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X2 Parody trailer
By CeratosPit
*Shot of a suburban home with two cars parked out in front. Cut to inside where a Russian girl who’s bald except for white bangs and a living snowman talk to the latter’s parents*
Father: You have to understand, we always thought that Francois was just really, really white!
Ho: Francois IS really white! I mean look at him, he‘s a f*#king Snowman for God‘s sake!
*Francois the Snowman touches a bottle of Lipton Iced tea with his tree branch hand and instantly freezes it*
Francois: That’s Brisk, baby!
Mother: Have you tried…not being a snowman?
*20th Century Rat logo appears and fades away to reveal a bald man with really big ears and no pants talking*
Prof NC17: Since the discovery of their existence, mutants have been persecuted by bigots…
*A little girl sticks her tongue out at a group of mutant children. One of the mutant children with a squid for a head flips her the middle tentacle*
Prof NC17: Religious leaders and our own government…
*Snowman, Ho, another kid and a hairy man with chainsaws coming out of his fists stand on the front porch of the surrounded by police with guns aimed at them*
Cop: Drop the chainsaws and put your hands in the air!
Harry: Or else what?
*Harry gets shot in the head*
Prof NC17: Are they the next link in the evolutionary chain?
*An 11 inch tall teenaged boy walks into a room and transforms into metal*
Prof NC17: Or are they simply the children of pregnant mothers who handled broken Propecia tablets and stuck their heads in Microwave ovens?
*General Alex Sanders and Senator Blumencrantz have a discussion with the King of Poland in his office*
King of Poland: What do you want, Alex?
Sanders: A solid gold toilet, your highness, but that’s not why I’m here…
*Cut to the national guard arrives at the Nunez Chavez Diecisiete Institute and invades the school while all the kids inside are throwing a huge party*
Sanders: We’ve managed to gather evidence of a Mutant Terrorist Training Camp in upstate New York.
Senator Blumencrantz: *who is naked and blue, btw* This terrorist training camp is a school.
*Cut to a girl at the school is surrounded by soldiers. Her body phases through the floor she’s standing on but her clothes remain in a pile. Beneath them, she phases though the ceiling totally naked*
Sanders: Sure it is.
*Cut to General Sanders interrogating Prof NC17 who is restrained to his toilet and wearing earmuffs*
Sanders: Nobody really even knows how many exist or how to find them… Nobody except for you.
Prof NC17: What?
Sanders: I said nobody really even knows how many exist or how to find them… Nobody except for you.
Prof NC17: What?
++TESTOSTERINE++
Harry: Where am I?
*Cut to Harry running through the Institute with his chainsaws out, decapitating some soldiers*
++EVE WHITE++
Eve: Why do I have the feeling everybody wants to have sex with me?
*Cut to Eve putting her hands on a rat-like mutant’s head. He smiles and she sees herself in her underwear in his imagination*
++SpICE-OPS++
Ariel: *hugging Eve* I would never let anything happen to boobs…I mean, you.
*Cut to Ariel wearing a TV on his head and blasting Eve with his porno-beam*
++STORMAN++
Chiwueze: It’s gettin’ hot in herre!
*Cut to him causing sunbeams to intensify in a Polish restaurant and pissing off all the customers*
++PROFESSOR NC-17++
Harry: I need you to hear if there’s a crayon in my brain.
Prof NC17: Gladly. Or my name isn’t Professor Rafael Nunez Chavez Diecisiete the third!
++FAGNETO++
*Omar, a man in white corn rolls, telekinetically lifts a prison guard off the ground with a piece of aluminum foil he’s manipulating to look like his hand*
Pedro: They say you’re a douche bag.
*Omar fondles the guard’s crotch with the foil hand and then crushes it*
Omar: *raises hand* Hmm Hmm. Guilty!
++HO++
*Ho makes love to Snowman under his blanket. She stops for a moment to burp a chilly cloud of vapor*
Ho: Whoa. Maybe I should stop swallowing!
++PHYSIQUE++
*A naked blue woman with red Dreadlocks transforms into various other naked blue people in dreadlocks*
++SNOWMAN++
*Francois craps ice cubes and throws them at some kid in the museum*
Omar: Well isn’t that just sPecial?
++RATCRAWLER++
Conrad: Yeah, buddy! I may be Polish, but I’m not dumb!
*The rat-like mutant appears in a puff of brown gas, runs on all fours, kicks a guy in the nuts, farts and disappears*
Chiwueze: I thought you was Russian?
++PYDRO++
Prof NC17: The next time you feel like lighting one of your farts on fire…
*Pedro runs around on the front porch of Francois’ house, screaming in pain and waving his arms around while he’s engulfed in fire. He tosses the flames in random directions, causing cop cars to explode*
Prof: Don’t eat so much Broccoli.
++PEDICURESTRIKE++
*Velektra walks up to Harry who looks confused*
Sanders: I used to think you were one of a kind, Testosterine…
*Velektra sProuts lightsabres from her toes. She jump in the air, sPins around and kicks Harry in the chest*
Sanders: Then I discovered girl power.
++NOW IS THE TIME++
*Storman pilots the CX3 jet while it’s being pursued by F-18s. Thousands of people begin to fall from the clouds*
++FOR PEOPLE WITH SUPERPOWERS++
*Pedicurestrike throws Testosterine off a flight of stairs*
++TO STOP TAKING EVERYONE ELSE’S CRAP++
*Physique turns into Testosterine and kicks a bunch of soldier’s asses. The other naked girl runs through a soldier. An avalanche of snow hurdles down a slope. Testosterine kisses Eve. Eve and sPice-Ops blast each other away. Ratcrawler farts and disappears. Everyone looks out of the CX3 jet to see Eve part the avalanche which is about to crash into them*
++CX3-MEN UNITED++
*Harry hears something sneak up behind him. He sPins around, turns on his chainsaws and is sPrayed with blood as an elf gasPs in pain*
Dobby: Dobby as come to warn you, Mr. Potter…
Harry: Oops. Wrong Harry, bub.
4/18/2003 11:34:03 AM
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