, tin man. Best watch your back, because if you don't, I'll be there. I'll be there!
Carnotaur3: The pleasure was all mine.
Dark Hunter: Hey Vader, wait for me! . . .
[Dark Hunter runs away]
FADE TO
Bob: Meanwhile, on Chromelia. . . .
Lady: Oh my sweet Jesus! What's that?!
Guy: It's a bird!
Another Guy: It's a plane!
Yet Another Guy: No, it's a giant space station that looks like a big chunk of cheese!
[SCREAMS!]
Guy: We're doomed!
Another Guy: Look, it's starting to glow!
[screaming! AHHHH!]
CUT TO
[beeps of the Cheese Star]
Rob: We're starting to glow gentleman, on screen.
EvilGrinch: Excellent! . . . . Fire when ready!
Rob: Fire alpha omega pattern in three. . . .
Dark Janitor: Excellent. . . .
Rob: Make it so in two. . . .
EvilGrinch: Yes! Yes!
Rob: Number one. . .
[sound of big laser firing from the Cheese Star . . and peculiar nacho cheese sound]
[BOOM! Explosion]
Dark Janitor: Kaboom! Muahahahahahaha!
Rob: That was most excellent Janitor.
Dark Janitor: Yes well, must press on. Evil to do people to kill.
FADE TO
[hum of engines as the Black Widow ship flies through space]
Martin: Oooooooo. . . .
Drucifer: What is it, Martin?
Martin: I sense lots and lots of people suddenly crying out in cheesy horror.
Drucifer: That's not a good sign.
Martin: (hums to himself for a moment – meditating, or whatever) Oh my. . . . Chromelia is gone.
Drucifer: What could destroy an entire planet?
Martin: Nacho cheese laser cannons.
Drucifer: What? There is no such thing. And believe me, I have tried to invent it. It can't be done.
Martin: Come Drucifer, we must speak with our comrades. We will decide on our next course of action then.
Drucifer: Where are the others?
Martin: Junkee and Yvonne are playing holographic pool in the other room, follow me.
[footsteps against metal floors]
[electric door slides open. We hear the sound of billiard balls smacking together, but they have a distinctly electronic sound to them, as well (like I guess you would come to expect from holographic billiard balls)]
Junkee: 8 ball, corner pocket.
Yvonne: You better miss or I'm going to stab this pool cue right through your face.
Junkee (sarcastic): Oooooooo, I'm scared.
[billiard balls smack together, but we don't hear anything go in any pocket]
Yvonne: Ha!
Junkee: Shut up.
Martin: Mind if I interrupt this battle of wits with a little bit of galactic information?
Yvonne: Can't it wait?
Martin: A planet was just destroyed.
Yvonne: Woop-di-doo. . . . 8 ball, that pocket.
Martin: It was Chromelia, Sam the bartender is dead.
[billiard balls smack together]
Yvonne: Sam?
Drucifer: Haha! You missed! I play winner!
Yvonne (in shock and indifferent to Dru): Sam. . . . Sam died?
Martin: The Dark Janitor's space station, the Cheese Star, blew up all of Chromelia.
Drucifer: Poooooooosh!
Martin: Yes, just like that.
Yvonne (all sad and stuff): He killed my Sammy!
Junkee: Wasn't the Sammy at Chromelia kind of a jerk?
Yvonne: That doesn't matter, he loved me, and I loved him. But now he's dead, so he doesn't love me anymore!
Junkee: Ahh, I see.
Drucifer: So, what do we do now?
Martin: Well, the way I see it is we have two options. One, we continue to Denmarkia, destroy the Mop, and then go home to have tea and crumpets. Or two, we go to the Cheese Star, and avenge all the people who died on Chromelia.
Yvonne: Revenge! (no longer sad, now vengeful!)
Martin: That's one vote for revenge.
Drucifer: I think we should go to Denmarkia.
Martin: One to one now.
Yvonne: Revenge!
Martin: Hmm, well okay. Two to one now.
Junkee: I just want to go home.
Martin: All tied up again.
Yvonne (in gruff voice, so that it doesn't sound like your normal voice): Revenge!
Martin: Thank you Yvonne, but we have your votes now!.
Yvonne: Fine.
Martin: I pick Denmarkia as well. So I guess that's where we're heading.
Yvonne: What? I don't need any of you. I can go defeat the Dark Janitor, and avenge Sam on my own!
Drucifer: We're all in a spaceship.
Junkee: Yeah. What are you going to do? Float through space until you reach it?
Yvonne: Yes, if it comes to that, yes. I will float through space.
[pause]
Martin: Okay then.
FADE TO
[An odd electric whining sound of a different spaceship]
[sound of the Black Widow flying by, not far away]
Darth Chicken: Cheesy Menace. Uhhh, come in Cheesy Menace. Over.
Imperial Officer over radio: Roger, this is Cheesy Menace. What is your status, cracker? Have you found the mousie? Over.
Darth Chicken: Mousie? Cracker? Who am I talking to? Over.
Imperial Officer over radio: (sigh) Did you find the mouse, so you can bring it back to the dairy farm? Over.
Darth Chicken: I want to speak to your supervisor!
CUT TO
[beep!]
Yvonne: Wait, what are you guys doing?
[electric door opens, and someone is pushed through]
Drucifer: You said you wanted revenge.
Martin: And we're loading you into the torpedo tube, so we can send you floating out into space.
Junkee: Perhaps you guys should think this through just a little more?
Yvonne: Yeah, wait guys, uh, wait—
[beep! torpedo tube door shuts, SEMI silencing Yvonne -- then we hear fists beating frantically against the metal door]
Yvonne (from behind door): Get me out of here! [pounds fists on door]
Drucifer: Think we should send anybody with her?
Yvonne (from behind door): Junkee do you hear me? Open this door at once! [pounding on door]
Martin: No, no. That would just ruin the moment. . . .
CUT TO
Dark Janitor over radio: Darth Chicken?
Darth Chicken: Ohh. Finally! I've been talking to some loon about cheese and stuff, my Lord.
Dark Janitor over radio: He was speaking in code.
Darth Chicken: Oh.
Dark Janitor over radio: The code you were supposed to memorize.
Darth Chicken: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Dark Janitor over radio: So, have you found the ship carrying the Mop?
Darth Chicken: Oh yes. It just flew past me!
Dark Janitor over radio: Good. Bring them back to me alive.
Darth Chicken: Yes, my Lord.
CUT TO
Junkee: Good-bye, Yvonne.
Martin: And God speed.
[more doors close]
Martin: (quietly snickering) That should shut her up about revenge, Junkee. We'll let her out in about an hour, or so, okay?
[laser blasts against the exterior of the Black Widow]
Longsword (From other side of ship): Arrrrrr! We've been hit!
[Pete runs into the room with Martin, Junkee, and Drucifer]
Pete: GROWL!
Longsword: Will some of you come up to the cockpit please?
Martin: Why?
Longsword: I, uhh, don't want to die alone! Arrrrrr!
Drucifer: Does this ship have any weapons?
Longsword: Yarrrr, that it does! Two manual cannons.
Junkee: Okay, Martin you and Pete go use the cannons.
Pete: Grrr.
Junkee: Ooooookay, Drucifer you go use one of the cannons.
Drucifer: What about you?
Junkee: I'm going to go to the cockpit with the frightened pirate.
Drucifer: And Yvonne?
Yvonne (hardly audible): Get me out of here!
Martin: She can go floating away later. Come on, follow me Dru!
Drucifer: I've got a bad feeling about this. . . .
[feet running over metal floor as the laser continue to hit the ship, and Yvonne continues to pound her hands on the metal door of the torpedo tube]
CUT TO
[lasers firing]
Darth Chicken: Yipee-kai-yay! I'll defeat you, all by myself!
CUT TO
Junkee: How's it going Captain Longsword?
[laser blast hits the ship]
Junkee: Whoa.
Longsword: Arrrrrr, she won't take much more of this!
Pete: GROWL!
CUT TO
[laser shots and a small explosion]
Drucifer: Oh my God! They're everywhere!
[more laser shots]
Drucifer: I hit him! Hey Martin, I hit him!
Martin: That's great, don't get cocky.
Drucifer: Be careful, I'll shoot you next!
CUT TO
[beeping sound]
Longsword: Yarrrr! We got a lock on ‘em now!
Pete: ROAR!
Junkee: What's locked on?
Longsword: Torpedoes!
Junkee: Wait—
Longsword: Fire the torpedoes, Pete! Aharharharhar!
Junkee: Ohohhhh--
CUT TO
Yvonne: Crap!
[WOOSH sound as Yvonne is fired into space!]
CUT TO
Yvonne: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
[sounds of Yvonne screaming as she flies out of the torpedo tube, and into space]
Pete: Growl?
Longsword: What a peculiar looking torpedo.
Junkee: Oh no, not good.
CUT TO
[sound of Yvonne hitting Dark Chicken's windshield]
Yvonne (from outside of craft): Ahhhh!
Darth Chicken: Crikey, they're barbarians! Shooting women instead of lasers!
Yvonne (from outside of craft): Somebody save me!
Dark Janitor over radio: Take the woman as a hostage, they will come looking for her.
Darth Chicken: Roger that.
[ship turns and speeds away]
CUT TO
Junkee: There they go.
Martin: Well, there's nothing we can do. We must get to Denmarkia now.
Junkee: Aren't we going to try to save Yvonne?
Drucifer: I didn't think you cared about anyone but yourself. . . . Hmmm?
Junkee: I don't. I just think it'd be easier for the writer if we all stayed together that's all.
Longsword: The lad's got a point.
Pete: RAR!
Martin: No. Yvonne knew the risks of floating out in space. She took the risk of becoming the splatter on someone else's windshield. We must now go to Denmarkia.
Junkee: No, we go save Yvonne. . . . I'm in charge of this mission.
Martin: Since when?
Junkee: Since… the program has my name in the title
Martin: You're a sadly deluded man!
[popping sound]
Host: SILENCE!
Longsword: Arrrr! Shiver me timbers, it's the tooth fairy!
Host: Who is this?
Drucifer: This is our pilot, Captain Darial Longsword.
Host: Oh, I see.
Junkee: What do you want Host ghost?
Host: I come here with a message.
Martin: Ohhh here we go again.
Host: You must go and save Yvonne.
Junkee: Ah ha! Told you!
Martin: But what about destroying the Mop?
Host: Do that later, it can wait. . . . Farewell!
[popping sound]
Drucifer: That was quick.
Junkee: I win. Now, let's go save Yvonne.
Martin: (sigh) That phantom's a menace. Fine, Longsword, follow that ship.
Longsword: Arharharhar!
Pete: Growlllll.
[ship accelerates]
FADE TO credits
Credits: The Adventures of Dr. Junkee 3 were written and conceived by Kyle Warner. Music and sound production was by Martin Randle. All voices by Martin Randle, Kyle Warner, and Yvonne Bartha. Characters based on forum members of www dot dansjp3page dot com.
FADE TO
Jawa (singing to the main theme): You teedi tu lu chumpa! Wo epi do ecki choom! Ae oompa loompa dooda!
Vader: Give me that gun!
[gun blasts]
Jawa: Ahhhh! Ahhhhhhh!
END EPISODE
Thanks for taking the time to listen! We do hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment to tell us what you think. The next episode should be posted on the 29th. Until then, thanks for taking the time to listen to this, much appreciated. :)
1/15/2004 12:35:25 PM
(Updated: 1/16/2004 7:13:03 PM)
(Updated: 3/20/2004 8:29:30 PM)
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