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300 Dalmatians part 8
By CeratosPit
*A battalion of one thousand Goths saunter their way towards the assembling phalanx of Dalmatians awaiting them at the crotch of the Hot Pants. King Herculidas and Captain Tarzanos rouse their men*
Herculidas: THIS IS WHERE WE HOLD THEM! THIS IS WHERE WE WHISpER SWEET NOTHINGS IN THEIR EARS! THIS IS WHERE WE MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE A REAL WOMAN!
Tarzanos: Um, sire?
Herculidas: THIS IS SpINAL TAP! THIS IS HALLOWEEN! HALLOWEEN! HALLOWEEN! THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE! THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE!
Tarzanos: My Lord, you're railing off again.
Herculidas: Hmm? Oh. Right. Thanks. LISTEN UP, MEN! WE DIDN'T LAND ON GOTH TOPIC! GOTH TOPIC LANDED ON US! THEY MAY TAKE OUR LIVES BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM! MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!
Tarzanos: EARN THESE SHIELDS, BOYS!
*The Dalmatians all raise their shields and bark. The Captain of this Goth battalion, Jafaros rides up to the front of his men on his horse*
Jafaros: Dalmatians! Throw down your weapons!
Herculidas: Oookaaay. We'll throw them down...
Jafar: Really? Hmm. Well, alright then--*is impaled by a sPear* Gahhh!
Herculidas: ...ON YOU!
*The Goths sound their war-trumpets and charge towards the Dalmatian Phalanx*
Tarzanos: Hold steady, men!
Herculidas: Give them everything but take from them nothing! Or Vice Versa! Really, it's a pretty insPirational thing to say either-- oop, here they come.
*The Goths crash into the wall of Dalmatian shields and try to slash past them with their dragon swords and pointy finger armor but most of these break shortly afterwards since they were bought at novelty kiosks and never really meant for combat. The Dalmatians find their footing and throw the nearest Goths back with their shields and stab at them with their long sPears. Herculidas, Tarzanos, Aladdinos, Mulanos and Clopinos are at the head of this forward moving phalanx which the numerically superior Goths give a wide berth*
Tarzanos: No Prisoners!
Herculidas: No Mercy!
Goth Warrior: *getting stabbed* No shit! *dies*
*Herculidas leads a mad charge through the scattering Goth Legion, sPearing, stabbing, slashing and slamming all unfortunate enough to be within range of his sPear, sword and shield. His fellow Dalmatians do the same. Before long, most of the Goths are slaughtered and outnumbered by their superior opponents. Those still breathing make their way back across one of their hastily built bridges over the river*
Tarzanos: Think they’ve had enough?
Herculidas: No, they look hungry. I think I’ll feed them…*Herculidas flips the bridge around sPilling the Goths over to the hungry crocodiles in the water*…to those crocodiles.
Clopinos: Well done, milord.
Herculidas: This really was too easy. I might as well have stayed home and rearranged my sock drawer.
*cannons boom in the distance and the sky darkens as a cloud of cannonballs flies towards the Dalmatians*
Tarzanos: Tuck Tail!
Launchpadmacquackus: Woo-ooh!
*Everybody couches down and covers themselves with their shields. Clopinos starts laughing like a madman*
Clopinos: Ha Ha Ha! I just realized, Captain, when you said “play in your balls” it sounded like you meant their testicles!
Tarzanos: Oh my gods, your right. It sounded clever then but they probably think I’m totally gay now. Well this is embarrassing.
*The cannonballs fly past the Dalmatians and land behind them*
Aladdinos: Not as embarrassing as that. Did they mean to do that or do they just have terrible aim?
Mulanos: When was the last time you saw a Goth playing sPorts?
2 B Continued...
12/6/2008 4:03:24 PM
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