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Dr. Junkee III Loonies In Space (Part 2)
By JPJunkee
It's New Year's Day and we have a new episode to show you! We hope you like it!
Characters played by Martin Randle:
Martin Randle
Dark Hunter
Darial Longsword
Mr. Camel
Dan
Pete
Dark Janitor
Imperial Officers
Man/Woman with gruff voice
Credit reading droid
Characters played by Kyle Warner:
Dr. Junkee
Vader
Drucifer
Bob
Characters played by Yvonne Bartha:
Yvonne
The Puppet/Yoda
Sam Neill played by himself, though he still doesn't even know it.
And here is the script to go along with the episode.
FADE IN
Dan: In the last episode, Dr. Junkee, Martin, Yvonne, and Drucifer learned of the schemes of the Dark Janitor and his quest to reclaim the One Mop. The fellowship of four has now taken it upon themselves to destroy the Mop, and return sanity to the Universe.
Bob: Meanwhile, Dark Hunter and Vader are stranded in a barren desert world. The two, under the impression that they are in the country of Iraq, are now trying to make their way back to their missing friends. What could possibly happen next?
Dan: The theme song?
Bob: Damn straight Dan!
[theme song starts]
FADE TO
[Sounds inside the Cantina. Then, we hear a chair pulled back, as people sit down at a table]
Drucifer: So any luck finding a pilot to take us to Swedonia?
Martin: Denmarkia. And I'm just on the case.
Junkee: Damn straight I want to get out of this bright and shiny Cantina and off Chromelia as soon as possible.
Yvonne: Well I like it here!
Junkee: Well I don't. It's too shiny.
Yvonne: It's got Sammy!
Junkee: So? This place is like being in a hall of mirrors times one million. It makes Canada look classy!
[the dispute between Junkee and Yvonne fades as Martin approaches a table]
Martin: [clears throat] I'm told you're the best pilot in this part of the galaxy. Is this correct?
Longsword: Ahoy! Yarr, that I am. Captain Darial Longsword, at yer service.
Junkee: You're a pirate?
Longsword: Aye, a space pirate! Best in the galaxy! And you are?!
Junkee: I'm Dr. Junkee.
Longsword: Oh, I had a shrink once. Told me I had issues!
Junkee: What?
Longsword: I made him walk the plank.
Junkee: Umm.
Longsword: He's swimming with the alien fishes! Ar har har har har har!
Junkee: That's. . . kind of creepy.
Martin: I am Martin Randle. I am a Wizard.
Longsword: Yarrr!
Yvonne: I'm Yvonne.
Drucifer: And my name's Drucifer! I am a man of science!
Longsword: Yarrrr! Science be spiffy.
Martin: Rumor has it, you have one of the fastest ships in the galaxy.
Longsword: And the rumor naught lie, either. The Black Widow be her name.
Junkee: We need to get to Denmarkia.
Longsword: Denmarkia? Argh, what business you lot have at that hellhole?
Drucifer: We're trying to destroy a Mop.
Longsword: A . . . mop?
Martin: So you can take us there?
Longsword: Arrr, but that'll be five thousand truggets maties. I'll have me co-pilot rig the ship for travel now.
[Longsword snaps his fingers]
Longsword (yelling to someone a short distance away): Pete! Darr, get over here you big hairball.
[heavy footsteps approach the table]
Pete: Growlllll.
Longsword: This be Parasaur.w, but we just call him Pete. He's a Wahookiekie.
Pete: Rarrrrrrr!
Yvonne: He is uhh, housetrained, isn't he?
Pete: Growwwwwwl.
Longsword: Yarrr, we best be going now. Pete says there be Imperial Troopers searching for a Mop.
Martin: Great scott! Come now, we must make ourselves scarce. Captain Longsword, ready your ship. We will be at the space station in five minutes.
Longsword: Aye, aye!
FADE TO
[Theme of the Dark Janitor starts]
Bob: On the gigantic floating space station, the Cheese Star, the Dark Janitor stared down at the silver world of Chromelia with really scary eyes.
[Whatever the inside of the Cheese Star sounds like, we're hearing it now. Possibly lots of beeps and stuff, computers and such]
Dark Janitor: I sense you now. . . . For decades, I have searched, and now you have brought it back to me. Do you offer it willingly? Or are you really, really stupid? The Mop is rightfully mine, and I will have it soon enough.
[Door swishes open]
Admiral WhatsHisName: My Lord, the forces on Chromelia report seeing a group of off-worlders. They say that one of them carried a Mop.
Dark Janitor: Excellent, Admiral. Have them detained and brought to me immediately.
Admiral WhatsHisName: Yes, Dark Janitor, my Lord.
[Door swishes open and then closed]
Dark Janitor (to himself): Oh you were very, very foolish to come here, Martin Randle. . . .
FADE TO
Dark Hunter: Excuse me, miss? Could you please tell me where we could possibly buy some camels?
Man with Mean and Gruff Voice: Buzz off. Go to Mr. Camel.
[the woman/man walks away then there is a short pause]
Dark Hunter: Oh. I could have sworn that was a woman.
Vader: Why do we even need a camel, Dark Hunter?
Dark Hunter: Because, Vader, the green puppet said we needed one to complete our task.
Vader: What is our task, exactly?
Dark Hunter: Hell if I know. . . . Oooo, it seems we're here! This looks like the place. . .
[harp music]
Vader: Mr. Camel's Camel Emporium, finest Camels this side of the desert. . .
[ding as shop door opens, eastern music is playing]
Mr. Camel: Heyyyy, come in, come in, soooo my new friends...what can I get you . . . huh?
Vader: Are you Mr. Camel?
Mr Camel: Si, Ja Mr. Camel that is me. Mr. Camel's finest camels this side of---
Dark Hunter: Yeah, we get the picture. Look we need two camels, good ones, that can take us to the city port Mass Eyesore.
Mr Camel: Oooh? Why you want to go there eh? Bad place. Come eat, pull up a droid, can't do business on an empty stomach, eh? Heh heh heh. . .
Vader: No, we need to get there right now.
Mr Camel: Okay. . . . so what you want, eh? I got Pod racer spares, very good prices, how about a Hyper drive generator, huh? Oh no, wait, I've just sold the last one, errr. . . . Oh yeah, young boys! Take your pick, all very nice but a little annoying. I've got plenty round the back, buy one get his mother free, eh? Heh heh heh. Uhh. What is it you said you wanted again?
Dark Hunter (slightly annoyed): Camels, Mr. Camel.
Vader: You know humpy things, annoying, spit a lot?
Mr Camel: Yeah young boys! Annoying, spit alot, hump, build pod racers, take over the galaxy, you want one? Huh?
Dark Hunter: LOOK!!!! Do you have ANY CAMELS AT ALL, MR. CAMEL?
[short pause of silence]
Mr Camel: No.
Vader: Why not?!
Mr Camel: Well they uhhh. . . They don't exist in this universe, I mean I tried to breed them genetically but I failed. I just ended up with annoying boys that build pod racers, and take over galaxy huh.
Vader: What is a Pod Racer?
FADE TO
Dan: Junkee, Martin, and Drucifer all made their way to the exit of the Cantina. They were eager to leave the planet as soon as possible. . . Until they realized Yvonne wasn't with them.
Yvonne: Ahhhh, I could bask in the gaze of your eyes all day, Sam.
Sam the Bartender: [sighs and mutters something]
Yvonne: Awwww, how sweet.
[footsteps approaching Yvonne]
Junkee: Come on, Yvonne, we need to go now.
Yvonne: Oh, how rude interrupting me in my conversation with Sam Neill the bartender from outer space. You, Junkee, are no gentleman.
Junkee: Yeah and I'm not a patient man either, so either come now, or we'll leave you here.
Yvonne: Really?! Well, in that case, I guess I'm staying here. (turns back to Sam) Sam, don't mind him, he's a moron. . . . Have I mentioned that I love you, today, Sam?
Sam the Bartender: The truth is. . . you don't know how you feel about me. You don't know if you want a life with me anymore. And. . . the truth is. . . you are beginning to try my patience.
Yvonne: Oh, how rude!
[Yvonne slaps Sam]
Yvonne: Come on, Junkee, we're leaving.
[door swishes open]
[fade to outside the Cantina, standing by the front doors]
Martin: Ahh, Yvonne, Junkee, nice of you to finally join us out here. Come on now, we must hurry. If anyone approaches us, let me do the talking. I'm very good at lying.
Yvonne: Okay.
Drucifer: Look! Someone's approaching us!
[footsteps approaching group]
Imperial Officer: Identification dirtbag.
Martin (wise mystical voice, or something): You don't need to see my identification.
Imperial Officer: I do not need to see your identification. . . The hell are you talking about? Of course I need to see your identification! Give it to me now!
Martin: Fine.
Imperial Officer: Uh huh. . . hmmm. . . . Okay, so you're from Earth, eh?
Martin: Yes, we are Earthlings.
Imperial Officer: Well, enjoy your stay here on Chromelia, it's a nice place to reflect on---- . . . Wait a second, what's that under your cloak? Is that a sword under your cloak?
Martin: No, I'm. . . uhh, happy to see you.
Junkee: Oy, it's a mop. Can we be going now?
Imperial Officer: Let me see the mop.
[Martin sighs]
Imperial Officer: Uh huh, how long have you had this mop?
Martin (wise and mystical again): This is not the mop you are looking for.
Imperial Officer: Whoever said I was looking for a mop?
Martin: Ummmm. . . .
[Martin hits the Officer over the head with the Mop]
Yvonne: You just hit him with the Mop.
Junkee: Well what do we do now?
Martin: I had no other choice, he was harassing me!
[sound of people running from a short distance away]
Imperial Officer #2: Look! Over there! They've got the Mop!
[laser guns being shot at the group]
Drucifer: I say we run!
Martin: RUN AWAY!
FADE TO
[footsteps over sand]
Mr. Camel: This is what they call a pod racer huh!
[pod racer engines start up]
[voices are raised to speak over the roar of the engine]
Dark Hunter: Can we have a go? Come on Vader!
Vader: So what pedal do I press to make it go faster?
Mr Camel: Hey, well, you just twist your left hand up to go...
[Pod racer jets off]
Vader and DH: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[their voices fade out as they go flying off into the distance]
Mr Camel: I'll take a check! . . . Ahhh nuts.
FADE TO
[Junkee, Martin, Yvonne, and Drucifer running as lasers are fired all around them]
Martin: Quick! This way to the Black Widow's hangar!
[more running and lasers]
Longsword: Ahoy! Nice to see you could make it!
[lasers explode something in the hangar]
[everyone boards the ship, and with a metallic whine the door snaps shut. Longsword runs to the cockpit, his feet clanging over the metal floors, and then sits down. The others quickly follow]
Longsword: Arrrrgh, shiver me timbers we're being fired upon! Prepare to repel borders! Set sail Pete!
Pete: GROWL!
[Black Widow begins flying away]
Longsword: Arrr, and we be off!
Yvonne (out of breath): We made it.
Longsword: What was all that about?
Junkee: Martin hit an Imperial Officer with the mop.
Longsword: Ar har har har!
Pete: Rarrrrr!
Drucifer: So, where to now?
Martin: Now, we go to Denmarkia.
Longsword: It's a long trip to make, even in hyperspace, so I would suggest ye be taking a rest or something.
Junkee: Can we expect them to follow us?
Longsword: Arrr, no one can catch this ship laddie. This is the fastest ship in the galaxy!
FADE TO
[The pod racer with Dark Hunter and Vader is still roaring through the desert]
Vader and Dark Hunter: AHHHHH!
Vader: We're going really, really fast!!!!
Dark Hunter: AHHHHHH!
Vader: How do you stop this thing?!
Dark Hunter: LOOK OUT!
Vader: What?!
Dark Hunter: A CAMEL! TURN!
Vader: I thought you were steering!
Dark Hunter: We're going to die!
Dark Hunter and Vader: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
[The pod racer crashes into the camel. The pod explodes, Dark Hunter and Vader scream as they are sent flying into the sand, and the camel says whatever a camel says when it's hit and killed by a speeding pod racer]
[short pause]
Dark Hunter: Owwwwwwww.
Vader: My back hurts. . . .
Dark Hunter: Owwwwwwww. . . . Look, we crashed outside Mass Eyesore!
Vader (out of breath): To accomplish our task, we apparently needed a camel. But, supposedly there are no camels in this universe. And then out of nowhere, a camel magically appears right in front of us, and what do you do? You run over it!
[Vader starts to choke Dark Hunter]
Dark Hunter: It was a mistake, honest.
Vader: I'll show you a mistake.
[Vader punches Dark Hunter]
Dark Hunter: Owww! I think you broke my nose!
Vader: It was a mistake, honest.
Dark Hunter: Why I oughta---
Yoda: Stop now, you will, acting like children, you are.
Dark Hunter: It's the green puppet!
Yoda: Control, you must learn control. . .
Vader: Huh?
Yoda: Yesssss.
Vader: Hmmm.
Dark Hunter: What great wisdom have you brought to share with us this time, oh great wisdom sharer?
Yoda: Killed the camel, you did.
Vader: He did, not me.
Yoda: Sent to you by Gods, that camel was.
Dark Hunter: Can they send another one?
Yoda: No.
Dark Hunter: Oh.
Yoda: Into the tire of your quest, a new nail has been stabbed. Slowly deflating it is. Might save you, a spare will. But to find a spare will be difficult. . . . . Farewell to you now, yesssss.
[Yoda walks away]
[short pause]
Vader: What in the blazes did he just say?
Dark Hunter: We need a spare tire, come on!
Vader: Why do I have the feeling you'll end up being the death of me?
Dark Hunter: We need a tire, now come on!
FADE TO
Credits: The Adventures of Dr. Junkee III were written and conceived by Kyle Warner. Music and sound production was by Martin Randle. All voices by Martin Randle, Kyle Warner, and Yvonne Bartha. Characters based on forum members of www dot dansjp3page dot com. Sam Neill samples courtesy of www dot ncsociety dot net.
FADE OUT
Dan: Five Earth pounds says half of them are dead by the fifth episode.
Yoda: Hmmm, fine. Begun, this bet has. . . .
Dan: So, who do you reckon is going to die first?
Yoda: Die first Junkee will.
Dan: What? It's his story.
Yoda: Mmmm. Precisely. . . .
END EPISODE
Thanks for listening and reading! Lots of time was put into the making of this story, so it would be nice if you could take the time to comment and tell us what you think!
We're looking for willing people that may want to do some voice work for future episode(s). And if you're interested, email Martin, Yvonne, or myself and we can try to work something out. :)
The next episode should be posted Thursday the 8th (or maybe the Thursday thereafter, but hopefully not).
Thanks again! And Happy New Year!
1/1/2004 1:59:11 PM
(Updated: 1/1/2004 2:23:50 PM)
(Updated: 1/1/2004 9:04:59 PM)
(Updated: 3/20/2004 8:28:52 PM)
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