|
Pokemon vs. Alien. vs. Predator part 5
By CeratosPit
Previously on PVAVP...
Jesse and James died, unable to reach their balls in time. Max died while getting a wicked new piercing. Somewhere, somebody's walking around with a Tracey skin coat. Some Pokemon became worm food and the Elder Predator go stabbed in the back!
"Et tu, Seviper?"
Now, back to the fun!
----------------------------------------
*As the three remaining children run off, the larger of the Predators looks to the younger and motions him to follow them. The youngster obliges and leaves his larger comrade to vanquish their leader’s slayer. But as he makes his way to the plump and happy Seviper, he takes notice of some gooey substance dripping on his shoulder. He pauses and looks up to see the grid scarred face of the Togetic/Alien hybrid drooling down upon him. As if there could be no other outcome to this encounter, the two sPace monsters engage in a primordial fight to the death while Seviper and Team Rocket’s other Pokemon look on*
Cacnea: Cac Cacnea! (I hope the winner doesn’t eat the loser.)
Wobbuffet: Wobba Wobbuffet! (Brush your crayons thrice a day.)
Seviper: Sevvv. Viper? (Hey guys look, it’s Meowth. Dude, where did your fingers go?)
Meowth: Dat ting bleeds acid! But man, oh man, am I glad to see yous guys. Come on, we gotta find a way outta dis here pyramid!
*The four Pokemon leave the two warriors fighting to the death without showing a hint of interest. The Predator and the Alien roll about the ancient floor in a struggle of fang and claw. The hybrid momentarily finds himself in a fortunate position behind his antagonist. With a quick jerk, he pulls up the Predator’s metallic loincloth and pulls it over his helmet, resulting in the granddaddy of all atomic wedgies. As the blinded trophy hunter ambles about in blindness, the Alien delivers a knee to the groin and finally rips off his chest plate and gives him a couple of tittie twisters. The anguished and disoriented Predator goes berserk with his blades and fists swinging hoping to land a hit or two on his cheap shot-using foe. The Alien, however, uses his Togetic wings to hover over his blinded enemy, laughing an alien laugh. Now this fight could not go on forever, and so the xenomorphic Pokemon decides to finish it. He waves his pointer fingers left and right, channeling any and all sorts of Pokemon attacks to choose one at random; the chaotic Metronome. When the moment of truth comes, the Alien sPlits the ground open, creating a vacuum which sucks the Predator inside and closes itself back up. The Fissure attack is one of the most devastating moves a Pokemon may learn and the Predator learns that the hard way. He screams in agony as the Earth swallows him up*
Alien: Krrrkt. (You suckas got served. Now then, one more to go.)
*Ash, May, Misty and their five surviving Pokemon finally take a moment to rest from their frantic running on a large staircase leading up to a higher level in the pyramid. They hear the dying Predator’s scream*
May: I guess that leaves just one. Let’s recap on all we’ve learned, shall we?
Ash: The first home microwaves were introduced in 1952 and cost $1300. The line “Play it again, Sam.” was never actually said in Casablanca. Jumpluff testicles contain--
Misty: Ash! I think she meant recap on everything that relevant right now.
Ash: Oh, alright.
Misty: Let’s see. None of those things are from Earth. The armored Predators must apparently breed those mutant Aliens and use people and Pokemon to incubate them. When they hatch, they grow up within minutes and possess features of their hosts.
Ash: And the Predators hunt them.
May: So why did they kill Tracey and Max?
Ash: Hey. They were both holding this when they got skinned and impaled. *holds up the plasma cannon*
Misty: Ash! That’s it! They must only kill things that are armed!
May: Oh I see what you’re getting at! So if we give the plasma cannon back to the Predators, they’ll leave us be, eradicate the Aliens and not return for another hundred years!
Misty: What the hell are you smoking? That’s not what I had in mind at all! I say we blow those Predators to Hell the first chance we get! Just like Max tried, only we’ll do it right!
May: Hey show some resPect, bitch! That’s my dead brother you’re talking about!
Misty: You got a problem with me, skank?
Ash: Knock it off, you two! We can settle with a mud wresting match later.
Treecko: Treecko Treecko? (Can I get a ‘Amen’?)
Mudkip: Muuuud kip kip! (Not now, dude! That dread-head is coming back!)
*Everybody looks down the stairs to see the young, surviving Predator making his way up the stairs for them. Misty grabs the little cannon from Ash and fires five shots at their pursuer. Each one dodged or deflected by the Predator’s resilient metal blades. Misty pauses for a moment, worried and finds the Predator accelerating up the stairs about to rush her when, thankfully, a large wall pops out from the right and closes the gap between her and her attacker. The Pyramid begins to shift again and the ceiling lowers down to the stairs*
Ash: Misty! Let’s go before we end up ceiling ornaments!
Pikachu: Pik? (Ceiling ornaments?)
*The gang makes it to the top of the stairs but finds their situation no less hopeless. Floors open, ceilings descend and walls replace either. Pikachu leads the crew through the chaos until they finally see what appears to be an unchanging room at the other end of a tunnel where the floor is rising to meet the ceiling. Being the fastest one there, the rodent made across the hall in seconds*
Ash: Come on guys! If we hurry up and follow Pikachu, we can make it to the other side!
May: Ladies first!
*May hops up onto the rising floor which was at her knee level and runs over, hunching. Following her is the rapidly sPinning Forretress, then Torchic, Treecko and Mudkip. Ash reaches the floor while it’s at his stomach level and almost has to run on all fours to make it to the other side. Finally, Misty climbs aboard the escalating floor and crawls faster then she ever had before to make the other side!*
Ash: Come on, Misty! You can do it! *thinking* (She’s not gonna make it.)
May: Hurry! You’re almost here! *thinking* (Die, bitch, die!)
Misty: I’m gonna make it! I’m gonna--AGH! *sPlat*
*Misty is crushed to death by the ceiling only a few feet away from her friends*
Ash: Ooh. Not a funny way to die.
May: On the contrary. I thought it was ‘smashing’!
Ash: Ah ha ha ha. You know, I always had a ‘crush’ on her!
May: Yeah, she was your main ‘squeeze’!
Pikachu: Pikachu Pi Pika! (And I thought she was flat-chested before!)
Ash: BURN!!!
May: Maybe we can roll her up and take her with us when it reopens. She’d make a very handsome throw rug.
Ash: Ok, that’ll do. Hey, look!
*Ash, May and Pikachu peek through a small opening through the thick wall showing them the Predator on the other side. He tries to set up his invisibility cloak, but it is on the fritz. Pikachu’s continued electrical assault from earlier must have short circuited it. He will now have to continue his hunt visible and relying on hiding tactics. And hidden from him, is one of the mutant Aliens silently crawling down the wall behind*
Ash: *whisPering* That must be the one that hatched from Brock.
May: *whisPering* How can you tell?
Ash: *swhisPering* Because it’s black.
May: Oh for the love of--
*The Alien, currently right behind the Predator readies it’s self to attack with the silence of a tomb, but in truth it never had a chance. In the blink of an eye, the Predator sPins around, unsheathes one his massive wrist blades and shears off the Alien’s face*
Ash: *winks* That was a close shave.
*The Predator cuts off one of the Alien’s fingers and squeezes the acid out of it. Most of the acid, at least. He removes his helmet and reveals his horrible face to the onlookers. Then the Predator uses the acidic end of the finger as a pen and scars what looks like a lowercase ‘t’ on his forehead. Ash and May continued to whisPer amongst themselves*
Ash: Whoa, dude. You are one ugly motherf--
May: Shut your mouth.
Ash: I was talking about the Predator.
May: I can dig it. Say, what do you suppose that lowercase ‘t’ on his forehead stands for?
Ash: T...t…too bad both my friends are dead and now I’m left to finish off these Alien jerks all by myself without a plasma cannon!
May: So maybe I was right. If we give the Predator it’s weapon back, it’ll sPare us and--oh wait. Misty had the plasma cannon when she got squished.
Ash: Not quite. *Pulls out the plasma cannon from his pocket* I thought I’d make some coin off of this on E-Bay. I also stole Tracey’s mini-umbrella. They don’t call me Ash “Sticky Fingers” Ketchum for nothing, you know.
Treecko: Treecko Tree? (Who calls him sticky fingers?)
Pikachu: Pik Pik. (People who shake his hand in the morning.)
Treecko: Treecko! (Sorry I asked!)
May: Wonderful! So, we’ll give him his gun back and maybe he’ll help us find a way of getting out of here alive. All we’ve got to do is wait for these walls to open again. And since they seem to take ten minutes, we’ve got about seven left to kill.
*awkward silence*
Ash: Huh. What the heck can a boy and girl do in a dark room for seven minutes?
9/5/2004 10:04:54 PM
Comment on this fan fiction!
|
|
|
