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InGen High part 28
By CeratosPit
“Let me go! Let me go!” screamed Mark while he released his hands from Roland’s grip. As the latter was being carried away to a nest on the other side of the roof, the former landed on the tar beach. He got up and tried to run back to the air duct where he could see the faces of people cheering him back. But only five feet away from sanctuary, Mark was grabbed by the talons of a much larger Pteranodon. And as he got carried away screaming, another Pteranodon swooped by and ripped off his lower half.
It was at about this moment that the gang realized that there were roughly twenty pterosaurs soaring in that airsPace. “So much for trying to get a rescue chopper’s attention.” Mandy said glumly.
“What rescue chopper?” asked Juanito. “I thought we came up here to use Hammond’s hot air balloon?”
“Hot air balloon?” Billy inquired.
“Yeah, B.” Juan explained. “Hammond said that he had a balloon hidden up here and stuff.”
“Hammond says that, ah, wiener dogs come into his kitchen at night and knit golden socks for him.” Ian said.
“Yes, but golden socks aren’t going to get us out of here.” El said. “A hot air balloon might. And unless you feel like making a run for it and jumping off the edge of the roof, I can’t think of any other ways to get out of here.”
“She’s got a point, Ian.” Al agreed. “Juanito, did Hammond say where his balloon was?”
“Nah, man.” Juan answered. “But I’m guessing it’s in that water tower over there.” He pointed to said tower about twenty feet away.
Al rubbed his chin in thought. “I suppose a couple of us are going to have to investigate and see if there’s anything in there. But we‘ll need a distraction. Those pterosaurs can‘t know that we‘re there. Let‘s see, who over here hasn‘t done anything useful yet?”
“Zim didn’t do shit yet.” Nash said pointing to the green kid.
“What!? INFIDEL!” Zim screamed outraged. “How dare you undermine the usefulness of ZIM! I alone am of more importance than any among you horrible bare skinned monkeys!”
“No, you’re not.” Sarah said. “You’re just a background character. Now shut up and make with the distraction!”
“Vile worm beasts!” Zim growled. “What sort of distraction do you expect from an Irken elite?” Two minutes later, Zim found himself dressed in drag and doing the Hula.
“Luau! If you hunger for a little green invader meat!
Scrape the juicy flesh off my bones, for it is a treat!
Wash me down with wine!
And I’ll taste divine!
You’ll be a little gassy but that’s fine!
Aaaaaare you yearning?
Foooor me to go squirming?
Innnnn you tummy?
All I am is a decoy dummy! Ooh!”
Zim then screamed as he was chased across the roof by hungry pterosaurs. When the coast was clear, Al and Juan crept out of the air duct and ran to the water tower. They climbed up it’s short support structure and Al felt the walls of the cylindrical tank. “Alright, Juanito, look for any susPicious cracks or symbols or maybe even signs.”
“You mean like, uh, this one here with a big, red button labeled ‘Hot air balloon inflation button’?” asked the Dominican boy.
“Yeah, that’ll do.” Al said and he pushed the button. Suddenly, the roof of the tower slid off to the side and a great, big likeness of Principal Hammond’s head rose from the tank. Within seconds, a great big hot-air Balloon resembling their Principal loomed over the school. Al and Juan crawled inside the tank motioning for everyone else to follow.
Billy and El were the first to run out. Then came Sarah holding onto the limping Ian Malcolm. Finally came Mandy and Nash. Once they all climbed into the tank, which was to be used as the balloon’s basket, Al grabbed hold of a lever labeled ‘Balloon release switch’ and told everyone, “There’s no place like home…” He pulled the lever and the Balloon lifted off! Only the Balloon! Not the basket or anything else! It kind of defeated the whole purpose of having a hot-air balloon!
“That was pointless.” Mandy thought aloud.
“Ah, maybe not.” said Ian, observing the Pteranodons attack the balloon as though it were a strange enemy. Some flew right into it and became stuck inside as it slowly deflated. “If anything, that serves as a good distraction.”
“A distraction from what?” El questioned, disappointed. “Now we’re trapped in a more visible place to them.” And with that, she pounded her fist against the wall.
Suddenly, the water tower began shaking violently. The cone-shaped roof slid back over the top, windows appeared on the side, and the door sealed shut. At the bottom of the tank, booster jets popped out and roared white flames.
“This ain’t a hot-air balloon!” Nash realized. “It’s a damn rocket ship!”
“Daaaaaamn.” Juan said. “Yo, Hammond was right, B. We are going to the moon!”
And then, the water tower/rocket ship blasted off for the heavens! “Man, screw the moon!” said Billy. “I wanna go to Tatooine or some place cool! The moon sucks!”
“So does Tatooine, son.” said Nash. “I wanna go to the Planet of the Apes and get me some fly cave girls!”
“No, Dude, that was, ah, this planet.” Ian explained “We used the, ah, bomb and then the apes took over civilization.”
Nash couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “No. No! Damn them all to Hell!”
Sarah rolled her eyes. “Guys, if we’re done with the theater trivia, this rocket has no navigation system and will probably just burn up in the stratosPhere before it even gets to sPace.”
Sarah was wrong though. The rocket ship made it all the way to the moon in a couple of hours. It landed in a deep crater which led to an underground world near an underground palace. When they stepped out, they were greeted by a beautiful girl with raven hair and incredibly pale skin. She wore a tight fitting tunic of some silken material.
“Greetings, brave warriors of Earth.” she welcomed them. “I am Nah-ee-lah, Princess of the Kalkars. In accordance with the prophecy of the ancients, you were sent here from the great, blue mother world to free my people from the tyranny of the Va-Gas, a terrible race of centaur men who make war with my people. What say you, great warriors of Earth. Will you help my people.”
“I got a better idea. Take off your clothes and let me ride that fine moon-bitch ass of yours all night!”
Ian noticed steam was coming out from beneath the rocket ship. “Hey, ah guys? We seem to have landed in a, ah, sPace geyser. And from the, ah, looks of it, the eruption might be strong enough to send us back to Earth!”
“How much time we got?” Nash asked.
“About, ah, five minutes.”
“That’ll be enough time.” Nash said, grabbing the moon princess’ hand. “C’mon, where’s your room?”
“But what of my people and the Va-Gas?” she asked him.
“Yeah, Yeah, we’ll get to that shit later…” He said. Four minutes later, they were both lying in Princess Nah-ee-lah’s bed.
“All these years I have saved my virginity when I could’ve had that?” the Princess wondered aloud.
“Yeah, that was good, wasn’t it?” Nash said. “Listen I gotta go, but I’ll give you a call sometime, a’ight?”
“But…but what of the great war and my people?”
“Yeah, look, I’ll take care of that next time I swing by the moon.” Nash got up and ran back to the rocket ship where he saw everybody waiting for. “Yo, let’s be out, this girl is looking’ for a commitment or something’…”
“You’re a real romantic, Nash.” Mandy said as she locked the door.
As the geyser erupted beneath them, Nah-ee-lah could be seen running after them outside the window. “I have your baby in me, Nash!”
And when the ship took off into the sky, Nash could be heard screaming, “That thing ain’t mine and you can’t prove it!”
A couple of hours later, they headed back to Earth. During the flight, El took pause and wondered. “I wonder what that whole side story was about? It had nothing to do with anything.”
“So I noticed.” said Al. “If this was a story of some kind, it would just seem like the author’s running out of original ideas so he throws in something completely inappropriate with references only he and maybe five other people get. But this is real life, so it was probably just one of those weird things that happen for reason’s unknown to us all.”
“I know why it, ah, happened.” Ian claimed. “In discovering that there is life out there, and having event’s take place in our lives that have more affect on others, it became abundantly clear to me that there is a, ah, God.”
“And that God wanted me to nail a fine-ass moon woman before we crash back into the Earth.” Nash said.
“Nash is right.” Sarah confirmed as they entered the atmosPhere. “With it’s more powerful gravity, the Earth will crush this rocket once we land.”
“Wait a minute.” Billy said. “I have a plan! What if we all jump up a sPlit second before we hit the ground?”
“Why that’s just impossible and scientifically inaccurate enough to work!” Ian exclaimed.
And so, when the rocket came back to terra firma, it crashed into the school, which blew up on impact. Luckily all the water filling the first floor put out any and all the flames, making it the whackest explosion ever. Everybody just stood up in the middle of scattered remnants of the rocket ship.
“Wow.” said Billy. “I can’t believe that worked!”
“Nor can anybody with a functioning brain!” Mandy added.
2 B Continued...
3/25/2003 12:35:29 AM
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