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Jurassic Park: The Musical! p2
By CeratosPit
*It’s noon at Hell’s Creek, Montana. No animals are out in this, the hottest time of day. And yet a band of about thirty paleontologists toil away in the sun as they scratch the ground with toothbrushes, drills and various dental tools. The lead researcher keeps his distance from the rest of his diggers. He wears a blue shirt, a red scarf and a fedora hat to keep out the sun. Finding something interesting, he becomes disturbed when a high school intern calls his name and runs over to him*
Billy Brennan: Dr. Grant! *catches breath* Hey, Doc…
Dr. Alan Grant: *sigh* What is it now, Billy?
Billy: Listen, um, I was thinking…I’m honored and everything to be working with you and all, the most resPected dinosaur researcher today, but…
Alan: But you were wondering if we could take a break, right?
Billy: Well, it is 85 degrees out here. Can’t we take a half hour off or something?
Alan: Lunch isn’t for another two hours. You can have your thirty minutes off while we eat. I’m not paying you to rest in the shade when it gets a little hot, Billy.
Billy: Dr. Grant, you’re not paying me at all. I’m a high school intern.
Alan: Then you could just go home. Go back to your guidance counselor and ask for a lab internship if you can’t handle field work. Or, you could put on some sunglasses, work in the heat and be a man about it. This expedition is over in two days, and if we don’t find anything major by then, they’ll cut off my funding and it could be months before I get another job.
Billy: And I’m aware of that, sir, but is it really necessary to work in the hottest time of the day?
Alan: *takes a good look at Billy* That’s what this job is all about.
*Suddenly, an upbeat rock melody sweeps over the camp. Pickaxe and shovel wielding paleontologist girls in tank tops and short shorts dance around them, sPinning their tools. Dr. Grant stands up on a large rock*
(((Digging In The Sun)))
Alan: When the sun is at it’s zenith, it
Beats down upon us working beneath it!
And while anyone lesser may pass out,
Digging in the sun is what we’re all about!
You’re new here and you probably haven’t anticipated…
The importance of staying cool, focused and hydrated!
But if you don’t realize that that’s the gist,
Then you’ll never be a great Paleontologist!
Like Me! Like Me! Like Meeeeee!!!
*All the other paleontologists join in the singing and dancing*
Paleontologists:
Because we’re digging in the sun!
We’re digging in the heat!
It may not be that fun
But it keeps us off the streets!
You’d think that we’d go mad!
You’d think that we would hate it!
But it’s the job of our dreams
And we wouldn’t trade it!
*Ellie Sattler runs up to Alan holding a photograph*
Ellie: Alan, look at this skeleton we found!
When we put an X-ray to the ground!
Alan: Why this looks to be a velociraptor.
Good job, Ellie. Give me some pound!
*They pound fists and head over to a tent where a guy is on the computer*
You know I really don’t like computers,
Anymore than I like kids on scooters!
Out here I can’t see what good they’re for!
Tech: Once we send down these ultrasonic waves
They bounce back images of dinosaur graves!
In a couple of years we won’t even have to dig ‘em up anymore!
Alan: BlasPhemy!
*Alan punches the tech in the face, and he falls off his chair. Then, the dancing paleo-girls come back*
Paleontologists:
We love it digging in the sun!
We love digging in the dirt!
We love never knowing
What’s next to be unearthed!
Digging stuff up is our job!
Digging is our profession!
We love it so much
That it falls under obsession!
*Alan takes another look at the photo*
Alan: Now, I’ve often heard the statement that a picture’s worth a thousand words.
But if this photo makes one thing clear it’s that raptors turned into birds.
The neck structure indicates it bobbed it’s head and it walked jerky…
Bratty kid: That doesn’t sound very scary! That sounds like a six-foot turkey!
*Grant eyes the kid who seems to have come out of nowhere. The music slows down and stops*
Alan: Heh heh. Is that what you think?
Well imagine you’re a time traveler.
You’ve gone back to the cretaceous.
And a nearby “turkey” raptor
Is good enough and gracious
Enough to let you see it watch you.
You feel your boxers dampen.
You consider taking flight.
That’s when the attack happens.
From your left and from your right.
You were totally unprepared
To defend against the raptors
That you didn’t know were there
And whatever happens after…
Well let’s just say your screwed.
The point is you’re still alive when they start eating you.
So try and show a little resPect?
Bratty kid: *runs off crying* MOMMY!!!
Billy: Wow, Dr. Grant, That was amazing.
Alan: Nah, scaring kids is easy if you know how…
Billy: No, I mean how did you figure out that raptors hunted like that?
*The music starts up again*
Alan: From digging in the sun!
From digging in the rocks!
Hard work teaches you
to think outside the box!
Ellie: From studying the fossils!
Identifying sPecies!
Identifying what they ate
From their fossilized feces!
Paleontologists:
Uncover terra firma!
Wear away the cliffs!
Don’t be a pencil pushing
Office jockey stiff!
Everyone: Digging in the sun!
Is where you wanna be!
Even if it reaches
Ninety six degrees!
Billy: I’ll be a great paleontologist!
One day when all is said and done!
Alan: I’m sure you’ll be one of the very best…
Everyone: As Long As You Keep Digging In The Sun!
In The Sun!
*music stops, and everybody but Alan, Ellie and Billy pass out*
Alan: That’s what you all get for singing and dancing in 80 degree weather! Now get back to work!
Billy: Wow! I’m totally insPired! But man, could I use a cool breeze!
*Just then, a mighty wind accompanied by the whirring of helicopter blades blows through the camp*
Ellie: What the hell is going on!?
Billy: Ah, now that’s more like it!
*Alan runs over to the trailer and is surprised to find an old man popping open his bottle of Champaign. A light, upbeat melody plays*
Alan: What the hell do you think your doing? And who the hell are you?
We were saving that Champaign, I’m gonna kick your ass!
Hammond: Saving it for today and I am the man who’s paying you!
I see my money‘s being well sPent--
Alan: *laughs sheepishly* Can I offer you a glass?
Sorry about the mess.
We meant to hire a decorator.
Ellie: *storms in* Who’s the jerk that parked his whirlybird outside our trailer?
Alan: Ellie, this is--
Hammond: John Hammond, my dear, I’m sorry about the imposition.
I know it’s short notice but I’ve come with a proposition!
Ellie: Did I say jerk? I meant beloved man who keeps us paid!
You kinda startled us, I thought this was some kind of raid!
Hammond: *laughs & pours Champaign* Don’t worry, it’s nothing like that.
You’re good people I can tell.
Now, straight to the point, I’ve leased a
Island off Costa Rica.
A biological preserve of sorts,
It was all going so well!
It was Really sPectacular! I sPared no expense!
Made the one I’ve got in Kenya look a hundredth as intense!
The attractions would excite every child with a pulse!
Alan: What the Hell are those?
Ellie: Smaller versions of adults.
*music saddens*
Hammond: It’d open up next year, if the lawyers don’t kill me first.
The one representing my investors has to be the worst!
He says they rely on outside opinion.
Your kind would be the perfect enforcement.
You’re the best at what you do, you‘re two in a million!
That’s why I need you to give my park your endorsement!
Alan: Is this like that park in southern Cali?
Hammond: Believe me Dr. Grant, it’s right up your alley!
*music livens up*
So why don’t the two of you come on down for a sPell?
I would love a Paleobotanist’s opinion as well!
Alan: We’d love to but we’ve got a lot of work around here!
Ellie: I don’t see us having an excursion anytime near!
Hammond: Have no fear! I’ll make all of your problems disappear!
Come with me, and I’ll fund your dig for a further three yeeeeeeeears!
*5 seconds of silence*
Alan & Ellie: Cheers!
*Fade to black*
2 B Continued...
6/25/2003 11:17:52 PM
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