|
DANtastic Voyage 1-fixed
By General Rancor
DANtastic Voyage
As our story opens, a short time has passed since the Burger King
incident, as well as a few other weird events (to be discussed later). DansJp3Page.com is still up and running, but crazy things have occurred. The most confusing is the sudden disappearance of Dan, only noticed when the banishment rate dropped to 0.
General Rancor: Does anybody know where the bloody hell Dan is?
I could have sworn he would have banned me after that last run in.
Panos: Who cares?
GR: No one I guess...WAIT! I do. You should too; he shortchanged us
at the A&P.
Panos: AYO AYO. When I get my hands on him...
*Makes an evil face and then laughs*
Panos: Anyway, you think maybe we finally drove him insane?
GR: He is crazy about us J. Well then it's off to the Looney bin I
guess.
*Looney Bin*
GR: He must be here; this is the only sanitarium with an open Internet
access. And to think the bums said I belonged here.
Panos: That guy looks like he's in charge. Let's ask him. Sir, is
there a Dan Finkelstein here?
Guard: Dan? We have one, but why would you want to see that guy?
All he does is carry on about some website and threaten to "BAN!"
anyone that doesn't do what he says.
GR: That's our Dan. He does a good job on the site, and it's no fun
without him bitching and banning.
Guard: Personally it doesn't matter either way. I could wreck that
place like nobody's business.
Panos: You've been there before? Who are you?
Guard: Let's just stick to my job title: Security Guard Director
*wink*
GR & Panos together: WELL I'LL BE DAMNED!
*Suddenly Dan bursts into the room in straightjacket and with a Burger
King Crown on his head, yelling*
Dan: NO, YOU'LL BE BANNED! All hail King Dan!
SGD: Not again, Mr. F, would you like the sleepy juice or the tazer?
Dan: A little from column A and a little from column B. But answer
me this first, would you want a name ban or an IP ban?
SGD: Well...
*ZAP!*
SGD: None of the above. Oh damn, he's smoking again; this sleepy
juice will cool him down.
*Pours ice cold water on Dan*
Dan: ?Que? ?Adonde soy?
*SGD readies tazer again*
GR: As much as this amuses me, we're on a mission; can we just take
Dan and leave?
SGD: Sure, what the hell. Before you go, at least check out the rest
of the place, you'd be surprised at the fact that with the exception
of a few, most of the people here are from DansJp3Page.
*3 men walk down the hallway, looking from room to room.*
The first room has a 12-year-old boy with a pony tale screaming
obscenities and slurs. The next room has some kid filming himself
in the mirror and bitching about weight. The next room contains a
guy with a light saber fighting a guy with a wooden stake. Next a man
swings by and throws a banana at everyone's favorite FDS member Will,
who retaliates by throwing a chicken bone...I mean a feathered raptor
bone at the guy. A bunch of guys in army clothes come out, salute us,
and go on their merry way. A dude dressed as Moth Man and a dude
dressed as Thor are battling an evil 14 year old and his army of men
claiming to be dinosaurs. Then enters a bunch of random people who
then start copying the others. Just when it seems all hell is about
to break loose...
*A loud whistle is heard, followed by the screeching of tires.*
Chris Reeve: Damn it; don't make me have to clean house again.
Inmates: We'd like to see you try!
*Chris spins the wheelchair around fast, then turns into Superman*
Superman: What, no Kryptonite? It looks like this will be easy.
*Picks everyone up, and flies them back into their cell. Returns and
transforms into Clark Kent, realizes he looks like a dork, and becomes
Chris again*
GR: Chris, you're my hero.
Panos: Yeah, you kick ass.
Dan: Didn't I ban you once?
Chris: Why yes you little...moving on. It's great to see you guys.
Why are you here though?
Panos: To get money from Dan.
Dan: WHAT!?
GR: Yeah, pay up.
Dan: I would if I could but you guys get me fired from every job I
have.
GR: Oh yeah, sorry about that. That'll teach you not to ban us.
Dan: But...but
Chris: Listen, guys, I have to leave to go film Superman V. Why
don't you take Dan and solve your problems elsewhere, and when you
finally get some money from him, make sure I get my cut.
All: Bye Chris.
*Chris flies away*
GR: I can't believe you banned that nice man.
Dan: Well...
Panos: I don't think he's sorry; maybe he should cut his ear off as
a way to prove it to us.
GR: HMMMMM
Dan: No, hold on, please. Don't you guys want to know why I was
here?
GR & Panos: Not really.
Dan: It'll help with the money.
GR & Panos: Well start talking already!
Dan: Ok, but promise not to laugh.
GR: Bite me commie bastard.
Panos: I REFUSE
Dan: Whatever. Remember that contest?
GR: The one that you fixed?
Dan: Yea...I mean no. The one where a person who's email I picked
won my stuff.
Panos: Didn't you win it?
Dan: That's beside the point! Anyway I thought it would be funny
to ban the winner, but I forgot that I rigged so that I'd win, and
now I'm banned from my own site...
GR, Panos, and random homeless stranger who happened to over hear
Dan's story: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Dan: Darn!
Panos: Potty mouth.
GR: Do you kiss Will with that mouth?
Dan: NO!
GR: Then whose mouth do you kiss him with?
Dan: I'll Ban...oh wait, I can't.
Crowd that has formed due to Dan's outbursts: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
GR: Well Dan, you have a great site, but banishment isn't always
permanent, all...wait a second, you could use this against me.
Dan: Would I do that?
GR: YES!
Dan: It's ok, I used a new prototype ban, I'm not even sure you
guys could help.
Panos: HAHAHA, you are a funny boy, you make me laugh, HAHAHA.
GR: Well then I guess we'll have to get you un-banned the good
old-fashioned way.
Dan: Which is?
GR: Traveling around, bitching and complaining, and then finally
giving up, and out of nowhere everything will be fine.
Dan: Ok...cough*weirdo*cough
*General Rancor gives Dan a cold stare*
*Panos cracks his knuckles*
Dan: Just a joke. Come on. Wait; don't leave, I'm sorry. I'll pay
double!
GR & Panos: Consider it done. Now let the games begin.
To be continued...
2/26/2002 9:52:11 PM
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
