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InGen University p1
By CeratosPit
InGen University was the most recently built college in Shibbyville when it was built and remained that way until somebody built another college in Shibbyville more recently built than InGen University. Located conveniently next to the Museum of Big Dead Things where many of the students held part time jobs. The campus was big enough for the students to roam and graze and mate as they would in the wild and the dormitories were located close enough to the main building to ensure that tardiness would not be a major problem.
On this particular day before sPring Break, 19 year old Alan Grant was stepping out of his building, the Omegamma House, and heading off to class followed by his 11 year old roommate and good friend, Billy Brennan. “I tell you, Billy,” Alan told Billy, “this sure has been a crazy year so far. And even though I still can’t remember what happened the last couple of days before my memories vanished, I don’t think I even care anymore because of how great my life has been lately.”
“Dude, I totally know how you feel.” Billy empathized. “I mean, my parents told me that I had an accelerated learning process and that I’ve been skipping classes since Kindergarten, but the fact that I retained all my high school level intelligence even after a sudden, eerily similar mind wipe that happened around the same time as yours is nothing short of miraculous, man!”
“You ever suppose it was, I dunno, more than ‘coincidental’ and that we were both affected by the same thing?”
“Al, that’s crazy talk! Besides, even if it was true, it wouldn’t take away from the fact that our lives may have just peaked. See just last night, one of my nuts dropped and it won’t be long before it’s joined by the other one. Hell, I just might not come back from Nick Van Owen’s sPring Break Road Trip a virgin like those losers.” Billy said pointing to the wussiest looking frat boys ever trying to appear cool to the girls passing by their stoop.
“A pleasant day to you, Diedre.” said the wormy frat Peter Ludlow. “Have you per chance noticed my manly new whisker?”
“Is that what that thing is?” Diedre asked. “I thought you just glued a pubic hair to your chin. Good day.”
Alan and Billy laughed at the incident. “Ha ha! Oh man, Billy, you’re right. I mean, I finally got my dream job at the museum, I saved nearly enough money to by myself a new car and I’m dating the prettiest girl on campus!”
“That better be me you’re talking about!” the busty blond Elle Sattler said as she came up behind them and kissed Al on the cheek. “Hiya, sexy.”
“Tee hee hee.” Al giggled like a small girl. “Hi Elle. You psyched about the big Road Trip tomorrow?”
“I wouldn’t have bought a two piece that looks like it’s made out of dental floss if I wasn’t.” Elle answered.
Al didn’t resPond he just tripped over his feet. A second later they were joined by a hasty Ian Malcolm. The tall and lanky young man held a two year old black girl in his left arm and pulled a wagon holding around 12 other babies with the other. “He-hey, guys.” he greeted. “Sorry, I ah, took so long. Had to, ah, find little Dewey-Reese Malcolm before I, um, left.”
“Where was he?” Billy asked.
“Ah, bird feeder.” Ian answered.
“I hope you learned a lesson from all this, Ian.” Alan said as he often had before. “The next time you have a 15-way with a bunch of girls, wear a freakin’ condom.”
“Don’t listen to him Malcolm.” the studly Nick Van Owen said as he came up to the group. “Condoms are for pussies!”
“Tch. Dumbass.” Billy snapped. “Condoms are for penises. The ladies stick birth control pills up their… parts.”
Nick stepped in front of Billy. “Hey Brennan, do you know what the capital of France is?”
“Yeah. Paris.”
“No, it’s BANGKOK!” Nick answered back, fisting Billy in the family jewels as everybody laughed. “Yo, man, you walked right into that one!”
“You friggin’ idiot!” Billy said in a fetal position on the pavement. “Bangkok is the capital of Thailand!”
Ian looked to two of his babies. “Ah, Günter? Okonkwo? Would you, ah, babies be so kind as t-to help Billy?” And the two babies climbed out of the wagon to carry Billy back into it.
“Say, Ian?” Alan asked. “What do you plan to do with the kids while we’re off to Cancun?”
“I, uh, thought I’d leave them at the InGen University Daycare Center for Ill Prepared Parents. Kelly loves Dr. Harding.”
“I hope she feels the same about me.” commented Sarah Harding, daughter of said doctor, who walked over to the rest of the gang. And the fact that Kelly burst into tears at her arrival didn’t deter her much. “Guess not. Hey, Ian. I guess you’re going on Nick’s big sPring break road trip to Cancun too, huh? I wish I could tag along with you guys, but *sigh* It’s probably too late to ask…”
“Oh nonsense, Sarah.” Ian reassured her. “Why, I-I-I’m sure there’s room for one more in Nick’s big-ass van, right Nick.”
“Of course!” Nick gladly replied. “There’s always room for one more kinky broad in the Van Owen Van! EsPecially on my lap! Hey-O! *rimshot* High five, Sarah!” But the fiery red-head punched him in the face instead of returning the high five. Not that Nick seemed to mind, much. “Yeah, you could probably squeeze into the back.”
“It’s a bloody lucky thing your parent’s have a timeshare condo in Mexico.” said the bald Brit Roland Tembo who had walked into the group out of nowhere.”
“I’m just lucky that my dad owns Circuit Shack, the largest distributor of electronic appliances on the west coast.” Nick Van Owen explained. “sPringing for a beachfront property in Mexico is just the obvious thing for the guy to do.”
“I don’t even remember the last time I went to the beach.” Sarah said for all to hear, but mainly Ian. “I’m probably gonna work of my tan. Maybe even topless. What about you, Ian?”
“Me? Ah, no. I don’t tan, I, ah, fry in the sun. So I’ll probably just sleep in all day.”
“Yeah, me too.” Sarah agreed. “Tanning is overrated anyway. At least sleep is good for you! I sleep naked, you know.” Meanwhile, Elle was just rolling her eyes at her best friends attempt to get Malcolm’s attention.
“Hey guys?” asked a puzzled Alan. “Is it just me or have we been walking and talking for an awfully long time?” He was right. The group stopped to survey their surroundings and noticed that they were standing in a supermarket parking lot.
“F*ck this, man.” said the ‘Sam L. Jackson-esque’ Ray Arnold, who also came out of nowhere. “Let’s go the f*ck back.”
And now that the character reintroductions of most of the characters were out of the way, they all decided to walk back and return to the University. Back at the aforementioned University, John Hammond was having a heated exchange of words with Sarah’s father. The dean was facing his window as he addressed the daycare attendant/social worker/veterinarian.
“Listen Harding. I want you to know that I consider myself a tolerant and forgiving man. But what you did last night was absolutely unacceptable and it shames me to think that I ever trusted you with my students.”
“Oh, Come On, John!” Harding objected. “The only reason I didn’t record ‘BJ and the Bear’ last night was because I was performing a life saving kidney operation on a dog!”
“And you think this means anything to me?”
“It should! It was you’re damned dog!” Harding said, pointing to Hammond’s Basset hound lying in it’s bed with stitches on it’s stomach.
“Oh…yes…well that doesn’t excuse you from forgetting to set your VCR!”
“Why didn’t you just set your VCR!?”
“I told you why! I lend it to my neighbor, Jim!”
“That was four months ago!”
“You’re Fired!”
And then there was a moment of silence.
“I--excuse me?”
“You heard me, Gerry.” Hammond said as he sat back down. “Pack up you’re things. You’re through.”
“After I saved your dog, after I pulled you out of that cement truck, after I’ve babysat you’re grandchildren for two months because your daughter decided to take a prolonged honeymoon, along with the rest the children of our ill prepared students, you’re going to fire me? Over this of all things?”
“I’ll watch Tim and Lex and the rest of the children, Gerry. They don’t need you anymore.”
And so Dr. Harding decided to leave before he said something he might regret.
2 B Continued...
1/18/2004 8:58:33 PM
(Updated: 1/18/2004 10:58:05 PM)
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