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Jurassic Krap 3: part 7
By CeratosPit
Alan Grant and Billy Brennan were at the pool bar collecting liquor. As Grant stuffed the vodka into his hat he noticed how carefully Billy was placing the Bacardi into his bag. What did Billy have in that bag anyway?
Grant: Say Billy, what do you have in that bag anyway?
Billy: Just a couple of magazines and this. *pulls something out* My lucky bagpipe. *hands it to Alan*
Grant: Wow. Why is it lucky?
Billy: Cuz I never got a girl pregnant with it on.*Grant shudders and almost drops it, but Billy catches it.* Careful, man. This bagpipe means alot to me. I dunno what I'd do without it.
Grant: Well Billy, I dunno what I'd do without you. If you were gone it'd just be me and the damn tourists.
Billy: The Kirbys?
Grant: No. Them. *points to the British yacht family from TLW. The little girl is entertaining a Ceratosaurus*
Kathy: Mommy! Daddy! You've got to see this! *chomp* AAAAAGGGHHH!!!
Father: *reading a newspaper* That's nice, Kathy.
Mother: Don't wander off, now.
*Meanwhile, the Kirbys were getting changed in one of the guest rooms*
Amanda: *while flipping channels on the TV* So, how much did you say your boob job cost Paul?
Paul: *Taking off shirt to reveal breasts in B-Cup* About $30 dollars each.
Amanda: Oh. You look good.
Paul: Thanks. Although the guys at work have been slapping my ass alot lately.
Amanda: Comes with the territory. *stops channel surfing* Hey, it's one of those CGI nature documentaries about dinosaurs the Discovery channel always comes out with. We could use this.
*Amanda gets up and looks in the mirror. On TV, a raptor is staring at Paul*
Narrator: After the clever velocirapper has snuck into the hotel, he climbs into the dresser while the two stupid humans he's stalking aren't paying attention. *Paul watches, indifferently* He sticks his head into the TV and watches the dumb bastard, Paul Kirby look stupidly right back at him. *He continues watching, oblivious* Most humans with more intelligence than an almond would get the message by now. That I'm trying to warn him that he's not watching a TV show but that there is an actual velocirapper in his Television set. *Paul continues* What a bloody moron! Paul Kirby, are you high right now? Are you high Paul Kirby? *Paul doesn't notice a darn thing* That's it anybody this stupid deserves to be eaten! RAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!
*Velocirapper's head breaks through the TV screen and snarls at Paul, while he just looks on*
Paul: Theses sPecial effects are so fake! Let me see what else is on.
*SNAP! Rapper bites the remote out of Paul's hand. Amanda pulls him away as the dinosaur cimbs out of the TV*
Amanda: Honey? I think we better check out now!
*The couple heads for the door, but the sPeedy rapper cuts them off and corners them by the wall*
Rapper: You ain't...go-ing no-where. You-ain't... going nowhere.
*Amanda and Paul hold onto each other as the rapper approaches them. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door*
Rapper: 'Ey, yo who dat?
Voice: Domino's pizza.
Rapper: I din't orda no pizza, dog!
Voice: I mean, um, room service.
Rapper: I din't call you, foo! I got eats right hea!
Voice: Um, housekeeping?
Rapper: Well, it is gonna git kinda messy hea in a li'l bit. Ite, I'll let you in. *goes to open door* Hold on. You ain't dat Candygram shark dat's been goin' 'round, is you?
Voice: Um, no. No I'm not.
Rapper: Ite den. *Opens door and CHOMP! It was the Candygram shark! Meanwhile, Paul and Amanda climb out the balcony... towards DOOM!*
1/27/02 11:29:33 PM
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