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Bat-Grant
By CeratosPit
Dr. Alan Grant. Paleontologist. Survivor. Hero. We all know of his adventures on a couple of famous islands, but what few people know about this man is the childhood tragedy that has changed his life.
Way back, when Alan transferred from InGen High to another school in another part of the country altogether, he accompanied his parents, Albert and Alice Grant on a trip to the Museum of Big Dead Things. He was sixteen years old, but felt more like he was a child of five in his fedora hat when he entered the lobby. He saw lines of adults facing ticket booths while their kids played among the statues of anatomically incorrect iguanadons.
“Mommy, Daddy, I wanna see the dinosaurs!” Alan said excitedly.
“Oh, for God’s sake son, act your age!” his mother said.
“Yeah, listen to your mother, Al. It’s bad enough you forced both of us to come to this boring museum with you, but if you’re just gonna keep acting like goddamn five year old--!” his father told him.
“I’m sorry.” Al said. “It’s just when I come here I feel like a little kid again!”
“Then go and play with the other brats while we buy the damn tickets.” his father ordered. “And if you embarrass us again, we’re going to drag you home and tie you to the furnace!”
Al turned around and walked away sullenly. He couldn’t help but feel bad about having his parents unwillingly accompany him to this museum. And suddenly years passed by. Alan was in his forties, and still wore the fedora hat from his youth. He walked into the Hall of Big Dead Fish and stopped directly under the body of an overhanging sPerm whale. It was just about closing time, so there weren’t many people around.
Alan got down on one knee and placed two roses on the floor. He lowered his hat over his eyes, got back up and walked away. But he didn’t even take ten steps when he heard the janitor behind him walked up to his roses while pulling a garbage can on wheels. Alan turned around, and saw the janitor pick up the roses and throw them into the can.
“Hey, what the hell are you doing?” Alan asked.
“I’m cleaning up these roses you carelessly left here on the floor, man!” the janitor replied.
“I didn’t ‘carelessly leave’ them there! I put them there to commemorate the deaths of my parents!”
“Well look, man. You don’t just leave roses on the floor! What if somebody walks barefoot into the museum and steps on the thorns?”
“Now who the hell is going to walk into a museum barefoot?”
“Well…you!”
Alan looked down at his feet. Sure enough he was barefoot. “Huh. I thought my feet were cold…Hey, listen, can‘t you just leave them here until I walk away so that I can at least go with peace of mind?”
“Dude, you already know what I’m gonna do as soon as you’re out of sight! What’s the point?”
Alan just growled and stormed off. About an hour later, he drove back to his dig site over in the desert. It was night time, and Alan was just about ready to hit the hay. But as soon as he stepped out of his truck, an attractive young raven haired woman in her early twenties holding a toy laser rifle came running up to him. “Cheryl, what is it?” he asked.
“It’s Billy!” she explained. “We were playing Laser Tag, and he fell into one of those large pits outside the camp!”
“Cheryl, calm down. When did this happen?”
“About three hours ago.”
“But I only left two and a half hours ago.”
“Well, yeah. I mean it was still daylight then. You think we’re stupid enough to run around this place at night?”
“But why didn’t you tell me about it before I left!?”
Cheryl’s eyes darted from side to side. “Uh, I forgot. I couldn’t find you. Billy asked me to stay with him. I did tell you, but you said to remind you when you get back, because you’ll probably have forgotten by then!”
Grant crossed his arms. “Cheryl?”
“Alright, sPongebob came on!”
“Well that doesn’t matter right now. C’mon, let’s go find Billy!”
Alan pulled a flashlight out of the back of his truck and followed Cheryl to the place she saw Billy fall. There were many pits and she wasn’t entirely sure which one Billy fell into. They both called out, hoping he would answer.
“Billy!”
“Billy!”
“Billy!”
“Billy Brennan!”
Alan turned back and looked at Cheryl with a raised eyebrow. “How many Billys do you think there are in this desert?”
“… hello…?” a weak voice called out from one of the pits.
“Billy, it’s me! Alan! Where are you?”
“Alan?” Billy asked. “Oh thank God Cheryl got you before you left! Man, it feels like I’ve been in here for three hours!”
Alan looked back at Cheryl who grinned pathetically and shrugged her shoulders. He then continued walking to the pit he heard Billy call out from. “Billy are you hurt?”
“No. Luckily, this over-sized T-rex skull I landed on broke my fall.”
“Did you say over-sized T-rex skull!?” Alan asked excitedly.
Billy paused for a moment. “No, I said bed of flowers.”
“Oh.” Alan said sadly.
Billy sighed. “YES, I said over-sized T-rex skull! Now can you guys get me out of here?”
Alan finally reached the edge of the pit Billy had fallen into. He looked down and saw the young man around Cheryl’s age lying in an uncomfortable position on the huge skull. “Egads! Hold on, Billy! I’m gonna bring the truck over with a couple of ropes to get you out of there! And first thing in the morning, we’re gonna take a better look at that skull!” And with that, he ran back to the truck.
Billy still lied on his back. “Hey, Cheryl, you there?”
Cheryl walked over to the edge of pit and looked down at her fellow paleontologist in training. “Yes, Billy?”
With a quickness, Billy pulled out his laser rifle and shot Cheryl at her chest target. “Tag! You’re it!”
Cheryl felt a bit like an idiot to fall for that. But Billy wasn’t going anywhere soon so she shot him back. “Tag! YOU’RE it!”
Billy shot her again. “Tag! You’re it!” And they just kind of went back and forth for a while until Cheryl looked behind herself, gasPed and ran off. Billy was confused until he noticed how bright the edge of the cliff above him looked. The next thing he noticed were the taillights of Alan’s truck coming down and crashing on top of him.
“Damn it, I think I parked too close.” Alan muttered. His truck was facing upwards and he realized that Billy must have been right beneath him. “Billy, how’s your skull?”
“I dunno, Alan. Should my brain be feeling the wind?”
“No, not YOU’RE skull!” Alan explained as he stepped out of his fallen truck. “I mean how’s you’re T-rex skull?” He crotched down to investigate the large fossil. “Damn! I scratched it!”
“Alan, seriously…” Billy moaned. “I need medical attention for this massive head-wound of mines!”
Alan sighed and rolled his eyes. “Billy I swear, you can be such a baby sometimes!” He pulled out a box of medical adhesive strips and placed one on Billy’s gaping head-wound. “There, this medical adhesive strip should make your boo-boo all better! Would you like me to kiss it too?”
“If it’s not too much to ask.” Billy said, obviously feeling better.
“It is.” Alan said. “Now come on. We need to get some sleep. We’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow, what with pulling my truck out of this giant hole an digging up that enormous T-rex skull.”
Later that night, at the stately Grant Trailer, while Alan slept, he was visibly having the beginnings of a bad dream. In his head, he remembered leaving his parent on line at the museum. He walked over to the younger kids playing around the dinosaur statue because he felt like one of them, with his jovial bliss. But before he could reach them, a mean sPirited classmate of Alan’s stepped in his path.
“Hello, Alan!” he practically snarled.
Al didn’t look to pleased to see this kid either. “Hello, Jack Horner!”
“I suppose you’re here to prove to everyone that you’re the biggest dinosaur expert at school, huh?”
“I don’t have to prove that to anyone, Horner! I already beat you in the school’s first annual Dinosaur Bee which nobody attended cuz some jocks called it gay.”
“Stupid jocks! What do they know? What do YOU know? You just got lucky is all! I could beat you with my hands tied behind my back if given a chance! Someday, I, Jack Horner, will be known as the world’s greatest paleontologist while you will be a mere side note, if anything!”
Al blinked. “Why would you need your hands in a Dinosaur Bee in the first place?”
Jack growled in resPonse and shook his fists. “Oh, Alan Grant, you make me so mad! RAGH!” Little Jack Horner flew into a rage and jumped on Alan.
But the teenager in the fedora hat grabbed his enraged opponents wrists, fell on his back and forced Horner through the air with a powerful thrust of his feet. Horner flew through the air and landed in a tattoo booth a couple of feet away. Apparently it was “Get a Tattoo Day” at the Museum of Big Dead Things. Al got back up and heard Horner scream in pain. Seconds later, Horner stepped out with half of a clown face tattooed on his face. Everyone in the museum pointed and laughed. Al was among them, laughing the hardest. “Oh Man!” Al guffawed. “Wait’ll they get a load of you! At school!”
Jack Horner walked hurriedly out of the museum. “I’ll get you for this, Alan Grant! If it’s the last thing I do!”
Suddenly Alan sPrung up in his bed, sweating and breathing fast. It was all a nightmare. A terrible nightmare. From his left side, Cheryl sat up in her nightgown and put her arms around Alan. “Dr. Grant, are you alright? What’s wrong?”
“I had a bad dream.” Alan said softly.
From his right side, Billy got up and turned on the lights. “Was it the museum dream again? You know, with--”
“Yeah. That one.” Alan said.
“Would you like me to get you a warm glass of milk?” Billy asked.
“If it’s not too much to ask.”
“It is.” said Billy, shutting off the lamp and going back to sleep. “Now come on. We need to get some sleep. We’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow, what with pulling your truck out of that giant hole an digging up that enormous T-rex skull.”
“I guess you’re right.” said Alan, calming down and tucking himself back in. “Good night, Billy. Good night, Cheryl.”
“Goodnight, Alan.” said both of his bedmates, simultaneously.
“Jinx!” said Cheryl. “You owe me five bucks!”
“Damn it!” Billy whisPered as he pulled out five bucks from under the bed sheets and passed it over Alan to the young lady.
The next morning, Alan was eating Fossil Flakes cereal and reading his newsPaper while his butler stood behind him. “Alfred, my butler/cousin, would you go and draw my bath?”
“Of course, sir.” Alfred said and walked off.
Just then, Billy slammed opened the door and ran into the trailer. “Alan! It’s gone! The skull is gone!”
“No it isn’t.” Alan calmly told Billy. “I asked Cheryl to dig it up, haul it out of pit and place it in the lab.”
“Oh thank God!” Billy said. “Hey, are those Fossil Flakes?”
“You bet! They’re Fossilicious!”
Just then, Cheryl slammed opened the door and ran into the trailer. “Alan! It’s gone! The skull is gone!”
“No it isn’t Cheryl, I sent you to--” Alan then realized what she said. “Wait, what do you mean it’s gone!?”
“I went over to the pit to pull out your truck and dig up the skull, but when I got there, it was missing!” Cheryl explained.
“Wait a second!” Grant interjected. “I sent you to get it an hour ago, why did you come here and tell me now!?”
“Well, I was going to, but Lizzie McGuire came on.”
“Damn it, Cheryl. Just, damn it!”
“Oh, but I found this note where the skull was!” And she gave the note to Alan. It said…
“I TOLD YOU I WOULD GET YOU, ALAN!
-The Horner”
2 B Continued...
4/17/2003 8:18:20 PM
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