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Dr. Junkee 2 Loonies United (part 4)
By JPJunkee
PRETTY IN PINK
Drucifer led them into a theater of sorts, with chairs and rails positioned in front of a screen. Drucifer waved them all to their seats, chuckling, "Go on, sit down, sit down. Panos, sit down over there, yes, away from the others, yes, that's good, now we can speak about our evil intentions for ticket prices!"
Yvonne, Host, and AlanGrant5 sat down in the front row, watching the screen as the video began to play.
Drucifer smiled, "Ah, here he comes! Or, here I come." Drucifer walked up to the screen, as a video version of himself grew bigger in size.
"Hello!" the Drucifer on the screen said with a smile.
"Say hello, say hello," the real Duricfer said, laughing.
"Hello," Yvonne and Host said in unison. AlanGrant5 however was too amazed to be seeing two Drucifer's, and said nothing.
The Drucifer on screen turned to the real Drucifer and said, "Hello, Dru!"
The real Drucifer frowned. "Oh, I've got lines," he said, fishing through his pockets.
"Well, hurry up old man! We haven't got all day, God almighty! Ugh.," the Drucifer on screen shouted.
"Hush, these are hard lines to memorize."
"Bullshit!"
The real Drucifer gave the Drucifer on screen the finger.
"Ohhh, I'm being insulted by a rude hand gesture, oh wowez me," the Drucifer on screen said, sighing.
"Ah ha!" Drucifer shouted pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. "I found them."
"Fine, fine, I guess, it only took you. . . what. . . five minutes to find a piece of paper?. . . But, anyway, how did I get here?"
"Well, let me show you, hold out your hand."
"Alright," the video Drucifer said, putting his hand out.
The real Drucifer swung the piece of paper at the video screen, and cut the video Drucifer's wrist open. The Drucifer on screen screamed as blood began to squirt everywhere, then, he collapsed on the floor.
The real Drucifer smiled then walked back to his seat, as the blood droplets in the video began to turn into separate Drucifers.
Yvonne muttered in disgust, "This is . . . . scary."
Host leaned over to her, and whispered, "This is bound to be the worst scene in the story."
"Shh!" Drucifer hissed from the seat behind them.
On the screen, one of the Drucifers was looking at his bleeding wrist, as a swirling cartoon code of DNA began to fly out of him.
"What, what?" the Drucifer on screen said.
The DNA code flew up in front of his face, as it grew arms, eyes, and a mouth. "It's me! Mr. DNA!"
"Where did you come from?" all the Drucifers asked.
"From your blood. Just one drop of your blood, contains millions upon trillions, upon contrilillions of strands of DNA. The building blocks of life."
All the Drucifers on screen fainted as one.
Mr. DNA frowned, then continued, "A DNA strand, like me, is like the blue print for building a living thing. And sometimes, we lose the blue prints, but bugs tend to swallow blue prints, but we found them, and so we made a baby dinosaur."
"What?" Host asked.
"Hahaha! I am a genius!" Mr. DNA said. "Millions of years ago, mosquitoes fed on the blood of animals, just like today. And, just like today, they landed on trees, and got stuck in the sap. After a long time, that sap would become fossilized, and thus, become amber. We just find the amber, then using some fancy technique we learned at a gas station, we stuck needles into the asses of the mosquitoes, and sucked out all the dinosaur blood."
"That's psychotic," Host said.
"I know what you're saying, 'You're a genius, Mr. DNA!'" the cartoon laughed. "And yes, little kids, I am a fucking genius. But, it wasn't quite that easy. Nope! We had to throw some other DNA into the current dinosaur code, to make it a full DNA strand. We chose frogs!"
"You've got to be facetious," Host said.
"No, I'm not kidding, we used frog DNA to fill in the holes, and complete the codes. And then POOF, we make a baby dinosaur."
"You can't be serious!"
"Shh!" Drucifer hissed.
"I'm trying to point out a tremendous flaw in your cloning procedures, and you're telling me to be quiet?"
"Yes."
"But, you must understand, using frog DNA will cause---"
"I don't want to hear your nonsense any longer!" Drucifer yelled, turning off the video. "Come on, let's go see the hatchery."
Drucifer led them all out of the room. But AlanGrant5 remained behind sitting and drooling as he watched the blank screen.
"That was better than The Lion King," he said to himself, then got up, and followed the others.
Drucifer led them all into the hatchery part of the building's labs. Here, men in white lab coats paced back and forth writing on their notepads and talking to themselves as they tried to look as busy as they could. There was a table in the corner with a bunch of straw on the top of it, with eggs neatly placed next to each other. Next to the table stood Amber, who wrote furiously on his clipboard. On the table one of the eggs began to shake as it apparently was about to hatch.
Drucifer grinned and pushed past everyone as he made his way to the table of eggs. "Amber, Amber, Amber, why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what, old man?!" Amber growled looking up from his clipboard.
"That the dinosaurs are hatching, of course. You know I insist on being here when they're born."
"No you don't," Amber said.
Drucifer slipped a five dollar bill from his pocket and into Amber's own pocket, "I insist on being here when they're born."
Amber nodded slowly, "Oh yes. . . you insist on being here when they're born. . . ."
"Yes. . . I do."
"I'm sorry sir. . ."
Yvonne frowned, "What is going on here?"
"Nothing!" Drucifer and Amber said in unison.
Yvonne and Host exchanged worried glances. Then the egg's shell began to crack as a small bloody little head began to poke through.
"Oooo! It's hatching!" AlanGrant5 shouted. "Ooo! Ooo! It's a lizard! I think I‘ll name you Sasha!"
Drucifer smiled and helped the little dinosaur out of the egg shell, "It's a pretty little one isn't it?"
"What's all that red goop on it?" AlanGrant5 asked.
"Well, that's blood for the most part, I think---"
AlanGrant5 fainted, falling into a different table, sending vials and glasses crashing to the floor. Everyone looked at him for a moment, then Host said to Amber, "This, certainly isn't one of the dinosaurs that was born in the wild."
"Certainly," Amber said.
Host waited for Amber to say more, but after nearly a minute, Host said, "What?"
"Population control, all the dinosaurs are female and all are born in the labs. There is no unauthorized snoo snoo happening out in the park. . . well. . . . not between the dinosaurs at least, if ya know what I mean," Amber grinned.
"But how do you know they're all female?" Host asked.
"Well, they're not."
"But you just said---"
Amber sighed, "Some of the dinosaurs are male, but we painted pink stripes all over them to make them think they're female. They could hump whatever they want, but if they think they're girls, then we kinda deny them their ability to be male."
Yvonne frowned, "You denied them the ability to be what they actually are, simply by painting them pink?"
Host shook his head, "Dru, trying to control your animals with stuff you bought from the hardware store is not possible. Life will not be contained. Life spans free, crashes through barriers, painfully, hell maybe even dangerously. . . but, uhh, you get the point."
"I do?" Dru asked.
Amber smiled and shook his head, "You're implying that a bunch of dinosaurs that are painted pink will still. . . .breed?"
"Hell yes that's what I'm implying!"
AlanGrant5 sighed and got off the floor. He saw the tiny little hatchling dinosaur and picked it up, examining it closely. "What species is this?" he asked.
Amber nodded, "It's a velociraptor."
AlanGrant5 smiled, "You bred raptors?"
"Yes. And we decided to make them larger and smarter than what they were when they roamed the earth millions of years ago. That way, in case they were to break loose, they'd most likely kill us all, and send us into bankruptcy within two weeks."
Host blinked, "Umm, why would you do such a preposterous thing as that?"
Amber shrugged. "It. . . seemed like a good idea at the time."
* * *
AlanGrant5 and Yvonne stared as Angel the dinosaur vet pressed a few buttons, and then a big black cow was raised up on a crane and moved closer to a big gray electric cage of some sort. Yvonne watched the entire scene with a slightly disgusted frown on her face. Drucifer, Host, and Panos approached them from behind.
Drucifer smiled as he came up beside Yvonne and said, "We ordered Chinese food, for lunch, it's waiting in the microwave in the cafeteria. We had it flown in from LA, so it needed to be reheated. It's still quite good, I assure you!. . . . Shall we?"
"What in the world, are they going to do to that moo-cow?" AlanGrant5 asked.
Drucifer's smile grew. "They're going to feed him to some big lizards, care to watch?"
"Boy howdy!" he shouted as he ran up the steps of the viewing platform, and watched as the cow was lowered into the cage. The others followed him up the stairs, some of them a bit more hesitant than the rest (meaning Yvonne was a chicken!).
The cage top opened and the cow was lowered into the foliage.
"Moooooooooooooooo!" said the cow.
AlanGrant5 hopped up and down. "Wow, this is going to be better than the time when I got stuck in the bed of my pickup truck as it sank in a lake because the tail gate was up!"
Yvonne arched her eyebrow.
The crane stopped and the cow stopped mooing. Everything was silent. Then, the vegetation in the cage began to shake, and there were a bunch of snarls and growls. Then the cow mooed as the sound of skin and bones being torn and broken were heard.
Blood splattered on everyone's faces. Host went cross-eyed then turned away and vomited over the back of the viewing platform. The vomit landed on a big round hat. Host wiped his mouth clean as the hat tilted upwards, and the angered face of Snake-Mark stared up at him.
"Umm, sorry," Host frowned.
Snake-Mark growled then made his way up the platform. "Mathematicians . . . They should all be destroyed!"
Drucifer laughed, "Ah haha! Snake-Mark, my game warden from New Jersey. Bit of a smart-ass I'm afraid, but he's the only one that knows how to shoot a gun, so we tolerate him. And besides, he's very dedicated to keeping the park safe. He's very careful."
"I don't need to be careful, I'm carrying a gun!" Snake-Mark said, holding up his big fancy shotgun.
"What do you know about the velociraptors?" Yvonne asked.
Snake-Mark smiled, "Well, I---"
"Oh, yes!" Drucifer interrupted. "I forgot to mention that he knows more about raptors than anybody, and he's a bit of an alarmist."
"I am no such thing, I am merely intelligent and cautious about the idea of having people die because of the raptors."
"Oh balls! Nonsense! You're very, very, very stupid."
"Then why am I in charge of the park's security?"
"Ummm . . . . uhhh . . . . So, who's hungry?!"
* * *
His entire body ached. The world seemed to spin around him. Dr. Junkee let out a groan of pain as he opened his eyes. His eyes stung, so he closed them, and reached his hands up to wipe the blood off, that was trickling down his brow.
"Junkee? Can you hear me? Hey, Junk! Can you hear me, man?" he heard Vader shouting in his face.
"Yes I hear you," he growled.
"We crashed."
"No shit, Sherlock."
"Are you hurt? Can you move?" Vader asked, he sounded frightened.
Junkee had never really known Vader to act scared (except for when Junkee, himself, was threatening to kill him). He opened his eyes again, and grunted as he stood up from the pilot's seat. Vader put an arm underneath him to help him keep study.
"Who's dead?" Junkee asked.
"No one, we all survived the crash."
"Bloody hell."
"We were waiting for you to wake up, before we left the jet."
Junkee nodded, and walked with Vader into the passenger cabin. There, he saw Dac sprawled out on the floor, Dino_Dude shaking in his seat, Aragorn rubbing his bruised forehead, and Jmock5 doing jumping jacks.
"Dr. Junkee, am I going to die?" Dac asked.
"Damn straight!"
"What about me?" Aragorn said.
"No doubt!"
"Woohoo! I'm a starfish!" Jmock5 yelled.
"Yeah. . . you, too. Umm. . . . how about we have a look outside?"
Vader left Junkee's side, then with Aragorn's help, opened the jet's emergency door.
A gust of hot, humid air entered the cabin.
Vader took a step towards the door, when Aragorn held out a hand and said, "Halt! I am the more important person, I leave the jet first!"
Vader shrugged his shoulders and let Aragorn pass him. Aragorn held his chin up high, and stepped out the door. . . . then let out a blood curdling scream as he plummeted down about a hundred feet to the ground. Vader leaned over to look out the door, and saw Aragorn's twisted body twitching on the forest floor.
Vader turned back to Junkee, and smiled, "We haven't landed yet."
"I think we crashed into a tree!" Aragorn called in a weak voice from outside. "Someone needs to come rescue me! Who will be the valiant soul that will rescue their King?"
Vader shut the door.
"Thank you," Junkee said.
"Obado behenshlaba," Dino_Dude sputtered nervously. "Ukin hine vinin!"
"Back to talking like a German baby?" Junkee smiled.
Dino_Dude nodded solemnly, "Gigidy gigidy gigidy!"
"Well, what do you propose we do now?" Vader asked Junkee.
"Well, how about we---"
There was a loud thud, and then the jet began to shake.
"What was that?" Dac asked, standing up.
"Guys!" Aragorn called from outside. "Godzilla's come to visit!"
Suddenly, a giant green eye appeared at one of the windows, and peered in at them. The eye opened and closed, then there was a thunderous roar. The eye went away, and the jet began to shake again.
Then, a bottle of whisky rolled out from underneath one of the seats, and rolled its way down into the cockpit.
"Drink!" Dac screamed. "So thirsty!"
"No Dac!" Junkee yelled.
But Dac didn't listen as he ran to the cockpit, and dove for the bottle of whisky. He grabbed it, then stood up, opened it, and downed the entire bottle. "Ooo, that was refreshing!" he said with a smile. The jet stopped shaking, as the rounded pink head of an enormous dinosaur appeared in the windshield.
Junkee, Vader, Dino_Dude, and Jmock5 stared at Dac and the snout of the dinosaur through the window behind him.
"What are you guys staring at?" Dac asked.
The dinosaur roared and bit onto the nose of the jet and pulled it off. The rounded mammoth mouth tossed the nose aside, then roared into the jet.
Dac turned around slowly, and looked the giant monster straight in the face. "Ohhh, I see now."
"Woohoo! I'm a starfish!" Jmock5 shouted.
Everyone stood absolutely still, not sure of how exactly they should act. Then, Junkee felt something hit the back of his foot. Looking down, he saw a bottle of wine resting against his ankle. Without thinking, Junkee picked up the wine, and threw it as hard as he could at the skull of the dinosaur. The bottle crashed out on impact, the dinosaur roared, Dac screamed and dropped to his butt. Then the dinosaur roared and walked away from them and stood by one of the trees panting and plotting its next move.
Dr. Junkee watched with his mouth agape. The animal was huge! It had to be fifty feet tall! It had a long neck with a round skull and walked on all fours and was the a hot pink color. He didn't know much about dinosaurs but he would say this looked like a herbivore, a brachiosaurus or something. Why was it attacking them?
Vader pulled a camera out from beneath his seat, "Hey Junkee, walk out to the edge."
Junkee spun around and shouted at Vader, "What for?!"
Vader keeps motioning for Junkee to walk out further.
"Why?!" Junkee shouted walking very close to the edge.
"To give the photo a sense of scale. I need you for the foreground," Vader said smiling.
Junkee frowned and slowly began walking out to the edge where the cockpit once was. The brachiosaurus detected his movement and roared and then charged at their jet.
"Foreground my ass!" Junkee screamed running to the back, for shelter.
The brachiosaurus batted the jet with the top of its head, and the jet was sent sprawling from the tree to the ground. The world inside the cabin spun end over end. Junkee felt like he was about to vomit from the speedy movements.
"Uh oh," Aragorn said, looked up at the falling jet as it came crashing down on top of him with a loud resonating boom.
Junkee shook his head, and brushed the broken glass out of his hair. He looked around him to see everyone thrown all about the cabin of the jet.
"Is everyone okay?" Junkee asked.
"I think I dropped a nickel," Dac said.
Junkee rolled his eyes and sighed. Then, he felt the ground shake. He looked out his shattered window, and saw the immense dinosaur plundering towards the jet.
"I see it!" Dac screamed pointing out of the jet, at a shiny metal coin in the dirt. Dac leapt to his feet, then bounded out of the jet, going after his nickel.
"Dac, come back!" Junkee demanded, looking from the dinosaur, to Dac, and then back to the dinosaur.
"Look! I found it!" Dac exclaimed, holding up the shiny little coin in his hand. "It's a little dirty though."
The brachiosaur roared as it swung its long neck down and smacked Dac aside. The loony screamed as he flew off into a bush. Then, the brachy turned its attention back to the jet.
"Hold onto something!" Vader yelled.
"Onfa doorin ne!" Dino_Dude screamed.
The dinosaur reached out and grabbed the jet with its mouth, and then began to roll it around like a dog with a toy ball. The jet rolled over once, and revealed the flattened body of Aragorn stuck in the mud. Aragorn took in a deep breath, then shouted, "I live!" Then the foot of the brachiosaur came down on his face.
Inside the rolling jet, everyone screamed, screamed, and screamed some more. Until, the jet collided with the bottom of a tree, and stopped rolling. The pissed off dinosaur was done playing around. It growled, then shoved its snout into the metal, easily tearing it away as it searched for the humans inside.
"Woohoo!" Jmock5 yelled, bouncing up and down in his seat excitedly.
"Let's make a run for it! We can probably out run Pinky!" Junkee said.
"Why didn't we make a run for it when the thing was further away?" Vader asked.
Junkee stammered for words. . . then jumped up from his seat and ran out of the jet. Vader, Dino_Dude, and Jmock5 followed him quickly. The brachiosaur looked up as the humans began to run away, then roared and gave pursuit.
Junkee ran hard, afraid to look over his shoulder, as he knew the giant monster that looked like a pink mutant giraffe was close behind. Not too far ahead, he could see Dac standing in a state of confusion, rubbing his chin, and scratching his head.
"Where am I?" Dac was saying. "Who am I? . . . . Ooooo, a nickel!"
Junkee grabbed Dac by the wrist and practically dragged him along as he continued to run from the brachiosaurus. The leviathan roared once more, then there was a loud thud, and the thunderous footsteps stopped.
Junkee dared to stop and turn around. To his relief he saw that the dinosaur had its head stuck between two large tree branches and was struggling to free itself. It used its long neck to stretch out towards them. Biting and roaring the dinosaur attempted to eat its prey that was just feet out of reach.
"Vader quick! Use the satelite phone," Junkee said.
Vader nodded and pulled a yellow satellite phone from his pocket. He pressed the ON button and a green light lit up on the phone. "Tak taki!" he said as he chucked the phone at the brachiosaur. The phone landed in the giant's open mouth.
The brachiosaurus closed its mouth and swallowed the phone. It stopped roaring for a moment, then it began to cough. Its eyes went cross eyed and then it toppled over. Dead.
Junkee sneered and gave the dinosaur the finger, and then he led the others back to the wreck of the jet.
* * *
Yvonne curled her lip in disgust as she looked down at the burnt pile of rice and chicken in front of her. "My lunch is a little. . . overdone," she said.
"Nonsense, it's Cajun!" Drucifer said. Then he smiled and began his little speech of sorts, "None of the rides are ready, of course. But the park will open with the basic tour, you are all about to take. After that, everything else will be opened to the public. They're really spectacular! Got it all at a real bargain, too!"
Panos smiled, "We could charge anything we want. $200 a day, $250 a day, and people will pay it. And then there's the merchandising, and I think, if we put low price tags on---"
"Panos, this park was only meant to cater for the super-rich. Only the richest Princes of England have the right to enjoy these animals . . . . They still have Princes in England, right? Either way, perhaps, maybe we can have a Coupon Day, or something."
Panos and Drucifer laughed as their eyes turned into big dollar signs.
Host shook his head, "The lack of humility, that, umm, is being displayed here . . . is staggering."
Panos frowned. "Well, thank you, Host, but I think you're stupid, so your opinion doesn't matter---"
Drucifer held up his hand. "Panos, Panos, Panos, let Host talk. I really want to hear his viewpoint, now carry on."
"You made dinosaurs on a park, and think you can control them, eventually, you will be proven wrong, and you will be eaten," Host said.
Drucifer was speechless for a long time, then he said, "That was called a debate?"
"You want to debate with me?" Host scoffed.
"Yes, I certainly do."
"Okay then. . . . That is absolutely incorrect!" Host shouted standing up from his seat.
"We haven't started yet."
"Oh, so you wanna start something?!"
"What are you talking about?!"
"'Cause if you start it, I tell you what, I'll finish it!"
"Are you sure you can finish it?" Drucifer asked, motioning towards Host's plate of Chinese food. "Maybe I should box that up for ya."
Host smiled, "Good idea! Then we can have it later!"
"With our toast!" Drucifer shouted.
Host's smile turned to a frown, "What toast? You know I don't like toast."
"Ohhhh, I think you'll like this toast, it's free!"
"Free you say?"
"And, it's toast!"
"Wow, will you throw in the jelly?"
"I thought you'd never ask!"
Yvonne stared at Host and Drucifer, not quite sure of what to think. Then AlanGran5 leaned over to her, and said, "Hey Yvonne. . . ."
"Yes?" she said.
"Umm, I can I ask you a personal question?"
"What is it?"
"Do you like toast?"
Yvonne stared at AlanGrant5, she was quite scared right now, as she was certain she was in a room full of lunatics. She was about to jump up from her seat and run away, when an old man came in, and whispered to Drucifer.
Drucifer nodded, and the old man went away, then Drucifer got to his feet and said, "Well, they're here."
Well thanks for reading! I hope you were entertained. Please leave a comment. Thank you.
-- Dr. Junkee
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS
Kyle 'JPJunkee' Warner
&
Yvonne Bartha
7/31/2003 12:44:32 PM
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