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Dr. Junkee 2 Loonies United (part 3)
By JPJunkee
WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE LIZARDS! THE WONDERFUL LIZARDS OF . . . . UHHHH. . . .
Jango Raptor smiled as he looked up at the ceiling of the big shopping mall. This was the perfect place to find someone new to visit the island! Acting quickly, he ran to one of the trashcans, flipped it over, spilling garbage everywhere, then he stood on top of it and spread his arms wide.
“Fellow shoppers! Greetings! My name is Jango Raptor!” he shouted.
The shoppers ignored him and went about their normal shopping business.
“Always have to do it the hard way, eh?” he growled. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a pistol, then he pointed the gun to the mall roof and fired off a single round.
Everyone screamed and instantly turned to him.
“There! That’s much better,” Jango smiled. “I bet you’re all wondering why I am standing on top of a trash gun with a semi-automatic weapon in my hand, aren’t you?”
Everyone nodded.
“Well, the answer is simple! I am here looking for someone to go on a weekend vacation to a island resort!”
Everyone gave him odd and confused looks.
“So, who wants to go?”
A short teenager with a big Mohawk stepped forward, “Sure, I’ll go.”
Jango eyed the teen suspiciously, then said, “What’s your name, kid?”
“bhb.”
“Wrong answer!” Jango yelled and then shot bhb in the stomach. “Anyone else?”
A brainless looking blonde woman stepped forward, “How about me?”
“What’s your name?”
“Becky,” the woman said.
“Hmm. . . Becky, eh? Well then, what’s your favorite color?”
“Red,” Beck shrugged.
“Wrong answer!” Jango shot Becky in the leg. “Anyone else?”
A tall guy wearing all black stepped forward, “I guess I’ll go.”
“What’s your name?”
“My appellation is Host. But my surname is The Host. My friends call me Hostey. My enemies call me Host the Jackass. My mom calls me Hosta. My nephew calls me Hostas. My students call me Ebirino Conglomata. And my dog calls me Woof-Woof.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of names,” Jango said.
“Indeed,” Host said.
“Okay then. . . . what’s your favorite color?”
“Well that depends on what your definition of color is. If by color, you mean what our eyes understand to be color. Then, my favorite color would have to be black. As you can see, I only wear black. It is the best color. Better than red. Because if you like red, you’ll end up dead. . . or shot in the leg. . . .”
“Hmm. . . okay then. . . How many fingers am I holding up?” Jango asked, putting up three fingers for Host to see.
“You have just presented me with a hand of a triumvirate of fingers.”
“What does that mean?”
“Three fingers.”
“Oh! Okay then! You may now accompany me to the island!”
Host smiled slightly.
“But first! I have one more thing to do!” Jango shouted. “If only I could remember what it was.”
:::FLASHBACK:::
Jango Raptor sitting with Drucifer and Amber.
“And remember Jango. Whatever you do, make sure you invite Dr. Junkee,” Drucifer said.
:::BACK TO PRESENT:::
“I remember now!”
* * *
Vader sat on his bunk, staring at bars of his jail cell. Outside the cell, sat Rick Arnold, the police chief. Arnold had a folder in his hand and was reading to Vader in a slow and careful tone.
“Mr. Vader. . . IF that is your real name! You have been arrested for doing bad stuff! How do you plead?”
“If I wasn’t behind these bars, I would take that sissy tie you have around your neck and use it to hang you from a ceiling fan. So that way as you die, you would spin round and round, watching the world pass you by as you take your last breaths of life.”
“I’ll just say, that you plead; guilty. Okay?”
“Sure,” Vader shrugged.
“Now you know, Vader. Instead, of being in prison. We could work out some kind of deal.”
“Like what?”
“Well, I’ve been spending a long time tracking down and arresting violent criminals like you. And, if you would possibly fill out these files. . . give me a better idea of how your mind works. . . I’ll let you go.”
“My friend Dr. Junkee is waiting in the other room, isn’t he?”
Rick sighed, “Yeah.”
“Asshole.”
Rick Arnold growled, “Listen you punk! Either fill out this file, or I’ll make sure that your pal Junkee has an unfortunate accident in the men’s washroom!”
“Sick bastard. . .”
“Fill out the form!”
Vader sighed, then said in a quiet sadistic voice, “A female police officer tried to get my number once. I ate her cat, with some baked beans, and a Cherry Pepsi.”
Rick stared at Vader, “That’s mildly disturbing.”
“I’ve still got hairballs in my throat every once and a while.”
“That’s very disturbing.”
“Tell me, Rick, have you ever felt a sudden rush of panic?” Vader asked as he leapt to his feet and spat on Rick’s face.
Rick wiped away the spit. “Um, you know what? Maybe you don’t have to fill out the form after all.”
“Smart move, chief!”
“I’ll go get Dr. Junkee, now,” Rick said, getting up from his chair.
“That’s right! Run away! Run away little pansy man!”
Rick Arnold broke into a run as he made his way to a door.
“Fly, fly, fly, little Arnold. Fly, fly, fly. . .” Vader said quietly.
Then, Vader stopped whispering to himself, as he heard footsteps approaching from down the hall. Finally, Junkee walked into view, and stood in front of his cell.
“Did you spit on Mr. Arnold?” Dr. Junkee asked.
Vader smiled and shrugged his shoulders.
“Why did you spit on Mr. Arnold?”
Vader rubbed his chin, then shrugged.
”Because now that you spat on Mr. Arnold, you aren’t going to be allowed to leave.”
“What?!”
“Hehe, just messin with ya,” Junkee laughed. “So, you ready to get out of this hellhole?”
Vader nodded enthusiastically.
“Okay then!” Junkee snapped his fingers and Vader’s cell door slid open.
“How’d you do that?” Vader asked in awe.
Junkee winked, “Magic.”
Junkee then led Vader down the hall, through the front lobby, and out the doors of the police station. Then, they walked to Junkee’s car, which was no longer a Dodge Viper, but was now a little Honda Civic
“What are you doing driving a Civic?” Vader asked. “I thought you only drove muscle cars.”
“Yes, that was the old Dr. Junkee. I’m a changed man now. And besides, Civics get better gas mileage.”
“Oh.”
Junkee turned on the Civic’s ignition, and pulled out of the parking lot. Once he was out on the road, his cell phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his jacket pocket, and pressed talk, “Hello?”
“Congratulations! You’ve been selected to go on a FREE trip to an island resort miles and miles and miles and miles and miles away! Do you accept this vacation trip?” a voice said.
“What’s the catch?” Junkee asked.
“You may or may not have to run for your life from time to time.”
“Doesn’t sound so bad.”
“No! And it’s FREE!!!”
“How much did you say it would cost?”
“FREE! Plus, get this, it’s FREE!”
“Ahhh, interesting.”
“Plus, you can invite five other guests of your choosing, for FREE!. . . . I think.”
“Hmm, sounds good.”
“Yes, but you must be on the plane leaving for the island, by eight o’clock this evening.”
“That doesn’t sound so good.”
“We look forward to seeing you!” the voice said, then hung up.
Dr. Junkee turned off his phone. Just what he needed; a vacation. He just hoped he could talk SamNeillFan into caring for some of his patients while he was gone.
LATER
“No, way.”
“Bloody hell, woman! It’s just one weekend! I need some time away from these loonies,” Junkee said. He was now in SamNeillFan’s office.
SamNeillFan shook her head, “I’ve got enough patients of my own. I can’t take care of all of mine, and all of yours, too.”
“Sure you can! Remember? ‘Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you’. See? You’re better than me!”
“What are you talking about? That stupid song proves nothing.”
“It doesn’t?”
“No.”
“Damn.”
“But, I do suppose you could use a vacation. You have seemed stressed out lately.”
“Oh, yes. Very stressed out. So, so, so very stressed out.”
“I suppose I could take care of some of your patients. But, not all of them.”
“Not all of them? What the hell am I supposed to do with the remaining loonies that you can’t take care of?” Junkee threw his hands up in the air in frustration.
“Take them with you,” SamNeillFan suggested.
“Oh no. . . I’ve seen What About Bob? enough times to know that taking your patients on vacation with you is a bad idea.”
“Just take four of them with you.”
“Which four?”
“The four I can’t -- or don’t want -- to treat.”
“And those would be. . . who?”
“Aragorn, Dino_Dude, Dac, and Jmock5.”
Junkee rolled his eyes, “Fine. Thank you for your help. This will be the most fun filled vacation I’ve ever had.”
“Glad to have helped,” SamNeillFan smiled.
Junkee sighed as he left her office, and then walked down to the main lobby. Once there, he called out, “Vader, where are ya?”
“Over here!”
Junkee followed the voice to the cafeteria.
“Hey Junkee can you give me a hand here?” Vader asked.
Vader was standing on one end of a long table, and at the other end, was RaptorVinny, holding an ice-skate in his hand.
“What’s going on here?” Junkee asked.
“He called me a dork!” RaptorVinny yelled. “And now, I’m going to throw this here ice-skate into that there skull of his.”
“I called you no such thing,” Vader said. “I simply said you looked like you had fallen from the top of the ugly tree, and had hit every single branch on your way down.”
“Yeah. . . and I’m gonna kill you!”
“Bring it on, ugly man! Bring it on!” Vader shouted.
Junkee simply waltzed over to the table, and stabbed Vinny in the leg with a needle. Vinny sighed and fell off the table.
“Well now, isn’t that something?” Vader smiled.
Junkee looked up at Vader on the table, “You want to go to some island, thing?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, get ready, we’re leaving now.”
* * *
Yvonne sat in the nice comfortable seat of the helicopter, she looked out the window, and down at the blue ocean and sighed. Sitting in the chopper with her, were Drucifer, AlanGrant5, Host, and the long nosed lawyer, Panos.
Yvonne looked away from the window. She was already beginning to regret this ‘vacation’. It was boring! If she would have known Drucifer’s island was so far away, she would have never agreed to come.
“How long have we been flying?” she asked.
Drucifer looked at his watch. “Nearly one hour now.”
Yvonne crossed her arms and frowned.
Host pointed at Yvonne and AlanGrant5. “So, you two dig up dinosaurs?”
AlanGrant5 smiled, “Yes, if that’s what they call it nowadays, then yes, indeed, we do dig up dinosaurs.”
Host eyed AlnGrant5 strangley, then looked at Yvonne, “What is your theory on their extinction?”
“Well, until yesterday I thought it must have been some big disease. But now. . . I think it was a glowing green rock.”
Host laughed. “Oh, you’re a funny one Yvonne! No, no, no! You’re very wrong about that! Dinosaurs did not die of a disease or from a green rock. No, they died because of chaos. Ha! Oh, you’re so funny.”
“Host, is a man of very strong opinions,” Drucifer said.
“No! I have no opinions! All my theories are true! They all have lots and lots of facts backing them! I’m like a living encyclopedia, man!”
“Surely you can’t be serious,” Yvonne said.
“Yeah! You can’t be right all the time!” AlanGrant5 shouted. “Because, eventually, you’re going to be wrong. And when that time comes, you won’t be right. Therefore, you’re wrong.”
“Umm. . . . What the hell did you just say?” Host asked.
“Really Yvonne, you shouldn’t listen to hardly anything Host says. He’s just a mathematician,” Drucifer said.
“Chaotician! Chaotician, actually. Drucifer doesn’t like what chaos has to say about his little weekend retreat.”
“Oh shut up you stupid, stupid man," Drucifer said.
Host snarled, drew a pen from his jacket pocket, and moved forward to poke Drucifer.
"Don't! You wouldn't do that!" Drucifer said, looking worried.
"Oh yes I would." Host poked Drucifer with the pen in the stomach, then the arm, chest, leg and then stomach.
Drucifer continued to plead with Host to stop poking him, while AlanGrant5 giggled and watched the stupid little scene unfold. Then, in an instant, AlanGrant5 climbed over Yvonne to look out her window.
He pointed out the window excitedly, "I think I saw a pony!"
Panos frowned. "What did he say? . . . Something about a pony?"
Yvonne sighed, "Just ignore him." Then she pushed him back in his seat.
AlanGrant5 grinned madly.
* * *
Dr. Junkee smiled and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel of his small Civic, as he drove to the airport. Finally, an entire weekend where he could just relax, drink wine, watch Vader beat the crap out of loonies, and just smile. A stress free weekend on an exotic island! It sounded too good to be true.
Beside him, in the passenger seat, sat Vader. He too, had a big grin plastered on his face. Vader laughed softly to himself, then turned around in his seat, and said, "Is everyone okay back here?"
"Oh, we're just dandy," Dino_Dude said sarcastically, in the cramped back seat of the Civic. The back seat was probably only meant for two people, but now it held Dino_Dude, Dac, Aragorn and Jmock5. All of whom looked quite uncomfortable.
"Woohoo! I'm a starfish!" Jmock5 exclaimed.
Vader nodded his head, then sat forward again.
Junkee pulled up to the entrance of the airport, where there was a guard booth and a gate blocking him from advancing further. He drove slowly up to the guard's little booth, as a big hairy man stepped out and walked to the car.
"What's your flight number?" the guard asked.
"Hell if I know," Junkee shrugged.
The guard frowned, "Where you headed?"
"Hell if I know."
"For what purpose will you be using this airport?"
"Hell if I know."
The guard frowned again, "What's your cargo?" Junkee pointed at the loonies in the backseat. The guard looked at the loonies all bunched up, then turned back to Junkee and asked, "What's your name, sir?"
"Oh, I know that one! My name is Dr. Junkee."
"Oh! Dr. Junkee! Well, we've been waiting for you, Doctor! Your flight is just about to leave. Just go straight ahead, your pilot Mr. Icebreaker will be waiting for you at your private jet."
Junkee nodded, and the guard raised the gate. Then, Junkee drove onward, until finally, he saw a nice private jet, and stopped beside it. A man wearing an orange jumpsuit and a white helmet waved his hand at them.
Junkee turned off the ignition, and stepped out of the car. He then walked over to the other side of the car, where the pilot, Icebreaker was waiting for him.
"Good evening, Dr. Junkee! I am delighted you made it. I had all but given up hope that you would find us! Haha! My name is Icebreaker! Pleased to meet you! Haha!"
Junkee shook the man's hand and then turned and said, "This is Vader, he'll be coming as well."
Vader shook his hand, and Icebreaker said, "Haha! It's good to meet you, too, Vader! I hope you will enjoy your flight! Haha!" Then Icebreaker looked over Vader's shoulder at the little Civic. "It appears as though you have others that will be coming with you, as well!"
"Oh, yeah. Those are my patients," Junkee sighed, then shouted to the car, "Get out! Come on! We're leaving now!"
The window rolled down in back and Dino_Dude stuck his head out. "We're stuck, we can't get out," he said.
Junkee shook his head.
"Haha! Do not worry, Dr. Junkee! I will get them out of the car!" Icebreaker pulled a badger from his pocket and shouted, "Haha! Time to go play, Mr. Wissywassy!"
Icebreaker threw the badger through the open window of the car.
The loonies screamed and the badger growled as the car rocked back and forth. Dac stuck his head out the back window and screamed, "An animal! I found an animal! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!"
Junkee looked at Icebreaker. "Do you have any idea how much that thing is going to mess up my seat cushions?"
Icebreaker smiled, "Oh, do not worry, Dr. Junkee! Mr. Wissywassy is a very good badger! Your patients will be coming out anytime now!"
The loonies continued to scream and the badger continued to growl as the car rocked back and forth.
"Yep! Anytime now!"
Jmock5 stuck his head out the window, "Woohoo! I'm a starfish!"
"Uh huh! Anytime now, those loonies will be running out of the car!"
Junkee looked at his watch and Vader rubbed his brass knuckles as they awaited the loonies to exit the car.
Then, abruptly all the noises ceased and the car stopped rocking. Suddenly, the roof of the car exploded and the badger jumped out, pulling all the loonies behind it.
"See? I told you! Haha!" Icebreaker laughed.
Aragorn moaned, "I think I broke a nail."
Junkee frowned, perhaps this wasn't going to be a great vacation, after all.
* * *
"So then, all I'm trying to say, is that you're wrong, and I'm right, is that so hard to grasp?" Host was saying.
Yvonne looked to her side and watched as AlanGrant5 continued to snore and drool. She frowned and looked at Drucifer who was still bickering with Host. Yvonne shook her head, how much longer would this damn flight be, anyway?
Then, just when Yvonne was about to throw herself from the chopper, so that she wouldn't have to listen to the constant nonsense any longer, she heard Drucifer say, "Look! There it is!"
Yvonne looked out her side window as they passed by a palm tree. "Gee, only now noticed the island?"
The chopper flew amongst the trees and mountains, until finally they reached a waterfall, with a chopper landing zone at the bottom. Yvonne thought it to be a bit insane to have the landing area be right next to a natural waterfall, because if it flooded. . . . then what?
The chopper began to descend.
Drucifer said, "The pilot has allergies, so we have to drop pretty fast. So, hold on. We may shake just a little bit."
And indeed, they began to shake, and then drop VERY fast.
When the chopper was about five feet above the ground, Drucifer said, "Okay, we have to jump now."
"Sorry?" Panos said in a worried tone.
"The pilot, he doesn't like landing. He never took that course at flight school."
The pilot turned around in his seat and smiled, "A butes! Ala hamelia! Lalalalalala!"
Yvonne nodded quickly, then threw open her door, and jumped out of the chopper. She landed on her feet, and then ran out of the way as Host, Drucifer, AlanGrant5, Jango, and Panos all hopped out of the chopper. Once there was only the pilot remaining, the chopper flew higher, and then went zooming out into the distance.
Two red Jeeps pulled up next to them, and they got into the vehicles and drove away.
* * *
As the red Jeeps drove down the dirt roads, Panos turned around in his seat and said to Drucifer, "So, the toilets are in place?"
Drucifer nodded, "And the toilet paper dispensers, and the locks on the doors, and the pink liquid soap. Panos, stop being such a worrywart, and try to enjoy yourself."
"Let's get something straight, Dru, I've had a bad case of the runs for about a week now. If I can't find a toilet when I need to go, I'm shutting you down, Dru."
Drucifer chuckled, "Heh, when you use the toilets, I'll be accepting your apologies."
"That's kind of sick, you know?"
"Yeah, I know."
The Jeeps drove off the dirt roads, and onto a big grassy plain. Yvonne smiled as she watched the scenery around her. It really was very beautiful here, and she was glad she had decided to come. She watched the trees as they passed them by. And then she watched as the giant feet of a giant dinosaur from the land of the giants walked beside the Jeep. . . .
The Jeep came to a stop and Yvonne shook her head, then looked again, not quite believing her eyes. But, it was there. Thundering along slowly, grazing at the tops of trees, was the behemoth known as the brachiosaurus.
Yvonne gasped and stood up in her seat. "Holy shit."
"What is it?" AlanGrant5 asked, looking up at her.
"Look at it."
"Look at what?"
"The dinosaur."
"Hehe, another one of those 'made you look' things? I'm not falling for it!"
Yvonne pointed to the brachiosaur, "Look over there. . . it's. . . it's a dinosaur."
AlanGrant5 closed his eyes, "Nope, not looking."
Yvonne curled her lip, then grabbed AlanGrant5's hair, and twisted his head to look at the brachiosaurus.
"Ow! Ow, ow, ow! Okay! Fine, I'll look," he said. Slowly he opened his eyes, looking directly at the brachiosaur.
"I don't believe I'm seeing what I'm seeing," Host said in the back seat next to AlanGrant5.
"It's a brachiodontasauromimus!" AlanGrant5 exclaimed.
Yvonne ignored him and stepped out of the Jeep, then walked closer to where the brachiosaur walked.
"No! It will eat you and then use your bones to make toothpaste for the cannibalistic tribes of Alabama, Florida!" AlanGrant5 jumped out of the Jeep, and ran to save Yvonne from the gigantic predator that was eating the poor helpless trees. He grabbed her by the wrist and tried to drag her back to the Jeep, but Drucifer stood in his way, and walloped him in the side of the head with his amber cane.
Yvonne looked down at the unconscious AG5, then turned to Drucifer and asked, "How fast do the brachiosaurs run?"
"Well, we clocked the t-rex at thirty-two miles per hour."
"Well. . . that's nice. . . but I was asking about the brachiosaurus."
"And the raptors can go in excess of fifty miles per hour."
"Again, that's nice to know, but what about the brachys?"
"And then we clocked stegosaurs at about ten miles per hour."
"And the brachys?"
"And the compys can go about as fast as a man."
"And the brachys? How fast are they?"
Drucifer looked at Yvonne with an odd expression. "Why would you even think I would know something about how fast the brachiosaurs go? I have better things to do, you know?"
In the Jeep, Host smiled and muttered, "He did it. The stupid silly ass son of a bitch, did it."
Jango turned around in the driver's seat and smiled, "Hehehe, yup."
Back outside the Jeep, Yvonne asked, "How'd you do this?"
Drucifer smiled, "I'll show you."
* * *
Dr. Junkee stared straight ahead, as he listened to the constant babble behind him.
"Hey, stop that, or I'll make them drop you out of the plane!" Aragorn shouted.
Dac smiled and continued to spit at Aragorn's shoes.
"Hey! I'm King of the World, and I demand you stop that!"
"You're not King of the World," Dac said, in-between spits.
"How would you know? You always forget everything."
"You're not King of the World, Aragorn," Dino_Dude said dryly.
"What do you know? You're just stupid. And I'm smart, not stupid, like you," Aragorn countered.
"Fine, if you're King of the World, where's your crown?"
Dac smiled and said, "Yeah. . . wait what?"
"I have no need for a crown! I'm King," Aragorn said with his chin up high.
Junkee rolled his eyes and took a block of cheese from his pocket, and then he removed a knife and began to sharpen the cheese.
"You're not King of the World!" Dino_Dude barked.
"Am too!"
"Nuh uh!" Dac argued.
"Woohoo! I'm a starfish!" Jmock5 said, jumping from his seat.
Junkee put his hands up and snapped his fingers. In the back of the jet, Vader nodded his head then got up and walked over to Aragorn's seat.
"Can I help you, plebian?" Aragorn asked.
Vader smiled, "Tak taki!" Then he wrapped his hands around Aragorn's neck and began to strangle him.
Junkee sighed, then got out of his chair, and walked to the cockpit of the small jet. He opened the door, and saw Icebreaker sitting down and reading a magazine.
"Holy shit!" Junkee yelled.
"Gah! What?!" Icebreaker screamed, dropping the magazine, and falling from his chair.
"Stop reading that thing, and fly the plane, or we'll all die!"
Icebreaker stared at Junkee, then asked, "Is that what you freaked me out about? God damn! I almost had a friggin heart attack! Haha! Do not worry, Dr. Junkee. I have it on autopilot. Meaning, I can take a shower, and we wouldn't crash."
"Oh."
Icebreaker got off the floor, and pointed at a red switch. "You see that switch? That is for the autopilot." Icebreaker flipped the switch down, and instantly the plane began to slow and dip a little. "You see? Now we are going to die."
"Oh this will not be pleasant."
"Only kidding! Haha!" Icebreaker flipped the switch up again. "Now, we will live! Haha!"
"Uh huh. . . ." Dr. Junkee eyed Icebreaker warily, then exited the cockpit, and sat back down in his chair in the passenger section of the jet.
"Gah! Help me. . . Junkee!" Aragorn gasped as Vader continued to strangle him.
"Vader, enough, stop killing the idiot, now. And quiet all of you, I want to get some sleep, okay?" Junkee shut his eyes and leaned back in his chair. Almost immediately, he was asleep.
* * *
Everyone stepped out of the Jeeps and then followed Drucifer to the main entrance of the Visitor's Center. The building had a beautiful design, with lots of skeletons and other crap.
The doors of the building opened to reveal a showcase of a tyrannosaurus skeleton standing over an apatosaurus skeleton.
Drucifer smiled, "G'day, g'day, g'day, now!---"
"Mr. Drucifer. . . ummm," Jango started, tapping Drucifer on the shoulder.
"Hush, I'm making my presentation thing," Drucifer said, looking at the anxious faces of Yvonne, Host, AlanGrant5, and Panos.
"Sir, it's kind of important," Jango said.
"What is it?"
"It involves something I forgot to forget."
Drucifer frowned. "Umm, Panos, could you lead the others to. . . the bathrooms, or something?"
"Sure thing," Panos said, ushering the others to the bathrooms.
Drucifer looked back at Jango, "What is it, Jango?"
"Umm, well, you know, umm, well, you know?"
Drucifer blinked.
"Oh! I can't take your disapproval any longer! I am sorry, sir! I have failed! I invited Dr. Junkee to the island!"
Drucifer blinked again.
"Are you mad?"
Drucifer shook his head, "No, I'm not mad. I'm furious!" He roared then smacked Jango upside the head with his amber cane. Jango fell to the ground with a loud thud. Drucifer cursed underneath his breath, then rushed to the control room.
Two guards ran up, and then dragged Jango's body away.
* * *
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Panos flushed the toilet, and said, "You see? We're taking all precautions into consideration. We spared no expense."
AlanGrant5 smiled, "Can I flush it now?"
"Sure!"
"Ooooo. . . yippe!" AlanGrant5 bounded over to the toilet and flushed it. "Nifty!"
Host stared at Panos and AlanGrant5, and muttered, "I'm encompassed by simpletons."
"I prefer the term 'moron', thank you," AlanGrant5 retorted.
* * *
Drucifer entered the control room and ran as fast as he could over to his head engineer, Mr. Goodbytes.
Goodbytes was a surly man, with gray hair on his temples, a cigarette hanging from his lips, and the lingo of a twelve year old from Kansas.
"Goodbytes, I need to get in contact with Icebreaker," Drucifer said.
Goodbytes nodded, then tapped a few keys on his computer, and then handed Drucifer a phone. "You'll have to wait a moment, as the thing connects," Goodbytes said.
Drucifer nodded.
"What's this about, Dru?" Amber asked, walking over to him.
"Dr. Junkee is on his way to the island, I have to stop him."
"Oh, I see."
Angel, the dinosaur vet, walked into the control room, and said, "I'm taking a cow out to the raptor pen now, okay?"
"Okay," Drucifer nodded.
"Cows?" Amber growled menacingly.
"Yessss," Angel replied.
"I hate cows!" Amber yelled then ran at Angel. He chased her screaming out of the room and then down the hall.
"What's wrong with Amber? He seems on edge or something," Drucifer said.
"He's ADD," Goodbytes said.
"Really? Since when?"
Goodbytes frowned.
* * *
Junkee yawned and licked his lips after his long nap. He shook his head and rubbed his nose, then opened his eyes. . . . .
The entire passenger cabin was empty. No loonies, no Vader, no pilot, no nothing. Just the sound of the world passing him by outside his window.
He smiled and said, "Wow, there is a God. . . . Well. . . a God that likes me that is."
"Junkee," a voice said somewhere to his left.
Junkee jumped a little bit, then slowly turned his head. Sitting on the seat across from him, was the big fat penguin.
"Holy shit," he murmured.
The penguin stared back at him with those little beady red eyes.
"Aren't you going to tell me to wake up now?"
"CRAW!" the penguin replied.
Junkee rolled his eyes. "Is this one of those dreams that's supposed to warn me of what will be happening in the future?"
"CRAW!" the penguin nodded its head.
"Yeah, well fuck off, I was dreaming about Carmen Elektra until you had to invade my dreams. Stupid bloody bird."
The penguin growled, then said, "CRAW! Wake up! CRAW!"
The penguin faded like smoke, and was replaced by the face of Dac looking down at him. "Wake up!" Dac said, then poked Junkee's forehead.
Junkee smacked Dac's hand away and sighed. "I hate birds."
"Hey don't hate something because it's different or has a different opinion than you!" Aragorn shouted.
"What?"
"Shut the hell up, you stupid pathetic bastard!"
"What?" Junkee said, turning around in his seat.
"You heard me, asshole."
"Vader, help Mr. Aragorn with his little attitude problem."
Vader smiled then walked over to Aragorn.
"Hey bitch!" Aragorn shouted at Vader.
Vader swiftly jabbed Aragorn in his Adam's apple. The pathetic little loony gagged for breath, and fell from his chair. Vader nodded, satisfied, then returned to his seat.
Meanwhile, behind the closed doors of the cockpit of the small jet, Icebreaker sat and continued to navigate the jet to their destination. The island was now visible outside the window. It wouldn't be long now.
"Icebreaker, come in, Icebreaker, do you read me?" his head set cackled.
He recognized the voice to be that of Drucifer, so he answered. "Yes, I read you."
"Good! Listen, and listen good. Jump out of the plane, now!" Drucifer said over the radio.
"Haha! Excuse me?"
"Junkee must not reach the island, jump out now!"
"Wouldn't it be easier to turn the jet around and head back to the mainland?"
"Umm, yes, maybe. . . but don't do that, he'd be expecting it!"
"Haha! Okay then! Whatever you say, boss! Haha!"
"I'm thirsty," Dino_Dude said.
"I don't have anything for you to drink," Junkee said.
"My mouth feels like cotton, it's so dry," Dino_Dude complained.
"Liar."
"I'm thirsty too, Dr. Junkee!" Dac said.
"I could use something to drink as well," Aragorn said, still gasping for breath, and holding his neck.
"I have nothing for you to drink."
"Why don't you ask Icebreaker if he has something to drink?" Vader suggested.
Junkee rolled his eyes, "Why don't you go ask him?"
Vader shrugged, got up from his seat, then walked to the door of the cockpit. He opened the door, and walked inside, a moment later he returned, his face pale. "He's not in there."
"What do you mean?" Junkee asked.
"I mean, our pilot, is not where pilots are supposed to be found during a flight."
Junkee got up, and walked to the cockpit. Sure enough, Icebreaker was nowhere to be found. He saw a note on the dash board plane thingy, and looked at it.
Dear people who will probably die a horrible death,
I'm out to lunch, catch ya laterz! Haha!
With love (hetero of course), Icebreaker. Haha!
PS: Take care of Mr. Wissywassy, okay?
Dr. Junkee ripped the note off the dash, to see that where the Auto Pilot switch once was, there was now a big gaping hole of messed up wires. "Out to lunch? Where the bloody hell is he?" Junkee said, crumpling up the note in his hand. He walked back into the passenger cabin to see Dac pointing out the window.
"Oh, there he go," Dac said.
Junkee ran to the window and looked outside. Floating down through the clouds was a big blue parachute with Icebreaker hanging underneath it. The parachute slowly descended down to the beach of an island.
"Well, I'll be damned," Junkee said.
"Hey, Doc, we're uhh, we're going down," Vader said.
Junkee ran back to the cockpit and sat down in one of the two chairs. "Does anyone know how to fly a plane?" he asked, putting his sweaty palms on the controls.
"I can't," Vader said.
Dac, Dino_Dude, and Aragorn shook their heads, no.
Junkee looked out the window at the rapidly approaching island. "Okay then. . . . I guess it's up to me."
"Woohoo! I'm a starfish!" Jmock5 shouted as he sat down in the seat next to Junkee and grasped the controls.
"You can fly?" Junkee asked.
Jmock5 grinned wildly.
"Uh oh."
Vader took a deep breath, then walked back to his chair in back, and put his seatbelt on.
Jmock5 pulled up strong on the controls. The jet whined and roared as it gained altitude, and the island disappeared from the front window.
"We're going to live!" Junkee yelled.
Then the jet sputtered and coughed, and turned suddenly, then went into a swift dive back towards earth.
"Oh hell," Junkee muttered. He heard everyone scream as one, then they hit the trees and everything went black.
Thanks to all those who took the time to read! I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you will read next week as well! :)
-- Dr. Junkee
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS
Kyle 'JPJunkee' Warner
&
Yvonne Bartha
7/24/2003 11:56:32 PM
(Updated: 7/24/2003 11:57:16 PM)
(Updated: 7/25/2003 11:25:30 PM)
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