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InGen High part 4
By CeratosPit
Meanwhile, in Nurse Harding’s office, young Sarah was still weeping. The man nurse handed her a tissue to blow her nose with. “It’s just that…” she stopped crying. “this boy likes me as a friend and everything, but he won’t look at me in any other way, because, well, I’m white.”
“And he’s got the jungle fever?” Nurse Harding caringly resPonded.
“I don’t think that that term is very politically correct, but that’s the long and short of it, yeah.”
“Well, Sarah, I don’t buy that. If you ask me, he’s not into you because your melons are too small.”
“Say what?”
“C’mon. I’ll enlarge ’em for you.” He picked up his ’Home Breast Implant Kit’. “I’m certified and everything. I’m a school nurse, after all!”
“Um, thanks. But I don’t want to do anything unnatural to my body.”
“Then take these growth hormones. They’re natural, I swear!”
“Okay, I know you’re trying to help and everything, but can we steer away from my breasts? Please?”
“Okay, Tiny-tits, you’re the boss. Say, maybe you should off a little more skin!”
“Skin?”
“Yes, of course! Look at you, you’re dressed like a total prude! Why, you’re skirt goes down to your ankles, for God’s sake! Don‘t you know why girl‘s like El Sattler and Mandy Huggankiss get so many guys drooling over them?”
“Because they put out?”
“Yes! That and because nothing they wear ever covers the bottom their asses. AND they wear thongs! THONGS!”
“I don’t think that’ll work with me. I’m not very comfortable in revealing clothes.”
“Perhaps you’re right. You have like, no butt. Say! Maybe that’s why Ian prefers Kellita over you! That girl has a Cherry BOMB ass on her!”
“That won’t help. Black girls have thick butts, they look sexy. White girls have thick butts, we look fat.”
“Ah, indeed.”
“Besides, I want Ian to like me for who I am. A sweet, down to Earth, natural girl who loves animals and fried chicken and riding around in SUVs.”
“Hmm. Maybe he would like you for who you are if you were more like the girl he already likes.”
Sarah thought for a second. Her eyes opened wide and glazed as her lips revealed a smile. “Oh my gosh! You’re absolutely right.” she yelled with joy and hugged nurse Harding. “Oh thank you so much, daddy! I am so lucky to have you working in this school!”
“I know, Sar-bear.” he gently stroked her head. “I know…”
Meanwhile, in shop class, Mr. Thorne was laying down the rules for Al, who had never worked with heavy machinery before. Thorne was a large, barrel chested man with a thick auburn beard who loved his flannel. Most of the students were working on birdhouses, shelves and wooden puppets. But Al needed his own project.
“Now the most important rule of shop class is safety first. I once got drunk and fell asleep on the cutting table while the saw was sPinning. Butchered my neck pretty bad, and I had to grow this thick, hideous beard to cover up the scars. I guess either way I guess my sex life is ruined. Anyway, Al, I’m gonna have to assign you a partner and a project to work on.”
Al thought for a second. Then, noting his fedora, a light bulb went off over his head. “How about a hat-light?” he asked.
“Nah, too simple. You’re going to need something that takes craftsmanship. A hat-rack maybe. That’ll work.” Thorne looked to see Al nod. “Great. Now all that remains is finding you a partner.”
Billy stepped up to the teacher. “Hey, Mr. Thorne? Can I be Al’s partner?”
“Wha-- Billy?” Thorne asked bewildered. “But wait a second, I thought I paired you up with Benny Hilderbrand.”
“Yeah, you did.” Billy said almost sheepishly. “But I feel really, REALLY uncomfortable working with him.”
Billy pointed to Benny, an older, dirty looking kid with a ‘NAMBLA’ t-shirt who was making some finishing touches on his puppet; a rather muscular wooden boy with a nose shaped like an erection. “Check it out.” Benny said. He flipped a switch on the back of the puppet’s head and the nose started vibrating. Benny chuckled a disturbing laugh. “Oh, how I wish you were a real little boy…”
Thorne could see why Billy wanted a different partner. “Yes, that’s quite… unpleasant.” he admitted. “The detail, however, is exquisite. Alright, you could work with Grant. Better get started, I want that hat rack done by…” Thorne stopped for a second and sniffed the air. “Well, hey. Do you boys smell marijuana?” Thorne looked all around, but he couldn’t find where the scent of chronic was coming from. “You boys get started on your project, I’m gonna go out and check the ventilation system.” Seconds after Thorne stepped out, one of the kids got his arm sawed off and screamed bloody murder. Moments later, another teen ran back and forth with a power drill stuck through his head. Al and Billy paid little attention to the commotion behind them.
“So, we’re making a hat rack?” Billy asked.
“Yup.” Al replied. “Say, what’s this I hear about a science fair today?”
“Oh, InGen High is having it’s annual Sci-Fare. It’s being held in the gym next period. This transfer kid, name Wu is expected to win. He’s like, a super genius or something. You going?”
“I don’t see why not.” Alan sniffed the air. “You know something Billy, I do smell weed.”
Billy took a deep breath. “Hey, you’re right. I wonder where that’s coming from?”
Above Al and Billy was a camouflaged cage attached to the roof. Inside were Paul Kirby and Eddie Carr, roasting some bones. Eddie was a husky kid who wore an outfit made out of hemp, rose colored shades and had his hair pulled tightly back in a ponytail. The two boys were laughing like morons with various cartoon characters sitting around them.
“Dude!” Paul exclaimed. “I totally get it now! It’s a High… Hide! We hide up here… wait I forgot what I was gonna say.”
“Rand Re get High.” a cartoonish Great Dane told him. They both chuckled.
“Eddie Carr, man, you totally rule, bro!” Paul finished.
“Buddy, I totally already know that.” Eddie answered. “Right, Kichapu?”
A colorful rodent-like creature sitting in Eddie’s lap replied, “Ki-CHA-Pu!”
Roughly twenty minutes later, the bell rang and the classes emptied out into the hallways. Among a crowd of wounded children, Al and Billy walked out of their shop class unscathed and still talking about the Sci-Fare.
“So what’s you’re favorite branch of science, Al?” Billy asked.
“Paleontology and prehistoric zoology among others. Yours?”
“Seriously? I’m into that same stuff! Hey, did you catch Bob Bakker’s Icthyosaur sPecial on the Dinosaur channel last week?”
“Hell yeah, I did! It was totally awesome! Remember when they carbon dated it’s tailbone?”
“I was on the edge of my seat, man! The freakin’ Edge!”
As Al and Billy walked down the hall, they failed to notice the smoking locker Donny Gennaro was stuffed into. As loud as he was banging on the metal door, nobody seemed to care. “Help!” he screamed. “They pulled my underpants over my head and set them on fire! I can’t breath!” he coughed. “Let me out!”
Over in the gymnasium, hundreds of kids gathered around the many booths and exhibitions. Some of the projects, such as Paulie Bowman’s inter-dimensional window into Bizarro-world drew interested sPectators. Others, such as Mark Degler’s stupid parrot tricks did not. John Hammond and his assistant nephew, Peter Ludlow were checking out Juanito Rostagno’s fossilized mosquito exhibit with waning interest.
“Okay, man,” Juanito explained, “and over here my fossilized mosquito cereal, eh, it ain’t that healthy and, like, it’s not too tasty either homes, but if you down fossilized mosquito tequila cocktail, it’s all good, ese.”
“Hmm.” Hammond thought. “I’ll tell you what, Juanito. Give me that fossilized mosquito in amber topped walking stick, and I’ll give you a C-.”
“You got it, jefe!” Juanito eagerly handed Hammond the cane, and the principal nodded to his assistant. However, instead of the C- Hammond had promised, Ludlow wrote down F-. This was their little system. Juanito just smiled, oblivious to it all. Principal Hammond just enjoyed his new cane.
Meanwhile, Al and Billy walked around a couple of exhibits. They passed by Nick Van Owen’s booth which contained two apples the size of pumpkins and a banner sPelling out ‘Super Fertilizer’
“Now, I know I don’t have to tell you all how dedicated I am to the environment.” Nick began. “So you can believe me when I say that my new super-fertilizer is an all natural way to end world hunger!”
“What a tool.” Al muttered to himself. He and Billy came across Ian’s booth, entitled ‘Electronic Ant Farm.’
“Hey, guys.” Ian greeted. “What, ah, what do ya think?”
“Electronic Ant Farm.” Billy mused. He looked at the ant farm with little elevators and treadmills and lighting systems for the ants to work on. “That’s pretty sweet Ian. But what point are you trying to get across?”
“Well, ah, for about a year now, these ants have worked with the technology I’ve given them. However, ah, if the machinery was shut off, it would throw their colony into turmoil. Therefore, ah, the point I’m trying to make here, is that any ecosystem reliant on technology is bound to fail.”
“Have you ever shut off power, Ian?” Al asked.
“No, not yet. I’m waiting for Principal Hammond to see for himself.”
Billy pondered what Malcolm had just said. “But, then how do you know chaos will prevail?”
“I don’t!” Ian answered. “Isn’t that exciting?”
“Isn’t what exciting?” Principal Hammond asked as he walked over with Ludlow in toe. “I hope it is your project, Mr. Malcolm, because if I fall asleep, it’s points off and-- ooooh! Is that an ant farm?” Hammond’s mood suddenly became a lot more enthused. Ian was inwardly relieved that the principal had shown interest in his project.
“Behold, Principal Hammond.” Ian drew attention. “Without their precious technology, the machinery dependant ants will die!” Ian flipped the power switch off and turned on his ‘Tr-ant-slator’. All the little lights went off and machines stopped in the Electronic Ant Farm. And so did the ants. One of the ants threw a little brick into a crowd of ants and they all began rioting.
The Tr-ant-slator picked up a few phrases crying, “Save the Queen! Save The Queen!” “Which one of us is the Queen?” “I am the Queen!” “No you are not!” among others. Within seconds, the ant crops were pillaged, the ant tractors were all knocked over and the ant barns were burned to the ground. Hammond was thrilled.
“Oh, Ian!” the principal exclaimed, “That was utterly, utterly delightful! It’s almost as if you seen the impending downfall of mankind and played it out with ants! Peter, give this boy an A+! And not as a bullshit grade like we’ve given all the other students either, I mean an actual A+!”
Juanito was standing right next to the principal. “Oh, that’s weak, homes. That’s weak.” He walked off. Hammond didn’t even seem to care though. Nothing seemed to sway the principal’s attention until a high voice on a microphone began it’s presentation a few booths away.
“Ladies and gentlemen!” announced the infamous Henry Wu. “Since it’s conception by Charles Darwin, the theory of evolution has been just that! A theory. One highly regarded in science, but never actually proven. Never, that is, until today!” Henry pulled a tarp off of his project, revealing ten bird cages. Each one bigger than the last. The one on the far left held a small family of parakeets. And the one on the far right, being the largest, housed a pair of strange, young looking birds that looked like the offsPring between an eagle and an ostrich. Flightless birds of prey with large legs.
Wu continued, “In an experiment never before performed by scientists, I have bred these parakeets via a process called “genetic backtracking” in which every new generation is a step down the evolutionary ladder.” He pointed out that every cage of birds coming after the last contained slightly larger, more aggressive looking birds ending in the two hatchlings. “These baby Diatryamas, are in the fossil record and lived during the early Tertiary period. Who knows what their children will look like.”
Grant decide to take an intelligent guess. “They’d probably look like Velociraptors.”
Upon hearing this, Henry chuckled a little. He was a rather cocky Asian boy, a few inches shorter than Al who seemed to have a preference for wearing white clothes, aside from his glasses. “That’s quite impossible kid. You see, dinosaurs were reptiles. Not birds.” The other kids laughed at Al too. You see, when this story took place, the theory of dinosaurs becoming birds wasn’t a very popular one.
Al cared little for their ridicule. He decided to prove his point. “No, I’m serious.” he said. “Their skeletons were hollow, their pubic bones were facing backwards and even the word raptor means “bird of prey.” The kids just stood around silent until Paul Kirby sPoke up.
“Hey, this kid sounds really smart. I don’t even know what he’s talking about!” he shouted.
“Yeah, he gotta be!” shouted Juanito. “He’s making that Japanese dude look like a gringo!”
“Hey!” Wu protested. “First of all, I’m Chinese! Second of all--”
Billy interrupted Wu’s complaints. “I say we vote Al as the winner of the Sci-Fare!”
The entire student body seemed to applaud in approval. Within seconds, they were all chanting, “AL! AL! AL! AL!…” Hammond turned to Ludlow. “Well,” he said, “this isn’t how it usually works, but what the hell?”
Al was dumbstruck. All he did was try to prove a point and he wound up being lifted onto the shoulders of a happy if not stupid crowd of teenaged students. Principal Hammond tossed him a trophy and yelled, “Congratulations!” And that’s how Al won a science fare he didn’t even enter. He looked to see Ian and Billy applaud their friend. Even Nick Van Owen clapped for him. Maybe he wasn’t so bad. Al turned his head to look at the rest of the students, and there he saw El Sattler cheering him on. His heart skipped a couple of beats. She did care! Al then caught the look on Wu’s face. You couldn’t read his dumbstruck expression more clearly if it was written in ink! But then Al caught something strange. He saw Dennis Nedry stealthily (well, as stealthily as a 300 lb boy could accomplish) pour something from a tube into the birds feeding dishes. Why would he be feeding them now? Al wondered this, but soon forgot all about it.
2 B continued...
2/16/2003 11:28:05 PM
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