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InGen High part 29
By CeratosPit
And so, when the rocket came back to terra firma, it crashed into the school, which blew up on impact. Luckily all the water filling the first floor put out any and all the flames, making it the whackest explosion ever. Everybody just stood up in the middle of scattered remnants of the rocket ship.
“Wow.” said Billy. “I can’t believe that worked!”
“Nor can anybody with a functioning brain!” Mandy added.
“Not necessarily.” Al said. “Why, ten million years ago, the dinosaurs were all taken out when a comet crashed into the Earth. And now the same thing has happened again.”
“There’s irony for you. Well, this has certainly been the most horrible, ah, night ever.” Ian said. “I, ah, I don’t know about you guys, but I vote we all go home.”
“But are we sure all the dinosaurs got killed off?” a worried El asked.
“El, at this point, I would welcome death with open arms.” Sarah told her.
“Then prepare for an eternity sPent in Hell!” Zim’s voice yelled out from behind them. He stood on a broken brick wall and was aiming some kind of laser rifle at them. “Infidels! It is I! Zim! And now you shall all pay dearly for abandoning me!” But when Zim pulled the trigger, it short circuited. “Hmm. Battery must be dead.” he mused and rejoined the group. “Yes, well, I suppose you can all meet your untimely demises tomorrow.”
They all walked out of the ruined walls of the school, Juanito asked the green child, “Yo, Z. I don’t suppose anyone else survived did they, homes?”
Zim laughed to him self. “Ha! To think that a mere adolescent worm monkey possesses the survival training of an Irken elite is not only nonsense, it is laughable!”
Just then, Roland Tembo, John Hammond, Steve, Mikey, Kat and Joey all stepped out from behind a flaming pile of debris. “G’day, homies.” Roland said. “For some unrealistic reason, we all wound up in that pit of kittens in Dr. Harding’s office.”
“And Roland gets a gold star for kicking them all in the throats!” Hammond said proudly.
“Well…” said Zim “They were exceedingly lucky, I suppose.”
After them, Dr. Harding and the naked clones of Paul Kirby, Nick Van Owen, Cooper, Eddie Udesky, and a bunch of other people stepped out. “Good news everyone! The clones of everybody who died tonight survived and the clones of everybody who survived died! It looks like nature balanced it’s self out!”
“Daddy! You’re alive!” Sarah cried as she ran over to give her dad a hug. “But where did you go?”
“I disguised myself as a computer!” he told her. “So, how’s your sex life, sweetie-pumpkin?”
Then she looked down on herself. “Not so good I’m afraid…”
“Do you, ah, wanna change that?” Ian asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Do I ever!” Sarah exclaimed rushing into his arms and knocking him to the ground where they proceeded to dry hump. “That’s my girl.” Dr. Harding said with a tear in his eye.
Al poked his elbow at El’s hip. “Hey, El, is this giving you any ideas?”
“God yes!” she said in a passionate voice and then ran in the arms of Mark Degler’s naked clone. Al couldn’t believe it.
“But, El? I thought you and I were…”
“Look, it’s not you, it’s me.” she explained. “Well, no it’s actually him.” she indicated Mark. “I just love a guy with a third nipple!”
“Drat.” poor Al sighed. Mandy came over and patted his back.
“Sorry to hear about you and El.” Mandy comforted. “But, uh, if you’re the rebounding type, I’m into regular old two nipple guys. Preferably with rings in ‘em, but well--”
Al suddenly ripped off his shirt to reveal his nipple ring. “Dear God, how could I have been so blind!” and then he and Mandy began furiously making out. Seconds later, the punk girl’s naked, non-punk clone stepped over to the new couple.
“Hey, this is kind of awkward.” she said. “But there can only be one Amanda Huggankiss.”
Real Mandy then stopped making out with Al. “So, change your name. I don’t care.”
“Alright.” she said. “From now on I’m…Tea. Yeah. Tea…Leoni. Alright. I’m gonna move to Hollywood and become an actress! But first I‘ll pour sugar over my body!” which she proceeded to do.
Dr. Harding then stepped in and explained. “Hmm. Her brain must be malfunctioning due to the fact that she realizes that there’s another her.”
As Mandy buried herself in a mound of sugar, Ian’s anarchist ants crawled out from the ground, already having multiplied by hundreds, and nibbled away at Tea. Everyone watched in horror and interest as the swarm that was once Ian’s science project had eaten all the girl’s organs!
“Aww, the, ah, little fellas were alright all along.” Ian said. “Doesn’t that just eat away at your heart?”
“You know what, suckas?” Nash asked. “I wonder if they evacuated the town cuz of all that’s happened.”
But no one evacuated the town at all. In fact, once the flames surrounding the demolished High School died down, An enormous crowd of townsPeople could be seen behind a police tape watching them come out. Among them were there family’s and friends.
“Wow! Look at all the folks who showed up!” Billy said as he went to join his family.
Then, Alan’s parent’s crossed the tape to get to their son. His mother hugged him and said, “Alan, Sweetie! You had us so worried!”
“That’s right!” his father said. “The whole family showed up to see if you were alright!” He then pointed to a group of people that kind of looked like his son. “You’re Grandpa Alfonso, Grandma Alexandra, Uncles Alvin and Alfred, Aunts Alicia and Allison, Cousins Alton, Ally, Ali and Alex!” Al just waved to his family.
Suddenly, an ambulance rolled by and out from the back doors ran Henry Wu in a straight jacket screaming, “You see! I told you bastards! I told you everything, it was true and you had me committed! I’m not crazy! Not Crazy!”
Lewis Dodgson stepped out from the crowd and approached Wu with a smirk on his face. “Guess what, Hank! Not only did I get revenge on you by sabotaging your science project, but I also banged your twin sister this evening too! Boo Ya!”
“That wasn’t my twin sister, you dumb son of a bitch!” Wu screamed. “That was me in a damned wig!”
Dodgson’s smile turned into a frown. Then a smirk and a frown again. “No…No! That’s, heh heh, impossible! C’mon, I mean I would’ve noticed your--”
“No you wouldn’t have, cuz you’re an Anal sex freak!”
Lewis realized that Wu was right and a look of horror appeared on his face. But he couldn’t let the crowd of people know. “That’s a damn lie! I’ve never had Anal sex in my life!” Well, there’s a first time for everything. The Inedible Honky then crashed down on the ground behind Dodgson, unzipped his pants and gave the freak just what he liked giving. “AAAAAAAGGGHHH!!! Somebody get this freak off me!”
Just then an artillery shell struck the magenta monster and blew him to smithereens. Dodgson flew off and landed on the other side of the crowd. Military helicopters flew overhead and tanks rolled in. A general stepped over to the edge of the crowd and sPoke to them all. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am General Finch of the United States Military Division! We got here as soon as we received an anonymous phone call from a raving teenaged boy who claimed that dinosaurs were attacking his school during a football game! But we see everything looks all taken care of so we’ll be leaving now! By the way, none of this ever happened!”
And with that, the tanks rolled off and helicopters flew away. Hammond found himself talking to himself again. “Ah, what an interesting evening this has been. Perhaps I shall dedicate my new company to cloning dinosaurs after all!”
“No!” his evil side sneered to himself from another angle. “No! The plan must not be changed! We shall create an army of Super clones to rule the world!”
“Hammy, would you get off this power trip of yours already? Besides, the kids already know about your cloning experiments!”
“Not if we kill them!”
“Oh no…No. I’m not listening!” he put his hands over his ears. “La la la la la la…”
“Kill them in their sleep!”
“Go away!”
“What did you say!?”
“We don’t need you anymore!”
Finally, adding to the list of people who visited the crowd, two men in black suits and sunglasses pulled up in a black Cadillac. “Good evening folks.” one of them said. “We’re dinosaur exterminators. Division six. We’ve come--”
“Oh, Hell, we’ve come for the damn alien!” blurted the other man.
“But there ain’t no aliens here, B.” Juanito said. “It was just dinosaurs.”
Looking nervous, Zim decided to run off, but one of the men in black suits threw a ball at him which turned into a restraining device, stopping his arms and legs. “Agh! I can’t move! I can’t…” And then one of the mysterious agents t=dragged him into the back seat of their Cadillac. “Curse you, humans! Curse you all!”
“Wow.” Billy said. “I can’t believe Zim was an alien!”
“That’s right.” said the remaining man, holding up a strange gadget for all to see. “If you’ll all look right here, I can explain what happened. Everyone looked at the little device which let out an incredibly bright flash. Everybody’s face became completely dumbfounded as though their memories had been erased. And sure enough, they had. “Ladies and gentlemen, you saw no dinosaurs. What happened here was the light from Venus got reflected off some swamp gas. That is all.” With that, he got back into his black car and they drove off leaving a crowd of confused people.
“He’s gone!” Hammond said about his evil half. “He left us alone! Thank God! Now we can… do something I don’t remember…”
“What just happened?” Al asked.
“Swamp gas reflected Venus, sucka! Remember?” Nash answered. The crowd then murmured “Oh yeah” and “Swamp gas” to themselves.
“Ian!” screamed Kellita, who wasn’t in the crowd. She ran over to her boyfriend who stood among the people. “Ian, baby, there’s something I gotta--whoa! The Hell happened over here?” she asked of the school.
“Ah, swamp gas.” Ian answered. “Y-you were saying?”
“Ian, I’m pregnant! I’m having your baby!”
“Nick!” screamed Lynn Hammond, who wasn’t in the crowd. She ran over to the naked clone. “Nick, you know-- whoa, what happened to your clothes?”
“Um, swamp gas.” Nick answered. “Continue?”
“My two year old daughter, Lex? You’re her father!”
“Paul?” Mandy said to the naked clone of Paul Kirby. “This probably sounds weird, but even though I hate you, I don’t remember why. I wanna have your baby!”
“Viva la Swamp gas!” Paul said.
Well, after that, pretty much everyone moved away and forgot they ever knew each other. Alan became a paleontologist and El (or Ellie as she became called) became a pale botanist. They dated for a while, broke up, Ellie married Mark. They’re still friends though. Paul and Amanda married and had a son. Ian and Kellita had a daughter, Kellita ran off to France and stuck Ian with the child. He and Sarah started dating again. Roland, Ajay and the rest of the InGen High Superclones became big game hunters, while Nick became a saboteur environmentalist. Eddie Carr became a field equipment expert, Paul Bowman became a millionaire, and Donny Gennaro became a lawyer. Juanito became an Amber Miner, Muldoon became a Game Warden and Dr. Harding became a Veterinarian. Udesky, Cooper and Nash became mercenaries, Lewis Dodgson became a corporate sPy, Henry Wu became a geneticist and Ray Arnold became a computer guy. So did Dennis Nedry. They both work for Hammond. He’s owner of a Multibillion dollar company now working on a secret project around Costa Rica.
Well, I guess that pretty much sums everything up except for--oh wait! I almost forgot! The other four kids who didn’t do anything and yet survived all the action. Whatever became of them you ask? Well, the following morning, school was out (duh) and they went for a stroll into town.
“Hey guys, you know those stories I write?” Mikey asked. “I’ve been thinking about writing one about Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs attacking people.”
“What, like the Lost World?” Kat asked.
“Something like that, but they’d be on more familiar territory. Like a school” Mikey explained.
“Nah, school sucks.” Joey suggested. “How about an amusement park, or an island getaway? Or both!”
“Yeah. Yeah, that could work Joey!” Mikey said. “And, the weird thing is they’re, like, manmade dinosaurs. You know, like clones and stuff.”
“How would you clone dinosaurs?” Kat asked.
“I dunno. I’m still figuring that one out.” Mikey wondered as he past by the Fossilized Mosquito shop. “Hey! What if it was from fossilized mosquitoes! I mean, they sucked the blood from dinosaurs and we used that to clone them!”
“Whoa! What a sweet-ass idea!” Steve said. “Hey, when you’re done writing the book, you think I could direct a movie about it?”
“I don’t see why not!” Mikey said. “And Kat could be the executive producer and Joey could work on the designs!”
“Hey, maybe I can even direct the sequels when Steve gets tired of making them!” Joey suggested. “What are you going to call it?”
“I was thinking of calling it… Mesozoic Zoo!” Mike said.
“Mesozoic Zoo?” Kat asked. “That sucks!”
“Triassic Land?”
“Sucks.”
“Cretaceous Kingdom?”
“Lame.”
“Prehistoric Paradise?”
“Stupid.”
“Well what the Hell am I gonna name a park full of Jurassic era animals!?”
“I don’t know, Mikey, but you’re bound to come across a good name sooner or later.”
The End
3/28/2003 1:12:23 AM
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