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To Ban or Be Banned-Part 3 of 4
By Dino-Snore
DAN’S JP3 PAGE
( Rick was at Mod Command, trying to watch some TV. The reception is awful as heck. )
Rick ( messing with the recpetion ): COME ON! COME ON! DONT MAKE ME USE THE THUNDER!
( Rick picks up the Goobaflunk glasses on his desk and begins to smack the TV with them......until he realized something. He goes to the window, puts on the glasses, and looks outside. )
Rick: Oh my!
( Rick can see a fleet of 12 Flying Saucers hovering over Dan’s. They werent there when he took off the glasses. But they were when he put them back on. )
JPAFTERMATH
( Ben and Raptor Dude are standing over the corpse of the dead Goobaflunk, with the handle of a plunger sticking out the back of it’s head. )
Dude: Damn, Man. You werent supposed to kill it! Do you have any idea what this means?
Ben: Yep! Time for a nap!
Dude: This isnt professional wrestling, Ben. These guys play for keeps!
Ben: So do I. This whole business was a set up from the moment I left Dan’s. “ Native Guide “...that’s cute. What are you really?
Dude: Damn it, you’re the one who volunteered for this mission!
Ben: Yeah? What about Toby? Was he another volunteer?
Dude: Look. We dont like it anymore that you do. But it’s here, it’s real, and we’re forced to deal with it! ( He pulls a Desert Eagle out of his Pocket and aims at Ben. ) Now get ready. We got 6 Hours to make the General’s rendevoius! Pass your gun, NOW! We can still salvage something out of this.
( Ben tosses his Spaz-12 to Dude )
Ben: You’re really starting to get on my Nerves, chief. That thing’s dead, it’s over!
Dude: You really dont have a clue, do you? Come on, MOVE!
( Ben stands up and leads Dude to the Mules. )
Dude: You really think you could waltz down here and end it, easy as that? Well, you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto. You cant just get rid of these guys like the everyday---( Dude goes down in a blaze of gunfire. )----URK!
( Ben dodges another barrage and dives into the bushes. He turns around and sees 4 Men wearing Pink Spandex jumpsuits--Newbies---standing over Dude’s corpse. )
Newbie 1: It’s not him!
Newbie 2: Hitler is going to be very pissed!
Newbie 1: Spit up!
( All 4 Newbies scatter. Ben tackles the nearest one and breaks his neck. )
Newbie 3: I SEE HIM!
( The newbie opens fire at Ben. Ben picks up the Dead Newbies UZI and returns fire. Killing Newbie 3. Ben then runs back to where he dropped the Spaz-12. He picks it up. )
Ben: Where the heck is Rick when I need him?
( Ben turns around and finds the other 2 Newbies aiming at him. )
Newbie 4: Drop it, Amigo. Or Hitler will be deprived of this evening’s entertainment.
( The Newbies pistol-whip Ben unconscious. )
( Rick was sitting outside Malcolm’s office, with a Nasty Sunburn, a Cup of coffee, and the Gooba-Glasses. )
Random Mod ( passing by ): Man you look awful, I’ve seen Mimes with a Better tan.
Rick: Go to hell!
( Malcolm opens his door and points at Rick. )
Malcolm: All right, you have ONE Minute. And lose the coffee, I dont want any Oil Spills on my new carpet!
( Rick dumps the coffee on a Plant and enters Malcolm’s office. )
Malcolm: If you came to apologize, you can save it. I filed disciplinary action against you and Ben this morning. ( Pointing to his Ruined desk ) Look at what he did to my phone!
Rick: I know, we’ve had our problems, Captain, but this is big. There’s something out there. ( He holds up the Gooba-Glasses ) Ben snagged this from that thing he met at Max’s Apartment. We---
Malcolm: Hold it....You’ve been withholding evidence?
Rick: Would you listen to me? There are dozens, maybe hundreds, of those things out there. Just waiting! All you have to do is look----
Malcolm: I’m not looking at anything, except your ass in a holding cell pending a full departmental review......you’re going down!
Rick ( Leaving ): Fine, I’ll have my little chat with the chief!
Malcolm: HEY! You’re not going anywhere!
( Rick is taking a flight of stairs. )
Rick: Where the heck is Ben when I need him?
( The door in front of him opens, and 3 Guys aim pistols at him. )
Admin 1: ADMINISTRATION AGENTS! That’s far enough, Detective Arnold!
Admin 2: Hand my friend the glasses. You wont need them.
Admin 3 ( Into Radio ): We got him!
( They haul Rick all the way down to a car outside )
Rick: You cant just kidnap a Mod right in the middle of a Precint house! You’re not normal Admins, are you?
Admin 1: We’re from the land of nameless characters.
Rick: Oh Great, Extras!
( Ben was still in his Happy Place of unconsciousness when all of the sudden, a Bucket of water was dumped on him. )
Hitler: Time to wake up, Puppy dog!
Torture Guy: Maybe the wire is too tight?
( The torture guy TIGHTENS the Wire wrapped around Ben’s bloody wrists. Ben jolts from his sleep in a scream of pain. )
Torture guy: Not to worry! I’m just starting!
( Ben looks and spots Hitler, the Cast around his leg the only evidence that Ben had thrown him off a 3 Story buidling a few weeks back. )
Hitler: Detective Ben, I’m hurt. Coming to this site without letting your old friend know. Last time we met, I made you an offer, now you’re sorry for that choice you made, right?
Ben: I’m sorry we havent met on a taller building.
Hitler: That’s one of the things I will miss about you: that sense of humor. I’ll be back in a bit after my Torture guy has spent a few minutes with you. You can entertain him with your stories!
( Hitler leaves, The torture guy pulls out a Power Saw. )
Torture Guy: Black and Dekker, very sharp! So little time, so much to do.
Ben: I know how you feel.
( The torture guy powers up the saw and stands behind Ben. Ben, tied to the chair he’s in, stands up and pins the Torture guy to the wall. The wire bound around Ben’s hands cuts the Torture dude in half. )
Ben: One of the sad things about using Wire is that it cuts both ways, like your saw!
( Carefully using the Saw, Ben cuts the wire and the Chair off of thim. )
Ben: Fun’s fun. I dont have time for this bullshit!
( Ben kicks down the door out of the room and instantly flatens a Guard. )
Guard: ARG!
Ben ( Picking up the Guard’s gun ): Thank you!
( Ben exits the building, but then comes face to face with Hitler and a Dozen Newbies. One Newbie is in a Tower aiming a spotlight at him. )
Hitler: Torture Guy was careless, but the rest isnt going to be very Easy, Mr. Ben!
( Without warning, a Bright Blue Flash explodes the Newbie in the tower. More bright flashes begin to cut down Newbies or set fire to the surrounding buildings. )
Hitler: WHAT THE HELL?
( The Newbies try to defend themselves, a group has gotten a Anti-Aircraft turret up and running. But it’s no use. )
Ben:: I’m outta here!
( Ben runs out into the Jungle. Hitler, who has been knocked down, sees him flee. )
Hitler: BEN! His people followed him here! I want him dead!
Newbie: HE’S MINE!
( A Newbie with a Rifle goes into the jungle after Ben. And at that moment, a pair of Blue Furry legs appear next to Hitler, Hitler looks up. )
Hitler: GREAT CHEFS OF NEW ORELEANS!
( The Goobaflunk farts in Hitler’s face, then lights a Match. The resulting blue explosion erases Hitler’s head. This Goobaflunk turns around and spots it’s Comrades finishing off the Newbies. Together, they all feast on the corpses. )
( Ben is running along, he stops and breathes deeply to soothe the pain being caused by the Tracker in his neck. )
Ben: Damn Dog Collar!
( He dosent see the Newbie run up to him, and get’s knocked down pretty quick. )
Newbie: Hitler is dead, the Newbies will need a new leader. With your head on a post, the choice will be obvious.
Ben: Post this, piss brain!
( Ben kicks the Newbie in the stomach. )
Ben: You seem to be unclear of the concept, pal!
( He punches the Newbie in the Back of the face. )
Ben: Those things playing Propane salesman with your companions dosent give a shit about HTML! They’re not Human! Comprehend!
Newbie: Go to hell you lying---
( Ben slams the Newbie’s head into a few trees )
Ben: I’M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH! I’m tired, I’m sore, and I havent had a decent meal since Part 1! Dont push me, dig?
( The Newbie stands up, he has a Pistol out )
Newbie: Hey, Pig!
( In a barrage of gunfire, the Newbie goes down. )
Ben: What the?
( Ben spots Martin Randle with an assault rifle in hand. )
Ben: Whattayaknow? The Calvary has arrived!
Martin: COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT A LIFT!
( Ben hears an explosion in the direction he just came from. )
Ben: Hear that? Your friends took down Hitler’s empire peace by peace!
Martin: I’d give them an award if I knew where to put it. But they dont give a damn about the Newbies, just YOU!
( Rick is with a Pair of Admins in his Prison cell of a Hotel Room. )
Rick: This sucks! How long do I have to stay here?
Admin 1: As long as you have to,
Rick: You’re shoes untied.
Admin 1: I’m not falling for that trick again!
( Rick goes over to Admin 2 and looks at the paper work. )
Rick: What the hell is this? Homework?
Admin 2: Sorta.
Rick: Golly.
Admin 1: Hey, watch your mouth or else you can lose everything at the push of a button!
( The Phone rings, Admin 2 answers it. )
Admin 2: That was Randle, Ben’s due in 6 hours. They’ll chopper him straight to the Review page and make the delivery there.
Ben: Delivery? You’re giving him to those things! You BASTARDS!
( Ben picks up Admin 2 and throws him at Admin 1, the combined weight of the 2 guys, along with the force of the throw. Knocks the wall down. )
Rick: Now if you’ll excuse me....
( Rick grabs his Desert Eagle, the Gooba-Glasses, and the money from both Admins’ wallet. )
Rick: Review Building at 9 O’Clock!
( Rick leaves )
( Rick get’s to Mod HQ and enters the confiscation lockers. )
Mod 1: Damn, Rick! Where the hell have you been? The Commander’s been trying to reach you all morning!
Rick: I was kicking some ass. Someone help me out here!
( Rick and a Mod enter the Locker Room. )
Mod 2: I think you need Captain Malcolm’s permission to be here....
Rick: Malcolm and I’ve been very tight, lately.
Mod 2: What are we looking for?
Rick: Remember those guys that Junkee killed last month? I need to check their guns.
( Mod 2 opens a Locker, Rick spots over 2 Dozen Machine guns. )
Rick: That’s the ticket! Go get a cart and help me get this to my Van.
Mod 2: To your....Are you crazy? You cant just take off with this!
Rick: Some Admins did it with me yesterday!
( Rick picks up a H&K G-36 and slams a Clip into it. )
( Ben is sitting in an Eagle speeding towards it’s destination with Martin. )
Ben: Okay, we’re back at Dan’s. Can I have some answers? What are we dealing with?
Martin: Want a Name? Want a Place? We dont have either! They’ve been coming here for a while, allways in the heat. That crap you’d read in a Magazine is probably true! They like the sport. Notice how they killed only armed people? This is the first time we’ve dealt with them at a Major site.
Ben: They could be bored! Dan’s has enough excitement to.....excite something....whatever.
Martin: It could be more than that. But these Bastards seem to like you.
Ben: Good! They’ll lke me more after I explode them with my mind!
Martin: We got something else in mind.
Ben: Should have guessed.
Martin: We’re talking about THOUSANDS of lives here! Remember that hole in the ground? Picture the cause of that happening here! The site would be destroyed!
Ben: You say that as if it were a Bad thing!
( Ben grabs Martin )
Ben: I got a Better Idea!
Martin: Ben, NO!
Ben: Sorry!
( Ben shoves Martin’s head into a Nearby Toilet, then flushes, and Martin goes limp. Ben grabs Martin’s sidearm and runs into the cockpit. )
Ben: Hi, where are we going?
Pilot: Review Page! There’s a meeting of some kind being arranged there!
Ben: Groovy.
( Minutes later, the Eagle lands on top of the Review Page, 6 Admins in Green Army Uniforms go up to the hatch. One of the Admins opens the door and is promptly Punched in the face by Ben. )
Ben ( grabbing the Admin’s Rifle and aiming it at the other Admins ): PUT ON SOME MUSIC AND OPEN THE BAR, BOYS! IT’S PARTY TIME!
( A Nearby door falls down, Rick appears with a H&K G-36 )
Rick: ALLRIGHT, DROP---( He sees that Ben has the whole situation at hand )---'em.
Ben: Dang, Rick, where the heck have you been?
TO BE CONCLUDED.
8/12/2004 9:39:57 AM
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