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Doing It Again
By General Rancor
What about Dan?
It was a hot summer day, but Dan Finkelstein wouldn't know, since he
had the air blasting in his new car, nicknamed the BANMOBILE. Dan
loves his car, with its license plate "ILLBANU". How did Dan get this
car? No one knows, and few care. The main mystery is how he manages
to still be on the same tank of gas...
Dan: Talk about luck, I still have ½ a tank of gas. Good thing,
since I can't even afford 1 gallon. I better find a job pronto, or
risk losing my car or my website. I guess I could always charge the
members of my site, but I don't know if their allowance will cover it.
Well whatever, where there's a will there's a way.
Will: You got that right.
Dan: AH! Oh, sorry, forgot you were here. Where am I taking you
anyway?
Will: You said you could drop me off at my FDS meeting before you go
job hunting.
Dan: Oh yeah. Can you at least chip in for gas money?
Will: I'm broke, but I do have this true authentic Feathered Dinosaur
Bone.
Dan: That's a chicken bone, and I said no food in the car. You spill
and I'll BAN you.
Will: You wouldn't dare.
Dan: Try me.
Will: How about this hat?
Dan: No one would pay for that. How about you promise not to take
anymore scary pictures and we'll call it even.
Will: Hmmm...all my pictures are scary, but what can you do? I'll
just stay off your site.
Dan: Ok. Well bye. May the force be with you.
Will: Live long and prosper.
*pulls up to a mall, wanders around, comes out hours later, still
jobless*
Dan: Curse you people. I will BAN each and everyone on of you, and
your children, and your children's children!
*gets into car, then notices something out of the corner of his right
eye*
Dan: WTF?
Panos: AYO?
What are you doing in the front seat of my car?
Panos: You should worry about what's in the backseat.
Dan: Oh no...
General Rancor: That's no way to greet your favorite members.
Dan: What in heck is going on here?
Panos: HAHAHA, Dan can't curse.
Dan: I don't give a darn; know tell me why you are in my car.
Panos: We're bored. Also, I doubt you paid for this, you don't have
a job.
Dan: That's none of your business. How did you even get in, the only
two people with keys are myself and my brother?
GR: HAHA. Let's just say you left your doors unlocked and your
windows open.
Dan: Oh pie, not again. Well at least my hubcaps are missing in
action again.
GR: Or are they? Who scratched BAN-MAN on your hood? I'm pretty
sure it wasn't me or Panos.
Dan: I did silly. It looks good, doesn't it?
GR: OK...Stop talking and start driving.
Panos: Yeah, I'm hungry.
Dan: It's a miracle that I let you two stay on my site, why would I
drive you anywhere? I will BAN you from my BANmobile!
Panos: Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England.
Dan: That's nice, she's BANNED too. Now don't make me have to remove
you.
GR: You and what army? I'm the general here, plus if you had an army,
they'd either leave from lack of pay or you would've BANNED them a
long time ago.
Dan: Dang. Don't make me life BAN you.
GR: Are you threatening to murder me?
Dan: NO WAY! Violence is not the answer. A life BAN means you can't
have a life.
Panos: Are you sure you didn't life BAN yourself?
Dan: Well...HEY! Listen, if I drive you two somewhere, will you leave
me alone?
Panos: Ayo ayo.
Dan: I'll take that as a yes. Where to?
GR: Your house.
DAN: What, do you think I'm stupid?
GR & Panos: Well...
Dan: Don't answer that. I REFUSE to let you two in my house.
GR: You can't REFUSE. Your brother invited us.
Dan: Why would he do that?
GR: Because he's cool.
DAN: Do you even know him?
GR: Of course.
Dan: What's his name?
Panos: In all fairness Dan, do you even know?
Dan: Well now that you mention it...Fine, but you best not be lying,
or I will super BAN you!
Panos: Is that where you get sent to a porn site?
Dan: Yeah.
Panos: KICK ASS! Dan, I wish I were you. There, I lied, now send me
to a Jenna Jameson website.
Dan: Panos, it's a porn site of my choice, not yours.
Panos: I don't swing that way.
Dan: What are you inferring? If anything, it's a Tea Leoni site.
GR: Dan, if people wanted to see naked robots they'd watch Short
Circuit 1 & 2.
Dan: That's it, voice BAN time. I can't hear you.
*sticks fingers in ears*
Panos: What a moron.
Dan: Hey!
Panos: You lied. Now you have to go to the porn site.
Dan: LALALALALA
GR: Dan, you know that you can't drive with both fingers in your ears.
Give me the car keys.
Dan: Fine, you two are unBANNED, but no talking while the radio is
playing.
*turns on radio to WBAN and drives to house and honks horn*
Dan's car: BAN-BAN!.
Dan: We're here.
Panos: Nice house, but where is the cardboard box?
Dan: What box?
Panos: The one you live in.
Dan: It's upstairs...I mean, uh, shut up.
GR: "HAHAHA, you are a funny little boy, you make me laugh, HAHAHA."
Dan: Thanks, I guess.
GR: Well, judging by the house, it looks like you are the only one
without a job.
Dan: I would have a job if it weren't for you guys. With friends like
you, who needs enemies?
Panos: The mods?
Dan: All that I ask is that you don't pester my family.
*Door opens*
Mrs. F: Welcome. It's nice to see that Dan has friends outside the
web.
GR: Actually-
Dan: Yes, that's nice, they were just leaving.
Mrs. F: Dannypoo, be nice or I will GROUND you!
Dan: But-
Mr. F: Dan, don't speak back to your mother, or I will SPANK you!
*rolls up newspaper*
Dan: Sorry. Where's my brother?
Mr. F: I haven't seen him.
GR: I'll get him.
*leaves*
*Dan's Brother enters*
DB: Hey Danielle. How much did you pay these guys to hang out with
you?
Dan: Funny, you know I'm broke.
Panos: Where's General Rancor?
DB: Let me go look.
*DB leaves*
*GR enters*
GR: I can't find him.
Panos: You just missed him.
GR: SON OF A BITCH!
Mrs. F: Language.
GR: Dan said it.
Mrs. F: Dan, don't make me wash your mouth out with soap.
Dan: But-
Panos: Potty mouth.
Dan's cat: MEOW.
Panos: Puss-Puss?
GR: Look, it's Dan's Pu-
Panos: Che, that's too easy.
Dan: Here kitty kitty.
Cat: MEOW. I will SCRATCH you! MEOW.
GR: Ok, now I'm worried.
Panos: TRUSHK!
Dan: There's something really cool that I want to show you in my
room.
Panos: That sounds so wrong in so many ways.
Dan: Dan: Welcome to my room, mi casa.
Panos: Are you Spanish Dan.
Dan: You know full well what nationality I am.
GR: So is this a cuarto de bano?
Dan: Maybe.
GR: You live in a bathroom. HAHAHA.
Dan: No. Now MOVING ON!
*they enter Dan's room, a figure rolls out*
Panos: Chris Reeve?
DanBot: I will BAN you.
Dan: Look, I made a robot version of myself.
Panos: I knew your last name was Frankenstein for a reason. I thought
only Stan Winston made Robot clones.
GR: Just what the world needs, another hippie. Does this Dan have a
job?
Dan: Those jokes got so old so long ago.
GR: I take that as a no.
Dan: Yep, unfortunately, but now I can BAN twice the people in half
the time.
DanBot: I will BAN you!
GR: BITE ME COMMIE BASTARD!
DanBot: Byte or megabyte?
GR: Dan, does your robot have a virus?
Panos: Or an STD?
Dan: Oh no, you're not tricking me again.
Panos: I didn't think you'd actually believe the litter box was a
sand box.
Dan: That never happened.
Panos: Just keep telling yourself that.
Dan: I don't need you guys, this robot is my friend.
GR: Dan's going to play with himself.
DanBot: I will BAN you!
Dan: I will BAN you too!
GR: And so ends this week's episode of the Finkelsteins. One question
Dan, how come you are you, yet your family is so damned cool?
Dan: I'm rad if I do say so myself. I mean cowabunga!
GR: If you ever say that again, I shall remove your liver.
Dan: But I need my liver.
Panos: That's what they want you to think.
GR: Ok, Dan, you need a time out. Go stand in the corner.
Dan: You're not the boss of me.
GR: Fine, I order you not to stand in the corner.
Dan: I'll show you.
*stands in corner*
GR: Let's go hand out with Dan's brother.
Panos: Ayo.
*leave, 1 hour passes, and they return*
Dan: See, I'm still in the corner, defying your orders.
GR: So your brother wasn't kidding about your weirdness.
Dan: You finally saw him?
GR: Yeah.
Dan: So what did you three talk about?
Panos: Actually, I raided your fridge.
GR: Are you his brother or is he your brother?
Dan: I never looked at it that way.
Panos: Ask me if I am.
Dan: Are you?
Panos: You asked wrong.
Dan: Are you am?
Panos: Yes I am.
GR: This is like an episode of Space Ghost. I wouldn't be surprised
if it didn't just cut out---
THE END
Or is it?
Panos went on being Panos, took a short break after watching Boa, but
then watched RAPTOR! and felt better.
General Rancor continued his crazy behavior on the message board, and
sometimes writing fan fics if he feels like it. He is still a mystery.
Dan is still BANNING people left and right, with Goldrex being the next
victim in the sights of the BAN ray. Dan is rumored to have filled the
gas tank of his BANmobile with BANjuice, whatever that is. He is
looking for a job as we speak.
Dan's family, cat, and car still KICK ASS! Dan's brother REFUSES to be
called Dan's brother, but since his name is a mystery, and it is Dan's
site, it will stay Dan's brother, and Dan will still be Dan, and not
????'s brother.
DanBot was BANNED for impersonating Dan, and for BANNING Dan for
impersonating DanBot. No one else is involved with the dispute, for
fear of being BANNED.
Will was last seen leaving FDS and is believed to be on a planet of
dinosaurs. Sounds like a good B movie.
Goldrex read the story and realized he was BANNED, but due to the Dan
BANNING DanBot issue, his BAN has not gone into effect.
Members of Dan's site: Some read this and liked it, others hated it,
some didn't read it, and most will be BANNED soon enough.
Everyone else: Doing their own thing; also BANNED.
THE END
*all the characters in this fan fic are fictional, and any resemblance
to real people is a coincidence or something. It's a joke, so if you
are angry, all I can say is sorry. Please don't BAN me Dan.
6/10/2002 10:24:17 PM
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