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InGen high p3
By CeratosPit
Hammond sat alone in his office performing a puppet show with a pair colorful socks.
“I love you, Floofypoo.” said one of the socks in a sweet voice. To which his comrade replied, “Let’s see how much you love when I set you ablaze!”
And the former sock burst into flames as the second laughed evilly. But Hammond’s fun came to an end as a knock on the door interrupted him. The principal placed the socks, still burning, into his drawer, folded his hands and cheerfully told whoever was outside to “Come in.”
Al stepped into the room and saw his seemingly friendly and sane principal smiling at his desk. “Hello, sir.” he greeted. “My name is Al Grant, I’m a new student here. I was wondering if I could get a--”
“Vasectomy?” Hammond guessed.
“Schedule.” Al finished.
“Ah, yes of course.” Hammond answered. “A young man must know where his classes are. He can’t just wander the hallways and be a nuisance.” He got up and walked over to a file cabinet. “Your last name, that begins with a ‘V‘?”
“G-r-a-n-t.” Al looked around the rather large office. It looked like any other office he had been in, but for a scale model of the building in the corner of the room. As he got closer he was astonished by the detail. “This certainly is a nice model.”
Hammond, having retrieved his schedule, looked back. “Ah, thank you lad, but that is no model. You see, the first high school I ever ran, when I came down from Scotland was a flea high school, Petticoat Lane. It had flea jocks, flea cheerleaders, flea geeks, flea party animals, flea outcasts, popular fleas, faculty fleas and clown fleas. It was all motorized, of course, but when I showed it to the chancellors, they would say, ‘Oh, I can see the fleas, mommy, can’t you see the fleas?’ Eventually, I abandoned it for something grander. Something that was not an illusion.”
“This school.” Al assumed.
“No, an actual high school for real fleas. But they didn’t go off and create sPecific cliques for themselves and they didn’t have much of a knack for learning, so then I build an all girl school.”
“Why an all girl school?”
“So that none of the students could breed. At least that’s what I told the board. They didn’t buy it, and that’s how the school came to be InGen High that you know today. Here is your schedule, now go off and become a genetic engineer.” Hammond prompted Al to leave.
“But I want to be a paleontologist.” Grant said as he was pushed through the door.
“Become a genetic engineer, or you’re expelled!” Hammond yelled just before he slammed the door in Al’s face. A moment later, he opened it up again, all smiles, and asked, “By the by, can I get a blood sample?” Hearing this, Al ran down the hall, as far from the office as he could get. Turning at a corner with great sPeed, he crashed into a girl carrying several books and folders. They both fell back on their asses while the books and papers rained about them.
“Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry!” apologized Al. He helped the girl pick her papers back up and then looked at her. Shed was an attractive blond in a blue top and tight little shorts. Al scarcely noticed the drool collecting in his mouth.
“Well, just help me get my things back together, and we’ll forget about it.” she said.
Al was gaping. He then regained his senses and continued to gather the girl’s books and papers. He picked up a hardcover text entitled… “Botany. Now there‘s a subject they don‘t teach enough of!” he said half jokingly.
“Tell me about it. What I’m REALLY interested in is Paleobotany.”
“The study of ancient plant life?”
“Yes.” she said a tad surprised. “How did you--?”
“Oh, I’m an amateur paleontologist, so I just kinda know these things.” Al replied, somewhat boastfully. “Hey, I’m Al, by the way.”
“El. El Sattler.” They shook hands and smiled. By now, El had gotten her items together. “I, um, I better get to class.”
“I’ll see you around some time.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you will.”
Al smiled as the girl disappeared behind another corner in the hallway. ‘Man, this girl was too fine.’ he thought to himself as he continued standing. Lord knows how much longer he would have remained motionless had the principal not come up behind him.
“Ooooh!” Hammond squealed. “Alan’s got a girlfriend! Alan’s got a girlfriend!” He continued to taunt Al like a child until he abruptly stopped and whipped out a needle. “How about that blood sample, now?”
A minute later, Al finally arrived at his first period class on the fourth floor. Principal Hammond could be downright creepy at times, so running up four flights of stairs to the top floor wasn’t much of a challenge for Al, who was pretty freaked out. Al realized he was 15 minutes late, but surely the teacher would understand under the circumstances. He opened the door and interrupted the class in progress.
“Uh, hi. Is this sPanish?”
“Si.” answered the hisPanic teacher. “I am Senor Guitierrez. And you are?”
“Al Grant. I‘m new here.” he introduced himself for what felt like the hundredth time.
“Hola, Senor Grant. Take a seat.”
Al noticed a couple of hands in the air trying to get his attention. What luck! There were two empty seats beside Ian, and one of them behind Billy! How fortunate that he start off the day in the same class as the first two friends he had made in this school. He sat down and high 5’d them both. Mr. Guitierrez just continued the lesson of the morning.
“Okay, kids. Donde esta mi cabeza? Amanda?
The fishnet clad Mandy sat back with her legs crossed on her desk. She was painting her nails black and chewing gum when the teacher had asked her. “Suck my ass, Guitierrez.” she answered, sullenly.
“Heh heh heh. Not now, Mandy, I’m working.“ Mr. Guitierrez pulled back his collar. He asked somebody else. That’s when Al noticed some of the other familiar looking faces in this class. That dumb kid Paul was there, and so was Ray Arnold. But all Al could think about was the girl he had met minutes earlier. He rested his head in his hands and sighed with a goof expression on his face.
“Yo, Al.” Ian tapped his arm. “Don’t, ah, tell me you have a crush on the teacher.”
“Hmm?” Al snapped out of his trance. “Oh, no. I just met the most wonderful girl in the hallway. She’s interested in prehistoric ecosystems as well.”
“Uh…Huh. Wow. Ah, sounds like you were meant for each other.”
“That’s just what I was thinking. Man, Ian, have you ever felt like you were totally into someone and just wanted to go up to them and tell them how you feel?”
It was at this moment that the pretty red-haired girl in a pink shirt sitting behind Ian grabbed him by the shoulders, turned him around to face her and confessed, “Ian, I want you!”
“Aww, I know you do, Sarah.” he explained, patting her left hand. “And you know that we’re buds and everything, but I’m full on into black chicks.”
Suddenly, the door swung open, and Ian’s afro-American girlfriend walked in with a tight skirt full of booty and a Baby Phat halter top. “Hiiiii, Mr. Guitierrez!” She said sweetly. “Sorry, I’m late, but my cousin Brianna was painting my toenails this morning, but she painted them the wrong shade of red, so I had to scream at her for 13 minutes, alright? And then I went to Starbucks to get a double Mocha Frappe, but the stupid kid gave me a double Frappe Mocha, so I threw it in his face, and they had to call a doctor while I was screaming at him and then they had the nerve to throw me out of the shop, can you believe that? I dunno why they so pissed, I probably cured that boy’s acne. So then I was coming to school when I ran into Jennifer who told me that Wanda’s man was cheatin’ on her, so we had to find his car and pop his tires, that cold, dirty bastard! So then I got to school as fast as I could, so you could see it ain’t my fault that I’m late.”
“Ay, dios mio.” muttered Mr. Guitierrez. “What is this, ‘Come to class late’ day? Just take your seat, Kellita.”
Kellita went over to the other empty seat next to Ian, and the interracial couple started making out as the saddened Sarah looked on. “How’s my, ah, baby mama?” asked Ian.
“Just keepin’ it reals, sugar daddy.” she answered. “Yo, who this?”
“Oh, this is my friend Al.” Ian replied. “He’s, ah, new.”
“Hiiiiiiii, Al!”
Al just waved and got back to daydreaming.
“I Said, ’HI, AL!” Kellita angrily repeated.
“Hello!” Al answered somewhat alarmed. Ian just laughed.
“Ha ha. Isn’t she great?” he asked without expecting a reply. The open mouthed kissing continued.
“Yo, Mandy.” Ray asked the punk girl. “This giving you any ideas?”
“Suck my ass, Arnold.” she told him.
“Mmm! It’s my duty to please that booty!”
Later, when class ended, Al and Billy stepped outside waiting for Ian to come out. Sarah walked out next, crying with her face in her hands. Then a bunch of nondescript students and Ian and Kellita.
“Listen baby, I got to get to class. I’ll se you later, a’ight?” Kellita said to Ian.
“Ok, ah, you coming to tonight’s football game?”
“No, baby, my daddy’s taking me to Paris tonight. I gotta Jet. Peace out.”
“Paris!? Whaddya mean, Paris?” Ian called out. But she was already gone. By now, Ian noticed Al pulling his sleeve. The former looked to the latter and saw him drooling and pointing to something.
“Ian.” Billy said. “I think he’s trying to tell us something!”
“What is it Al?” Ian asked. “What is it boy?”
“It’s…” Al paused. “…her!” Al pointed to the blond he had met earlier, standing around a group 10-15 girls.
“El Sattler?” Ian determined.
“Yeah. El Sat…” The expression on Al’s face went from smitten to confused and somewhat betrayed. He saw before him, the girl of his dreams embraced in the arms of another man. He was about Ian’s height, devilishly handsome and wore a vest jacket. As he kissed her, Al’s heart just about broke. Ian patted the poor guy on his back.
“Yyyyyeah.” said Ian. “That’s Nick Van Owen. El’s dating him now.”
“Huh.” said Al, sounding interested. “I don’t know what she sees in him.”
“Well,” Billy started, “he’s president of the feminist club, founder of the student crisis hotline, organizer of the ’find homes for pets with breast cancer in the rainforest’ fundraiser and the most dedicated volunteer in the big brother program. What can I say, chicks dig him. The dude’s a player. He gets more ass then every other guy in this school combined.”
“Got-dang!” Alan exclaimed.
“Yeah, ah, at first, I thought El was just his flavor of the week. But things are pretty serious between them. They’ve been going out for, ah, TWO weeks!”
“Oh, come on.” complained Al. “Can’t she see behind that façade? He’s obviously all wrong for her.”
Meanwhile, El and Nick were having a sPirited talk. “Wow.” he said. “So you’re telling me that the photosynthetic rate of the Niocenic Cycad produced only half as much glucose it’s modern descendant? That’s mind blowing! Hey, I’ve got some theories regarding saprophytes of the late Cretaceous period if you wanna hear them sometime.”
“You’re like a wonderful dream, Nick.” She answered before pecking him on the cheek and walking away.
“Bah.” Alan growled. “The guy is obviously a cad.”
“Hey, ah, be cool, Al.” Ian protested. “Nick’s my boy. He’s the one who hooked me up with Kellita.”
“Yeah, that seems to be turning out great.” Billy said in a half sarcastic tone.
“Okay, you…” Ian directed towards Billy. “You don’t even like girls yet. So shut up.”
“You’re right about that, man, I don’t like girls. I likes women! Experienced, curvaceous women that know how to treat a boy right, and don’t give a crap about statutory rape laws! That’s what I’m talkin‘ about! You know what I’m saying’ Al?” Billy tried to high five Al, but he and Ian just looked all disturbed at him. A second later, Nick Van Owen made his way over to the trio.
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s happening’ Malcolm?” Nick greeted.
Insert complex secret handshake here.
“Ha ha, whaddya know, N-V-O? Hey, you attending that science fair, later today.”
“Well I should! I organized the damn thing!”
Nick and Ian laughed like a couple of preppy white boys. Al had enough. “C’mon, Billy. Let’s get to class. Apparently Ian and his “friend” have some catching up to do.” And with that, the trio was down to two. Al and Billy walked off around a corner in the hallway. And as they did, Cooper, Udesky and Nash (well, his cleverly disguised clone) passed behind them without anybody noticing.
“I tell ya, Nashy boy,” Cooper said. “you’re lucky that Man Nurse of ours fixed up your broken hand.”
“I’ll say.” Udesky said. “But what’s that thing on your head?” Udesky was of course referring to what appeared to be a head-brace giving him retinal scans.
“It is to protect my face from any flying hats which might crash into it and obscure my vision again. Sucker.” Nash answered.
A scrawny, but well dressed white kid came running up to the trio of bullies and introduced himself. “Excuse me, fellows. My name is Donny Gennaro, I’m in the Legal club.”
“Kid,” started Udesky, “unless you want your underpants pulled over your head, lit on fire and then get stuffed into a locker, I suggest you scram.”
“Hold on, this’ll only take a second of your time.” Donny insisted. “I couldn’t help but overhear that your friend has injured himself on school property. You know, Hammond has deep pockets. You could be looking at a very generous settlement.”
The bullies stopped to consider the offer. “Hmm.” mused Udesky. “I’m intrigued. What do you think, Nash?”
“Please refrain from asking me anymore personal questions until I have finished uploading all of my memories. Sucker. Thank you. Sucker.” he answered.
Cooper decided to answer the question for him. “Well, Donny. The money sounds great and all. But frankly, I think it would be a lot more fun to do what Udesky said.” And with that, the atomic wedgie commenced.
2 B continued...
2/15/2003 7:30:59 PM
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