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ep12-ROYALRUMBLE
By HBK
Dan’s Jurassic Wrestling Federation
Season 2
Episode 13 “Royal Rumble”
ROYAL RUMBLE PPV
(Titan tron)
“OK! Woo! This is the night man! We are going to win this thing!” SGD
”You aren’t in the rumble…” Seymour
“Oh, well that just lowered my charisma.” SGD
“Who cares? We have careers to end next.” Seymour
“This is going to be too easy!” SGD
“Welcome to the Royal Rumble everyone! Tonight is going to be one great line-up of matches!” Sean Archer
“I believe so! I also believe we should have a government run suicide hotline. You’ll have kids calling up all hours of the night depressed, ‘ I hate my mom, I hate my dad I think I’m going to kill myself.’ ‘You know, that’s really too bad. Do you know how to drive stick-shift?’, and lastly, buy my novel!” The Host
“Right then. Anyway, SGD and Seymour are coming to the ring now.” Sean Archer “I hope Mr. Chaos gets a major pounding tonight!”
“And I hope he reads my novel!” The Host
“Do you even have one?” Sean
“I did…” Host
Mr. Chaos and Ozma slide into the ring and are immediately stomped away at by Seymour and SGD. SGD punches Ozma through the middle rope and then goes to his corner. Seymour gives Mr. Chaos a domineering scoop slam on to the ring canvas.
“Woo! Woo!” Sean Archer
“Read my novels!” The Host
“Woo?” Sean Archer
“Yeah! Rock n’ Roll!” The Host
“I’m retro.” Sean
“Oh…Shibby?” The Host
Mr. Chaos crawls back to his feet after a smashing forearm clothesline and leaps up with a smacking dropkick to Seymour’s face. The two fall down, but Mr. Chaos pins Seymour without success. Seymour slowly rises back, but not before Mr. Chaos. Mr. Chaos drags Seymour by the hair, bringing him toward the right-hand corner to Ozma. As the tag is made, Ozma lifts Seymour, pushes his arm put out so he can deliver a heavy smack across the bare chest. A chop.
“I have to admit, that was a good chop by Mr. Chaos. Seymour and SGD seemed to be wearing new attire today…Blue wrestling tights for Seymour and SGD is unfortunately wearing a yellow speedo with match boots…My life sucks because I’m a commentating wrestler talking about half naked guys.” Sean
“Atleast your not in there one of them. Buy my Novels!” Host
“True, true! I will be later tonight though.” Sean
Seymour rolls out of the ring and runs across to SGD. Mr. Chaos and Ozma jump out at them from in the ring.
“Lord almighty! He should have caught Mr. Chaos and gave him that finisher move of his! That freaking ignoramus!” Sean
“Who?” Host
“Seymour! Mr. Chaos is a fairy! A fairy!” Sean
“And every other word you say is either Vinsfeld or Mr. Chaos.” Host
“You too are a fairy.” Sean Archer
“Watch me sprinkle ciniminomin everywhere!” Host
“Cinominon…” Sean
“Cinomenonin?” Host
“Cinnamon!” Sean
Seymour drags Ozma into the ring and pins him, not getting the full count. He lifts Ozma up and goes for a sleeper hold, but is dodged by a low kick to the mid-section by Ozma. Ozma runs across the ring in the horizontal direction and leaps off the middle rope, on top of Seymour with a spinning Asai moonsault. Mr. Chaos runs in and holds Seymour down, not being seen by the ref. They get the win. The still tag team champions rush out of the ring and slowly start walking up to the ramp, talking trash back to the fallen. SGD grabs a chair from the bellman and slides into the ring. As Seymour, groggily stands back up, he is wailed over the head with the chair.
“What in the hell! What in the hell?” Sean Archer
“This reminds me of a scene in my novel…I think you should all read it!” Host
“No not the betrayal. I mean, Mr. Chaos winning! That’s bull man! They frickin’ cheated!” Sean Archer
(Titan tron)
A masked man run into the parking lot with the letters “NFO” on his shirt. He runs by Vinsfeld and Dan.
“Fans…Some are just too obsessed.” Dan
“Anyway, back to my bribe for winning the Royal Rumble!” Vinsfeld
“What did that say about Vinsfeld? He’s a f*cking cheater! I’m going to kick his ass in the Rumble tonight and that’s damn final!” Sean Archer
“Buy my books!” Host
“Heh…Shut the f*ck up.” Sean Archer
“Fine..may I say my last words?” Host
“Sure…quickly.” Sean
“Read my Novels!” Host
“Groovy dude, go hug a rainbow.” Sean turns off Host’s microphone.
The Crow walks down to the ring and sits with Sean Archer and The Host.
“Welcome Crow. Why are you even down here to begin with?” Sean
“Watch some babes kick each others ass.” Crow
“Real reason?” Sean
“Watch Yvonne rip DG to pieces.” Crow
“That’s a man’s reply. Now Yvonne is coming down to the ring…This I feel will be a good match, since Yvonne is defending the women’s title belt.” Sean
“Why is he talking, yet I can’t hear him?” Crow
“I shut his microphone off. Back-Talk me and yours will be off as well.” Sean
“Whatever…” Crow
DreamerGirl walks down to the ring to her crazy music, left over from her ended alliance with Trev. Yvonne grasps DG by the hair at the rim of the ring and snapmares her over the top rope, down onto the ring canvas. Yvonne mounts DreamerGirl and stats to punch away at her.
“You go girl! Uh-Huh.” Sean
“Smack the bitch!” Crow
Yvonne kicks DG hard in the face and rolls her up in a small package pin. She gets the quick win.
“Now wasn’t that an obvious?” Crow
“Indeed.” Sean “Now get the hell out, we have a rumble to be in.”
As Crow leaves the arena, Vito Hardy runs down to the ring as the one who picked to be number one in the Royal Rumble. He waits in the middle of the ring, facing the stage waiting. Sean Archer attacks him from behind for he is number two in the rumble.
“This is going to be a very good 20man royal rumble.” The Host “I should write a book about it in fact!”
Sean Archer punches away at Vito Hardy in the right corner by the ramp way. A good 2 minutes pass and the two are near the middle, Vito applying a submission hold onto Sean as Vader walks down to the ring. Vade big boots Vito on the side down over Sean and then leg drops onto the both of them.
“Vader is in to take control of this match now! I wonder how it will turn out!” Host “Wow that whole sentence I did not promote my books.”
Sean crawls up to his feet, lean against the ropes with his arms wrapped around them. Vader chops Sean across the chest and then stomps at Vito Hardy.
“Vader is owning these bitches.” Host
Sean falls down and crawls out of the ring. Vader leans over the ropes to trash talk him back in. Vito wobbles back up to his feet and dropkicks Vader out of the ring.
“Damn!” Host “I had my vote on him!”
Sean slides into the ring and is again placed into a submission hold.
“And every Kitty was kung fu fighting!” The Host
Boulder walks down to the ring, as he steps in, Vito releases Sean and goes to bring down Boulder. Vito gets a heavy right clothesline down to the ring canvas. Boulder begins to climb the left turnbuckle for a half-length coast-to-coast move commonly done by Shane McMahon. He makes the hit and Vito slides out of the ring by the impact. Sean crawls out as well.
“Bah! Humbug!” Host
The Masked Man runs out to the ring and is immediately eliminated by Boulder. A minute later, Rob Redwing runs down to the ring and slides in. Boulder and Rob go at it, exchanging punches and chops. Sean Irish whips Vito Hardy against the hard steal steps. The impact of the crash echoes the arena. Sean rolls back into the ring and drop kicks Rob Redwing almost clear over the top rope. Boulder gives Sean a hard forearm into the steal turnbuckle, as he turns around, Rob Redwing leaps onto the middle rope and knocks Boulder into Sean with a spinning wheel kick. Rob Irish whips Boulder away from Sean, and then swirls him back into the already occupied turnbuckle. Vito Hardy slides into the ring and is stomped away at by Rob Redwing. The Crow walks down to the ring.
“Business may pick up here!” The Host.
Crow grabs Rob by the throat and leans him against the ropes. Sean Archer assists Crow and dropkicks Rob Redwing out of the ring. Crow grabs Sean Archer and gives him a dominating choke slam. Boulder big boots Crow down as Vito Hardy moonsaults on top of Sean Archer. Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart walks down to the commentating tables and joins The Host.
“Hey! I’m late, but I made it.” Bret Hart
“How are you Bret?” The Host
“Alright, I guess. This match is getting intense.” Bret Hart
“Indeed it is!” The Host
Crow bends over, and instead is given a swirling neckbreaker by Boulder. Vito Hardy lifts up Sean across the ring at the right turnbuckle trying to push him out of the ring. Seymour runs down to the ring and immediately starts kicking away at Crow. Boulder forearms Seymour out of the ring, backward.
“A quick end to this match for Seymour.” Bret Hart “this match is for the survival of the fittest.”
Toby Compy comes down to the ring and slams everyone down the canvas a few seconds after he jumps into the ring. Crow leaps up to his feet, only to be super kicked back down by a enthusiastic Toby Compy.
“My vote is on him to win!” The Host
“Don’t pick him because he looks like he can win. You never know…I have to pick Crow on this one, or Boulder.” Bret Hart
“What happened to don’t pick them because they look the strongest?” The Host
“That’s different when I say it.” Bret
“Damn you! Damn you to hell!” Host
“Ok…want to say that to me in the ring?” Bret Hart
“Yes!” Host
“Next DWF, you and I in a cage match!” Bret Hart
“I changed my mind.” Host
Vito grabs Toby from behind and gives him a few German suplexes before Sean Archer gets his few uppercuts in and Crow’s choke slam. Vinsfeld rushes to the ring, ahead of time. Vinsfeld leaps onto Sean Archer and they go at it like pissed off dogs. Crow and Boulder punch away at each other as Toby gives Vito a few shoulder thrusts into the left turnbuckle by the commentating tables side of the ring. Toby finally just flips Vito out of the ring without a problem.
“I vote Toby to win.” Bret Hart
“Then I vote for Vinsfeld, he is the self-claimed ‘God of Wrestling’ you know?” The Host
“I’m more a god than he will ever be.” Bret Hart “But he’s a good wrestler.”
Boulder is scoop slammed out of the ring by Crow. The impact of the drop to the canvas echoes hard as Toby Comp gives Crow a hard stunner after rushing to him after Boulder was eliminated. Vinsfeld and Sean Archer continue to punch away at each other. Giant Wang walks down to the ring. Wang grabs Sean and throws him off Vinsfeld, and then starts kicking away at Vinsfeld himself. Sean joins Wang in the kicking. Crow and Toby Compy exchange heavy slamming grapple moves, trying to get the other over the top rope. Aragorn runs to the ring and his knocked out accidentally by Crow. Nick Van Owen makes his way to the ring. He and Crow work together to knock around Toby Compy. Crow and NVO both Irish whip Toby across the ring, and then give him a double hip toss right over the top rope. NVO dropkicks Crow into the turnbuckle. Vinsfeld trips Sean and crawls under Wang. Vinsfeld grabs Wang by the head and forces him down onto the canvas with a reverse DDT. Sean trips Vinsfeld with a toe hold and locks him in an ankle lock. EvilGrinch walks down to the ring. EvilGrinch slams his left forearm to the back of NVO and pushes him over the turnbuckle and then gives Crow a hard throat thrust uppercut. Sean and Vinsfeld grab Wang and run him right over the top rope, they start punching each other again.
“This match is awesome.” Host
“I’ve been in many good royal rumbles. This one looks to be a semi-alright one.” Bret Hart
RaptorVinny rushes to the ring and starts to fight with EvilGrinch. Crow, holding the side rope, starts walking to the left turnbuckle by the commentator tableside of the ring to get away from the battle. EvilGrinch grabs Raptor Vinny by the neck and and tosses him forcefully over the turnbuckle. Sean runs at EvilGrinch from behind and dropkicks him over after Raptor Vinny. Tyrannorex comes down to the ring. Vinsfeld groggily walks to Crow and starts trying to push him over the tope rope. Tyrannorex scissor kicks Sean and a charismatic rolling thunder. Sean rolls out of the ring to dodge it.
“What is this? He keeps doing that!” Bret Hart
“Read my novels.” Host
“No.” Bret Hart
“What!?” Host
Tyrannorex runs against the ropes to gain speed to leap over and tackle Sean Archer, as he Tyrannorex leaps over the top rope, Sean crawls back into the ring.
“Ha ha! What a fool!” Host
Drucifer walks down to the ring. Tyrannorex gets up slowly and starts assaulting Drucifer. Sean baseball slides out of the ring and runs at the fight to knock down Tyrannorex and drag Drucifer into the ring. Drucifer hits Tyrannorex away with a hard elbow to the side of the head and gives Sean a big boot to the face. Drucifer drags Sean and pushes him back into the Royal Rumble. Drucifer drops Sean on his back with a vertical suplex. Crow dodges a missile dropkick by Vinsfeld and gives him an impact DDT. Wang jumps to his feet and starts punching away at Drucifer. Trev runs down to the ring, and is dropkicked out by Crow, who then is scooped up and given a piledriver by Vinsfeld. Mikey Mike comes down to the ring. Sean grabs Vinsfeld and scoop slams him over the top rope near the commentator tableside. Crow big boots Sean out after Vinsfeld. Crow is attacked with a forearm smash from behind by Wang. Mikey Mike screams as he runs across the ring to the other two. Drucifer dropkicks Mikey Mike down. Crow locks his arm around Wang’s and hip tosses him over the top rope, right onto Sean and Vinsfeld. Oviraptor walks down to the ring. Mikey Mike is dragged up by Crow and Drucifer, they try to toss him out, but Mikey Mike gives them both a sick gesture. They back away and then punch away at Mikey Mike one at a time. Ovi steps over the top rope then lifts Drucifer clean over it. Crow and Ovi start mudhole stomping Mikey Mike. MM slides out of the ring crying. Crow shrugs and shoves Ovi out of the ring. Mikey Mike runs away from Ovi. Crow stands in the ring confused.
“Looks like he won!” Host
“I’m not sure, this incident might come back to haunt us.” Bret
“Who gives a care, Crow won, Crow won!” Host
(Titan tron)
“Why are you running you little sissy!” Ovi chases Mikey Mike backstage behind the arena entrance. Mikey Mike hides under a table with a chair in hand, as Ovi walks by, Mikey Mike wails him over the head after jumping out from under the table. A few referee and Higher Staff walks up to Mikey Mike and escort him back to the arena.
Crow steps out of the ring just as Mikey Mike arrives at the stage with a few officials.
“Due to Mikey Mike not getting legally eliminated, Crow and Mikey Mike are both winners of the Royal Rumble.” Ring Announcer
“What!?” Host “Mikey Mike doesn’t even deserve to be co-winner..”
“Told you so.” Bret Hart
“This is going to be one hell of a week…next week.” Host “Buy my Novels”
“A good match is still to come. Icebreaker will be wrestling Dac for the DWF Championship Title Belt.” Bret Hart
After the ring is cleared for a minute, Dac makes his entrance with Dan behind him holding the belt. After Dac makes his entrance, Icebreaker walks down to the ring with Ben behind him. As the bell ring, Ben and Dan start attacking Icebreaker with a chair. The DQ bell rings.
“What is going on!?” Host
“It was a set up! I knew there was something weird about the DQ rule here!” Bret
“What’s the rule?” Host
“If there is a title match, and a DQ happens if the Title holder is not the winner due to DQ, the person loses the title.” Bret
“Damn! Icebreaker must have made a deal with Dan to win.” Host
“Or Dac has an interesting plan in store for him.” Bret Hart
“Well it was great seeing you Bret Hart, get well soon and if you do join a wrestling federation again, you are more than welcome here.” Host
“I’ll be here during Dino-Zone.” Bret Hart
“Why?” Host
“We have a cage match.” Bret Hart
“Noooooo!” Host
A single fan stands up. "Bret Hart! The way you wrestle makes me feel good inside!"
"Haha!" Host
Dan’s Jurassic Wrestling Federation
(comments appreciated, as are suggestions if u have any...)
11/4/2003 5:04:29 PM
(Updated: 11/4/2003 5:05:15 PM)
(Updated: 11/4/2003 6:53:38 PM)
Comment on this fan fiction!
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