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Monster ! Part 1. ( Sorry , all I could think of for an Alien spoof )
By Dino-Snore
U.S.D.A. COMMERCIAL STARSHIP :
" NOSHOWMO "
CREW : 7
MISSION : HAUL 100,000,000 TONS OF MINERAL ORE BACK TO DAN'SJP3PAGE.
( The Noshowmo , a pretty remarkable piece of crap , is moving through Cyberspace at Light Speed , it is tugging what looks like a Space-Refinery , this Refinery will be important in the future. )
( Level C of the ship looks like the dark Bat-Cave , there's Cargo Bays , Storage Units , the Airlocks , the Shuttle Bay , and the Science Officer's Station.....
Level B is the Engineering Deck , where the 2 Engineers work , we have Engines , Engine Room , Power Room , Life Support , Spare Part Storage , and a lot of corridors !
Level A is much cleaner than Levels B and C combined ! We have the Bridge , Computer Room , Mess Hall , Kitchen , Bathroom , Barracks , Bio-Med , and....what's this ? )
( 2 Computers in the Bridge spring to life )
Comp 1 : Yawn...good morning.
Comp 2 : Howdy !
Comp 1 : I'm recieveing something.
Comp 2 : So ?
Comp 1 : It could be important.
Comp 2 : Yeah right , it could be a Email Virus.
Comp 1 : I dont think it is...
Comp 2 : What do you think it is ?
Comp 1 : A Distress signal !
Comp 2 : What should we do ?
Comp 1 : Want me to wake up the crew ?
Comp 2 : Yeah...
Comp 1 : Okay...I am bringing them up slowly , but I have a Question.
Comp 2 : What ?
Comp 1 : If the Generator is off , why are we--- ( Computers Shut Off )
( Well anyway...the place I was going to show you before I was interuppted was the Cryo Chamber...where the Crew lies Frozen during Hyper-Speed , that way , they wont explode ! )
( Just then , the Engines all cut off...the Generator starts to life , the lights slowly turn on one by one...and in the cryo bay....a Container opens with a Hiss , a figure stumbles out wearing a Black Jumpsuit , this is Symbiote Spider )
SS : Whoa !
( SS sturmbles into the Mess Hall as Computer starts to make Coffee )
SS ( Checking his watch ) : Rise and shine....Lizzie !
( A Hiss comes from the Cryo Bay , followed by some footsteps and mumbling , in the Corridor appears Jp3 girl , wearing a Green Jumpsuit )
Jp3 Girl ( Walking into the Mess Hall ) : What time is it ?
SS : I dunno ! But the LIfe Support is slowly starting up...Coffee's just about done. I think the next one up would eather be Justin or Goldrex.
( A Hiss from the Cryo Bay )
Jurassic Justin ( Yelling from Cryo Bay ) : WHERE'S THE COFFEE !
SS : IT'S ALMOST DONE , RELAX , WOULD YA' !
( JJ stumbles into the Mess Hall , wearing a Blue Jumpsuit , just as 2 Hisses go off )
SS : One of those is Tenchi....
( SS is right , Golrex and Tenchi Muyo stumble into the Mess and sit down )
( Anpother Hiss )
SS : Malcom !
( Jedi A. Malcom stumbles into the Mess )
SS : If Goldrex is here , can Seymour be that far behind ?
( A Last Hiss )
SS : Guess so...
( Maestor Seymour stumles into the room )
Computer : LIFE SUPPORT AT 100 % , YOU MAY NOW HAVE COFFEE !
Crew : COFFEE !
( They all Greedily Consume the Coffee and in no time , are Awake. )
JJ : Let's get to work....I'll check on Computer...
NOSHOWMO CREW CONTENT.
Captain.........................Jurassic Justin
Pilot............................Symbiote Spider
Communications.......Jedi A. Malcom.
Navigation................................Jp3 Girl
Science.............................Tenchi Muyo
Chief Engineer.........................Goldrex
Engineering Tech...Maestor Seymour
( JJ walks into the Bridge , goes to a door marked " COMPUTOR " ( Yes , it's meant to be spelled that way ) and goes inside )
JJ ( Typing into Keyboard ) : What's the story , Mom ?
MEANWHILE....
( The Bridge Crew go to thier Stations and turn them on )
Jp3G : Where's Dan's ?
SS : You should know. Do a scan.
( Jp3G's Image Screen pans around the stars. )
JAM : That's not our System.
Jp3G : Well DUH !
SS : Contact Control !
JAM : Sigh , this is NOT our System...I have a Bad Feeling about this place.
SS : I said do it ! Remember , I'm the Second in command , I dont want this Tub to Burst into Flames the moment I blink !
JAM : Sigh Calling Dantartica Station , come in please , this is the Noshowmo , Registry Number 9-0-2-1-0. We returned from UFX with 1 Million Tons of MIneral Ore !
( No Reply )
JAM : We arn't in range.
SS : Okay....
Computer : BREAKFEST !
( They all run out of thier Chairs and into the Mess )
MEANWHILE.....
( In Level B , our 2 Engineers , Goldrex and Seymour , are heading for Level A. )
Goldrex : This job is pure CRAP ! We work harder yet we dont get full share !
Seymour : Yeah , same old Crud !
Goldrex : Another thing , they dont come down here ! Is it you ? You should take a Bath Once in a while...Hehehe !
( They reach Level A , enter the Mess , and Grab Trays full of Dry , Synthetic , Crap from the Food-a-matic , then Sit down )
JJ : Some of you might wanna know why we are nowhere near Dan's , apparently , Mom has picked up a Signal and woke us up so we can Investigate.
Goldrex : So , I dont care ! This is a Tug , not a Rescue Ship !
JJ : Come on , you and I were once Space Marines ! We could deal with this by using our Training !
Goldrex : I DONT CARE...I wanna go home !
TM : Hold on , Let me tell you something...you automatically forfit your Pay when you dont investiagte any Signals.
Seymour : I'm not going to Investigate.
JJ : SHUT UP , YOU !
TM : What I'm saying is...NO MONEY...
Goldrex and Seymour ( At the Same time ) : Okay....
SS : So , is this Signal Human.
JJ : Nope..
JAM : Alien ?
JJ : More than Likely...
Seymour : I guess we're going in...
Goldrex : Yeah..we're going in...
( They start to eat )
LATER.....
( The Crew strap in at thier Stations.... )
Jp3G : 10....9....8...7...6...5...4...3...2....1...BAST-OFF !
( The Noshowmo seperates from the Refinery and enter's the atmosphere )
JJ : Tenchi , I need a Scan of the Surface !
( On JJ's screen , a Rocky Landscape appears )
SS : Stabilizers are working perfectly , we're go for Landing !
JJ : Set her down !
BOOM !
( The Noshowmo is rocked by an Explosion )
Goldrex ( Over Radio ) : What was that ?
Seymour ( Over Radio ) : We lost a shield , pressure droping in Cargo Bay 2 !
SS : That blast just conked out my Radar and Laser Imaging System.
JJ : Kill drive Engines !
( SS looks at JJ funny , then carries out the order... the Noshowmo drops like a Brick and hits the Surface , fire tears through the Engine Room , Both the Engineers struggle to get it out )
LATER....
( The Bridge Crew , with TM , all sit in the Dark , flashlights at thier Side. )
Goldrex ( Over Radio ) : Hull's not breached , but the Engines are clogged up with Dust , We have a Mssive burst in the Load Sharing Unit , Panel 4 is Burned out , and Module 12 has been Completely Desroyed. Plus I broke my Pencil.
JAM : Get to work on fixing it...I'm comming down to help.
( Jam leaves the Bridge )
JJ : Kick on the floods...
( Jp3G presses a Button , Massive Flood Lights outside the Ship Spring to life )
JJ : Are we near the Source of the Signal...
TM : Yes.....yes we are...it's in walking distance...and uh..wear a suit.
JJ : Hmm...Yeah...yep....I'll break out the weapons....
SS : I'll Volunteer to be on the First Group out.
JJ : Okay...Captain Pioneer ( Snickers ) , You too Lizzie.
Jp3G : Swell...
( They head out of the Bridge )
6/14/2002 1:49:48 PM
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