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DANtastic Voyage 2
By General Rancor
DANtastic Voyage 2
In our last story, our fearless heroes Panos and General Rancor sprung
Dan from the mental ward and decided to help him in his quest to
un-ban himself. The question remains, how?
Panos: I still can't believe you banned yourself.
Dan: Come on, it was an accident.
GR: Serves you right for making up new and cruel ways for banning
innocent posters. What have you got to say for yourself?
Dan: Um, uh, DON'T TALK TO ME! CONSIDER YOURSELF VOICE BANNED!
GR: Putz.
Panos: Sitting here isn't going to help any. Either we think of a
plan or watch JP/// again.
GR & DAN: PLAN!
Panos: Ayo Ayo. Let's go look up as many of the people as possible
that post and see what they say.
GR: Why?
Panos: (whispering) Because we'll get free food, we can beat up
anyone we don't like, and anyone that hates Dan will most likely kick
his ass.
GR: Well slap the dogs and call me Suzy.
*Dan smacks an Akita, Akita bites Dan's behind*
Dan: Suzy! OWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Panos: HAHAHAHHAHAHA
GR: HAHAHA. To think I'm the one always saying bite me.
Dan: Well that son of a bitch will never post at my site.
GR: You checked if it was a male?
Dan: -----
*A voice is heard*
Voice: Apologize!
Dan: Why?
Voice: You have a filthy mouth now say your sorry.
Panos: Fuck, it's RingMessenger!
RingMessenger: Hi Panos. Now say you're sorry.
Panos: You're sorry.
RM: I am too smart for your tricks.
GR: Apology?
RM: Thanks.
Panos: Watch this. Knock Knock.
RM: Who's there?
Panos: RingMessenger.
RM: RingMessenger who?
Panos: RingMessenger is a fucking loser that loves Dan.
RM: RingMessenger is a fucking loser that loves Dan. HAHA. That's
funny.
Dan: Can I ban this guy?
GR: I wish. Just block him.
Dan: I will BLOCK you. Hmmm...it just feels wrong.
GR: That just sounded wrong.
Panos: Will probably knows something, so off to his house.
Dan: I seriously doubt that.
Panos: I said Will must know something...Grrr.
Dan: Oh yeah, of course sir.
Panos: We will eat first.
Dan: How will we pay?
Panos: You used to work at Burger King, think of something.
Dan: Your General friend got me fired 15 minutes into THAT job.
GR: How about we go to a restaurant, eat, then put something in the
food and refuse to pay?
Dan & Panos: Ok.
AT THE RESTAURANT
GR: That was great, now for the plan.
Panos: WAITER, THERE'S A DAN IN MY SOUP!
Waiter: Oh My Goodness, I'm so sorry, let me throw this out. The
meal is on the house if you promise not to tell anyone.
Panos: Sure.
GR: It worked, now off to Will's.
Dan: Hey, what about me?
GR: Finish your soup already.
Dan: But it tastes bad.
Panos: Now you know how that dog feels.
AT WILL'S
*DING DONG*
Will: Coming!
GR: I hope he didn't mean that literally.
Dan: Unfortunately he probably did.
Panos: Watch this.
*Listens for sound of door being unlocked, as door opens, Panos
knocks very hard, will gets hit upside the head*
Will: Watch where you put that gorilla paw of yours. You're lucky
that my four Dr. Alan Grant Hats absorbed the blow.
*The three look into the house, and see models and posters of
dinosaurs with feathers taped to them. In big words is G--------d
(hey, I'm not falling into that trap)*
Will: Dan, why are you here and who are those two guys?
Dan: I banned myself, and those two are General Rancor and Panos
(a.k.a. Dryptosaurus and Armenian Guy to name a few).
Will: Why did you bring the two people I hate the most to my house?
Dan: They're helping, and the sooner I'm un-banned the sooner this
ends.
Panos: Hope you don't mind, but I raided your fridge. I'm still
hungry; give me your lunch money.
Will: This is ludicrous. I shall not.
*Panos holds Will upside down, coins fall out. He takes the money
and buys some chicken*
Panos: I've always wanted to do that.
*Will is on verge of tears, then sees the chicken bones from Panos'
snack*
Will: Feathered Dinosaur fossils!
GR: It's chicken bones.
Will: My theory is right. I have proof now.
GR: Damn it soldier, I order you to help with Dan.
Will: Sir yes sir! Whoa, what the hell just came over me? Anyway,
I can't. Hell, you're looking at the guy who made his password and
screen name both Rancor. Now if you excuse me, I have a fan fic to
write, damned imposter. Off to my magical and mystical world of cave
women and special creatures!
GR: What was I smoking back then, impersonating this guy?
Dan: Maybe I banned the wrong Darth Rancor. This is hopeless, we
should move on.
Panos: Yeah, I should have known that Will couldn't help us. His
mind is shot.
GR: THAT'S IT! Maybe Dan knows what to do but his mind is shot.
It's hypnosis time.
*Pulls out watch*
GR: You are getting sleepy, when you wake up you will not ban anymore.
Dan: First off, I couldn't ban right now even if I wanted to, and
trust me, I WANT TO BAN BAN BAN!!! Anyway it'll take more than an
amateur to take away my lust for banning.
Panos: He has a point.
*Hits Dan upside head with last drumstick*
Dan: What the f-
GR: You will have the sudden urge to sing an annoying and gay song
when I say...what...what should I say?
Panos: AYO?
GR: I REFUSE!
Dan: what...ayo...I refuse.
GR: This isn't working, Dan, get up.
Dan: Where am I?
GR: I REFUSE to-
Dan: Y! M! C! A!
Panos: ???????????
GR: Think it worked?
Panos: AYO?
Dan: LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA!
GR: This is awesome. How can this get any better?
Panos: Look at this sign.
GR: Wrestling, tonight? That gives me an idea.
Panos: What?
Dan: I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE, ALL YOU OTHER FELLAS CAN'T
DENY!
GR: HAHAHA. Exactly.
*At wrestling that night*
Panos: How will we get in?
Man: Tickets, cheap!
GR: He looks familiar.
Panos: It's Joe Bagadonuts. I thought he was in jail.
Joe Bagadonuts: (in a drunken voice) Hey, I know you.
Panos: Yeah it me, Panos.
Joe: Panos? I thought you were Rhino. But yeah, Panos sounds
familiar.
Panos: How'd you get out of jail?
Joe: That's the funny thing. One day a bunch of wrestlers were
thrown in jail, as part of the show, and next thing I know they were
allowed to leave and so was I, then I was offered a job as ticket
scalper.
Panos: Kick ass. We need three tickets.
Joe: 2 adults and 1 kid?
Dan: I am not I kid. I am Dan-
Joe: Blah blah fucking blah. Pay full price, see if I care.
Anyway, Panos, I'll let you and your friends in for free.
Panos: Sweet.
BACKSTAGE
Staff: Hey Rhino, you're on. Get out there, and who are those two?
Well either way.
IN THE RING
Panos: You hear my name in your dreams, you see me in your nightmares.
I am the man beast. I am Rhino. 100% Armenian.
*Crowd cheers*
GR: I am the General of All Rancors, bring that old Sgt Slaughter
guy out here.
*Crowd cheers*
Dan: Um...GULP...I am Dan, and I will BAN you!
CROWD: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You suck!
*Glass breaks, out comes Stone Cold Steve Austin*
SCSA: You pencil neck son of a bitch plans on banning Stone Cold?
Dan: Well-
SCSA: WHAT!?
DAN: IN THE NAVY
SCSA: Are you mocking the Rattle Snake?
Dan: No S-
SCSA: WHAT!?
DAN: HEEEEEEEEY MACARENA!
*Starts Dancing*
SCSA: That's it!
*Hits Stone Cold Stunner on Dan. Crowd Cheers*
Dan: ow oh ouch owie oofa.
*NOW music sounds, Hulk Runs out*
Hulk: Stone Cold, brother, that's just wrong.
SCSA: WHAT?
Dan: la la la labamba!
Hulk: If you really want to do damage you do this.
*Wraps barbed wire around leg and then sets it on fire, delivers the
Extreme Leg Drop of death*
GR: Hollywood Hulk Hogan is extreme. He's Hardcore.
Panos: (on the microphone) EC F'N W!
*With this, Tommy Dreamer and RVD run out*
Dreamer: Shit, look at the guy bleed, and I didn't even give him one
of my fake blood packets.
RVD: Get extreme.
*Dan gets up, and is handed a chair, RVD hits the Vandammenator*
GR: Wouldn't it be funny if Dan had a move called the DanBannonator?
Panos: AYO.
Dan: HIT ME BABAY ONE MORE TIME!
*Tommy Dreamer takes Dan into the audience, they stop by Crocodile
Dundee, Croc throws a pizza in Dan's face*
Croc: Good-day mate.
*Dan makes it back into the ring, when suddenly Goldust and Rikishi
come out*
GR: Ok, enough is enough, Dan, we're on a mission, while your busy
messing around Panos and I will be outside formulating a plan.
Dan-------
LATER
*Security comes out and drops Dan off. Vince McMahon talks to the 3.*
Vince: Guys, that was great, with the exception of the nudity at the
end.
GR: WHAT?
Dan: ----
Panos: I think it wore off.
GR: Good.
Vince: Anyway, I have too many wrestlers, so I can't hire you guys,
and you did help me get great ratings so I won't press charges. I do
feel the need to pay a lot so that your friend over there doesn't sue,
so all in all, I came to the figure of 20 bucks.
GR: 30
Dan: Huh?
Panos: TRUSHK!
Vince: 25, take it or leave it.
GR: Done.
Vince: Nice doing business. Now go away.
*Leaves*
GR: So Dan, is wrestling fake?
Dan: :P
GR: Well 25 is better than nothing.
Panos: We should have gotten a lot more. Isn't he a billionaire like
Bill Gates?
GR: THAT'S IT! BILL GATES!
Panos: Ok...
GR: Dan worked for Microsoft, and the errors say Microsoft. If anyone
knows how Dan might have fucked up it's Bill, and he's rich too.
Dan: Anyone have an aspirin?
GR: Bitch bitch bitch. How to find Bill?
Dan: Famous people are always at parties.
Panos: How do we get there?
*Suddenly a 2002 Ford Ranger EDGE SuperCab 4x2 pulls up*
Reddog2002: Hop in guys.
To be continued...
2/27/2002 3:43:46 PM
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