|
Dr. Junkee III Loonies In Space (Part 5)
By JPJunkee
And so here is the fifth episode of Dr. Junkee III Loonies In Space! Of all the finished episodes we have so far, this is our favorite. And so we hope you enjoy! Let us know what you think! :)
Characters played by Martin Randle:
Martin Randle
Dark Janitor
Darial Longsword
General Rancor
Dark Hunter
Pete
Dan
Computer
Characters played by Kyle Warner:
Dr. Junkee
Drucifer
Darth Chicken
Vader
Bob
Characters played by Yvonne Bartha:
Yvonne
Yoda
And here is the script to go along with the episode.
FADE IN
Dan: Play the song again, Bob.
Bob: No.
Dan: Bob, play the song.
Bob: No, Dan.
Dan: Bob, we didn't get the real Paul McCartney. So in order to make it up to me, we have to play the new theme song.
Bob: I'm in control of the music, and I say no.
Dan: I really dislike you.
Bob: How did you ever get to become a God anyway?
Dan: Eh? Oh, my sister married the big guy. One thing led to another and poof, we're all Gods.
Bob: Okay fine. We'll play the new song. But just this once!
Dan: Huzzah!
[New theme song plays to the tune of "Rock'n Robin"]
Drucifer just saved us from a pile of slop,
Martin has still got a secret mop,
Yvonne has gone right over the top,
But the series still was a total flop,
Dr. Junkee, woooo, Dr. Junkee,
All the money got spent on a Paul McCartney song.
FADE TO
[Streets of Mass Eyesore. Slow bouncing of tire keeping pace with Vader and Dark Hunter as they walk the streets]
Vader: Dark Hunter, stop playing with the tire.
Dark Hunter: But it's so bouncy. Come on Vader, give it a try. Bounce the tire. Vader, go on. You know you want to.
Vader: You're an oddly deranged man.
Dark Hunter: And you're boring. And I don't like you.
Vader: Good, because I really don't like you. In fact, I'm not going to bother talking to you anymore.
Dark Hunter: Good, me neither.
[the two are silent, but the walking and bouncing continue as normal]
Dark Hunter: Well this isn't much fun, either.
[silence]
Dark Hunter: So, you got a job or something?
[silence]
Dark Hunter: I don't, I'm homeless and jobless. But that never stopped me from having fun! Why, every Friday the other guys and me would go down to Dead Man's Curve and race cockroaches. Ahh, how I miss those times.
[silence]
Dark Hunter: Come on, talk to me you mute.
[silence]
Dark Hunter: I would talk to myself, but I did that before and this whole evil split personality thing happened. Kind of freaky. Have you ever had a split personality? I tell you—
Yoda: Mmm, shut up, you must.
Vader: It's the puppet.
Dark Hunter: Ah, so you can talk! You had me so worried!
Yoda: I see a tire, you have obtained. Good, good, very good. But even so. Not yet over, your quest is.
Vader: What must we do now?
Dark Hunter: Yes, puppet, please tell us.
Yoda: I hold before you two different kinds of pills. Send you further on your quest, the red pill will. But the blue pill. . . .
Dark Hunter (anxious and talking fast): Yes, yes? What does the blue pill do?
Yoda: Yessss. Make you act like a sexually crazed dingo, the blue pill will. Mmm, drugstore heroin, the blue pill is. Get 50 bucks a pill on street, you can. Choose wisely, you must.
Vader: Life is full of tough decisions. But if it gets me closer to home, I'll take the red pill.
Yoda: Mmm, you chose. . . . wisely.
Dark Hunter: Give me the blue pill, arachachacha!
Yoda: You chose. . . poorly.
Vader: You would think he could have seen that coming.
Dark Hunter: Whoa. I feel . . . like I'm on. . . . top of the world. Vader, have I ever told you how nice your hair is?
[laser blast and Dark Hunter flies backwards landing hard]
Dark Hunter: Ow!
Yoda: Mmm. . . . Shot him, you did.
Vader: It was for the best.
Yoda: Listen closely, as I tell you what you must do. Tonight, fall from the skies, a stranger will. Brings a message, this stranger does, and guide you, the stranger will.
Vader: I understand, and thank you.
[Vader starts walking away]
Yoda: Forgot the moron, you have.
Vader: Do I really even need him?
Yoda: Yesssssss.
Vader: Why?
Yoda: I don't know, I don't.
Vader: [sigh]
FADE TO
[footsteps walking around on the Cheese Star]
Martin (whisper): Okay, there's the metal doors. Step lively!
[footsteps across metal floors]
[hangar doors clang, and then slowly open]
[Duel of the Cheese music begins to play]
Darth Chicken: Hi boys!
Junkee: Step aside sheman, before you get hurt.
Darth Chicken: Ohhhhhh, I don't think so. . . .
[hum of lightsabre, or well, electric mop]
Martin: An electric mop! He's a master of the Dark Closet.
Drucifer: He sounds like he just stepped out of the closet, if you ask me.
Longsword: Aharharharhar!
Martin: Drucifer, shhhhh!
Drucifer: What? He does!
Darth Chicken: My name is Darth Chicken. And I am the man who will be killing you now.
Martin: If it is a battle you want, it is a battle you will get! . . . . Go blue Mop laser!
[fizzle!]
Martin: Heh, heh, hmm. . . Go. . .blue Mop laser!
[fizzle!]
Martin: (worried) I must have got it wet in the garbage compactor. . . Hmm. . . Junkee, go get him!
Junkee: What? Why me?
Longsword: Yar, stop postponing your death lad. It only makes you look like a pansy man like him, arharharharhar!
Junkee: Why don't you go fight him? You've got a sword.
Longsword: I do? [swish of a blade as it is removed from its sheath] Argh, so I do!
Darth Chicken: Will someone just fight me already?
Longsword: Yar! The Chicken lad put a hole in my ship, the scaliwag. Arr, I'll duel ya! Pete, ready the ship for takeoff, arrr. I'll be with ye faster than you can say Alabama tomato paste! Aharharhar!
Pete: GROWL!
Longsword: To the depths with you!!!! ARRR!!
Darth Chicken: Oh bring it on!
[running feet and then the clang of metal sword against the humming electric mop]
Martin: Come, we must make haste! To the ship!
Longsword: Aharharhar!
[door closes]
FADE TO
[Dark Janitor theme]
[on cheese star, at computers]
[beep, beep]
Male computer: You've got video mail!
Dark Janitor: Oh, good, good.
[BLING]
General Rancor: Greetings and salutations, Dark Janitor.
Dark Janitor: Oh curses, it's you.
General Rancor: Yes, it is I, General Rancor. Leader of the Irresistible Resistance, and your worst enemy! Oh La Wenga.
Dark Janitor: Urrgh.
General Rancor: You're grinning. That's not a good sign. Come on, open up to your old pal, tell me your secrets.
Dark Janitor: I'm not telling.
General Rancor: . . . What's up?
Dark Janitor: How do you keep finding my email address? I block you each time, you putz.
General Rancor: Magic.
Dark Janitor: I really don't have the time to talk now. I've got loose prisoners running about my ship with a dangerous weapon.
General Rancor: What kind of weapon? I am intrigued!
Dark Janitor: I'm not telling you.
General Rancor: Well I have obtained the BAN RAYGUN. Envy much?
Dark Janitor: No. Not in the least.
General Rancor: Damn. . . . But I will BAN you.
Dark Janitor: I'd like to see you try. But later, my arch nemesis. I have to go now.
General Rancor: Okay. . . . . Ayo ayo!
[bling!]
[Dark Janitor sighs and gets up from his computer, walking across the room to the coffee machine]
Yvonne: (pissed!) You killed Sammy!
[SMACK! Dark Janitor falls down, perhaps crashing over some office stuff, or whatever]
Dark Janitor: Oww, why'd you do that?
Yvonne: (more controlled now, but sounds very serious) You killed Sammy.
Dark Janitor: Who?
Yvonne: Sammy. . . . You killed him, you . . . jerk.
Dark Janitor: Hmm, and this upsets you?
Yvonne: I will avenge Sammy's death. . . . By killing you.
Dark Janitor: I'll take that as a big yes. . . . Hmm, much anger I sense in you. Good, good, it will serve you well.
Yvonne: I will serve you to a pack of Dobermans.
Dark Janitor: Touching, to say the least. But I've got a better idea!
Yvonne: Sharks?
Dark Janitor: Well, no.
Yvonne: Molten lava?
Dark Janitor: No. . .
Yvonne: Army of tapeworms?
Dark Janitor: No! . . . . You are strong, and you are angry. Sure, lots of people are like that. But you're also either very brave or very stupid for attacking me. . . . So. . . join me, Clarice. And together, we can clone another Sam! . . . . And then kill lots of people!
Yvonne: I will never join you, twit.
Dark Janitor: Then. . . you will die. [Stands up off the ground] Pity, really. You have potential, just a little high strung and obstinate. If only you could-
Yvonne: Hiiiiiiiya!
[Chinese gong!]
Dark Janitor: Ow! . . . . . . . Ow! . . . . You never kick a man there, it's. . . .not fair!
Yvonne: Sorry.
Dark Janitor: You're going to be sorry!
[hum of electric mop igniting]
Yvonne: Hmm, yeah. . . . I'm going to be leaving now.
[Yvonne starts running away]
FADE TO
[creaking sound as someone quickly throws themself into a chair]
Martin: Pete, start the engines.
Pete: Growwwwwwl.
[engines of the Black Widow growl to life]
Junkee: Wait, Darial's still out there.
Drucifer: We can't leave without him! He makes me laugh! Haha!
Martin: Good point. Pete, shut off the engines.
Pete: Growl!
[engines rumble and slow to a stop]
Junkee: Shouldn't we leave the engines on though? Just in case he dies, then we can make a quick escape.
Martin: Good point. Pete, start the engines!
Pete: Grrrr.
FADE TO
[humming mop clashes against metal sword]
Longsword: Ahar! There's a reason they call me Longsword, don't ye know? Yarrrr.
[quick attacks and sounds]
Darth Chicken: There's a reason the guy's call me Darth Chicken.
Longsword: Yar, but this is supposed to be a show for all audiences! So what ye say we just leave some things a mystery, aye?
Darth Chicken: Ahaha. Oh, you have a fast tongue. But you see this scar on my face? I got this during a mighty struggle.
Longsword: Aharharhar! I hope you've learned to stop picking your nose. Arrrr.
Darth Chicken: Oh you!
[more humming of mop, and more blocks of the blade]
Darth Chicken: You fight like a foolish dairy farmer.
Longsword: Yar! How appropriate, you fight like a cow! . . . Which is, um, foolish! Arrr!
Darth Chicken: Why I never!
[more swordplay]
Darth Chicken: You're quite possibly the ugliest creature I've seen in my life!
Longsword: Funny. Haven't ye ever seen yur wife?
Darth Chicken: I'm not married!
Longsword: (speaking kind of slow) No. . . . . .way.
[battle continues]
FADE TO
[running footsteps . . . entire time, running]
Dark Janitor: Yoohoo? I'm chasing you!
Yvonne: Stop chasing me!
Dark Janitor: Hey Clarice, stop! Don't run through those doors!
Yvonne: Which doors? These big ones?
Dark Janitor: Yes, those!
Yvonne: Okay.
[doors open]
Dark Janitor: No! I told you not to go through those doors!
Yvonne: Hehehe.
FADE TO
Drucifer: Look over there! Yvonne has entered the hangar!
Junkee: Pete, turn off the engines.
Pete: Rar!
[engines turn off]
Martin: But look, the Dark Janitor is right behind her! Pete start the engines.
Pete: ROAR!
[engines start]
Junkee: That's the Dark Janitor?
Drucifer: He looks like a pushover. Come on! We can take him!
Martin: No, he is much too powerful. I told you it was treacherous to come here. Now we must leave both Yvonne and Captain Longsword behind.
Drucifer: I know I don't look it, but I'm actually very sad!
Martin: Pete, prepare for takeoff.
CUT TO
Yvonne: Stop chasing me!!!!
[Yvonne continues to run, until the sound of the Chicken/Longsword fight becomes much louder]
Longsword: Yarr! It's you, the Princess we came to rescue!
Yvonne: Umm. . . . Yep!
[swordfight stops]
Darth Chicken: Princess? That's no Princess. That's Clarice.
Longsword: Darrr, did I tell you to speak? Arrrr. Come on Yvonne, we ought to get on the Black Widow now!
Darth Chicken: But what about our fight?
Longsword: Arr, we'll call it a draw. Aharharhar!
[Yvonne and Darial start running towards the roaring engines of the Black Widow]
Dark Janitor: Not so fast.
Longsword: Argh, now there be two of them. We're outnumbered.
Yvonne: There's, uh, two of us and two of them.
Longsword: Yarrr. . . . shut up.
Dark Janitor: Come my apprentice, let's kill these two quickly.
Longsword: Gyarrrr, go on Yvonne. You won't make it to the ship, but run in that direction and take the escape pod. I will stay here and die in your place.
Yvonne: Okay.
[Yvonne walks away]
Longsword: Hmm, ahoyyy .. I should have thought this through a little bit more.
Darth Chicken: I have you now!
[humming of electric mop]
Longsword: On guard!
[swish of the sword, and then a slash of skin]
Darth Chicken: Owwwwwww.
Longsword: Yarrr, I just impaled you in the belly, ya blaggard! Daharharhar!
Dark Janitor: My apprentice! No! . . . . Oh well, I can always get another one. They're not too expensive.
Darth Chicken: I see-- guh -- I see---
Dark Janitor: What is it? What do you see?
Darth Chicken: I see --
Longsword: Dead people?
Darth Chicken: (acting annoyed) Noooo.
Dark Janitor: The winning Space Numbers for tomorrow's Black Hole Mania lottery?
Darth Chicken: Uh, nooooo.
Longsword: What then matey? Get on with it! We've got to get to the next scene! Arrr!
Darth Chicken: I see -- little fluffy blankets flying in a V-formation in the shape of little kittens.
Longsword: Yarr, enough of this.
[another swish of sword and stabbing sound]
Darth Chicken: Owwwwww. . . . I'm dead now. Blegh.
Dark Janitor: Oh, he's dead now.
Longsword: Arrr, that be the rumor, aye.
Dark Janitor: I will avenge his death by poking you with my electric mop.
Longsword: Arrr, can't we settle this over some grog? Arrr.
[hum of electric mop]
Longsword: Hmm, I guess not.
Dark Janitor: [battle cry]
Longsword: Uh oh.
[POOF!]
Dark Janitor: Hmm? Where'd you go? . . . Hmm, I must have disintegrated him. Excellent! Like I said, worth every penny.
CUT TO
Drucifer: NOOOOOOOO!
Pete: ROARRRRRR!!!!
Junkee: Oh quit whining and let's get out of here.
Drucifer: Longsword is dead though! I hardly knew the guy and I'm already getting all teary eyed. Look away!
Longsword: Arrr, I'm right here.
Drucifer: What? How?
Martin: I teleported him into the ship, just in time.
Longsword: Yarrr.
Martin: We must go now.
Drucifer: And what about Yvonne?
Junkee: She's taking an escape pod, we'll meet up with her later.
Martin: Pete, Longsword, fly us out now.
Pete: Rarrr!
[engines really roar as the Black Widow flies out of the hangar, and into space]
FADE TO
Yvonne: What button do you press to make it go?
Male Computer: Press this button [bling!] to purge the escape pod from the space station.
Yvonne: Oh, well, uh, thank you.
[click as button is pressed]
Yvonne: Did it work?
[BAM! the escape pod shoots off of the Cheese Star]
Yvonne: AHHHHHHH! (scream fades as the escape pod flies away)
FADE TO CREDITS
Credits: Written and conceived by Kyle Warner. Sound production and music by Martin Randle, apart from the bits that you stole from John Williams! All voices by Martin Randle, Kyle Warner, and Yvonne Bartha. Characters based on forum members of www dot dansjp3page dot com.
FADE TO
Bob: Read them, read the numbers Dan.
Dan: And tonight's winning numbers for the Black Hole Mania are! 7, 13, 42, 9, 14, 47 and bonus ball 8798893.8!
Bob: Damn! I had .7!
Dan: That's why you shouldn't gamble Bob.
Bob: I wouldn't be gambling if I weren't up to my neck in debt because of your pal Mr. McCartney. Curse him. . . curse you, too!
Dan: Now you're just being over dramatic.
Bob: Someday I'll win that thing!
Dan: When fluffy blankets fly, Bob. When fluffy blankets fly.
END EPISODE
And so there is episode 5! We hoped you liked it! Leave a comment please! :)
There may be an extra week or two delay before episode 6 is posted (because well, it's not done yet!). So, listen to this a second or third time, why don't ya? Thanks again everybody, much appreciated!
2/12/2004 3:57:52 AM
(Updated: 3/9/2004 3:36:15 PM)
(Updated: 3/20/2004 8:30:43 PM)
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
