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Dr. Junkee III Loonies In Space (Part 4)
By JPJunkee
And now here is the fourth episode of Dr. Junkee III Loonies In Space! This is the first episode with someone other than Martin, Yvonne, or myself doing a voice. And that person being Yvonne's nephew, Shawn Bartha, playing Carna. So that's kind of nifty! Anyway, let us know what you think of the episode! We hope you enjoy! I think this episode gets better as it goes along, with the highlight moments involving Yvonne. . . you'll see. :)
Characters played by Martin Randle:
Martin Randle
Dark Janitor
Darial Longsword
Dark Hunter
Pete
Dan
Admiral Rob
Imperial Officers
Characters played by Kyle Warner:
Dr. Junkee
Drucifer
Vader
Darth Chicken
Host
Menikmati
Bob
Characters played by Yvonne Bartha:
Yvonne
Female Computer
Carna played by special guest star Shawn Bartha.
And here is the script to go along with the episode.
FADE IN
Dan: Think we could get Paul McCartney to sing the theme song, Bob?
Bob: You've gotta be kidding me.
Dan: No, really. Paul could deliver the lyrics very well, I think.
Bob: Dan, we could never afford Paul McCartney. Yvonne takes up half of the budget all by herself.
Dan: Oh, right, right.
Bob: Stick to the classic.
[theme song]
FADE TO
[Black Widow flying through space]
Junkee: Look, he's taking Yvonne to that orange moon.
[very short pause]
Martin: That's no moon. It's a space station.
Longsword: Yarr, the Cheese Star it is.
Martin: Longsword, stop the ship.
Longsword: Aye!
[Black Widow engines rumble to a halt, and then there is silence]
Martin (whisper): Okay, here's the plan. (and now back to normal speech) We'll hang back here and let them take Yvonne inside.
Junkee: Yes? And then what?
Martin: Then, when no one is watching, we'll sneak around back.
Junkee: You've gotta be kidding me.
Pete: Growl!
Martin: Do you have any better ideas?
Drucifer: I do! How about we travel down one of the trenches on the surface and fire a single torpedo up their ventilation shaft that they have kindly left wide open for us?
Pete: Grr.
Longsword: Arrr, I like the way you think mate! Damn the torpedoes, Pete!
Pete: Rar! Rar Rarr!
Martin: No, no, no. No torpedoes. Remember what happened last time you used torpedoes?
Longsword: Yarrrrr.
Martin: We must use stealth if we wish to rescue Yvonne from the Dark Janitor's clutches.
[soft banging sound]
Junkee: Umm, what was that?
[series of beeps and bloops]
Drucifer: We're a moving! We're going towards them! Wrong way, man! You're going the wrong way!
Pete: Growl!
Longsword (surprised): Aheh. . . Aheh woo. (worried laugh), this has never happened before.
Martin: What is it?
Longsword: Arrr, sorry mateys, it seems we've been trapped in their tractor beam! Argh.
[more beeps]
Longsword: Computer! Break tractor beam thing, arrr.
HAL 9000: I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Junkee: I hate computers.
Martin: What do we do?
Longsword: Ummm. . . . hide.
FADE TO
[outdoor sounds of Mass Eyesore]
Dark Hunter: Hey Vader come here! This car has four tires!
Vader: (sigh) Why God? Why did I get stuck with this guy?
[harp sounds]
Dan: Because I don't like you.
Vader: Next time, don't answer me at all, okay Dan? Thanks.
Dan: Fine.
[same harp sounds, but played backwards, as if Dan is going away]
Dark Hunter: Come on Vader, help me take off this tire.
[banging and glass breaking]
Vader: Wait, wait, someone's coming.
[footsteps approaching Vader and Dark Hunter]
Menikmati: Hello! How are you doing today? My name's Menikmati, are you looking for anything in particular?
Dark Hunter: Give us your soul and a tire for free!
Menimati: Oh dear me.
Vader: He's drunk, don't listen to him. Actually, I like this car. How much is it?
Menikmati: One second, I'll go ask my boss.
[Menikmati walks away]
Vader: Hmm, it says the price right here in the window. . . . What do they ever talk to their bosses about anyway?
FADE TO
[menacing music]
[landing platform hisses as it lowers, and two people walk down]
Darth Chicken: Here is the woman I took hostage, my Lord.
Dark Janitor: Ahhhh.
Darth Chicken: I bravely boarded their ship, but was only able to take her and no others.
Yvonne: Liar. They shot me out like a torpedo, I just happened to land on your ship.
Darth Chicken: She's terribly deluded, my Lord.
Dark Janitor: What is her name?
Yvonne: Her name is Yvonne.
Darth Chicken: I don't believe her lies. I think her name is Clarice.
Dark Janitor: Clarice. . . Do you still hear them screaming, Clarice? The people of Chromelia. You just had to fly away. Fly, fly, fly, away.
Yvonne: I will kill you, Dark Janitor.
Dark Janitor: Silly girl. Go on, take her to one of the prison cells. I will much like to speak with you soon enough, Clarice.
[sound of feet shuffling over the floor, as Darth Chicken drags Yvonne away]
[door hisses open and then closed]
Admiral Rob: My Lord, the ship with the Mop has been locked in our tractor beams. It should be docked within the next few minutes.
Dark Janitor: Excellent, Admiral. Bring me the Mop and leave Martin Randle to me. Kill the rest.
Admiral Rob: As you wish, my Lord.
FADE TO
[back outside in Mass Eyesore car dealership]
[sound of metal tools clanging]
Vader: What are you doing, Dark Hunter?
[bouncing sound as a tire is bounced away]
Dark Hunter: We've got a wild one! Quick Vader, follow that tire!
[the two begin running after the bouncing tire]
Dark Hunter: Hahaha! Caught you! You thought you could get away, huh?
Vader: Did you just take that tire off of one of the cars in the lot?
Dark Hunter: Yep! Cheap way to get a tire, eh? The green puppet will love me! Maybe knight me and dub me Sir Saves A Lot.
Menikmati (from far away): Hey! Get back here with that!
Dark Hunter: Uh oh. Run!
FADE TO
[sound of Black Widow slowly landing]
Junkee (whisper): Alright, everyone wait for my signal. When they knock on the door, everyone scream 'Bigfoot', then Pete roars, and we should be allowed to leave, no questions asked.
Longsword (whisper): Yarr, what happened to hiding?
Pete: Growwwwwwl?
Junkee (whisper): That was a bad idea.
Martin (whisper): I hardly think this one is any better, Junkee.
Junkee (whisper): Okay, everyone shut up, they're coming up the landing ramp now.
[sound of approaching footsteps on metal]
[doorbell]
Imperial Officer: Open up! We know you have the Mop in there, so just come on out!
Junkee: (whisper) Drucifer, open the door.
[hiss as door slides open]
Imperial Officer: Give us the Mop and put your hands in the air!
Pete: GROWL!
Junkee: Okay, now!
Martin: Look it's Bigfoot!
Drucifer: Flee! Flee mortals!
Longsword: Yarr, he bit off me arm!
Pete: ROARRRR!
[Pete beats his chest!]
Imperial Officer: Dear God! Everyone! Retreat!
[sounds of frantic screams as people run away from the ship, and out of the hangar]
Junkee: That worked better than I thought it would.
Longsword: Arrrr! The space station be ours! Aharharharhar!
Martin: Come, we haven't a moment to lose.
[they run out of the ship and down the landing ramp, into the hangar.
Drucifer: Where now?
Junkee: We need to save Yvonne. But, she could be anywhere.
Martin: My magical powers tell me she is. . . . that way. Junkee and Longsword, follow me.
Drucifer: What about me and Pete?
Pete: Growl?
Martin: You two try and shut off the tractor beam so we can escape once we have Yvonne.
Drucifer: What? How?
Martin: Drucifer you're a man of science, you'll figure out a way. Now go, you must make haste!
[Drucifer and Pete start to run away]
Martin: Okay, Junkee and Longsword, my magical powers tell me that Yvonne is being held in cell 12-34-T. In case I should die, I need you to remember that number.
Junkee: 12-34-T. Okay.
Longsword: Aye.
Martin: Well? Repeat them.
Junkee: 12-34-T.
Martin: Again?
Junkee: I got it! I got it! Now lead us to her already.
Martin: Righto, follow me! I know the way.
FADE TO
[Dark Janitor music]
Dark Janitor: Tell me Clarice, what are you thinking now?
Yvonne: I'm thinking I'm going to bash your skull in for calling me Clarice. And then I'm going to escape this pitiful space station, and kill all your friends.
Dark Janitor: I'd like to see you try.
Yvonne: Oh, okay then.
[running feet over metal surface]
Yvonne: Hiiiiiya!
Dark Janitor: I don't think so.
[Lightsabre humming sound, then swish as it is swung through the air and then a thunk! Yvonne is smacked over the head, and she falls down]
Yvonne: Ah! You just hit me with. . . . an electric mop.
Dark Janitor: Yes. Nifty isn't it? They're very expensive.
[Yvonne sighs]
Dark Janitor: You really didn't think it would be that easy, did you?
Yvonne: You know. . . .for a second there. . . . Hell yes.
Dark Janitor: Silly Clarice. . . I can smell your fear. . . . And. . . ooo, blueberries, I wonder if the chef is making muffins. I do so love blueberry muffins. Don't you?
Yvonne: Let me out of this cell now, and I might let you live.
Dark Janitor: Ahahaha. . . Ahh, poor self-deluded girl. No, no you shall stay here, for a long, long time I think.
[Yvonne sighs again]
[door hisses open and someone walks in]
Dark Janitor: Ahh, thank you for coming Admiral.
Yvonne: Who's he?
Dark Janitor: This is Admiral Rob, he will finish you interrogation for me, as I'm a busy, busy bee. We will talk again soon though, Clarice, don't worry about that.
FADE TO
Drucifer: Look Pete, the Control Room is conveniently empty!
Pete: Roarrrr!
Drucifer: Now help me find the controls to turn off the tractor beams.
Pete: Growl.
Drucifer: Ah, would you look at that? Found it already.
[Beep]
Drucifer: There, tractor beams off.
Pete: Growlllllllll.
Drucifer: What?
Pete: Humph, rar, garar arar rarrrrrrr.
Drucifer: Hmm, speak more distinctly.
Pete: Rar rar rarr!
Drucifer: You're right, they could need our help. Okay! Mighty Mouse is on the way, here he comes to save the day!
Pete: Hmm?
FADE TO
[running footsteps]
Longsword: Look! That door says Prison Quarters, arrrr.
Martin: Okay, we go through there. Be ready for a big fight.
[Door swishes open]
Junkee: There's no one here.
Imperial Officer (from far away): Look over there! Blast em!
Martin: Behind us!
Junkee: Shut the door, shut the door.
[door swishes closed, as lasers hit it. We hear footsteps approaching from afar]
Martin: Junkee, go find Yvonne's cell. Longsword and I can hold them back, but we can't do it for long.
Junkee: Okay.
[Junkee runs away from the others]
Junkee: Umm, there's a computer lock thing here on the door.
Martin: Well, unlock it!
[more lasers]
Longsword: Arrr! They're breaking through! Hurry up matey!
Junkee: Okay! . . . Ummm, computer. Open up Yvonne's cell, please.
Female Computer: What is the integer of the reformatory chamber you desire to unfasten?
Junkee: What? Speak my language.
Female Computer: What vernacular would you wish me to converse in? Comment de Français?
Junkee: What? . . . . Martin! I think the computer just insulted me in Spanish!
Martin: Stop fooling around, Junkee!
Junkee: Okay. . . the cell number was. . . . 12-34. . . . umm. . . . 12-34. . . . 12-34-B!
Female Computer: La porte ouvre.
Junkee: Yeahhhh, whatever.
[door hisses open and someone comes running out]
Carna: Valakamba! You saved me, you did!
Junkee: What the? You're not Yvonne.
Carna: No, not Yvonne. I'm Carna! What's you name? Kazaam? Kazaam!
Junkee: Dr. Junkee, actually, but I'm kind of busy---
Carna: No! No! Talk to me! I've been in that cage forever!
Junkee: Hey, hey, get away from me.
Martin: Junkee, what is going on over there?!
[laser blast]
Longsword: Arr, that laser nipped me toe!
Junkee: Listen little creature thing, leave me alone.
Carna: Nooooooo! Kazabala!
[slap!]
Carna: You slapped me! . . . Junkee gonna die. Me kill Junkee!
Junkee: Okay, but do it later, I'm busy.
Carna: Okay, Carna go now!
Junkee: Okay, computer, open up cell 12-34. . . T!
Female Computer: Affirmatif.
[door hisses open]
Rob: Tell me Clarice, do you like scary movies? What the? Who are you?
Junkee: Hey bucko, your shoe's untied.
Rob: Huh?
[Punch! Rob grunts then falls on the ground, out cold]
Yvonne: Get out of my way.
[laser blast]
Yvonne: Ah!
Longsword: Arr, they've broken through!
Martin: Run away!
Imperial Officer: Blast em!
[lots and lots of lasers, much louder than before]
Martin: Keep down!
Yvonne: Why'd it have to be you that saved me?
Martin: (sarcastic) You're most welcome.
[more lasers!]
Longsword: Game over man! Game over!
Yvonne: Where do we go?!
Junkee: Look! Through that vent!
[heavy vent is pulled off and set aside]
Martin: Peeeyu, such a foul smell!
Junkee: I'm not going down there.
[laser blast really close by]
Junkee: Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm going.
[toilet flush]
Martin: Longsword, your turn.
Longsword: Yarr! . . . Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (whee fades as he goes down chute)
[toilet flush]
Martin: Yvonne.
Yvonne: You go, I'll be right behind you.
Martin: Okay then. . . . Ahhuhuaaaa!
[toilet flush]
Yvonne: Suckers. Yeah right, like I'm gonna go down that thing.
Imperial Officer: Okay lady, come out nice and slow and you won't be harmed.
Yvonne: Hehe. . . . . [cue Kung fu music!] Hiiiiiiiiiya!
[smack! Officer grunts as he falls down from the hit]
Yvonne: Woochaw, ya!
[bam! Officer screams as he falls down from the hit]
Yvonne: Cha cha cha cha!
[smack, smack, smack, smack! four bodies fall]
Yvonne: Woooow!
[grunt]
Yvonne: Wax on. . . . wax off. . . . Ha!
[guy gets smacked. . . Yvonne walks away]
[Kung Fu music fades out]
FADE TO
[screaming coming closer and closer then. . . . SPLASH!]
Longsword: Arrrrrrr! Wheeee! Oof!
[splash!]
Longsword: Egh!
Martin: Gahh!
[splash!]
[people splash around in the shallow water as they get to their feet]
Martin: (in disgust) Ohh. (begins coughing and gagging)
Junkee: Where are we?
Longsword: Arr, it's a garbage compactor or something.
Martin: Oh where's Yvonne? [splashes through water as he walks back to the chute] Yvonne? Helloooooo? (voice echoes)
Junkee: (cough) Good God, it smells like something died in here.
[popping sound!]
Host: Hey, I take offense to that.
Martin: Oh, Host, how do we get out of here?
Host: First you must---
[splash]
[quietly and slowly, a musical theme similar to Jaws starts]
Host: Uh ohhhh.
[pop, Host disappears]
[Jaws music grows louder]
Junkee (whisper): What is that?
Martin: It's the, uh, the theme to Close Encounters of the Third Kind. . . .
Junkee: No it's not.
Longsword: Aye, it's the theme to Jurassic Park! Arrr.
Martin: Hmm, I don't know I've never seen it.
[soft splash]
Junkee: Sonofa-- . . . something just touched my leg.
Longsword: Maybe it was John William's little sticky thing, aharharhar. . .
Martin: It's just in your imagination, Doc.
[Jaws music ends]
Junkee: It's quiet. . . Too quiet.
[BIG SPLASH]
Martin: Look! Killer minnow!
Longsword: Arr, we're gonna need a bigger boat!
[metal door screeches as it swings open]
Drucifer: Hi guys! We have come to save you! Ooo, seafood.
Junkee: Get out our way.
Martin: Come on, move!
[Junkee, Martin, and Longsword jump out of the garbage compactor, and the door swings shut]
Pete: Growl?
Longsword: Argh, we naught know where Yvonne be, Pete.
Martin: (slightly out of breath) Did you shut off the tractor beams Drucifer?
Drucifer: Affirmative!
Martin: Great let's head back to the Black Widow now so we can make our escape.
FADE TO
Dark Janitor: Just as I suspected, I leave the room for 3 minutes and it all falls to pieces… (sound of communicator) Darth Chicken???
Darth Chicken: (over radio) Yes my lord?
Dark Janitor: The girl has escaped, Martin, his companions and the Mop are loose on the ship! Sort it out now!
Admiral Rob: Ooooo. . ooo. . oooo. (quietly moaning in pain)
Darth Chicken: (over radio) Why yes my lord...I will have them all rounded up straight away!
Admiral Rob: Oww my head.
Dark Janitor: Shut up Admiral, I'm talking.
[thunk, hits Rob with the mop. Rob grunts]
Dark Janitor: Good. Now Martin. . . where have you got to then??
FADE TO CREDITS
Credits: Written and conceived by Kyle Warner, music and sound production by Martin Randle. All voices by Martin Randle, Kyle Warner, and Yvonne Bartha. Characters based on forum members of www dot dansjp3page dot com. This week's special guest Shawn Bartha as Carna, wasn't he great? And the voice of HAL was courtesy of www dot showcase dot netins dot net.
FADE TO
[Song begins in the style of Paul McCartney's "Yesterday"]
(string quartet and acoustic guitar)
Drucifer... off to fight with the Dark Janitor,
With Martin, Junkee, Pete, and Darial,
Oh I believe in Drucifer,
Why Yvonne's so mad well I guess, we'll never know,
Was it 'cause she was fired from the ship's torpedo, oh oh oh. . .
[song fades out]
Bob: You do realize Dan, this means we can't afford any special effects next episode.
Dan: They weren't very good anyway.
END EPISODE
And so there is episode 4! We hoped you liked it! Leave a comment please! :)
1/29/2004 3:56:41 AM
(Updated: 3/20/2004 8:30:09 PM)
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