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Armenia Panos and the Temple of Dan
By General Rancor
Armenia Panos and the Temple of Dan
The year is 2002. Dan has retreated into a secluded temple in the
Appalachian Mountains of New Jersey. His minions, upon the completion
of the Temple, have begun ritualistic human sacrifices to appease their
grandmaster Dan. His need for material possessions is surpassed only
for his lust of BANNING. The upkeep is paid for by the confiscated
property of the unfortunate damned members. The prized possession is
the only complete Spino skeleton, which is safely guarded in the throne
room of Dan.
LOCATION BERUIT
This brings us to our heroes, Panos and General Rancor. Life has been
good for these two, the General leading victorius army, and Panos is
peacefully ruling his new founded kingdom. In a precisely planned
assault, the disciples of Dan attacked on the day that they knew Panos
and General Rancor were meeting to discuss the Asia Minor issue,
stealing the coveted Dryptosaurus fossil, completing Dan's collection.
Panos didn't take this fact lightly; this audacious insult will be
swiftly and severely punished. To assure supreme victory, Panos has
sworn vengeance by his own hand, with the General of all Rancors going
along for the ride.
Panos: This is an outrage; bring me all the outsiders captured in the
past 24 hours.
GR: I doubt that last order needs completion, look at what I found.
*Will enters in handcuffs*
Will: I didn't do it. I want my lawyer.
Panos: Well if it isn't everyone's favorite FDS member. I know the
existence of dinosaurs in part of the world would attract some
characters, but knowing our history, I doubt you'd come here willingly.
State your business.
Will: You're crazy. I came here to investigate the discovery of a
hybrid bird reptile, thought to be the missing link.
Panos: Trust me my friend, I make it my business to know what happens
in my territory, and if what you said were true I'd be the first to
know. I really wish you hadn't have brought this upon yourself.
*Backhands Will. The blood trickles down from his nose, and then the
corner of his mouth*
Will: I swear, I didn't know it was...
Panos: Was what?
Will: I wish I could but...
*Panos' fist sinks into Will's abdomen. Will folds over, and vomits.
He drops to the floor, but GR lifts him up*
GR: (pulls out dagger and cleans his nails) Don't be an asshole, if
you fess up immediately you may receive mercy.
Will: I...I, fine, the B.A.N. used me as a diversion, but I never in a
million years thought they'd go this far with the plan. That is all I
know, please stop.
Panos: Fine. You're death will be swift and painless.
Will: Wait, for the love of all that is good, please wait. If it
means anything, I saw one of the members board a flight to America.
It is common knowledge that B.A.N. operates from the Northeast.
Panos: You don't know how lucky you are. Guards, lock him up.
William, if what you say is true, I will gladly release you upon my
return. Now be gone.
Guard: Follow me.
Panos: That communist son of a bitch has gone too far. His thirst
shall be quenched with his own blood. (Takes whip off the wall.)
GR: This is your mission, but I would be honored if you at least allow
me to deal with the peons, but rest assured, Dan shall answer to you.
Panos: Ayo. The ship leaves from Istanbul; Dan will never expect an
all out head on assault.
IN AMERICA
Minion: Trust me my friends, our leader can supply all of you with
unlimited power, all you have to do is sign up...and over.
Woman 1: You mean he can restore my youth?
Woman 2: What about the fulfillment of my fantasy?
Child: Will he help me make those bastards pay?
Minion: He will do all that and then some. You're only requirement is
to make 1 pilgrimage to his sacred temple.
Bum: Excuse me, I couldn't help but over hear. Would even one as low
as myself be welcomed?
Minion: Well such filth isn't worthy of our time, but our master as
ordered that any and all be accepted. The journey begins now, so you
make the cut.
Bum: If a free meal is involved I'll be there. (Leave)
24 HOURS LATER
Panos: I can almost smell the infidel. His time is approaching, but
something doesn't seem right.
GR: I know we're good, but something should have happened by now.
Well at least you're calmer now, and don't worry, in due time all will
be set right.
Panos: Yeah! Those bums don't stand a chance.
GR: Speaking of bums something tells me that guy sleeping in the alley
just might have seen something.
Panos: Hey mister.
Man: Who...what? Ow my head...
Panos: I'm going to ask some questions, and you are going to answer.
If I like the answers, you will be rewarded greatly, but if I don't,
you will suffer worse.
Bum: Well if you put it that way.
Panos: What exactly do you know about B.A.N.?
Man: B.A.N.? Are those the psycho hippies?
Panos: Yes, they recruit new members with the promise of greatness,
but then they are never seen again.
Man: Now that you mention it, they were recruiting yesterday. Before
I go any further, why all the questions?
Panos: Let's just say there's business to take care of. Now let's
finish this as soon as possible.
Man: Word on the street is the recruiter working this district has
been replaced. All the old recruiters people must go up to the new guy
and say Dragonfly. Now I've said too much, don't expect to see me
anytime soon.
Panos: Here. (Hands the man $500) There will be another $500 if we
ever meet up again.
Man: That sounds nice, but only time will tell. (Leaves)
GR: So far it adds up, the intelligence received along with what we
just heard points to a shift in plans. B.A.N. must be up to something,
and it looks like now is our only chance.
1-MILE DOWNTOWN
GR: That's the new guy? Damn, either Dan's getting desperate or he's
really fortifying his compound. Lucky for us this guy doesn't look
like the sharpest knife in the draw. Panos: General Rancor, you
handle this, and I'll pretend to be your bodyguard.
GR: What the hell is going on? Is this some sort of joke? If the
guys think they can just switch on me they have another thing coming.
Recruiter: Whoa. Calm down, what seems to be the problem?
GR: I'm here on business, and instead of the regular I get some snot
nosed punk.
Recruiter: Wait one damned second. Depending on what you say, I just
might be able to help clarify.
GR: Listen; I came here for the final process, not to bullshit about
clarity or a dragonfly.
Recruiter: Sorry sir, I had to make sure. Who's the guy?
GR: Security.
Recruiter: Ok, that shouldn't be a problem. Get in.
1-HOUR LATER
Recruiter: Here we are sirs.
*The 3 enter a cave, and after a winding path, arrive at giant golden
gates. Beyond the gates stood a temple of pure gold. The hollow
caverns were lit by fire, and a bit farther was a small magma flow.
Many guards were patrolling, as captives were being led to a giant
altar beneath a black throne.*
GR: So what happens now?
Recruiter: After I take you for the examination, you will be taken
with a few others to hold audience with our master.
GR: Master?
Recruiter: You are amongst friends now; there is no need to pretend
that we don't know what is going on. You will meet Dan, pledge your
undying support, and then contribute to the cause. But first we must
verify that I have you on the right pro-
*WHAM! With a swift chop to the back of the neck from Panos brings
the brute down.*
Panos: I'll get into his uniform, and then I'll escort you to the
throne room. Good thing this idiot had a map on him.
AT THE THRONE ROOM
Dan: Everything has fallen directly into place. All that's left is to
sacrifice them at sunset and then I will possess all the power I could
have ever wanted. It will be freed from its underground tomb.
Witchdoctor: Yes Lord Dan. Our victims are prepared for...what was
that noise.
Panos: Excuse me, Lord Dan sir, your appointment is here.
Dan: What are you talking about? I scheduled no appointment. Who
are you?
Panos: The replacement from downtown. I was ordered to pick up a
member and bring him to you.
Dan: Can nothing be done right? Fine, make it quick.
GR: Greetings Lord Dan. I come bearing gifts.
Dan: Guard, stand down. You may approach the throne.
GR: I shall place the box at your feet, for I am not worthy of
touching your flesh.
Dan: Don't worry, I shall allow you to hand me the box. Now tell me,
I know that I have many disciples, but I usually remember them. Why
is it that I'm drawing a blank when it comes to you?
GR: Well, I've never had the courage to visit one as great as you face
to face, but with all the sudden changes in the process, I just had to
come in person. I hope I have not offended you.
Dan: HAHAHA. You are a smart man. If only more members were like
you. Now let us finish this transaction, for I have a great deal to
contend with.
*Dan opens the box, and sees a severed ear.*
Dan: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!
*At this moment, GR & Panos attack. GR bashes the guards' heads
together, knocking them out, while Panos locks the door. The
witchdoctor cowers in the corner. They have Dan.*
Panos: Dan, you pathetic fool. I'll give you the same choice I gave
your concubine Will. Return my property and I'll make sure your death
is quick and painless.
Dan: Well it seems that I am in quite a predicament. Fortunately,
unlike my workers, I know my enemies, and I have planned ahead for
such and event.
*Presses button and bulletproof glass dome begins to engulf the chair.*
GR: Oh no you don't.
*Throws dagger, but Dan catches it, and dome finishes closing.*
Dan: Worthy effort for you two, but alas, it was all in vain. I shall
enjoy watching you two be eternally expelled from my dominion.
Panos: Dan, you coward, why not settle this man to man.
Dan: All in due time my friend, I thinks I'll keep you two around for
the show, hell; I might even allow you to participate in it.
IN JAIL
Panos: We were so close.
GR: It's not over until Webmaster sings.
Recruiter: Well look who it is, the assholes that got me fired.
You've damned me, and you shall pay.
GR: Don't be a fool. Dan will never forgive you. Anyway, you
couldn't handle one of us, what makes you think you can take both.
Recruiter: I have nothing left to loose. A cornered animal fights
the fiercest.
GR: Well this animal seems to be all bark and no bite. Either attack
or shut up.
*Recruiter lunges at GR, but GR dodges. GR then runs up behind him and
kicks him in the back of the head. Hooded guards rush into the cell,
restraining our heroes, and carry the wounded man out. The guard on
the left of Panos leans in closely and then shoves him into the wall.
GR is also tossed back.
GR: Well all in all, it was worth it.
Panos: You don't know the half of it. Look at this. (Shows a key)
GR: Damn, someone out there must like us. But do you think this is
another set up?
Panos: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. The ceremony should be
starting soon, and they wouldn't suspect another disturbance so soon.
I say we wait until they start preparing for the ceremony and then we
make our move.
20 MINUTES LATER
GR: Hey guard, don't we at least get a last meal?
Guard: Will you shut the fuck up? All you guys ever do is bitch. In
a short time food will be you last concern. What, is that fear I see
in the General's eyes? This I can't miss. (Moves closer) Do you have
any last requests?
GR: Why yes...I request you don't hold this against me. (Kicks door
open, hitting guard in faces and knocking him out)
*Our heroes take the guards ID card and make a run for it. The hallway
is closely, guarded, so they go back. The only way out seems to be
the ventilation system, with a nice air duct in the bathroom. They
then exit and wind up in a storage room.*
GR: Look at all this shit. I always thought Dan was a rat, but never
a pack rat.
Panos: If only 1/10 of this stuff was his. I thought he would have
more though.
MEANWHILE
Dan: I'd love to see the look on their faces when I myself bring them
to their encounter with fate. Now guard...GUARD! DAMN THEM. MEN,
FULL ALERT. (Siren sounds)/
GR: I guess that means they miss us. We can come back for this junk
later; right now we have a party to crash./
Witchdoctor: Lord Dan, what should we do?
Dan: We must continue, if they show up, which they probably will, and
then I'll have my fun. If not, I will complete my mission and then
deal with them at my leisure.
*Ceremony begins. 10 captives are led out single file. They only now
realize the true intent of Dan. The onlookers are too brainwashed to
care, as they chant out BAN! Dan randomly picks a young boy from the
crowd, places his hand on the boy's chest, yells I will BAN you, and
in an instant the boy falls over. Dan now assumes his position high
atop the temple, waiting to give the signal to his henchmen, at which
point the crucibles will be tossed into the magma. At this point, two
explosions go off at opposite corners. GR begins attacking any and all
in his way. As the crowd erupts into frenzy, Panos begins stalking the
fleeing Dan. He is stopped by some guards, but manages to over power
them. As the chosen sacrificial beings escape, Dan can no longer
control his rage.*
Dan: I shall not be denied my day of reckoning. I have worked to hard
to be thwarted.
*He waves his hand and the energy discharged knocks some of his
followers into the magma. He then sees GR and Panos approaching, and
Dan runs over to the wall beneath his throne. With a flip of a switch
the ceiling begins to fall. Our heroes manage to doge the debris, but
some unfortunate few are either crushed or jump into the magma. As the
10th member falls into the lava the Witchdoctor begins his chant*
Witchdoctor: BANNUS, I beg of you, return.
Dan: Yes BANNUS, I have awakened you, and I order you to BAN!
BANNUS: SO BE IT!
Dan: Now you two shall pay. You thought I could be stopped, but you
are wrong. I am not a bitter person though. With this dagger I shall
mark one of my hands, if you choose that hand I will BAN you, but if
you choose the other, I shall spare you.
Dan spins quickly, throws the dagger at GR but misses, and turns back
with both fists clenched tightly shut.
Dan: Now choose your fate.
*Panos picks up the bloodied dagger. He looks towards GR, then back at
Dan. GR walks up towards Dan, and looks at both hands. Panos also
walks up. Suddenly Panos grabs Dan's left hand, severs it and tosses
it into the lava.*
Panos: Now show me what I didn't choose.
*Dan reveals his right hand, with a cut on it. It didn't matter either
way, since Dan had slit both hands, but our hero had outsmarted him.*
Dan: You fools think you've won, but with BANNUS at my side, I am
invincible.
*Dan holds out arm and his hand regenerates. BANNUS is zapping anyone
in its path with the ultimate BAN.*
Dan: BANNUS, destroy these fools.
BANNUS: Thou art the fool. My use for you is up, thou shall join the
ranks of the BANNED soon enough.
Dan: How dare you. (Zaps BANNUS, but to no avail)
BANNUS: Petty mortal swine. (Shoots at Dan, but GR knocks Dan out of
the way).
GR: Against my better judgment I've just saved your sorry self. Don't
make me regret it. Remember, you still have to answer to Panos.
Panos: How the hell are we supposed to stop this thing?
Dan: It won't stop until it has BANNED everything. All hope is lost.
GR: Not yet. Panos, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
PANOS: Of course I am.
*Panos hands GR the dagger and our heroes then split up. Panos grabs
Dan and runs by the throne. GR charges at BANNUS, dodging his ultimate
BAN, and positions himself between the lava and the throne. He looks
back at Dan and Panos, then back to BANNUS.*
GR: Hey BANNUS, you over zealous bitch, take your best shot.
BANNUS: Finally doing the honorable thing? You know that this display
of courage won't change anything, those two are next. But if you so
sorely wish to depart before them, so be it. ZAP
GR: NOW!
Panos: Dan, do it or else. (Pulls whip out.)
Dan: For my sake, I hope this works. ZAP!
Just as BANNUS' ULTIMATE BAN is about to hit GR, but GR pulls the
dagger and manages to deflect the ray back. At the same moment, Dan
hits BANNUS with all he's got. BANNUS is stunned, and Panos whips the
Spino skeleton's leg, and tugs until it falls down. The skull rolls
and knocks BANNUS into the lava. This sets off a chain reaction, as
the cavern starts caving in. Our heroes run like hell, with Dan trying
to keep up. The problem worsens as the lava begins to rise. They make
it to the throne, at which point Dan hits the switch. The force field
is activated, just as the lava rushes up. There is a great eruption,
and the throne is expelled. It lands a few hundred feet away, safe
from the flow. Panos knocks Dan out; they return to Panos' castle.*
Panos: Well Dan, you put up a decent fight, but you were no challenge.
The only reason you're still here is because you helped beat BANNUS,
even though it was your fault he was awakened and you only acted to
save your ass. As we speak though, my men are storming your stronghold
east of the temple. You were smart not to keep all your eggs in one
basket. To show my appreciation, I have arranged something. Guards,
toss him in jail with Will.
Dan: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Will: YIPEE!
GR: KICK ASS, all is well again.
Hooded guard: Almost. (Removes hood to reveal man from street)
Where's my $500? :)
THE END
3/6/2002 9:50:28 PM
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